A/N: Whew, I made it! Another update for you guys. Thank you to everyone who reviewed for the last chapter. The response was wonderful and I appreciate it as always. I haven't replied to this last round of reviews because I've been so focused on getting this chapter up, so I apologize. I've been trying to reply to reviews more consistently because I think that story telling is more fun when the tellers and listeners interact more and because I want you to know how much I appreciate the comments. So I will do better next time.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm a little nervous about it, I confess, so reviews would be especially welcome this time around.
Disclaimer: Still don't own 'em.
~B/B~
"Stick close, ok, Bones?" Booth said as they ventured into the woods, followed closely by Hodgins. "Don't just find something and go wandering off."
"I'm not a child, Booth." She shot back. "I just spent a year in the jungles of Indonesia. I think I can handle a small forested area."
"She's got a point." Hodgins said, coming up beside Booth, lugging his equipment.
"Nobody's talking to you." Booth said, frowning as he picked his way through the mess of rocks and leaves on the ground.
"In that case, I'll just be over there collecting samples." Hodgins said, pointing. He began walking away and then stopped, looking over his shoulder. "Leave without me and face Angela's wrath."
"What are we looking for?" Brennan asked as she followed Booth through the trees. "Shouldn't there be more people here? It's impractical for us to try to cover all of this area alone."
"They're on their way." Booth said, bending down and examining what looked like a piece of plastic but turned out to be generic debris.
"We should be looking for a structure of some sort." She mused, wandering a little further away from him. "If the suspicions are correct, then the people would need a place to conduct their divination, make their animal sacrifices and store supplies for both."
"What like a tent with an old hag at the door?" Booth joked.
Brennan glanced back over her shoulder at him. "No, perhaps a shack or a building of some sort. You know, Booth, you shouldn't mock their beliefs. They are based on the same superstitious principles that your beliefs are rooted in."
"I don't think so, Bones." Booth said, following after her.
"Look at this." She said, crouching down. "This could be blood."
He bent over, looking at the stain she was pointing to, accidentally getting a whiff of her hair in the process. It made him smile that she still used the same shampoo. Roses. It was so… not her. She wasn't flowery or delicate, but the smell fit her so well. Soft and feminine.
"Booth." She was looking up at him over her shoulder and he wiped the adoring look from his face.
"Yeah, blood." He said, standing back up. "Sure, let's take it. Keep it. Whatever."
"Sample it." She supplied as he floundered. "Are you alright?"
"Sure, yeah. I'm good." He said, backing away, trying to play off his moment of embarrassment. "I think I'm going to try to find that structure you were talking about. You and Hodgins don't need me for the sampling thing, right?"
"No." She said, looking at him strangely. "Hodgins and I are quite adept at sampling on our own. Unlike you. Who has no concept of the process."
"Heh." He pointed at her, letting out an abrupt laugh. "Right. That's a good one, Bones. I'm going to be over there." He walked quickly away from her, heading in an aimless direction. His heartbeat slowed after a moment and he was able to begin lecturing himself once again to focus on the work and not his partner. Smelling her hair. She'd laugh in his face if she knew.
Something to his left caught his eye and he stopped walking, all of his FBI instincts focused as he caught a glimpse of a small, rustic shack in the trees. He headed for it, stepping quietly, his hand on his gun just in case.
He heard the voices before he saw the people inside. Two males. At least one female. It was impossible to make out exactly what they were saying though, so he drifted forward, making sure to stay out of the view of the windows.
As he got closer he could tell that the conversation was an argument. Quietly, he walked up to the building and pressed his back against one of the walls, directly beside the open window. He had just begun to pick up on the discussion, when he heard footsteps behind him and whirled, drawing his gun and pointing it directly into Brennan's calm face.
"Bones!" He hissed, putting his gun away. "You can't just sneak up on people like that. I could have shot you."
She made no attempt to lower her voice as she spoke. "That is highly unlikely given…"
Booth cut her off, clamping his hand over her mouth, turning and pushing her back against the wall. "Quiet." He ordered, his voice barely audible. "At least try to go for subtle."
His eyes met hers as she nodded her understanding, and he couldn't help but see the way her face was cradled in one of his big hands. His palm was across her mouth, his thumb lying against her cheekbone, his fingers spread over her other cheek. He took a steadying breath as he slowly dropped his hand, mentally cursing when the pad of his thumb brushed against the corner of her mouth.
Her hand was resting on his chest as a result of her attempts to stabilize herself as he turned her around. She left it there, her eyes still trained on his and for a moment he could almost let himself feel like something was happening. Like maybe she knew exactly where her hand was and wanted to keep it there.
A crash from inside startled them into looking away from each other and Booth took a few steps back, looking into the window and seeing nothing.
"Stay there." He ordered, pointing at her as he reached for his gun again. He rounded the building and jerked open the door, sweeping the empty room with his weapon. "FBI." He shouted. "Show yourselves." Vaguely, he registered Brennan stepping up behind him and made a note to get on to her about it later.
"He said show yourselves!" She shouted over his shoulder. He sent her a glare as four young people filed out of a doorway that led to what looked like a bedroom, and back into the main room. At the sight of Booth's drawn weapon all four put up their hands.
"Hey, calm down." One of the guys said. "We're not doing anything illegal in here."
"Yeah, then what was that sound?" Booth demanded, addressing the girl closest to him. She widened her eyes, looking terrified. She couldn't have been more than seventeen or eighteen years old, he thought.
"I knocked over the lamp. I'm sorry." She said, dropping one of her hands to point over to his left. He took in the sight of the shattered porcelain pieces scattered over the room and lowered his gun.
"So you all hid in the bedroom because someone broke a lamp?" He asked skeptically, stepping aside to allow Brennan to move into the room. She began wandering, touching things here and there, examining. He kept one eye on her even as he listened to their explanation.
"We were looking for trash bags." One of the guys spoke up. "Look, we're not doing anything wrong. We have a right to be here."
"Is this used in your practice of divination?" Brennan asked, interjecting herself back into the conversation as she held up a medallion she'd found.
"Alright, that's enough." The larger of the two boys stepped forward. "I demand to see identification. I demand you leave these premises immediately." His fiery face glared at Booth who merely raised his eyebrows.
"You know, I think maybe we should continue this conversation at the FBI headquarters." Booth said, looking at Brennan.
~B/B~
"Hey there." Angela stepped into Brennan's office and lowered herself onto the couch. "Sweetie, you look exhausted."
"I haven't slept much in the last forty-eight hours." Brennan confessed, not looking up from her paperwork.
"Did you guys solve the case?" Angela asked.
Brennan shook her head. "No, Booth is still interrogating the people we found in the shack in Perkins Woods but Hodgins did confirm that the particles found on the body matched the site."
"That's good." She said. "Guess there's not much for me to do on this one."
"No. Booth and Hodgins said that its good for you to ease back in to the job anyway. Given your condition." Brennan finally looked up, her eyes going to the foreign baby bump on her friend.
"And what about your condition?" Angela asked, smiling and cocking her head.
"I don't have a condition." Brennan said, frowning. "I'm perfectly healthy."
Angela laughed. "Just for the record, Bren, so I am I. Pregnancy isn't a disease." She said. "I meant your mental condition. Sweetie, I talked to Cam. She said that you've been going non-stop since you got back to work. She had to force you to wait a week to come in." Angela leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. "And she said you and Booth have been disagreeing."
"We always disagree." Brennan pointed out.
Angela rolled her eyes. "So when you said you wanted to talk yesterday it wasn't about Booth?" She asked, giving Brennan a knowing look.
Brennan had the decency to look a little guilty. "Perhaps it was." She admitted. Sighing, she stood and moved over to sit next to her friend. "I don't think I'm handling our return to working together very well."
"Why not?" Angela asked, settling in.
"I don't know." Brennan said, genuinely confused. "The entire time I was away I looked forward to being with Booth again. I enjoyed my work very much but I also missed everyone. You and Hodgins. Cam. But especially Booth."
Angela smiled, reaching over to pat Brennan's hand. "Of course you did."
"But things have been uncomfortable and I don't understand why." Brennan frowned. "I can't ask Booth because…"
"Because you know deep inside that the problem comes from your feelings for him." Angela said, squeezing Brennan's hand. "So you're leaving it alone because you're afraid. Which only makes the situation worse."
"I hate psychology." Brennan said petulantly.
"I think we've entered the realm of fact here." Angela said, chuckling. "You're crazy about that wonderful man and you're the only one standing in your own way. You need to be honest with him, Bren."
Brennan shook her head. "It's not that simple." She said.
"Nothing ever is with you two." Angela agreed reluctantly. "But you love him, don't you?"
Brennan looked down, letting her short hair swing forward. "He is the reason I believe in love." She finally said.
"Oh, Sweetie." Angela leaned forward, still clasping Brennan's hand. "You have to tell him that."
"It's too late, Ang." Brennan said, looking back up. "He said he was going to move on and he has. Ever since we've been back he's been very clear that he no longer views me in that way."
"Are you sure?" Angela asked, smiling at her friend sadly. "Or is that the fear talking again?"
The knock on the doorframe saved Brennan from having to answer and both women looked up to see that wonderful man they'd just been discussing standing in the doorway. "Hey Bones. Angela." He lingered in the doorway. "Bones, you about done around here?"
"Well, I was planning on…"
"She's done." Angela interrupted. "And I was just leaving." She stood, leaning down to give Brennan a hug before heading out of the office, giving Booth a smile on her way. "We two will see you two tomorrow." She said, resting her hand on her baby bump.
Booth stepped inside, his hands sitting on his narrow hips. "Wanna get something to eat?" He asked, looking a bit nervous. "I was hoping we could talk."
"Alright." She said, standing. "Did you obtain new information from the people we brought in?"
"Yeah." He said, dragging his hand through the back of his hair. "But I don't want to talk about the case tonight."
"Then what do you want to talk about?" She asked, pausing and looking over her shoulder at him.
"Just come on, Bones." He said, smiling at her and gesturing towards the door. "Trust me a little."
~B/B~
She couldn't help but smile as she stepped inside his apartment. It was the same as she remembered it. Manly, a little disorganized, strong, comfortable. It was Booth, through and through.
"Hey, you can come all the way in, Bones." He said, smiling at her from the kitchen. "I'll even let you sit down. On the couch and everything."
"You're being humorous." She observed, smiling back.
He glanced at her. "Yeah. Guess I haven't been doing that much lately, huh?"
She shook her head, walking towards him. Silently they fixed plates from the food in the containers and moved to his couch. Brennan sunk in to the familiar seat with a rush of pleasure. He hadn't asked her back here since they'd been home, and she hadn't realized she missed the place until she'd walked in. Somehow sitting on his couch brought her one step closer to being truly home again.
"So that's kinda what I wanted to talk about." Booth said picking up their earlier conversation as he took a bite. "I've been a bit off and I figured you of all people have a right to know why. Since you're the one who has to deal with me."
She waited, knowing he would say what he wanted to say if she let him take his time.
"I talked to Sweets this morning and he thought it might be a good idea for me to tell you about the time I spent in Afghanistan." He paused, stirring his food idly with his fork as he stared blankly at his plate. "I dunno, Bones. It's hard to talk about the things that happen when you're in situations like that, you know?" He looked up at her and she felt a rush of sympathy for him as she looked into his sad, brown eyes that lacked the vibrancy that used to emanate from him.
"Booth, if you don't want to talk then maybe you shouldn't." She said, wishing she could make the pain go away.
He shook his head. "No, I want to tell someone. And I trust you, Bones. If I'm going to talk to anyone I want it to be you." He gave her a half smile. "If you'll listen."
She set her plate down and settled deep into the couch, turning towards him. "If you would like to tell me, I would like to listen." She assured him, her face attentive.
He nodded as he set his untouched plate down too. Taking a deep breath, he began. "You know, the first time I went to war, I went as a sniper and I killed a lot of people. It was horrible. Crawling through the jungle in the dark, finding my target, aiming my gun at his head, pulling the trigger." He shook his head. "When I first came home I was so angry. I couldn't sleep, or just didn't want to. It took me a long time to pull myself out of that place."
He looked up at her. "But this time, it was different. I thought that it would be easier to handle because I wasn't going to actually be doing any fighting. I would be at the base, safe, training people to do what I do best." He paused, his gaze drifting aimlessly around the room, and a prolonged silence fell between them.
She could tell he was struggling and she wanted to help. "But it was worse. Because you allowed yourself to feel responsible for the men you trained." She said, knowing that it was true. It wasn't psychology, it wasn't guess work. It was just true. That was how he thought about things. How he felt about them.
He nodded. "Yeah." He said, meeting her eyes once again. "I spent hours with those guys, and they were so young, Bones. Some of them were only ten years older than Parker. I'd drill them, work them, make them run laps, shout in their faces." He leaned forward, staring down at the carpet. "But it didn't matter. Because there were so many times that they left the base and one of them didn't come back."
"That's not your fault." Brennan said softly.
"Isn't it?" He asked, not looking at her.
"Booth, no." She unfolded her legs and moved closer to him, her hand resting on his back. "I can promise you it is not your fault."
"How are you so sure?" He asked.
"Because I know you, Booth." She used her hand on his shoulder to encourage him to face her. "I've worked with you for five years and I've known you for seven. In all of that time, you have proven over and over again that everything you do, you do to the very best of your ability. That's what makes you such a good man, Booth. That's why you're the best FBI agent, the best father, the best partner that anyone could ask for. The best friend I could ever ask for."
She smiled at him, allowing her hand to slide off of his shoulder and down his arm so that she could grasp his hand in hers. "That's how I know that you did everything within your power to help those men, Booth. I know that more of them would be dead if it weren't for you." She stopped talking and simply looked at him for a moment before continuing.
"Evidence can be misinterpreted." She said, trying to use her own terms to explain herself better. "People can look at facts and allow their own perspectives to cloud their rationality." She squeezed his hand. "The evidence, Booth, is that you gave up a year of your life to go teach people how to do what you do. That is a fact. It's indisputable. But you're allowing misplaced feelings of guilt brought on by your emotions and personal trauma to force you to interpret the evidence negatively. You see that you went over there to train those men but it wasn't good enough because some of them died."
She stopped and waited until he looked at her again before telling him her own interpretation. The right interpretation. "I believe the evidence shows that you went over there to train those men and most of them lived. That's because of you, Booth. Most of them lived because of you."
Without her seeing it coming, he pulled her into a hug. The position was awkward and he was holding her too tightly for her to be comfortable, but she still smiled, hugging him back with the one arm that was free. Her other arm was pinned between them since he had yet to release her hand.
"I missed you, Bones." He said, holding onto her tightly for one more moment before releasing her. "How did I go a year a whole year without you?"
She frowned, confused. "Booth, I missed you too, but are you sure you're done talking about Afghanistan? I thought that you told me that conversations usually involve back and forth discussion. By those requirements, you should respond now."
He laughed for the first time that night. It was just a short, soft laugh, but the sound allowed her to relax a little. "I was talking about Afghanistan, Bones." He told her, squeezing her hand. "Being over there was so much harder because you weren't there to tell me those kinds of things when I needed to hear them the most. Hearing them now, it doesn't take away the anger or the pain, but it does help. And maybe if you keep telling me from time to time, it'll get easier."
"If that's what you need, Booth, I will tell you each day." She assured him. "I've found that it is very distressing for me to see you upset. I wish…" She trailed off.
"What do you wish, Bones?" He asked softly.
"I wish that things were easy again." She confessed. "I miss the way that you speak and interact with people when you're happy." She smiled reluctantly. "I even miss your charm smile."
He chuckled. "Everything happens eventually." He reminded her. "Things will get easier, I promise. Time heals all wounds."
She shook her head. "Time is not responsible for healing wounds. Yes, the biological healing process requires time, but so do all things. Time does not cook dinner. Cooking dinner simply requires time. That phrase has always puzzled me."
"Good point, Bones." He said, grinning.
"I know." She said, smiling back. "Wait. You're mocking me." She realized, her smile disappearing.
He laughed, giving her hand one last squeeze before he released it and picked his plate up again. "See, Bones, things are better with us already. You're speaking squint, I'm making fun of you. It's like the last eighteen months never happened."
She picked up on the discrepancy immediately. They'd been apart for twelve months. One year. And yet he was including the six months prior to that separation as part of their problem. He considered his confession of his feelings for her as part of their problem. Taking in the new information, she studied him. "Is that what you want, Booth?" She forced the question. "For the last eighteen months to have never happened?"
He waited until he had swallowed his food to answer her. "I dunno, Bones. It's hard to make those kinds of decisions because things happen in life for a reason. But yeah. I think if I had a choice, I might decide differently." He took another bite, chewed and swallowed, watching her the whole time. "Why, would you erase the last eighteen months if you could?"
She picked up her own plate, her defenses securely raised. "That would be impossible, Booth." She said, dodging his real question. "Time travel is a scientifically unsound concept."
She took a bite of her dinner to discourage him from pressing her anymore on the subject and it worked. Gradually they shifted to other topics and conversed more easily than they had since their return. But she was distracted. In her mind she kept hearing his words. He wished the last eighteen months had never happened. He wished he'd never said he wanted to give them a chance.
If she had any doubts about whether or not he would be receptive to a confession of her feelings, they were gone now. He was a man of his word. He had moved on. He regretted his moment of weakness and felt nothing but friendship for her now. She truly had missed her chance.
An hour later he walked her to the door, smiling at her. "Thanks for tonight, Bones. Not just for listening but for everything."
"Of course." She said, nodding. "That's what friends are for." She felt a twinge of sadness as she emphasized the platonic nature of their relationship. But she had decided. He wanted them to be friends. Nothing more. She would learn to be alright with that. She had a great deal of experience at turning off her emotions and there was no reason to believe she couldn't simply compartmentalize her desire for a more meaningful relationship with him.
She noted the sad look in his eye as she spoke but couldn't decipher a reason for it and so decided she had misinterpreted the signal.
"Right." He said, opening the door. "You're a good friend."
"I learned from you." She reminded him. "Goodnight, Booth."
"Night, Bones."
~B/B~
Alright, this is the part we all know and love where you have the option to make my day. I'm asking super nice, so please leave me a review guys. =) I'm nervous about this chapter and I tend to get writer's block when I get nervous about chapters. So help me and help yourselves and let me know what you thought! Thanks to all my lovely readers. =)
