A/n: I blame Alice for making me come back and write this. Not in a bad way though. LOL. I saw it on my list of stories and I remembered how much she loved it (I also taunted her. Don't judge me, it was actually a lot of fun to do that to her). I decided I'd come back to this and at least finish it at most. So, here I am, possibly a year late with this chapter, but hey! I got it done! Thanks to the wonderful Spirit Speaker for editing this for me (:

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight


Chapter 4 – Continuing to Love a Changed Person

Our hands were intertwined as I walked her back to her home. It was silent between us and I felt quite comfortable in this silence. Too long – it had just been too long without feeling the warmth of her palm and the assuring sound of her heart beat pumping strongly in her chest. I missed everything about her. Yet to just hold her hand as we walked back happily to her house, it made me feel sadness.

She didn't even remember who I was. And I knew every little thing about this girl. I knew how responsive she'd become if I played the familiar chords of her lullaby. I knew that calculus had attacked her, but she'd study hard and pull through each time an exam would turn up. I also knew how she liked her cereal – extra bran with slices of banana dropped in. I knew everything.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered to me as we neared the gate to her house. I looked over to her and saw her biting her lip before me. I threw a small smile to her. "I really appreciate how friendly and open you've been with me. Thank you, so much."

The hold on her hand tightened and I peered down to gaze into her wonderful eyes. My beautiful brown eyes. "I just want you to know that I'm always here," I said softly. "I'll always be here for you, Bella." Her eyes were fixated to mine, and they shone with delight.

Her small arms looped around to my waist and she squeezed her little form against my cold and hard one. The warmth of her body spread throughout mine and I felt completely at ease. I felt at home. I felt like the heart that had once stopped so long ago, was finally coming back – slowly but surely. All because of the feel of her body against mine.

Something was a little bit off as we reached the door. The familiar freesia and berry scent of her home was reeking with musk, the smell of the woods. I would've known that scent anywhere. Jacob.

She opened it with her set of keys and in a quick flash, a monstrous body flung out and grabbed her, making her squeal in surprise. His body held her tight to him, and I was a bit worried that he was holding her too tight. But as I heard her laugh, I realized she was okay. Jealousy radiated throughout my entire body. I wanted to hold her like that. I once had the chance to hold her that way. There was a time where she was mine and no one else's, but that time was gone. Dead. Non-existent. No more.

"Bella!" the voice yelled out in mirth, bringing myself out of my thoughts and back to reality. I peered into his eyes and saw all the love and devotion he held for her. How much he cared after her. I didn't want to admit it, but I was thankful. He must've known what happened to Bella after we left. He must've helped her heal whatever pain she was dealing with. It wrenched at my heart each time Alice would get a vision, because before it'd disappear, I'd see it. I'd see the pain and the tears and the cries. Just that alone sent me into a fit of despair and longing.

As her boyfriend, I should've been there for her. I should've never left. I shouldn't have been so stupid and reckless to believe that maybe leaving would be better for all of us. For her. If that's how it went, then she wouldn't have cried. I hated to see her cry. Yet I was the source of all those tears, so many months, years ago. I hated myself for doing this to her and to myself.

"Edward?" I heard Bella call out my name.

I looked towards her and saw Jacob Black's arm wrapped around her small waist. My eyes zeroed in on that arm and I resisted the urge to rip it from its socket. I held my ground though.

She isn't yours any longer though, I thought sadly to myself. I sighed inwardly.

You have at least ten seconds to even attempt to explain why you're here before I come over there and rip your neck right off your body. Ten, nine…, I heard. I looked towards Jacob and saw the ultimate hatred and abhorrence in his dark eyes. I nodded. I just needed to stall time just a bit.

"Bella, why don't you get inside? I gotta get something from my car, so I'll just meet you inside, okay, honey?" Jacob asked her sweetly. She looked back at him with love in her eyes and nodded. She turned back to me and I forced down all the pain I was feeling. The most I could've done was look happy for her. Look as if it was all okay. I felt like such a woman.

"Edward, thank you for such a wonderful day. I really enjoyed myself and I'm hoping we can do something like this again, hm?" she asked me, smiling brightly. I met her smile, knowing it didn't reach my eyes. She leaned towards me and lightly kissed my cold cheek. "I'll miss you," she whispered, blushing lightly. My smile perked a bit and in a flash, she was inside the house.

"What the hell are you doing here, leech?" Jacob snarled at me.

"It's a long story," was all I could lamely come up with it.

"Well, you better start talking because there's nothing stopping me from killing you at this moment. You have no reason to be here around Bella. Especially after you left her stranded like a dog. You should be ashamed of yourself," he spat. I nodded and looked towards the floor, sighing.

"I couldn't stand living without her. I love her too much," I whispered.

"Bullshit. You made it fully clear that you didn't after –"

"After I left for her safety," I said, finally seeing the point in proving why I was here. He was the key to Bella. If he saw why I was here and approved, then trying to win her back would be an easy situation.

I don't believe you, Jacob thought.

"Well, believe it, because it's true. I left because after there was an issue with my brother on her birthday. She cut her finger and all of hell broke loose that one night. I saw that our lifestyle wasn't right for Bella. An environment of vampires isn't healthy at all for an innocent human like her. I left because I thought that if she maybe saw how I was thinking, she'd at least try and get her life back together," I mumbled.

"You're full of crap," Jacob said. "After Bella's…accident, she didn't even remember a thing. Your lucky I don't have half the mind to blame her accident and suffering because of you. She was through so much pain. Before and after the accident. Maybe if you were here and trying to keep her safe, the accident wouldn't have happened at all," he spat.

My head snapped towards his and I stared at him sadly. "What happened to her, Jacob?" I whispered.

Seeing the obvious pain in my eyes, he sighed quietly to himself and ran a hand through his black hair. "No one knew of Bella's disorder until of the accident. You know how clumsy she always was, so we just suspected that her clumsiness was sparking up the month of March. Things were… different, I should say, for Bella. She tripped every single minute that sometimes I had to carry her just to get to her car.

"Schooling got just a tad bit harder for her. Sometimes when we did homework together, she'd spend at least an hour on the first question. Bella's smart. You could imagine my shock when I worked it out for her and gave her the answer. When I asked her if she was okay, she looked at me as if she didn't even know who I was. It scared me, to be honest. I didn't know what was happening.

"There were moments were she'd be all… jerky. She'd twitch a lot and sometimes her movements were uncontrollable or random. But after it'd pass, she'd laugh it all off and say she was okay."

It felt as if I was being slapped with a brick, someone driving a million nails into my heart, a metal bus running me over. This was all my fault. I did this to her. If I was still there back then, maybe we could've figured out what was wrong with her sooner and everything would be better.

"Hey," Jacob said, bringing me back to him, "You still with me?"

I nodded.

"Anyways, near the end of March, Bella went missing for two days. Charlie first noticed it when she didn't come home that night and we all thought that she was at a friend's for once but forgot to tell us. I stayed over their place, assuring Charlie that I'd stay up so he could sleep. And that if Bella came home, I'd wake him up. Bella never came home.

"When we finally found her, she was on the cliffs in La Push. I was so terrified that she already jumped or something and drowned. But when we found her, her head was covered in blood and her ankle was twisted in this really weird position. She was twitching a lot and Seth couldn't even stay long enough to help pick up her body. He had to leave."

Tears filled my eyes as I saw the images in his mind. That couldn't have been my Bella. She wouldn't be so reckless like that. I always stressed her being safe at all times whenever she was with me. Why would did she act so reckless that night? "She promised," I whispered, my voice breaking.

"You have to remember that Bella probably didn't know what she was doing." I looked at him and saw the tears rolling down his face. "She didn't have a clue as to what she did, or how she even got there or what happened to her. We don't even know what happened to her. We all assume that she just tripped hard and landed really badly. I still blame myself sometimes, for not being there. For not guarding her and keeping her safe at all times." He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, wiping his tears.

"When they told us the news of Bella's disease, we didn't know how to handle it. There's no cure for what she has. At any time of the day, her disorder can be perfectly calm and normal, to deadly and taking away all the privileges she has in life. For now, she's okay because it's just Juvenile HD. She hasn't had another episode of forgetting very many things, although she can't remember anything from her past life, in a sense. Her balance is amazing now and she kept up with her studies until she graduated. We're all really happy that she's okay, because she plays a big role in our lives.

"I love Bella with everything I have. She's this light that brightens up my day. I can't afford to lose her, or see her in any sort of pain. I can't. I'm sure you love Bella just as much, or probably even more than I do. That's why you came back. But you need to understand that although it'd be good for her to have you back in her life, she's okay for now. She's safe, she's happy. Isn't that what you always wanted for her? For her to finally move on and to be okay?"

My body was racked with sobs, and I suddenly felt like such a baby. This was what I wanted for her. But another part of me spoke differently. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to love her. I wanted her in my arms and telling me how much she cared for me. All these things; I wanted. I was being so selfish, but I didn't have the mind to even put all those wants away. Those needs and desires were what brought my here. They brought me here to be with her, to have that second chance that I craved for the past few years.

"I do," I told him. "I do so much. But my need to be with her is too much for me to handle. I can't stand knowing that she's away from me, because I'm selfish like that. I don't believe that I'm right for Bella, but I want her anyways. I'll always want her. Because I love her. I love Bella so much, Jacob, and it's already killing me inside that she can't remember me or what we used to be."

He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me. You really love her, don't you? he thought. I nodded. "I always have and always will."

"I'm putting everything on the line right here. I don't know whether to trust you and allow you to get with her once more, or to keep blocking you out. I already see how attuned to you she is, and I feel like I'm being the bad best friend from keeping her happiness away from her. I don't know what to do, but I do know that if I pick the former choice, I will stop at nothing to murder you when I find out that you hurt her. You won't even get a voice. I will rip your body apart, you hear me? You'll be dead before you even realize you died."

"Are you… are you granting me permission to win her back?" I mumbled.

"I am. I don't like you, personally. But I do like how happy Bella really is. It makes me happy to know that she's happy, because I love her. This is me begging right here. But don't hurt her, Edward. Don't do what you did to her four years ago. Think about Bella this time. Not yourself." I nodded in understanding. I wasn't going to fuck this up this time around. Her and I would work. We would find a way to be together and I would win her back.

I stopped believing in God after Carlisle changed me. I always knew that the day I officially died, I'd be sent to hell because I cheated death one too many times. But in that one instant, I believed that there God was, in the form of Jacob Black. He was granting me this second chance that I wanted for so long.

Thanking him many times before I left, I felt like I actually had some freedom now. Where yesterday and somewhat today I was restricted to being just Bella's friend, I could actually make a move on her. I wouldn't have to worry about Jacob hating me or getting me away from her because he understood how I felt.

I sighed in relief leaned against the back of my door when I got home that evening. After the talk with Jacob, I had resorted to sitting on a park bench and going through the days events and thoughts. I barely noticed the people around me, but at around four the sun was beginning to creep out from the clouds. I knew that it was inevitable. This was Los Angeles for crying out loud. If there was more than two days without sun, you knew something was wrong.

For the rest of that night, it was occupied by me sitting at the piano, scribbling down notes and playing. After four years, I finally had the inspiration to get back to playing the piano. I was glad, and I was hoping that when I returned, Esme would be glad. I knew it pained her so that I would never step foot near the piano in our new house. I couldn't step near it though. I couldn't find it in myself to play my favorite composition when the one who inspired it was so far away from me.

Morning came, and I was ridiculously upset when I realized that it was to be a sunny day. I flopped onto the couch and began to flip through hundreds of channels, not really caring what was on and what wasn't. How the hell was I going to start my 'Winning Bella Back' plan if I would have to stay inside all day?

Just as I was about to go through another hundred channels, an usual vision popped into my head. I think it was the receptionist out front. She was talking with someone who had glasses on, and a black scarf wrapped around her head. When the person spoke, I realized who it was.

Alice. Shit.

I stood up and looked around. What the hell was I going to do about her? I couldn't hide, she'd catch me if I ran away quick enough and if I didn't answer, I already knew she'd break down that door. She was tiny, but ferocious like fuck. It was insane.

My eyes landed on the balcony. If I was fast enough, I'd be able to climb from this balcony to the ones below me, open the balcony window if it already wasn't and escape from the stairs. God be damned about the sun, I couldn't face the wrath of my sister. At all!

I ran towards the balcony, throwing my leg casually over it and analyzing the people under me. I had to really be careful because if anyone saw me, they'd probably think I was insane or committing suicide. Just before I was able to throw my other leg over the edge, I heard an "Edward Cullen!" and felt myself being thrown down to the ground.

"Alice!" I heard Jasper scream over Alice's deadly growls. She had a death grip on my neck and she was shaking my head while screaming at me. "You bastard of a brother! I told you I'd wring your neck if you tried any of this shit on me! I told you that two years ago and you never believed me! Who's the idiot now, huh?"

I grabbed her hands and ripped them off of me, scrambling to get away from her. "Jesus Christ, Alice! Do you want to at least appear normal?" I yelled at her. I tried to stand, but she suddenly gripped my legs and began punching my stomach. "Get the hell off me!"

"Alice! Alice, honey. Come on, get off of Edward!" I heard Jasper coax, finally getting her off of me. I ran a hand through my hair and went inside, trying to get away from her as far as possible. It was clear that Alice was extremely angry with me. I didn't even need to tune into her head to know that.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much right now. You don't even know what I'd do to you if Jasper wasn't here to stop me. I hate you. I hate you… her chant began once more. I growled under my breath and sat down on the couch.

Alice was here and she was here to stay for good. It was clear that she wasn't leaving when she came back inside the room with Jasper rubbing her shoulders encouragingly. My eyes widened and she sat on the couch opposite from me. Her face was calm, but I knew that she was absolutely seething inside.

"I want in," she told me suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I asked her, confused.

"I'm not leaving. I don't give a shit on what you have to say about that. I'm here to stay and I want to know everything. And if you dare lie to me… well, let's just say you won't have enough time to run from me next time, and no Jasper to stop me."

I sat absolutely still, scared out of my wits but happy. Alice was here. Jasper was here. They could really help me now.

I then launched into the story between Bella and I, not knowing full well on what was to unfold next.


A/n: Kay, so a number of things I wanted to clarify. I am back for good. I guess you could just say everything went on hiatus when I said I was leaving. But I am back for good now, so you don't need to worry about me leaving anymore. On that same note, high school actually leaves me with very little time to write, much less read stories here. So just for the heads up. I'm back, but like usual, updates WILL be dragged out. Sighs. Andddd, I also came back with a very long chapter! Oh yay! This was kind of a filler on what people didn't know about Bella and how she got the way she is. Keep in mind of Bella's disease because it will actually play a larger part in this story.

I just want to say this now, but my Bella, my Edward, my Alice, all the characters in this story are the way I want them to be. I think that in the real Twilight Edward and Bella (both) are Mary-Sue's that have nothing in common. That's me though. So don't flame if you think they're OOC because they are.

For the record, Jacob is not being reckless. I think he's being cool and unselfish because to be honest, that's how best guy friends should for when their best chick friend is dealing with break up. Ah, fantasies, fantasies.

Anyways, this was more for Alice (I really hope no one thinks I'm crazy by thinking that I'm talking to the Twilight Alice. LOL, the real one's gonna kill me) because I know how much she actually loved this story. Soooo, THIS IS FOR YOU, BB!

Again, thank you to my lovely beta reader Spirit Speaker! I'd probably not be uploading this if I actually had to read this over more than once. LOL.

Leave me some love, guys!