Seriously, if I just didn't got the idea I wouldnt bother writing since getting no reviews is pretty upseting. And the more hurtful is that I do get views which makes me thing, that simply the story sucks thats why people dont bother leaveing a comment. Anyway, I would like to ask for forgiveness for adding the part of my current musical Obsession, but I couldnt help myself, ah and sorry for mentioning one more of my obsessions too X 3 I know it came a bit out of it, but I wanted to get deeper in Max's thoughts and I think I feated it with the musical. If not perfectly, well at least pretty well. Well... Please leave some reviews... Please please? *puppy eyes* even if you like this story a little bit. If you want it updated ne? please? Ah... anyway I'l stop droping my pride here. Thanks to those who are reading my story anyway 3. Enjoy~
A/N: English is not my mother language, so be polite with my grammar, dictionary mistakes and lack of variety in words. Ah! And also, Im not expert of drugs or withdrawals and all! Be kind if it seems unreal...
Warnings: Drug addiction, use, torture, shounen-ai, yaoi.
Disclamer in the ending
Break My Fall
Chapter four
Forget it
Max's POV
I was staring blankly at Hilary who was sitting on Kai's bed opposite me, pulling books out of a bag, which was set on her knees and told me a short summary of each.
It had been three hours since my team had left for the beginning of the tournament, so I knew they would be back anytime now. I was not the slightest worried, since always in the first rounds we face starters. None of them would be match for either of my teammates.
Although, obviously right then only I was in trouble. Hilary kindly wanted to entertain me and make me forget about my condition, so she said she would read me something, which alone sounded tiring and pointless since if I wanted to do something I could watch TV. But that wasn't the only problem, I'm kind of tired to repeat myself but I was still shaking and a while before Hilary appear I emptied my stomach to the bucket Kai had provided me with. So right then I was in pain, hungry, dizzy and yet I had a girl going all motherly over me.
Don't get it wrong ne? I know Hilary is worried and means no harm, but since she is so clueless of what is really going on with me, she only makes my life difficult, making me suppress and hide my pain which seemed to become more and more difficult every damned moment. And my patience has dangerous problem right now. I'm not violent person but seriously, I felt quite an urge to hit her anyway…
"Ah, and this" she said lifting an other book which also seemed too serious and philosophical for my likes "Is basic Astronomy".
I forced a weak smile looking at her "Seriously Hilary…" don't you have at least one comic? How do you read all this stuff…? "You don't need to read me anything. I'm fine, I'll just watch some TV, go to your room and check how the guys went in the first rounds…"
"I'm sure they did fine don't worry for them!" she smiled cheerfully.
I'm worried for myself…
I sighed and shifted to my seat, holding my blanket over my shoulders. Hilary got up and walked close to me to feel my forehead, something I wanna mention she did every ten minuets, and also I should mention with the hand you don't always get the right impression of the temperature of the other person.
She sighed "I don't think it has fallen at all"
I could have told you this myself…
She got up and took the box, of the medicine she gave me, from the table and read the instructions. I saw her pouting and could guess it was because from what the box was saying my fever should have already fallen. However, luckily I had only 37.9 C (100.22 F) when she checked which is not at all that bad, yet she has take it personally as if she is babysitting and she's responsible for the kid until the parents are back…
After a while of having her taking care of me, I heard the door opening and lighted up a little, but sitting up and causing the wet towel Hilary had placed on my forehead fall, I saw Ray.
I unconsciously frowned lightly and he noticed, making me blush in embarrassment of how rude I acted without wanting it, so I rushed to fix a conversation.
"How did it go?"
He smiled kindly "Pretty well, as it was to be expected" he replied. Hilary clapped and cheered in low voice.
"Good" I answered trying my best not to ask about Kai. He should be the one opening this door, yet Ray was holding the keys.
Ray followed my gaze and smiled "I only borrowed them to come and check on you in case you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you up and I didn't know Hilary will be here" he said, his weird gentle smile stuck on his face, making me shiver again in the thought he knew what I was thinking. "Kai will come in a while, he said he had something to do" he placed Kai's keys on his bedside table and sat next to me, his expression changing to concern.
"How are you doing?" he asked softly. It was my turn to smile.
Ray… Always caring and kind. He is well going person, it is no wonder he has managed to come close to Kai, and get him to talk sometimes… I'm kind of jealous of him at times. Not just for his relationship with Kai, but for his determination and all… He has thought his shy side as well, heh we all had seen it, since Ray doesn't always hide his emotions. Actually he rarely does it. Usually he speaks what is in his mind, and also he is very careful with his words, he is not careless and he's also clever… No wonder he has so many fans huh?
"I'm ok, don't worry" I said. He nodded although we both knew he didn't believe me.
"Where did Kai go?" Hilary jumped in.
Damn girl… As if only you care for Kai…
Ray chuckled "Seriously, you think he would tell me?"
Hilary frowned and sighed in agreement.
I watched them quietly, as they started chatting about the opening of the tournament and the competitors, until Ray realized how tired I had grown from Hilary's voice and took her out saying I needed rest.
When the door closed, I was once glad I was left alone again. I opened the idiot box (aka TV) and watched as they aired a musical which played in Japan some months ago, it was called Kuroshitsuji, and it seemed to have just started. I stayed watching the act while my mind was already elsewhere.
It had been only two days that I stayed in my room and yet I was already growing homesick. TV was getting boring and lack of action was getting bad into me, yet I knew I wasn't capable for much action right then, so I shouldn't have so much spoiled thoughts.
I was taken aback by the musical, and didn't realize I had fallen asleep with my head on my knees only to see a replay of the act I had been watching, only with people I knew…
I was standing in a crowd, in front of a stage decorated by a stairway, in what seemed like a luxurious mansion living room. I was wearing a Victorian era green outfit and held a cane with silver top while having an arrogant pose, unusually spoiled looking for me, although I felt really comfortable in this place.
On the stage stood Tyson, dressed in a cook's outfit and with a couple of goggles hanging from his neck, to his left stood Hilary dressed in a maid's outfit and wearing a pair of round glasses which hid her eyes, and to his right was Kenny, with gardener gloves and outfit for countryside. They all looked excited, and they had just ended singing and dancing.
"What are you clamoring about for?" I said, making them pause their excited talk.
"Erk!" Kenny yelped.
"No way!" was Hilary's reaction.
"Oh crap!" said Tyson last.
"This young man here is the renowned master of the BBA. The earl Max Mizuhara" I heard Mr. Dickenson announce without seeing him anywhere.
I paced straight to the stage. My three teammates which seemed to be my servants here, bowed, as they greeted me.
"What are you fooling about for at this early hour?" I spat at them, with a cold look which even Kai would be jealous of.
"Well, there's the feast of your chess tournament to begin tonight, so we thought of having a little preparation for the opening" said Tyson.
"Has there been a positive result since you 'Lived up'?" I asked pointing him with my cane.
My 'servants' seemed a bit distressed at my comment.
"Of course there hasn't" I replied my own question after all "Not once. Honestly you amaze me"
"Young master…" said Tyson with a smile, and made a motion telling me to stop flattering them "Aw, please stop…"
"It's not praise. It's sarcasm" I said narrowing my eyes.
Hilary rushed toward me "W-We're so sorry for waking you up so early!" she finished with a deep bow, receiving only my cold and emotionless stare.
"No need, I was awake" I replied.
"Then you were listening to our song!" said Kenny, with a cheerful face.
"I was not listening! I heard it against my will!" I growled at him "Besides, what reason do you have to sing while working? And after all that's not song for opening feast"
"Then what kind of song-"started chief.
"As if I care" I spat turning my back to them, while pacing on the stage "Why don't you ask him?"
"H-Him?" mumbled Hilary while her and the other two, looked around the stage.
"Him you mean…" said Kenny curiously, and then Mr. Dickenson's voice echoed in the room again.
"Last but not least" he said "Is out extraordinary captain, Kai Hiwatari".
The same time, the lights went to the top of the stairs, where stood Kai in a black butler's outfit. Of course when Mr. Dickenson said "captain" it was meant to my servants alone.
Here, Kai is my loyal servant too.
"Should your fate lead down a winding path of thorns" Kai started singing, in a quick rhythm which sounded so foreign yet so good of him. His face was also decorating a devious smile while he sang, among noble motions "Should you choose such path I shall stand by your side. Hand on my heart, with unshakeable loyalty. Allow me to become your defensive sword. That is my mission" he finished the first part, resting his hand on his chest.
I smiled. That is what I like to hear.
"Even in the midst of a storm?" asked Tyson.
"Even then" stated my faithful butler.
"At any time ever?" asked Hilary, always all of them in singing tone.
"Calmly" replied Kai again.
"In the presence of our master?" asked Kenny while kneeling at my side and motioning to my direction softly.
"Nothing shall detour the peaceful sun to rise" said my loyal servant once again.
"Mizuhara's…!" said Hilary again, presenting Kai with her hands showing the top of the stairway.
"Butler" said Kai proudly, and made me smirk in satisfaction.
"Our role model!" yelled Kenny, copying Hilary's previous motion.
"That's my role"
"That's our man!" smirked Tyson.
"Fulfilling expectations, that's all" Kai walked down the stares, ignoring the love dazed Hilary who was watching him with her hands joined under her chin, and made a couple of soft movements to feat with the music at the background.
"I wonder" he said then pacing to my other servant's way "Set that aside. Aren't any of you aware of the time?" he said with a gentle move of his gloved right hand toward the workers which had placed themselves in a line.
Kai walked toward Tyson as he began talking in music tone again "The soup isn't ready yet"
"Kay, got it!" replied Tyson, as he waved his hand and rushed away from Kai.
Kai walked to the next which was Kenny "When can I expect the weeding be finished?"
"Gomenasai!" yelped the terrified teen as he feel on his knees, with Kai standing behind him, but left again to go to Hilary who was all joy and blushing idiot.
"Someone broke our assembled collection of Rosenthal china" he stated, while Hilary was swinging her pigtails around. She blushed more and joined her forefingers, knowing she was the one who did it while Kai finished his sentence "Am I correct to assume it was you?"
"H-Hai sir!" she yelped rushing as well away of the butler. As he continued once again his singing.
"Now, honestly. You servants. Are truly careless. Be more aware of your status!"
Tyson, Hilary and Kenny started screaming and running around in a desperate try to catch the work they had been neglecting. I watched them with a smile hidden in the shadows, at how helpless they seemed, while I was upon them in this. Strong and stable.
I made my way to the stairway, thinking it was my time to make my presence and power over them, obvious with leavening.
"This is ridiculous" I said, looking at them from the middle of the stairs "I'm returning to my room" at the last phase I turned and finished my way up. Only to be stopped by Kai's voice.
"No, young master" he said with kind and soft voice. I turned and saw him walking toward me "Excuse me, but today's schedule calls for your attention" with that he stepped up the stairs, and stopped two stairs before the top, and bowed offering me his hand like in a ball "Well, the preparations are finished" he smiled.
I took his hand and felt warm and safe. My arrogance from before seeming to have faded to the back of my head somewhere. He walked me down the stais and for having the other three looking at us, I drew back my hand and walked away from him, while he kept singing "My only duty is to serve you well"
The trio rushed toward me happily praising me while Kai made his way to the front of the stage, never ending his tune "Please, Give it to your humble servant. I've given you my body and soul, and so any command will receive my eager reply. Yes My Lord" ended the song.
At the end the trio once again, made a fuss with clapping and cheering but Kai looked only at me and smiled gently "Might a song like this please you?"
You can't imagine how much… I mentally smirked, staring at him.
In a try to roll to a more comfortable position because I was still curled over my knees, I fell off the bed only to wake up to reality.
I blinked several times, and scratched my head yawning. Naturally during a withdrawal you become insomniac, but after that dream, even me being able to rest seemed normal…
After I was starting to get conscious of my surroundings, I turned to the idiot box. The musical was still playing, it was a funny scene with the girl I dreamed Hilary as fighting clumsily some zombie things. I chuckled and used the bed for support to get on my feet.
I led myself to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.
Mess was the most suitable word for my sight, but mostly it had to do with my still half asleep state, so I washed my face and fixed my hair a bit. I was shivering less than when I fell asleep, I was also less feverish and the pain of my muscles wasn't much noticeable at that time. Gladly.
Walking back to the room I looked at the clock on the wall. At such time most people should be resting to be fresh again in the afternoon, so I thought of risking getting a little fresh air. Then I got dressed, made myself viewable and hoped I didn't really look paler than Snow White as I walked out of the door and downstairs to the hotel living room. Just then I saw Kai sitting in one of the couches, reading a book from the ones that rested on the central table to make the waiting of the visitors more enjoyable.
I blushed deep just by his sight as I recalled the dream. I tried not too laugh, and wished with all my heart Kai didn't in any way read thoughts, or I would be doomed.
Seriously now thought. All the thought I had made during my dream, seemed all so much out of character for me, yet they were all so honestly placed… Could I really be so slob and arrogant somewhere inside my mind too?
Well… I guess it's only natural.
My father had one said that anyone is capable of committing a murder, then why not being able for every existing emotion and attitude? Arrogance… We all should be somewhere, no? It's only natural…
Yet…
I stared Kai who still didn't seem to have noticed my presence.
I had seen my teammates and I enjoyed being their superior. I looked down at them and I loved it as lust… I saw Kai serving me and felt satisfaction…
Well… Once again I'm having a pointless inner fight.
I sighed
Forget it…
The first role is usually what everyone chases after, after all. Why not me?
Kai's POV
It's really difficult to find some things. I was lucky to be able to pay someone to get what needed.
Methadone.
I'd looked enough, and even more tried to not get in trouble. At first I thought of morphine, but I feared he might just trade his addiction then. Well, Methadone could do well now if things got too bad. I wouldn't like him having an other breakdown, but this will happen sooner or later, there's no point. I can only try to get a hold of his physical pain right now.
Well, anyway. After my whole search, I ended up back to the hotel and found out that Ray was stupid enough to leave my keys in mine and Max's room, leaving me outside. I didn't want to go ask one other key, or wake Max up, so when he didn't answer when I knocked the door I simply went and sat to the living room of the hotel.
Luckily due to the time there weren't many people coming and going. So I ended up reading a Death Note novel. Can you believe it? Which normal hotel puts such things in the waiting room? Anyway, not that I had problem, I just had read that book before (Yes I do read manga; I'm a normal person after all).
Somewhere in the middle of the book, I heard someone stepping in the living room, and after a while a sigh which made me look up, as I recognized Max's light voice before it. The young boy stared at me.
I gave him a quick examination with my eyes while placing the novel aside. He looked healthier than the very morning, although he was not ok, obviously.
"What are you doing here?" he asked me.
That should be my line, Max…
"Ray forgot my keys in the room, and I didn't want to wake you up, so I was going to come again later and knock once you would be awake"
He stared at me, with his wide blue eyes and then all of a sudden he covered his mouth, and I heard him trying to not laugh, which irritated me.
"What's so funny?" I asked before I could hold myself.
"Nothing" he said smiling brightly at me. It eased both my irritation and worries. That was a face I had started to miss. So, whichever was the reason, even if it was against me, which made him laugh like this, I was glad.
"What are you doing down here anyway? You could get nauseous and fall"
I saw the color of his cheek change and become light pink, for reasons I could not guess, since his temperature shouldn't be change suddenly. He tugged on his own sleeve and looked away switching his weight from feet to feet.
"I got a bit homesick, I needed fresh air".
"Fair" I replied.
Honestly now, If I was in his place I would have gone crazy. I hate being locked inside, it makes me feel caged, and it kind of reminds me the old days in Biovold. I wouldn't be able to stand so much time indoors. I'm somewhat impressed by him and it's only the beginning. I wonder how long it will take till he breaks.
Max made his way to the couch I was sitting, and sat beside me, lifting the book I was reading at the same time, he looked at it, curiously at first and after he just smiled and left it down, as he curled his knees up to his chest, and rested his hands on the top of his knees.
I watched him silently, and he looked at me with an unusual smile for him, as if he was waiting to see if I was recognizing L's pose.
Now, now… Such a kid Max. It's not time for games, and even if it was. Pick your opponents.
I sighed and crossed my arms, taking my default pose, I looked straight ahead coldly. I heard Max shifting again. Probably he changed his seat to a more comfortable one.
"You should return to bed…"
"Later…"
After some long time of no further words, I felt a weight on my shoulder and turned to see the blond resting his forehead there. I heard his breath to have sped up, and stroked my fingers to his cheek soft, only to make sure his fever had risen again.
I knew his body would go crazy at some point, and have temperature changes out of nowhere, so I wasn't the slightest surprised, neither got too worried since I knew I couldn't do anything (which I don't need to mention it annoyed me like hell).
Max twitched, and whimpered lowly.
Without asking him or any warning I lifted him up. I left a little yelp coming from him; as his palms turned to fists griping on my shirt, and the girl in the reception pause her pc card game to looked at us, with a bubblegum coming out of her mouth. I merely ignored her.
Seriously, some people need to get a life. I'm annoyed with every person that doesn't just mind their own business. At the back I heard a little "pop" and some cussing followed. I smirked satisfied at that, knowing that the careless work girl taken aback from the view had added too much air in the bubblegum and ended up getting covered by it.
When I walked out of our room, I was glad that Tyson's door was closed, and no one seemed to be approaching. I didn't want either Kenny or Tyson to see Max in such state. Tyson was already too worried for his friend, and I didn't want it to get worst, and Kenny would get panicked which was also something I wanted to skip. Things were already difficult here.
I stared at the door and mentally sighed and cussed at myself.
You do not have keys…
As if he read my thoughts, the little boy in my arms, reached weakly to his pocket and pulled out the key, his other arm, wrapped tightly around me as if his life was depending on it.
I let him set his feet on the floor to open the door, but he kept his arms on me, so once the door was open, I unconsciously lifted him up again, and kicked the door closed soft. I walked straight to his bed and laid him down, but when I moved to stand up, I only felt the force of his arms wrapped tight around my neck and his face on my neck, clinging tightly.
By then he was shaking violently, and his fever had hit red. He whimpered loud and wouldn't let go of me.
"Max…?"
Max's POV
"Max…?"
Don't let go! Don't let go!
My eyes were desperately wide open as I was clinging to him for dear life, and once again, my body was trying my limits as every inch of it screamed in pain which had came and rose so strong so suddenly. Yet as he was holding me the pain wasn't as bad, and the burning felling which had took over me seemed to ease before it turn me to ashes.
He is warm too, but in a so different way, he doesn't burn, he comforts like the Christmas fire in the fireplace for the kids which wait their presents from Santa. But here, I am having all I want, I can hold on it. I can be spoiled right now, and I want to.
"Max, calm down, I'm not going anywhere…" he whispered, as he returned the embrace to calm me and stroked my hair gently.
My eyes flattered close at the sensation and I left myself relax a little, without freeing him at all. He didn't seem bothered to hold me, and before when the girl looked at us, he didn't seem to care at all what she was thinking… But probably it didn't even cross his mind, what that girl had though at our sight… What most people would think at that sight, yet it wasn't true… Even thought I would like it, it wasn't…
At the last thought finally, I felt too tired and freed him, laying back. I opened my eyes to look at his concerned crimson ones staring at me, as he was still slightly leaned above me. I could see how worried he was, and I also was kind of embarrassed from my previous action, and got even worst when he stroked my face and brushed with his thumb my tears. I hadn't realized I was crying. Just then I yelped a little and rushed to rub my eyes.
Kai watched me quietly but didn't say anything. He simply looked worried. I should be looking really childish at that time… Gosh how much embarrassment… I just keep looking more and more pathetic in front of him…
I felt his hand again stroking my face and I emptied my mind, leaning in the touch which seemed to wipe everything away…
After a while that I had calmed and had managed to eat something, he left to train with the others. The rest of the afternoon I passed reading some manga Kai had borrowed for me from the living room, and watching TV.
Kai returned around eleven, and seemed a bit annoyed. I knew this should had been cause of Tyson, so I didn't asked, or even talked when he walked in, took off his shoes, gloves, scarf and fell to the bed sighing. I thought he had already fallen asleep, when I heard him talk a simple phrase.
"Goodnight, Max…" after this there was silence.
I kept the TV open for long enough so it would provide me light to watch him while he was sleeping. He looked so calm and peaceful, but it wasn't surprising to me anymore… No, not at all, this was Kai. My teammate, my captain, my friend, my crush…
My mind had gone blank once again while I was staring at him. I turned the idiot box off, but kept staring him in the darkness. Earlier he had given me some painkillers and my pain had eased right then, so I wasn't interrupted of watching him…
Without thinking I forced myself soundlessly off the bed, and sat to his side. He didn't flinched at all, neither did he rolled or anything. He continued breathing slowly in his deep sleep.
I ran my fingers on his cheek over the blue tattoos softly and smiled. I never had the chance to do this before, or even if I did, I hadn't… He's softer than I expected, he isn't but two years older than me after all, what did I though?
I leaned close to his face, and I was shaking again, but not because of my condition. Our lips were almost touching, and I felt as if someone had dug his hand to my chest and was crushing my heart. I bit my lips soft, feeling sad, but I couldn't do it. That wasn't how it was suppose to be… If it is either this, or never having it. I'd rather never have it…
I moved to leave the bed but changed my mind again and curled to his side, blushing lightly as I pressed my body close to his. My eyes fell on his face to make sure he continued to sleep. Luckily he did.
I sighed and allowed myself to spoil a little more, as I stayed curled close to him, hearing his breaths, breathing his scent, and touching his warmth. I left the night pass like this, at least this was not a dream and I was myself…
To be continued~
Now... Honestly I think Ray was the most suitable for Sebastian's role, but since I wanted Kai in it, he couldnm't suit... Also, too much Max's POV and too little Kai X3 But I find it a cute chapter ./.
Hop! Hop!
Max: *bows* Please review for an update...
Kai: Actually, please review to see more Max x Me.
Max: *blush*... Review for more angst...
Kai: ... Review so Max won't die.
Max: ... Just please review...
Beyblade (c) Takao Aoki
Kuroshitsuji Musical (c) Yana Tosodo
Death Note (c) Tsugumi Ohba & Takeshi Obata
Forget it (c) Breaking Benjamin
