*Note*: This story is rated MA for a reason. Don't say I didn't warn you. Gore galore, traumatic events, and sexual themes, oh yeah and language lots of language. JAEGER!
Chapter 4:
*Year 850:
Theda:
Every second that passed felt like a century. To a certain point I felt like it was alright, the state that I was in. I knew that once I woke up I'd be with my sister again without any constraints. What would we talk about? Maybe she could introduce me to her, no our squad. Once I knew that he was gone for good it was like the world had gone from covered in grey to bursting with colors that I had never seen before.
I woke up in the survey corps' country home. This was the place I had freed myself and my sister from that monster we once called father. A smile formed on my face and I opened my eyes for the very first time, a free woman. I did it mom, are you proud of me? I was plenty sore but I would get over it. The survey corps base was empty and it was just barely dusk. I wonder how long I was asleep for. I trailed down to the lower floor where the kitchen was. There was a note on the table written in my sister's lovely handwriting and it said:
Hope you feel better soon my brave warrior. I braided your hair. You're probably just now noticing too, what a dummy. I love you little sis. Thank you for saving me. My shoulder is feeling a lot better. I'm sorry you're alone, we survey corps had an important mission to do. We'll get that female titan for sure! How about a deal? When I get back you can braid my hair too? See you soon!
p.s. don't overdo yourself if you are still hurting, not everybody can come back from a gunshot.
A knock at the door jolted me to reality just as I finished reading her letter. Oh! I bet it's her! They're back and they succeeded in killing or possibly even capturing the female titan alive! That would be amazing! The entire survey corps would be so famous! I opened the door and saw Levi, Eren, and Erwin there. They were completely silent with their faces contorted in an unnatural sternness. They all looked emotionless. Where is the rest of the crew? My sister where is she? I looked about on their clothes. All I saw was blood, dirt, and heavily calloused hands. My body began to shake on its own knowing what had happened to them before my mind and my heart realized it.
My throat was hoarse and my voice strained. "They're all dead aren't they?" I asked as tears flowed unendingly from my eyes. Levi put his hand on my shoulder and moved me aside. Eren was the first to break his militant mold. He looked just as shattered as me. Did my reaction trigger it? Erwin just went along with the flow. He sat down calm or at least showed nothing on the surface. I and Eren sat down at the table. I looked down at the empty side of the table. We don't belong here. The table should be full with everyone. They have to come back. They have to! I just saw my sister a day ago! She was here! I was going to braid her hair when she got back! I put my hands in my face and wept like never before. Eventually it stopped, I had been crying long enough to have Levi cook for all of us.
I felt so numb to everything that was going on around me, yet if anyone were to remind me of her I feel like I might shatter into a thousand pieces. The plates of hot food were not touched until Levi sat down. Erwin was the first to eat. You could cut the tension with a butter knife. Just above a whisper Erwin thanked Levi for the meal. Levi said nothing in return to acknowledge his thanks. Levi instead gawked across the table at Eren and I. My tears were dried now but that did nothing to stop the immense pain I was feeling now.
"Eat" said the captain. Eren immediately followed orders. I however did not. I had no need for food anymore. The only thing that could quell my sorrows now was her. And she's gone, how do you expect me to live like this?! With all the hell I went through in my life at the end of the road there is no silver lining! It's all pointless! Levi slammed his hand on the table and ordered me to eat. I only looked at him straight in the eyes. My eyes must look so hollow. Levi's eyes tightened with anger and frustration. He grabbed the letter to his left and ripped it into many pieces.
I thought that my heart couldn't break more than once but it did and I had had enough of silence, "You son of a bitch! That was the only thing I had left of her!" I screamed at him. Erwin and Eren were trying to calm us down but nothing would let up. Once again I was shaking in my bones, I didn't know if it was from the anger or the grief I was feeling. Maybe it was both.
"You don't need a stupid piece of paper to remind you of who Petra was. She's in every fiber of your being! Now shut up and eat God dammit! This is war! It always has been and it always will be! The people who sign up for this God forsaken corps know it the moment they become one. With every second of your breath you live to defeat the titans and keep order. They were all warriors fighting for humanity. Don't you dare look down on it like they were nothing!"
As much as speechless could describe me, it was what I was now. He was right but I still feel like there was some kind of hypocrisy in his words. I ate my dinner quietly and once we were all finished we cleaned the kitchen together as some kind of nearly functional family. We all took turns doing our nightly routine. I was the last to go in for a bath. By then the water was just barely warm but it was all I needed to calm myself and make sense of what happened today. Just when I thought all the crying had from earlier had dried myself out I was there in the tub wailing my eyes out all over again. I don't know what to do! Mom is gone and now my sister too?! Just how cruel is this world? Sorrow quickly turned to frustration which turned to anger. Keep your dumb head up Theda! I have to keep going for them! That's the only way I'll make it! I slapped myself on the cheek numerous times. I'm so stupid! So stupid! So stupid! The tears stopped and I was back to being numb.
I tidied up and closed the bathroom door behind me. I noticed Captain was leaning against his door with a cup in his hand.
"Did you come to scold me some more asshole?" I said standing my ground. He came up on me quickly, scooped me up, and threw me over his back. His breath wreaked of alcohol. I've never seen him like this before? Is this your way of coping knowing you undoubtedly led them to their deaths? What about the ones before them? Do you even care at all? What a hypocrite!
He slammed me down on the kitchen table and unfastened his belt buckle. He slammed the drink down next to my head and pulled the rest of his pants down to his ankles. No! No way can't this be happening! I knew you were sick but not this sick! If Erwin ever knew about this he'd kill you personally! He dragged my torso down to meet his. I struggled all I could but he was more powerful than I was. He forced my legs open and proceeded to fondle and caress me.
"Captain please, don't do this! Y-you're drunk."
"Yes I am my dear Petra." He's so drunk he's confusing me with my dead sister?! What the fuck?! Just how messed up is this man? He ripped my clothes and proceeded further. I punched and scratched and kicked but nothing would give. I couldn't yell either it was like my voice had disappeared.
"Now, now I know you probably wanted to wait until we got married but in this world who has the time?" he bit and sucked and licked at my breasts. I reached for the cup and broke it over his head.
"Son of a! You bitch! You're a dumbass Petra to fall in love with a scum bag like me! And now you're fucking dead because of me! You're all fucking dead!" he cried out to the world as I ran passed him down the hall and to my room. I locked the door and tried to hide the evidence. I changed my clothes and hid the ripped ones in a corner of my closet. Bruises would surely be evident tomorrow but of all things I'm an expert at hiding bruises. I could barely get any sleep now being mortified of a Captain that I think I could no longer trust not even a little.
All through the night silently again and again I wept. What have I ever done to deserve this Hell?
**Note to readers: I humbly apologize for the immense delay! This fanfic will most certainly be updated weekly from this chapter on.
