"Stupid Jade with her stupid face and her stupid combat boots. Seriously, what princess of darkness even wears combat boots?"

I cram my books into my locker and slam the door.

Jade "accidently" tripped me today in class, prompting me to face plant, and then take a trip to the nurses office because everyone thought I may have died. I didn't hit the ground that hard, but apparently the thud sent shivers up a few spines. So now I have this period off and if I "start to feel dizzy or tired, go to the hospital". The school nurses words exactly. I really thought after the other day Jade and I were turning a new leaf.

I was so wrong.

But at least I have a free period to get some homework done before my last class.

I'm about to turn to go to the library when I feel a hand on my shoulder. A hand that I'm hoping doesn't belong to a ghost because everyone is in class and I swear there was no one in the hall when I came out here.

Feeling the need to get away from this hand and possibly defend myself, I jump forward… and smash my forehead into my locker.

"Son of a b-… biscuit" I grumble bringing my hand to my forehead. Seriously, if anyone ever wanted to beat me up, I would get half the job done by myself.

I turn around to face my attacker because God knows he'll probably do less damage to me that what I've already done and… it's that infected soccer player again. He looks really worried.

I rub a forehead a few more times before he reaches his hand up to stop me. He pulls my hand away from my head and looks like he's concentrating really hard. He brings his other hand up and brushes his fingers over my forehead lightly as I wince. This is weird… I kind of wish he was here to beat me up instead.

He pulls back for a moment before I see one of his buddies poke his head around the corner and say something, in whatever language they speak, to him. He says something back before his buddy also comes over to me and inspects my forehead. They chat back and forth for a second, laughing at something as I simply stand here, confused, and willing for that dizziness and tiredness to show up.

"Tori?"

"Oh thank God" I breathe.

"What are you doing?" I turn to see… Cat ask.

"Uh… nothing really. Just… catching up with people whom I always seem to get a head injury around." I smile. By now the jocks have stopped talking to each other and are looking at the both of us curiously.

"Are you talking to them?" Cat asks as her face falls.

"What? No. I'm not, he just scared me." I say pointing to the first jock. I should name him.

"Are you sure?" She asks quietly. She looks really worried.

"Yeah Cat, I promise. I hit my head and they came to see if I was alright… I think." I say looking back at the first jock I just now decided to name Teddy. Ted for short.

"Ok… well you should probably go seeing as this is the second time you would be caught like this." She finishes, still quiet.

"Yeah, I-" I turn back to Teddy and try to think of a way to say goodbye, which involves a lot of me stuttering and awkward hand motions . "Yeah no." I give up as I walk away with Cat.

When we're out of earshot, not like it would matter, from Teddy I notice Cat looking incredibly nervous.

"Are you ok?" I ask slowly.

"Am I ok?" She stops walking, prompting me to turn and face her. "Tori, you were just talking with the infected again. You said you were fine." She exclaims as tears start to form in her eyes.

"Whoa, slow down, I never talked with them the first time. I'm fine. I've already explained this a million times." I say getting frustrated.

"Well explain it again." She says as her voice cracks. "Am I loosing you?" She whispers.

"No, absolutely not." I say stepping forward and pulling her into my arms. "Cat, I don't know why he keeps trying to talk to me, but there is no way I'm infected." I say pulling away from her and resting my hand on her shoulders.

"Ok… ok." She sniffles. "I'm sorry.

"It's ok. I know you're worried about me… especially after today you'll be, but I would tell you if I felt any differently. You of all people, and then Trina." I finish.

"I know. She's not gonna be happy about this." She says wiping her eyes.

"Well, she doesn't have to know. Like ever. By the way, what's with you guys always telling her what's going on with me?" I ask.

"She asked all of us to fill her in on anything that's happening ever since… ever since you lost your parents."

I should be upset. Trina needs to trust me, especially now, and not get my closest friends and enemy to spy on me for her.

But I can't be mad.

I'm all she has. If I was in her position I would probably already have bubble wrapped me. In a way it's really sweet actually, she really cares. She used to be so self-centered and conceited, then after we lost our parents she just… broke. I've never seen her so different.

"What are you doing out of class?" Cat asks breaking my out of my thoughts. It's also now that I realize I'm still holding onto her shoulders and I quickly drop my hands back to my sides.

"Oh, I tripped over Jade and apparently hit the ground really hard. They gave me the period off to make sure I was ok." I say. Did I just really say I tripped over Jade? Did I forget that that she stuck her foot out and practically slide tackled me? "Why are you out of class?"

"I dropped it a few weeks back so I usually just hang out in the library."

"Well, lucky for you, I'm on my way there myself for homework. Wanna study together?" I ask.

"That would be great." She says as we start to walk again. "Hey do you wanna come over today? After school?" She asks shyly.

"Uh, sure. What's the occasion?"

"No occasion, just… hangin out."

Oh I see.

"Cat, I'm fine. You don't need to monitor me." I say.

"I know, I just, I wanna make sure. Humor me, please?" She says as we reach the library.

"Alright, just for you." I say as we grab a table and sit down.

After a few minutes of studying I notice Cat's not really paying attention to her text book and she looks like she's thinking about something pretty deep.

"Are you ok?" I ask. That seems to be the question of the day.

"Yeah. I'm just thinking." She says looking up at me.

"About what?"

"Some people… they say some people don't know it's happening, the infection." She says.

"I think they do… I think that they hold off on telling anyone about it because they're afraid. Ja-someone once told me that they knew it was happening, they just didn't say anything about it. Apparently it's a pretty obvious process to the host." I say trying to ease her mind.

"You really think so?" She asks.

"Absolutely." I answer.

"Good. I can't imagine how scary it would be to be fine one day and then all of the sudden, you're at the scream." She says returning to her text book.

"Yeah, there's a lot that builds up to that. We don't have anything to worry about." I say before returning to my text book as well.

The scream. I've mentioned it in passing but I don't really like to think about it. It's the moment the infection is at its peak, the moment that kicks off the change.

After however many days or weeks of acting off there's this pinnacle moment, the scream, when it all comes to a head. Your body convulses, you commonly fall to your knees, and then the most vile noise is ripped from your throat. You scream and like I said before, it sounds like your soul is being ripped from your body. It can last anywhere from five to twenty-five seconds, one shrill scream. At the end of it, you fall to the ground unconscious, your body just shuts down. When it starts back up, if it does, you're changed. Just like that, you're one of the infected.

I've only ever heard one, I didn't see it, but the sound was enough to give me nightmares for months.

I hope to God I never to experience it. Partially because Trina needs me and God knows I need her, partly because I'm afraid, and the last part…

Well, she's sitting right across the table from me.

…. …. … ….. … … … …. ….. … …

As we walk into Cat's house we're immediately greeted by Mrs. Valentine on her way to the kitchen.

"Hey mom, how was your day?" Cat asks. Her mom simply stops to look at us for a moment and furrows her brows. "We'll be upstairs if you need anything." Cat finishes as she pulls me up to her room, her mom continuing to the kitchen.

That was… interesting.

"I'm sorry you never got to know her." Cat says as we enter her room.

"Your mom?"

"Yeah, she was-is a really great person. Caring, smart, and she makes really great soup." She says with a smile as she hops on her bed.

"Yeah? Must be where you get it?" I voice my thought. Gosh dangit Tori. Could you be more obvious?

"I don't know, I guess I'm good at making soup." Cat says deep in thought as I sit next to her.

Dear God she is perfect.

"So, I know we're supposed to study and have a girls night, but before we do, I do this thing every day after I get home from school… if you wouldn't mind." She says as I pull my books out of my bag.

"Not at all, but what exactly is it, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Well besides getting a snack, I usually say a quick prayer for everyone." She says.

"Oh… ok." I say setting my stuff on her bed.

"Do you wanna pray with me?" She asks after a moment.

"Uh… I don't know. I don't really think it's for me." I answer.

"Why not?" She asks tilting her head slightly.

"It's… just not for me. I feel like if there was a God, he would just let all of these things happen." I answer honestly. Please drop it Cat.

"I understand." She says before turning away from me quietly and closing her eyes. She leans her elbows against her knees and folds her hands together, resting them against her lips.

Or… she could just drop it like that for once. Huh, usually she pries more, or at least she tries to understand my reasoning. Then again… I guess she understands that she doesn't need to understand why I feel that way. That's kind of amazing actually.

Feeling slightly awkward, I slide off of Cat's bed and make my way downstairs to give her some privacy.

As I make it into her kitchen I see her mom and wave awkwardly. Her eyebrows furrow for a moment before she smiles. I open their refrigerator and pull out a bottle of water before looking back to the kitchen table where Mrs. Valentine is. Smile still in place, she's now making dinner, I think. As a take a few healthy gulps of water I notice that from time to time she'll glance at me and then smile a little bigger. Maybe she's appreciative that I tried to make some sort of effort to acknowledge her.

It's actually what I do with my parents too. Whenever I come home from school or get up in the morning, I try to make some sort of effort to communicate with them. Like I'll wave or I'll eat breakfast at the table with them. It's like… if I keep doing it, then one day they'll respond, they'll be back and everything will go back to normal.

God, I sound like such a child.

I make my way back up the stairs and stop before entering Cat's room, hearing the last of her prayer.

"…and bless Jade even though I think she hates you. And also… bless Tori. I know she doesn't really like you either, but she could use your help. She really means a lot to me, God. So maybe... maybe she could mean a lot to you too. Help her be happy, even if she never gets her parents back, help her be happy anyway. I don't think I could be happy without her. Maybe keep an eye on her for me too, just in case. Thank you for blessing me with her." She says before pausing.

I back track out of earshot before she starts again.

Am I supposed to feel this way after hearing that? It's… like a pain but in a good way. I felt my heart twist but only so it would fit in my chest better.

I never knew she felt that way, I never knew I was so important to her. I mean, I know I would lose it if I ever lost her but I never thought about what it would be like if she lost me. I make her happy? I've kind of been a heaping pile of depression since I lost my parents… and I still make her happy? She feels blessed with me? But I'm just me, average at best. I don't get it...

Why does she like me?

I don't mean like like or like in general, I mean why does she look at me as something better? What does she see in me that other people don't have.

"Maybe it's the same thing you see in me."

I jump at hearing that, almost dropping my water, as Cat comes into focus standing right in from of me. I must have been really deep in thought.

"Oh, uh-" I start.

"You're not really a quiet thinker." She whispers with a smile.

"I'm sorry. I was on my way back and-"

"Tori, don't worry about it. I'm not trying to hide anything, so no reason act like I was." She says softly.

"I'm sorry." I say again. She's being so direct and… normal?

"And stop apologizing. Just feel how you need to feel Tori, if you need to be a pile of depression then I'm going to let you and I'm gonna be there when you're ready to get out of it too." She says.

Just like that?

"How do you do it?" I blurt out.

"Do what?" She asks arching an eyebrow.

"This, all of it. I mean you're still your bubbly self, you believe in God in this world, you lose your mom and your brother, and you still want to take on whatever anyone else is dealing with?"

How does she do it? What keeps her going? She's lost just as much, if not more, than a lot of people our age, but it's like it doesn't affect her. Even today, walking into her house and having her greet her mother as if she hadn't changed. I acknowledge my parents but that's as far as I go communication wise. There's point in going any further, they can't understand me and it just hurts more. I didn't know Cat when she lost her mom or her brother, but from what Andre and Jade have told me, she was only down for about two weeks. She returned to her usual self and just kept going. What is it? Denial? Naivety? Ignorance?

"I just do the exact same thing I'm telling you. I feel what I need to feel then when I'm ready, I pull myself out of it. Staying there doesn't solve anything but fighting it only makes it worse. I know that things aren't fine, I know that I will probably never get my mom back, but that doesn't mean that I have nothing left. I have my dad, I have a majority of my friends… I have you." She says the last part quietly.

"I'm a mess, Cat." I say tearing up.

"So then be a mess, take as long as you need, but you don't have nothing left, Tori. You still have friends and family and for what it's worth, you still have me." She says taking one of my hands in hers. "And I don't take on what anyone is dealing with, I'm taking on what you're dealing with. Just you." She finishes.

"Why?" I whimper.

"Because out of everyone in this world, you're the one I care about the most."

… …. … ….. ….. …. …. ….. … ….

Hello My Lotus Blossoms

Yeah.. I need a new name for you all.

Anyway, who's all in line to kick me in the face? Ah yes, it's wrapped around the building. Just as anticipated. I'm not even sure how to really apologize. I did give you and extra thousand words though.

I'm in the midst of clawing my way out of a hole at the moment. Keep me in your prayers. I feel as if I've made it half way out and am now stopping to rest. I can see the end, but I'm not quite there yet. Mmm, metaphors.

Anyway, I do truly apologize for the wait. I'm gonna push to get the next one out soon. Thank you for sticking with me.

And on that note, what do you think so far? I have a lot of people confused and asking me questions about how all of this works and I've been purposefully not answering. I promise all will be explained. As you read, things will start to fall into place. You should also just reread everything. Carefully.

Speaking of readers… kind of;

A special thanks to Nekotite and Bryzenia97 for pushing me to get this one out.

Vorago: Oh stop it you, you flatter me. Glad you're enjoying this one.

SuperGravyMan: I love it when you talk. I just do.

PenNamesAreThereForAReason: Creep all you like, I don't mind.

Metal Rider: Glad you enjoyed it and one of those said scenes will definitely happen.

Alright, there are plenty more I would get to if I could, just know that I really do appreciate you all. You don't go unnoticed.

I'm also working on a few projects at the moment. Another ship came into harbor so I'm obsessed with that at the moment. I'm also officially a writer for a friend who's starting up a show for YouTube, so that's kind of cool. Think, How I Met Your Mother meets The Big Bang Theory. And I know I keep talking about how I'm going to post something on Tumblr and I really want to, I just have to get my head on straight and do it. I'll keep you posted.

Alright loves, that's all for this update. Until the next one, Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.

A.Y.P.