"Hey Bucky. It's me again. I hope you'll pick up sometime, or call back." Steve said, his cell phone pressed to his ear as he paced around the hallway. He had a clear view into Tony's room, where several Doctors and Bruce were fussing over him. "Tony's awake. I know I told you about twenty times in the past few days in the fifty other messages I've left you but he's been waking up more. He hasn't said anything yet, hardly moves, but he's been wiggling his toes and scrunching up his nose when people talk to him. No one knows what it means but some of his doctors think he might need a speech therapist."
He looked back into the room. He could see Tony, awake but looking exhausted and about ready to fall back to sleep. Bruce was talking to him, his hand laid gently over Tony's as he said soft words Steve couldn't make out. Tony looked uncomfortable, his eyes unfocused but his brows furrowed down in either agitation or confusion. Many of the doctors standing over him were scribbling quickly on clipboards, Steve was going to hope that meant something positive.
"I miss you, love. I need you. I can't do this all by myself." Steve whispered into the phone. He looked away from Tony's room and stared out a window on the opposite end of the hall. "I don't know why you would think I would ever leave you because that's never gonna happen, Barnes. I will always love you and to quote you, using that saying you've gotten really annoyed with, I'm with you 'til the end of the line."
He glanced back to Tony, who was blinking wildly as a doctor shone a light in his eyes. From what he understood that was fantastic, he was responding to outside stimuli. Bruce had talked about that often, about how his physical or vocal responses to stimuli, although it was unlikely he would be able to speak properly or clearly just after waking up from a coma and traumatic brain injury, can mean improvement. It was certainly better than the first few times he woke up where he stared blankly at a wall.
"I have to do this. I have to take care of him. I did this to him, he's my responsibility." Steve whispered into the phone. He wished Bucky was here, more than anything. Bucky had always been his main area of support, someone he could always trust no matter what. "You may not remember, but when we were younger you were so enthusiastic about taking care of me that it got annoying sometimes. I mean, you knew my limits and never once crossed them, but you also didn't treat me like glass and I adore that about you. But the moment I got the sniffles you forced me into bed and waited on me hand and foot. I hope you understand, this is not about me not loving you and loving Tony more. This is about me taking care of a member of this team who I have hurt. I will always love you and I will be in a relationship with you for as long as you want me, but I also have to do this and I was hoping you would be willing to do it with me."
The doctors started leaving Tony's room one by one, all of them muttering to themselves quietly. Bruce stayed, taking a seat in the couch that was pushed into the corner. "Please come back. I love you."
He hung up and stood there for a moment, taking a few deep and calm breaths. Once he felt ready he walked back into Tony's room. Bruce smiled at him as he entered, Tony was already asleep.
Steve took his spot in the empty, uncomfortable plastic chair by Tony's bed and reached out to hold his hand. So far Tony has shown little movement in his fingers, but he did flick his wrist the last time Steve put his hand over his. The doctors were thrilled by that, it meant there wasn't complete damage to his spine and that recovery was likely. No one wanted to say anything for sure about how serious it is until later, but they were hopeful.
"How'd he do?" Steve asked softly. He didn't look over to Bruce but he could see the man shift slightly in the corner of his eye.
"He did really well, all things considered." Bruce said. Steve looked over and frowned. "He did have a serious head injury, he's more responsive than you would expect after only being awake for three days. It's a good sign."
Steve nodded, smiling slightly. This was good news. He had fully expected Tony to die, hopeful that he wouldn't but was still ready for it. It was still worrying though. Tony was usually loud and brash, with his horrible jokes and seemingly careless attitude. To see him stare blankly into space without so much as a mumble is terrifying.
"They're going to start getting together a team for him, physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, social workers, really anything he might need. And you've already volunteered to be his main caretaker when they let him come home, which isn't really necessary." Bruce said quickly. "We could hire a nurse. Pepper's already looking into some great ones. She said she'll interview them all herself as soon as she gets back to New York."
"I know. I trust you guys have his best interests in mind, but this is just something I have to do." Steve said. His voice was soft, had no force in his words and he lacked a commanding presence. It was an unusual thing for him, the leader of one of the best strike forces on the planet, but right now he needed to be quiet and considerate because this wasn't about him, this was all about the man sleeping soundly right in front of him. "What did the doctors say?"
"They say he's showing improvement, is displaying signs of localized responsiveness. Which means he can follow objects with his eyes, he looks to people he recognizes when they speak, and he even grunted at one of the doctors when they touched his foot. They're going to start putting him into therapy as soon as they can." Bruce said. The enthusiastic tone in his voice made it seem like it was wonderful news. "They took him off the ventilator and he's breathing just fine on his own. They think with a little help he might start talking again soon. They're gonna see if he can eat on his own soon. The doctors are hopeful that in a few months he may be able to function on his own again."
Steve sighed, that was definitely good news. Everyone kept talking about how likely it was that Tony wouldn't recover fully, wouldn't be the same, but will recover enough to be self-sufficient again. It was strange, to look at this frail, sleeping man who can barely wiggle his toes and flick his wrist, can say nothing more than an occasional hum or grunt, and think of him as being able to be okay one day. He hoped that day did come, because to see Tony smiling and walking around his tower again would make him the happiest man in the world.
The three of them sat there in silence for a long time. Steve just looked at Tony, memorizing his face. He was beautiful, his lashes resting on the tops of his cheeks as he slept, his dark hair had become an unruly mess, the pink flush in his face was back, and his light, nasally snore was there as well. Steve felt so much love and affection well inside his chest that he felt about ready to burst open. But those feeling also brought on a layer of guilt, because the one he was truly devoted to was afraid that he would leave him for Tony, which didn't make sense because Tony was his friend, one of his closest and he wouldn't dream of leaving Bucky for anyone or anything, let alone one of his few close friends.
He looked up as Clint entered. It was within visiting hours, Bruce would be here all day until it visiting hours stopped and then he would be back again tomorrow. Steve trusted him to be back all day every day until Tony was released to come home. Thor had already been by. He had cheered loudly when Bruce told him about Tony's slow recovery and the noise had jerked Tony awake. It had been a catastrophe, Tony had panicked and slunk away from everyone, cried out unintelligible syllables and looked around the room in confusion and fear. It had taken them a while to calm him down, Thor not allowing anyone to sedate him, and as soon as he had relaxed again he fell right back to sleep. Thor promised to be quieter in future visits. Natasha would probably stop by later, she never woke Tony up.
Clint waved a large card around in his hand and smiled at everyone. Clint often made appearances throughout the day, often with several letters of encouragement from their fans and supporters. He handed the card off to Steve. It was almost a foot tall and covered in children's signatures and drawings.
"Some children's hospital in Indianapolis mailed this in." Clint whispered. "They send Tony their best wishes. We have a couple dozen other cards and letters back at the tower but I thought you guys might like this one here."
Steve nodded. "Thank you."
It was a beautiful card, a nice sentiment to show that although Tony might not be out saving the world or building revolutionary technologies the people still stood with him and supported him. Very little about his condition has been made public, but it has been almost two weeks since the incident and there had been several press conferences. The public knew that Tony had been seriously injured in battle, that he probably be incapable of suiting up and joining them in the field again for at least a year, possibly more and possibly never again, and the public knew that he was in bad shape. They didn't know which hospital he was in, the nature of his injuries, or how seriously those injuries had affected him.
"How are you holding up?" Clint asked, crouching down next to Steve's chair.
"Much better now that he's awake. I'm going to be getting some training on how to properly take care of him once he's out of the tower tomorrow." Steve said. "They think that by then he'll be able to talk and walk a bit. They're not sure about his hands though. He can move them a bit but he hasn't moved his fingers yet."
Clint nodded slowly, a deep frown settling in his features. "That's good news. We miss him around the tower." He said softly. "But how are you doing? Are you eating? Sleeping? You look like shit, Cap."
Steve chuckled. "I'm eating. They have a great vending machine across the hall. And believe it or not that couch is actually really comfortable."
Clint nodded again. He looked over to Tony and stood up. His footsteps were completely silent as he walked up to the bed and leaned down to press a gentle, chaste kiss to his forehead. Then he turned around and quickly walked towards the door.
"Take care of yourself, Steve. We want both of you back alright." He said before leaving.
Steve watched him leave before turning to look at Bruce, who was staring into his tablet and refusing to acknowledge anyone had come and gone. Steve simply shrugged and turned his attention back to Tony.
Clint's appearance hadn't woken him up at all, which was good. The last thing he needed was to have to calm Tony down by reminding him that he's safe, that he was in the hospital, and that everything was fine. Tony needed rest, a lot of it if he was going to be okay.
One visible change that Steve could see from Tony in a coma to Tony just sleeping was that when Tony was in a coma his body was completely still. Now that Tony was just sleeping he twitched every so often. His legs would shift position, his nose would wrinkle randomly as he dreamed, and if it wasn't for the neck brace that was immobilizing his head Steve was certain he would be moving that around too. These small movements were an indication of life that hadn't been there before Tony had woken up and he hadn't noticed back when he was silently watching Tony from afar before the injury happened. Now that he was up close and had this new respect for the beauty and frailty of Tony's life he was seeing much more.
Steve had no idea how long he was sitting there watching Tony but next time he looked around Bruce was gone from the couch and Bucky stood in the doorway, a large stack of papers in his hand. Steve stood quickly but didn't go to him.
"Buck." Steve whispered softly. "You came back."
Bucky nodded. "Yeah. I got your messages and you seemed really lost without me." He walked around Steve and towards the couch in the corner, gesturing to the stack of papers in his hand. "I printed you some flyers, pamphlets, and information packets about Traumatic Brain Injuries, Spinal Cord Injuries, what the symptoms are, what recovery is like, and what you have to do to take care of survivors."
"Oh, thank you." Steve said. He still stood completely still, shocked and confused. "Did you read them?"
"Yes. All of them." Bucky said calmly. He was making a conscious effort to avoid looking at Steve, he could tell. It was troubling and heartbreaking but Steve just wanted Bucky to look up at him with the same love he always has and then have everything be alright again.
Steve took a step towards him. "Thank you for coming back." He said slowly. "It means so much to me."
"You asked me to." Bucky said. He placed the stack of papers on his lap and started swirling hid fingers over the printed text on top of them. "And the spies I'm sending in are telling me you're not eating or sleeping."
"You know I would never leave you, right?" Steve said. He took a few more steps towards Bucky. "Not even for Tony. I'm happy with you. I love you. I want you to stay with me."
Bucky paused. He didn't look up but he stopped tracing the papers. His forehead formed several deep wrinkles as Bucky scrunched up his face in thought. It was several long and quiet minutes before he spoke again, Steve waiting patiently the whole time.
"Alright." Bucky said finally. "I'll stay with you, for as long as you're happy with me. If you ever fall for someone else and you want to go to them, just tell me and I'll let you be with them and be happy."
Steve rushed forward and dropped to his knees in front of him. He took Bucky's face in his hands and peppered it with kisses. Bucky didn't pull away, just let his eyes fall closed as he met Steve's lips with his own.
"Thank you, doll." Steve whispered to him. He pulled back and wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck. "And if I recall, you said you had a thing for Stark too."
He chuckled softly as Bucky scoffed and shook his head. "You can't prove nothing, Rogers. He's one of my dearest friends, of course I'm into him, but in like a friendship way. You actually have a big ole crush."
"Friendship way, right." Steve said, nodding slowly. "It doesn't matter now. Tony needs us to take care of him while he heals, nothing more."
"I can do that." Bucky said. "I certainly can't leave you to take care of him by yourself, you'd starve to death."
Steve nodded and dropped his head so his face was buried into Bucky's chest, a warm hand coming up to pet at his hair. This was good, this was where he was supposed to be. With Bucky, safe and calm and loving. This will make whatever struggles were up ahead worth it. This wasn't fixed, they still had a lot to talk about. Whatever insecurities made Bucky run away in the first place were still there and Steve would have to smooth them away and reaffirm his love.
"You were gone for three days. I wanted to come after you but… I did this to him, I have to help him." Steve said slowly. He trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence. Bucky would understand. Tony needed him. "Please, don't ever leave me like that again."
"Never, love. I'm here to help you, to help him. You two are my best friends in the whole world, I can't leave you guys when you both need it most. Tony fixes my arm when it jams up with no questions asked and you have a nice ass. I'm staying no matter what." Bucky said. He placed a soft kiss to the top of Steve head. "It's going to be hard, he's not going to be okay for a long time. He needs help. I know you have to help him, so I'm going to help both of you."
Steve nodded, squeezing his eyes shut to cherish the moment. Bucky had come back to him. Whatever was going to happen now would be easier because he had Bucky, who understood and loved him. Things were going to be okay.
