Title: One More Time to Kill the Pain
Notes: Okay. One who never sleeps (Or whatever your name was) I have to ask you if you were insulting me, complementing me or telling me about your eye allergies. If it was the allergies I don't think you should take it out on Makuro whoever that may be. If you were insulting me first I'd have to cry because you didn't do a signed review and I couldn't give you a witty reply… But it's kind of a sign that you might be afraid of getting told off… Huh. Or better yet, you may be a psychotic fan girl! I've always wanted one! So now you gotta read all of my fanfics and review all of them and stalk me and worship me and cut a piece of yourself off and offer it to me as a sacrifice! But not your eyes cause you need those to read and not a hand because you need it to type. An ear would be fine.
On that note, everyone else ignore the above. (EDITOR: lol wut) I wanted to have something clarified. Just don't go off about it. Bitch slap them agree with the reviewer I don't care. Just read on.
-.-.-
Chapter 4 Forte
"A life of unremitting caution, without the carefree-or even, occasionally, the careless-may turn out to be half a life." –Anna Quidler
I came to the next town without encountering any bandits. I must have killed them already. Not too many people crossed my path. Though sometimes I wonder if seeing a strange "man" with "his" face completely covered walking in their general direction just made people turn around and go the other way. At that point, I still had no reputation as a mass-murderer yet.
I happened to wander into the red light district on accident. Red light district- where men go to be pleasured by diseased rats who are in a way the slaves of those men.
A scantily clad woman latched onto my arm. I tried to pull away but she only tightened her grip. She flipped her hair and asked me, "What's wrong, hon'? I don't bite only if and where you want me to."
I think my stomach just turned. "I'm in a hurry." I tried to pull away again but her grip tightened again. Damn this woman!
"How much of a hurry are you?"
Does she know that that doesn't make any sense at all? I gave her a blank stare.
"I'll give you half an hour…" She added a suggestive grin. "How bout we see what's under them bandages. I bet you're a real cutie…"
I used all the strength I had to pull away, nearly knocking her to the ground in the process. She grabbed me by the arm again before I could run away. Two other women came at that moment.
"What the hell was that for?" the first prostitute growled. "Am I afraiding you?"
"I don't understand half of what you're saying. I said I was in a hurry so I don't have time for people like you!" Once I said that she let go.
"Hey, I told you you can't get one of those smart people types to sleep with you. Do you listen?" one of the other women asked.
"Yeah, he might be gay, y'know…" the other added. "They usually are, too."
The first one waved a hand at them and growled at me, "What're you saying?"
"Like it sounds. I'm in a hurry. I came here on accident and even if I weren't in a hurry, I wouldn't do business with you," I replied.
"What? You saying you're better than me or something, asshole? I do this so I can get so money, not cause I likes it!" She kicked me in the groin. Then she gave me a blank stare. I looked at her foot then at her. Is this supposed to hurt…? We all stared at each other for a while until the first woman let her foot hit the ground.
"He… He didn't react! He must be a eunuch! That's why he wasn't turned on!" the second woman gasped and fainted like it was the end of the world.
I ran as I could and hid behind a building. That… That was the scariest experience in my life!
-.-.-
"Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin' clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues to pay."
-Aerosmith ("Dream on")
-.-.-
I continued my journey to nowhere, my constant running away from a nonexistent pursuer. I killed anyone who crossed my path regardless if they were a man, woman, or child. At first I thought it brought me satisfaction but once I thought it through, I felt nothing. All this blood I've spilled, all these lives I've taken have come down to nothing. All these people I've killed have died in vain.
But I can't afford to think like that. That road only leads to my own death. It only means I'd let someone else kill me because I'm too weak to carry on. You kill or get killed in this world. That's all you see these days. Hell, that might have been how it always was. Tear that man apart before he even thinks to lay his hands on you. And if he throws a rock at you, you blow his head off before he throws the next biggest thing.
I've considered suicide a few times. I figured there was nothing wrong with it. All I've lived in was a constant storm of fear and retreat. All I've lived for was for freedom that I thought was always out of my reach. All I've done for anyone was take lives for nothing. Why not end it all? I've been dealing with it too long, it wouldn't cause anymore pain. It'll just take me out of my misery. No one would miss me anyway...
I couldn't do it. Suicide is the coward's way out. The one who commits suicide is no better than the simple minded soldier who deserts. I had no choice but to endure it and find some reason to live that would overpower my reason to die.
"Don't give up looking for him. If I find him, I'll tell the guy you're looking for him. Cause really, no one can stand to be alone."
Every time that comes to my mind I shake my head. Maybe it was because in the back of my mind I knew it was true though I constantly tried to contradict that statement.
I've been alone all this time. How was I able to survive then? It must be because I'm used to being alone so I don't need anyone anymore. They isolated me so I don't need them. It's not that I belong to anyone anymore. It's just that there's no place where I do belong. And there is no such man out there in existence. No one else can live that long seeing what I see. It's too much of a hell hole.
I wish everything would just burn.
-.-.-
Every one in a while I stop to wash the blood off my clothes. In those few moments I have, I look at myself in the reddening water. The face in the water is one I don't recognize. I vaguely remember my face in the mirror on the day I poured acid on myself. Is this emaciated adolescent girl in the refection the same one from that day?
And a voice would always ring in my mind: There's no one torturing you anymore. You're only doing it to yourself. You forced yourself out of two places and thrust yourself into the world and shattered it by killing. Why did you even start? No one would need to know. No one…
I shoved the thought to the back of my mind. I knew it was true but now it's too late to do anything about it. I've shoved myself out of any favorable position so I need to accept that fact now. I'm no longer that scared little girl in the mirror. All I am now is just a run away slave trying to break the mental chains of the past with the only way to survive being becoming a being with half a soul.
…That is if I had one in the first place.
I remembered something I heard when I was still a slave.
"I swear I'll kill that little bitch! I'd kill that cunt!"
"Calm yourself. When she does free herself, the world will do away with her."
That may be if I don't finish myself off first…
-.-.-
I had gone to the countryside with the directions given to me. I was curious about this King Raizen I've heard of. From some I've heard he's "the greatest demon out there" and "the toughest of them all." Yet others agree that he was just "a lazy ass bastard who sits on the throne all day doing nothing." Once there, I looked at all my surroundings. There was nothing that I saw where he could be hiding out at. There were a bunch of strange looking buildings. I'm here now. So what can I do now?
"Hey you there! What business do you have here?" a voice asked just as I decided to just walk up to any random building.
I turned around to see a bald man glaring at me. I thought he was a servant of Raizen's.
"Did you hear me? What business do you have here, child?"
I tried to decapitate him but he stretched his neck like rubber so I would miss. I stared at him, dumbfounded. He wrapped him neck around me so tight that I felt my ribs cracking and my breath cutting off.
"Answer me, child!"
I tried to fight my way out, but it was in vain.
"What's going on here?" a deep voice asked.
"I think it's another assassin, sir!" the bald man replied. Another assassin? How many have come for him?
The demon stood before me, eyebrow raised. I remember looking at him and thinking that he had this look like he got struck by lightning. He also was already pretty much skin and bone. So this is Raizen… What a disappointment. He's almost skin and bones. I was picturing someone bigger and with more body-weight.
"You have the energy of a louse," Raizen said. "I'd kill you before you'd kill me. Tell me, what's your name?"
The demon loosed his constriction so I could breathe. After I regained my breath, I whispered a curse to him.
Raizen shook his head. "You know kid, I know that I'm not well liked in some parts. This isn't the first time this kind of this happened. I suggest you go home to your mother unless you want to die."
The demon finally let me go. Instead of running away the first chance I had, I stared at him. He looked like he was enjoying all this. I wanted to go after him but I backed away. I knew better. My energy was nowhere near his. I would have been stupid to try. So I ran away. All I heard him say was, "Stupid kid."
I couldn't help but hate him.
end chapter 4
EDITOR'S NOTES: Wow, JC, you really had to ask that? (on my note at the beginning) Okay... My formatting screwed up in the past couple of chapters I edited. I tried to edit chapter one. It's under construction right now so.. You'll see everything I have to see at that point soon...
Getting kicked in the crotch hurts no matter what gender you are. No, seriously. I'm not telling you to test it it, I'm just speaking from common sense. I keep goofing off as I write these...
