A/N: Thanks again to my Yada ladies for letting me sound out… you guys helped spin this story in a whole new exciting direction! I'm stoked!
Again Twilight is not owned by me * sad *
Bella sat while Alice zoomed around her like a cyclone. She was still waiting for the call to say that Charlie had left so she could go see Jacob and make sure for herself he was alive and well. She had no idea what she was going to say to him, but she would think of that later.
"Alice?" she said softly, knowing her friend would hear her.
"Yes?"
"Do you… if you look forward, do you still see me becoming one of you?" Bella looked at her hands clasped tightly in her lap.
Alice sighed deeply and said, "Bella, don't you know your own mind?"
Truth be told, Alice had looked forward, and the future around Bella flickered unsteadily. One minute she saw her clearly as an immortal at Edward's side, and the next, her future completely disappeared. She had desperately tried to shield these thoughts from Edward because a future where Bella disappeared could only mean one thing: she would choose Jacob.
Alice didn't want to admit this to Bella. She was afraid of this uncertain future, a future without Bella in their lives. For as sure as Edward loved Bella, so did the whole family. She was already a daughter, a sister, a mate. A Cullen.
Bella watched her friend's face carefully. Alice was wearing an inscrutable expression that worried her. No, she didn't know her own mind, which is why she was hoping that Alice could help allay her fears.
Alice walked up to Bella and looked at her. "Bella, I wish I could help you with this, but truthfully, I don't know what you are going through. I've always known Jasper and I would be together. You need to look into your heart and make a decision."
Bella nodded her head morosely and went back to examining her fingers. Her teeth fastened into her lower lip. She went over the afternoon's events and wondered how everything went so wrong...or so right, depending on your point of view.
Jacob had left the tent angrily after Edward dumped him onto the cold floor when he was trying to help Bella get out of the sleeping bag she and Jacob had shared the night before. It almost came to blows but luckily hadn't. After Jacob left, they had started talking and Edward had brought up the engagement. He had known that Jacob was still in hearing distance, and he also knew that Jacob would then find out Bella had agreed to marry Edward.
Jacob had run off and Bella had sent Edward off to bring him back so she could apologize. It hadn't gone as planned. Jacob had told her that he would sacrifice himself to the newborns in order to take himself out of the picture. She had been desperate to stop that from happening, knowing the only way was to ask him to kiss her so he would return to her.
And he did.
The scales fell from her eyes and she had realized that after all this time she indeed was in love with Jacob Black. With that kiss, she had betrayed Edward in the worst possible way.
Well, he betrayed you first, an insidious voice spoke up in her mind. She shook her head to clear it.
Did she really believe that? Yes. A small part of her still did. Edward had left her broken and bleeding, and Jacob had helped her to heal. He had left his mark on her as surely as Edward had.
Bella thought of her mortality. She hadn't considered it a big sacrifice if she received Edward in return, but the repercussions were starting to dawn on her. She would be frozen at eighteen forever; she would have to give up her family and friends forever, and she could never start a family of her own with Edward. It had never seemed like much to her, as at the age of eighteen, having children hadn't been high on her list of priorities, but the new path opened up to her if she chose Jacob gave her another option.
Options. She was starting to hate that word.
Bella could see it. Jacob standing as her guardian and protector. Jacob, Renee, and Charlie, all part of her life. Their children running into the forest to play as she and Jacob followed, laughing and holding hands.
Not only could she see it, but she wanted it. She wanted it really badly.
Alice's phone gave a shrill ring, and she handed it to Bella, snapping her out of her reverie.
"Edward," Alice said.
Bella flipped open the phone, a little breathless.
"Hello? Edward?"
"Bella, love…" he said gently.
Upon hearing his beautiful voice, she immediately felt guilty that she had been thinking of Jacob so much. This was Edward, the love of her life.
Not the only love anymore, the insidious voice mocked her. She tuned it out viciously and concentrated on what Edward was saying.
"… doing fine, he's sleeping right now. Carlisle gave him quite a large dose of morphine." Bella breathed a sigh of relief.
"I want to see him," she said interrupting what Edward was going to say next.
"Bella," he said, his voice full of pain. She cringed at the sound. "Maybe you should wait until Jacob wakes up."
"No, I don't care, I want to see him now. I have to make sure he is okay with my own eyes!" Bella insisted. She heard Edward sigh.
"Do you think I'm lying to you? Should I put Carlisle on the phone so he can tell you the same thing?" His voice became more clipped, and Bella knew he was becoming upset, but she pushed that aside.
"No, Edward, I don't think you are lying. I just need to see Jake, okay?"
Bella knew in her heart that Edward was telling the truth, but part of her wondered if perhaps he was making things seem less serious to spare her from the inevitable guilt she would feel. She knew he thought he was protecting her, but sometimes, she just wished that he would give it to her straight and let her deal with the consequences.
Edward sighed once more. "Fine, I'm coming now to pick you up."
"No, don't bother. Alice has to bring me home so Charlie can see us together, and then I'll just take my truck to La Push." This statement was met with silence.
After a few moments, Edward said, "I'll see you later tonight then." Then the phone went dead in her hand.
Bella's heart gave a painful twist. She knew she was hurting Edward, but she had to see Jacob by herself.
~*~*~*~*~
Edward snapped the phone shut. He briefly considered walking back into the Black residence and finishing the job the newborn had started. He ground his teeth together and waited for Carlisle.
No.
He had to let Bella work through this. He knew in his heart that she would choose him. They were meant to be together.
He didn't want to consider the alternative, but for a moment, he did. What if she did choose Jacob? What if she was finally sick of all the danger that came with being in close proximity to vampires? What if she realized what she would truly be giving up in order to spend a soulless existence with him?
Bella's soul. That was the major bone of contention every time they argued about her conversion to vampirism. Edward didn't want to damn her to hell. He didn't want her to sacrifice her soul for him. He wanted her to remain human.
Unfortunately, it had been proven time and again that her remaining human was impossible as long as they chose to be together. Edward looked back towards the house. If he wanted Bella to remain human, there was only one way: if she chose Jacob Black.
No!
His whole being rejected the idea of losing her. He didn't think he could stand it. He had tried, and it almost had killed him. But what if it were a question of saving her soul? Could he do if it meant keeping her human? Could he do it to save her from this life?
He thought that he could if he had to. He silently prayed he wouldn't have to and then cursed himself for his selfish nature. Carlisle walked out of the house just then and walked towards him.
Ready to go, Son?
Edward just nodded his head as they left for home.
Sorry for the whole recap of events from Eclipse, I did that for 2 reasons. 1) I have some friends reading that haven't read the Twilight Saga (I know, for shame!! *tsk, tsk*) and 2) For this story to work I'm pretending that Eclipse ended with the departure of the Volturi (meaning I didn't want to split this up into an alternate Eclipse ending and continuance to a new 'book')The story takes a deft turn from here on in, promise!
As I've seen elsewhere REVIEWS ARE LOVE!!! pls pls pls review and let me know what you're thinking!!
