Ten minutes after Mello had left the class, there was a knock on his door.

Or their door, more precisely. They were still roommates. Technically Matt didn't need to knock - but in reality he did. He was too ADHD to ever remember to take his key, and Mello was too paranoid to leave the door unlocked.

Mello gave an exasperated sigh and opened the door, just wide enough to see Matt's face, but not wide enough to let him enter.

"What do you want?" he asked, giving Matt a stare that would've scared a lesser man witless.

"To get in my room?"

"I want to be alone."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Get lost."

This was hardly the first time Mello told Matt to beat it, that he needed his space, that he needed to be alone. It had been practically the first thing he had told Matt when they'd first met four years ago, under the big oak tree in the garden, on a sickeningly beautiful spring day, just as this one.

Since then Matt had gotten used to Mello's sulky, ever changing moods and his need for solitude - just as Mello had gotten used to Matt's constant gaming and idle prattling.

But this time Matt was persistent. He was always like that when he knew Mello was hiding something from him. Mello reckoned it was Matt's cocky nature that just couldn't take it, that Mello had secrets from him.

Oh brother, if you only knew how many I've kept from you.

"Come on, it's my room too. It's not like you own this place." Matt's words brought Mello back to the moment.

He sighed, rolled his eyes.

"Just get the fuck out of here, Matt."

"Why, exactly?"

"I need to study."

"That's what you're doing?" Matt grabbed the door and pulled it wider. He glanced around in the room, clearly noticing there weren't any books or papers around. "Doesn't look like it."

"For fuck's sake! I need to think. And I can't do that when you're disturbing me."

"Oh. I can be quiet."

"Yeah. Like for two minutes."

Matt gave a small, sideways grin.

"I won't bother you, Mells. Let me in."

Mello exhaled slowly and leaned on the door frame.

"Come on, Matts. Since when do we have to be together all the time? Just beat it, I need my silence."

"And I'm bored out of my mind! I wanna do something, go somewhere—"

Oh, I want to do something too, alright. I want to kiss you, on the lips, so that you would shut the fuck up, and -

"Just—" he groaned. "Just leave me alone. Please. Can you do that?"

But Matt had already walked in, ignoring Mello's pleas. He took a seat on the floor, pulled a portable gaming console from his pocket, and started playing. Soon the annoying beeping sounds of the game filled the room, and slithered into Mello's nervous system like insects.

He hated it.

And yet, he loved to look at Matt, when his concentration was in the game. In the small screen, the moving pixels that meant nothing to Mello, that he couldn't have cared less about, but that spoke to Matt in a way Mello could never understand. He loved to watch Matt's slender fingers, their smooth, swift movement on the controls, the way Matt bit his lower lip when the game got difficult, the way he could stay still for hours, for as long as the battery held - the boy who never could stay still, not for a half a minute, not without a game in his hands or a computer screen on his face.

"You're fucking annoying, you know?" Mello stated, slamming the door.

"And you're fucking cranky." Matt noted, never turning his eyes off the game. "You're cranky all the time lately. What's the deal with that?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Well if I am, it's your fault."

"Gee, thanks." Matt replied. "I love you too, bro."

I love you too.

Meant as an insult, but still those words went straight to Mello's stomach. They were a punch in his gut, they were a dagger in his windpipe.

Matt's hair fell to his forehead, his gaze was fixed on the console and he didn't see how Mello's cheeks flushed, he didn't notice the shame in Mello's eyes, as he turned his back on Matt.

Mello took a deep breath, then grabbed a book from a nearby table - his hands still shaking ever so lightly.

"I need to study." he snapped. "Turn the volume off."

"Yes, dad."

"And stop that."

"Sure boss."

"Christ, I'll kick you out. I swear I will."

To that, Matt's only reply was a low chuckle,

"Geez, stop bitching. You got your period or what?"

Mello threw himself on the bed, opened the book - and kept staring at Matt.

T-shirt, loose jeans, sneakers. Red hair, lots of freckles, sharp jawline. There was nothing extraordinary in his looks. Nothing special. He was just a guy. And still - looking at him felt like standing on the pavement in front of the chocolate shop, knowing you couldn't afford to buy a thing.

For a moment Mello let himself to imagine walking to Matt, taking that stupid Gameboy off his grasp and throwing it to the trash can. Kneeling by his side on the floor, laying his hand on Matt's shoulder, and-

And then what?

Mello's cheeks flushed, and he turned his eyes away.

He had no fucking idea what it was that he wanted. No fucking idea. But the wanting sat in his chest and made it hard to breath, burnt in his throat suffocating him.

Of all the books he had ever read in the fourteen years and six months of his existence, not one had prepared him for this.

How do you tell your best friend that you want him to be your lover?


Well, isn't that the problem? :D Haha, I love these teenagers and their hormones. Tell me what you thought, and what you want to read about! I could use some ideas.