A/N: Just a little warning: in this one-shot Wally is bi. And there are several implied, but not really serious pairings. It's really just Barry freaking out for no reason at all and some harmless flirting. But if you're really against same-sex relationships, I wouldn't suggest reading this. For those of you who dislike pairings in general, I promise that the next chapter will be more gen and less slashy. But this isn't really slashy at all. Read and review, please!
Virtue!
Barry was sure something was going on. Something nasty and dirty and terrible. Something that involved his precious nephew. He just couldn't get over how close they were sitting.
And, okay, so Wally hadn't exactly yelled out in words that he was bi or anything, but Barry knew the signs when Pied Piper started flirting and Wally was play-flirting back and then the Rogues choked on justice. It had made him… worried.
Barry had always wanted his nephew, someone who he saw as a son, to be happy. He didn't care if Wally went out with boys, girls, or aliens (which was very possible), but at the same time Barry wanted to protect him.
And when it came to boys (boys like Roy Harper), they threatened his tiny, adorable, sweet, virtuous nephew's virginity. His chastity. His innocence. Which was why Barry was definitely not okay with how close they were sitting at the moment.
His uncomfortable disposition and hurried glances every few seconds at the two boys did not go unnoticed by Dinah or Bruce, and the two shared a knowing look. Or as knowing a look Bruce could actually share with someone while wearing that mask.
Dinah placed a hand on his shoulder, looking vaguely amused, "You know, Barry, there's nothing going on between Roy and Wally."
Barry gave her a look. "Are you sure? Because to me it looks like they're sitting a little too closely. I don't like it."
Dinah laughed and Bruce did that twitchy thing with his lips that indicated his amusement, and Barry sulked.
"Really, Barry, Roy poses no threat to your nephew's virtue. I can assure you that neither boy feels any feelings of that sort for each other."
She said it in such a way that Barry was inclined to believe her, so he relaxed a little bit. Dick joined Roy and Wally where they were sitting and looking at something on the couch, and he felt a little better about that too. Dick was so tiny that he hardly posed a threat to Wally, and Dick was also Wally's best friend. Which meant that he would protect Wally's virtue.
'Hm. Maybe I should hire him to do that…' He thought while going over a possible mission for the team with Batman and Black Canary. The idea of Robin protecting his nephew from possible suitors was an appealing one, and Barry thought he might actually go through with it. Casting a glance at Bruce, however, made him realize that the deal would have to be two-sided: in return, Wally would have to protect the Boy Wonder's virtue. This could work. He'd have to talk to Bruce about it later.
Bruce rubbed a hand over his face in exasperation. But with Barry looking at him all big-eyed and worried, he could hardly flat out say no. And it wasn't like he wasn't bringing up something that Bruce himself constantly worried about. After all, Dick Grayson and Robin were both attractive young boys. Attractive young boys with exceptional flexibility.
He wasn't trying to imply, god forbid, that Dick couldn't take care of himself, but he did worry. Dick was only about a year from major hormones kicking in (if they hadn't already) and it was quite obvious that the people he liked and spent time with were attractive. It was actually quite ridiculous how attractive the entire Young Justice team was. It was like they were all born that way just to cause even more problems. His life would be so much easier if they were all ugly.
"Let me get this straight," he said, trying not to sound too exasperated, "You want to have Dick and Wally protect each other's virtue?"
Barry nodded vigorously, "Yes. Those two are both very vulnerable to others' advances. Wally's a natural flirt who has no idea what to do when someone actually flirts back and Dick's just so… tiny."
Well, Bruce could hardly argue with that. But there was another thing he constantly worried about when it came to the two best friends. He had to look Barry in the eye when he said this.
"And what if they fall for each other?"
Silence. Barry obviously hadn't thought of that. The man's face fell away to horror. It was quite often that best friends did fall for each other, after all. At one point he'd been convinced he was in love with Hal. Luckily that turned out to be the fault of a very powerful drug in his system. Barry had never been more relieved in his life.
"…Well at least that we we'll know they won't be having sex. Wally would never molest someone so young."
And that was that.
Wally sat in his room, looking over his physics homework for the fifth time, his mind on many other things. His uncle had been giving him these really weird looks lately. Wally wasn't really sure what to make of them.
For instance, when he'd been sitting with Roy on the couch earlier that day, and they'd been looking at his cellphone because John Davis had texted him something seriously hilarious the other day, his uncle kept glancing over. Like he and Roy were going to suddenly start making out. Which they would totally never do. Because, ew, it was Roy.
Not that Roy wasn't attractive or anything, Wally thought fondly. No, his older friend had these amazing biceps and that whole 'angry boy' attitude going for him, plus that super-secret sensitive side that Wally knew about, but it was Roy. He was like an older brother. A really hot, really sweet, really angry older brother. Who had his own apartment.
Wally snickered to himself. That was probably why his uncle was so worried.
Of course, his uncle had good reason to believe he was bi because of that whole incident with Hartley and him. But that was all in good fun, and Wally still thought that girls were really hot. Boys were just… fun to flirt with. And muscular.
Then, later today, Barry had sat him down and talked to him about Dick of all people. He knew that he and Dick's bromance was pretty amazing and all, but to get vibes that they were suddenly going to jump each other? That was just weird. And made up somewhere in his uncle's mind.
Not to say that Dick wasn't attractive, because he was. In a cute, flexible, Jesse McCartney kind of way. But first of all, Wally wasn't into his bro like that. His bro was his bro was his bro. And second of all, he would never have sex with someone at fifteen. Especially when that person was only thirteen. That was messed up. He totally wasn't ready to have sex yet. He explained this to his uncle very carefully, feeling somewhere between amused and embarrassed.
But it was just so funny that he decided to text Dick.
(203)
OMG my uncle totally thought we were going out.
(945)
No way! Really? HAHAHA 'cuz Bruce totally thinks that too LOL
(203)
LOL Barry was all like, don't have sex! And I'm like… I'm fifteen.
(945)
HAHA. For me, Bruce just kept giving me these looks and then Alfred was like 'Master Dick is not going to have sex at thirteen, so stop giving him looks, Master Bruce'. I love Alfred so much, man.
(203)
Lmao. Only Alfred! Anyways, I was thinking… wanna freak them out a little?
(945)
I always want to freak them out. How?
(203)
You. Me. Roy. Threesome.
(945)
I love you so damn much. I'll contact Roy.
(203)
I'll contact Kal, Meg, Kon, and Artie.
The next day during mission debriefing, Roy showed up. Wally and Dick showered him with compliments, clung to his manliness, and generally sent off 'we are gay and in love with each other' vibes.
Artemis spent the entire time holding back laughter. Megan just floated around sweetly and played along, opening a mind connection in order to keep their thoughts at a general flow just in case someone what a really good idea. Conner kind of stood there, stuck between confusion, broodiness, and general amusement. Kaldur just sighed at first, let it be, and chuckled whenever something particularly funny happened.
The look on their mentors' faces was worth it.
But Dinah? She totally knew they were trolling the hell out of them.
"Wally?"
"Yes, Uncle Barry?"
"What was that today?"
"Me trolling you."
"Trolling?"
"If you don't understand now, you never will.
"…Wally!"
"Dick."
"Yes, Bruce?"
"Don't think I don't know what you were doing today?"
"Ha! Dick's in trouble!"
"Shut up, Jason. And what do you think I was doing?"
"I know that you're not in a threesome with Wally and Roy."
"Really? How can you be so sure?"
"Why do you go along with their shenanigans anyway?"
"I have no idea, Dinah."
"They used the puppy dog eyes, didn't they?"
"…"
