A/N This chapter is from Draco's point of view. He's talking to his conscience, which in his messed up state of mind, is a real person to him.

(Definition – "meh" is a slang word that is used to casually end, or shrug off a discussion, train of thought, or accusation.)

I apologise for the slightly Shakespearean style of natural order, and fate etc., but I'm doing Shakespeare in English, and I'm rather influenced by it.

Draco: Finally, a chapter of my own.

Hermione: Pixie… have you told him that all he does is rant on about me?

Pixie: Well, no, not really.

Draco: Not really! NOT REALLY! YOU SAID IT WAS MY CHAPTER! YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT IT WAS ALL ABOUT HER!

Pixie: Sorry Draco! ducks to avoid flying objects being flung at her by Draco I don't own any thing, etc. etc. On with the story!

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Dark Desire

Chapter 4

Draco's Chapter

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Sometimes I lie on my bed, or sit in a secluded corner of the gardens, and I think. Lately, I've been doing a lot more thinking than usual.

Mainly about Hermione, sorry Trinity. She's all I can think of, whether this is the right decision, and whether I'm ready to be married or not.

Sorry, I don't know if I've told you, I'm supposed to be getting married to Trinity Angel Casso Vinci in September. I really don't know if I want to do this though, I mean, I've just turned sixteen a few months ago, and marrying her would mean I was tied to her, and only her for the rest of my life.

Sure, I'm slowly falling in love with her, but I don't know how she feels about me or the whole affair.

Oh great, I'm managing to stress myself out more than I thought possible, it's scaring me. I'm gonna get high blood pressure, and then have a heart attack, then die. Oh joy! What more could I want…? Staying alive, and well might be first on the agenda, meh, whatever.

I'm going totally off track. I've been pretending to Hermione that I knew all along, but in reality I only found out the day before she came to Malfoy Manor. I'm trying to act cool with the whole thing, and acting as though its totally usual, but I know that the circumstances make this an arranged marriage with a difference. What Trinity hasn't been told is that she is going to have to become a death eater. She has no choice, and I don't like the way that my parents, her parents and the Dark Lord are lying to her about everything.

I doubt she will go along with it, she'll find out, then run back to Saint Potter and the Weasel, and vow never to join the Dark Side, but that won't work. She has to join us, she will join us, and it is as her blood dictates. The instincts she was born with will lead her to her true destiny. Her bloodline will make her Death Eater.

And I can't do that to her, she is naïve to all things dark. She may think that the world is black and white, but, like a child, she refuses to see the shades and tones of grey in between. Those shades and tones are the forces that dictate our lives, and influence every decision we make. She must accept this, or her world will be turned further upside-down than it already has been.

I don't want to take a beautiful and naïve girl and turn her into a servant of the darkness. But I must, if I don't I face torture and death. I am a coward, one who fears death, and pain more than any other supreme force on the face of this earth.

Of all the horrors, and hardships, it is typical cowardice that I choose to be afraid of pain. Perhaps it is the unknown that scares me more, I have never know real pain. I've felt the force of one of my father's weaker Cruciatus Curses, but never the strength he could use upon me if he so wished. I fear the aftermath of the pain, I can take a beating better than anyone can, but I hate the humiliation I suffer after the pain is gone.

I fear the same may befall Trinity if she tries to escape her destiny. Her blood will hold her to the path that is right for her, and it will upset the natural order of things if she doesn't do as her ancestral line commands.

Fate will hold us all to the path chosen for us to tread, and we cannot fight it. By Merlin's name, I swear I will not let fate destroy Trinity's life, even if my path takes me to the darkest reaches of hell to do so.

I never realised I had feelings that run this deep for Trinity, but I suppose, your true feelings are revealed when the true sate of things is shown, and you must abandon all to save those who you, even unwillingly, love or care for.

I suppose Trinity will try to deny her fate, or that either of us has any feelings, of any sort other than hatred, for each other. But as they say, love isn't the opposite of hate. Quite different in fact, hate is a passionate, powerful, all consuming emotion, which drives people to commit acts that they wouldn't normally. Love, is also powerful, passionate, all consuming, and blurs reality into an indistinguishable mess of feelings, and acts. So are they really so different?

Each is a heightened interest in another human being, and each directs you to devote your life to hating or loving that person. Whoever decided that hate was the opposite of love must have been deluded.

I used to hate Trinity for the same reason I hate Saint Potter, she refused to see past my reputation, and always thought herself better than me, which she now is, but then we all thought that she was a mudblood, no better than a muggle. No wonder she is so talented at magic, it runs in her veins.

I always envied her and the rest of the Golden Trio, they were actually friends by choice, unlike me and the rest of the Slytherins, we have been forced together by family ties and by the fact that we Slytherins don't mix with the other houses.

Only real friend I ever had was the daughter of the stable man. I met her the year I learnt to ride, when I was seven.

It was the very first time I fell off a horse, and I expected her to laugh at me. I was all ready to shout at her then run off to get my father and have him shout at her too, but instead she just offered me a hand up off the ground, and asked if I was ok. I stopped myself from telling her to get her grubby little hands off me, as I realised it was the first time someone, out-with my family, had ever shown me true kindness.

Everyone else was just pretending to be nice to me, for fear of what my father would do, or have done, to them. They were never being nice because they wanted to be, but because of their fear of my family.

Ella, the stable man's daughter, knew exactly who I was, but she saw past my parents reputation, and saw me for who I truly was – a small child of only seven years, trying to live up to a lifetime of expectations. She understood me, and told me not to worry. We would sit for hours talking about expectations, family, ourselves, where we wanted to go, what we wanted to see.

We never ran out of a topic, even though we fell silent quite often, there was always something to talk about. The silences were the best part of our friendship; they meant so much, yet told so little. We knew each other better in those moments when the only sound was the wind in the trees, than we knew each other in every hidden conversation, in every stolen glance, every whispered promise.

It was a fleeting friendship nonetheless, as my mother caught me sneaking off to see Ella, and banned me from ever seeing her again, due to the lowly nature of her class. My father was duly informed, and instantly fired the stable man, and I never saw Ella ever again.

I was I a rage with both my parents for weeks after that. Nothing they did could placate me, they bought me clothes, books, toys, everything they could think of, and still I sulked.

Of course, I eventually came round; I think I just forgave them over time. I still miss Ella, I still wish she was her, so I could talk to her, so that I could laugh with her, and so I could ignore my responsibilities, and heritage for just a while longer.

God is sound as if I loved her, well, I suppose, in a way, you could say I did. She was everything to me when I was that age, my best friend in the whole world. I miss her so much.

It still hurts that she isn't here, almost as much as it is going to hurt if I have to force Trinity to join the Dark Lord. I can't do that to her, it will hurt her far too much.

She doesn't deserve it…

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Pixie: So, did you like it, didn't you, do you now want to kill me for turning Draco into an emotional wreck? Review and tell me.

Draco: I am NOT an emotional wreck! DON'T you DARE call me that! You, you, you… BITCH!

Pixie: DRACO! Don't you dare call ME that! I'm shocked!

Draco: Do I look like I care?

Pixie: As always no. But anyways review, feed the button, etc. Bye bye. Ciao etc.

Hermione: Pixie would also like to say sorry for the lack of page rules, and the use of random characters instead. She claims that this is due to being stuck-up and egotistical, but Draco and I think otherwise... but anyways goodbye.