Bella, yay, you're welcome! Jenjo, i love you *bear hugs back* yeah, he needs a little sunshine in his life... thank you so much :) Guest, aw, thanks, I hope you have a lovely day too!


chapter four: addicted enough


"What's the green stuff?" Phil asks after he's finished his chips.

Dan had started eating his fish first, only after Phil had eaten half his chips and his stomach had quietened, so he now has only chips left but he also has a little tub of what looks like green mashed potatoes.

"They're mushy peas, do you want to try some?" Dan offers, dipping a chip in the paste and handing it to Phil with a warm smile on his face.

Phil shrugs, definitely wanting to try it but having had his food stolen enough times before to know that it doesn't feel nice. "I don't… I don't want to steal your food."

But Dan only smiles. "It's not really stealing if I let you, is it? And anyway, I can never eat all of it."

That blows Phil's mind. He can't imagine that there are people who can afford to throw away food just because they don't want to eat it when there are others, like him, who don't always have even half a meal to eat every day. And then he sees the glint in Dan's eyes that tells him Dan is lying – he's good at reading people and their lies by now – and it occurs to him that Dan had just been making an excuse so Phil doesn't feel as bad for eating his food.

"Thanks for lying," Phil whispers as he takes the chip, then bites into it and gasps at the strangely nice taste that floods his taste buds. It's much sweeter than he'd thought but there's an edge to it, something interesting that he knows he'll now always associate with Dan.

Dan chuckles. "I guess you like it, huh?"

Phil wants to say he loves it but he'd rather not emotionally force Dan to give up his food so he just shrugs a little. "It's alright. Fish are cuter though."

"No way! Peas are much cuter!" Dan argues, going with the sort of random statement instead of being weirded out, something that Phil really appreciates.

"They're squashed so badly they don't even look like peas anymore!"

He takes a moment but then Dan laughs and replies: "You're eating processed fish covered in bread or whatever, it's not like you can say anything."

Giggling, Phil throws his hands up in surrender. "Touché!"

A sort of nostalgic look settles in Dan's eyes and he smiles fondly. "You have such an addictive little giggle."

For a full ten seconds, Phil panics because nobody has ever told him that and he's not sure what he's meant to do about that. Somehow, he finds enough confidence to say: "I do not giggle!"

Dan raises an eyebrow into a lopsided arch. "Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure you just giggled…"

"You're definitely hearing things," Phil says, a smile playing on his lips as he stares into Dan's eyes.

Dan might say something in response but Phil stops paying attention, instead staring at the woodland that is Dan's eyes, the bright brown and the darker, richer, flecks of chocolate that seem to sparkle as he watches. It's mesmerising and Phil wonders why he's never appreciated brown so much before because Dan's eyes have quickly become his favourite colour to ever exist.

"You alright? Phil?" Dan asks, his voice gentle but piercing, cutting into Phil's musings.

"Who?"

Dan chuckles, shaking his head. "Are you not called Phil?"

"No, I'm called-"

Before he can finish making his sarcastic reply, Dan fumbles and drops his plastic takeaway container, making them both jump, then promptly laugh at each other. Phil's stomach flips because he hasn't laughed with anyone for a long time and it feels nice to just let go of his worries for a little while. It feels nice to let himself be happy, to forget about the people who just want to see him in misery, and just relax, alone but not alone enough to feel lonely.

"Phil? You alright?" Dan asks, making Phil realise that he'd gotten lost in his thoughts again. He can't help it, it's like a second nature to him, but he wishes he could control it so other people didn't get mad at him. Not that Dan was mad at him, but just in case he gets mad when it happens again...

"Yeah, thanks," he answers eventually, bringing himself back to the present.

"Hey, did you clean up while I was gone?" Dan asks, finally noticing the different piles of leaves.

Phil smiles. "A little. I didn't want you to make you eat in the middle of a mess."

The confusion in Dan's eyes morphs into appreciation and he grins at Phil, the corners of his eyes crinkling into crossroads and dimples appearing on his cheeks. He just stares at Phil for a long while before finally blinking to clear his watering eyes, then clearing his throat. "Sorry, you're just so damn cute."

Phil can't help thinking that the slight blush on Dan's cheeks suits him perfectly, contrasting with the black outfit he's sporting making him a lot less scary, a lot less like a thief. He doesn't comment on it though, because he can't be sure how Dan will react and he'd rather not gain himself any more bruises before the ones from yesterday heal properly. Layers of bruises make pretending a lot harder.

"What can I do?" Dan asks brightly, the two of them now having finished their meal.

"I... what?" Phil frowns, his eyebrows reaching for each other in the middle of his forehead.

Dan just smiles again. "What can I do to help? I can't let you sleep here... at least, not again. You deserve so much better."

"I don't," Phil says without missing a beat, but Dan doesn't seem to hear so he carries on talking: "Um, I guess you can help me to get rid of the leaves and stuff, we can throw them around the edge of the garden 'cause nobody else really comes out here."

"Nobody?" Dan echoes, but his mind is clearly elsewhere.

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like this place is particularly interesting..."

"Phil!" Dan exclaims, making him jump, "You're here, how can it not be the most interesting place in the whole universe?"

Phil opens his mouth to explain the state of the garden but then realises Dan hadn't asked about the garden and blushes so hard he feels like he has a fever. He can't reply to that so he just smiles, biting his lip and trying not to look at Dan because, otherwise, he'll forget how to function again.

"I will literally fight anyone who disagrees with me!" Dan adds and, oddly enough, Phil totally believes him.

"Please don't," Phil manages. He's not sure why he says it, he can't decide if he doesn't want Dan to get hurt or if he just doesn't want to lose the only person he can maybe call a friend. It's selfish of him, he thinks, to hope for someone's safety not for them but for himself, and he suddenly hates himself again, wondering if Dan would still come back if he knew what Phil was thinking.

"I would." Dan's voice is quiet, soft, and somehow the scariest thing Phil has heard all day.

"Wha- What?"

Dan clears his throat, fiddling with his hands, "I don't know what you're thinking but I'd still come back, no matter what it was."

He'd said it out loud. Phil curses himself but pushes it aside for now because he can't decide if he'd just imagined Dan suggesting he'd come back no matter what. Instead of voicing this, however, he opens his mouth and closes it again, biting his tongue to avoid accidentally admitting anything else.

"Unless you were thinking of drinking my blood or something. I don't know what my blood type is but it's probably not your type of drink."

He looks ridiculously proud of himself for that pun and Phil bursts out laughing without meaning to, clapping a hand over his mouth as he does. Dan joins in and the two of them fall into hysteria, both lost in each other's eyes and laughter. They don't stop laughing for what feels like hours, until Phil's stomach hurts and Dan can barely breathe, his eyes watering. At some point, they'd stopped laughing at the pun and started laughing at their laughs, but neither of them mentions it as they recover, catching their breath.

"Don't worry, I'm not a vampire," Phil assures Dan, still smiling so hard his face hurts.

Dan places a hand over his heart and gasps dramatically. "Really? I would never have known, what with your sharp teeth and ivory skin..."

"Ivory? Alright, drama queen." Phil rolls his eyes, then panics at Dan's dumbfounded expression. "Sorry! I didn't mean to offend you or anything!"

The expression on Dan's face doesn't change for a whole thirty seconds, after which he full on beams. "You are just... full of surprises..."

"Do you like surprises?" Phil asks slowly, unsure of what Dan means and if he means it in a good way or not. He can't help worrying; surprises can be good or bad and, ironically, the way they're taken is always a surprise in itself.

There's a moment of silence in which Dan gives Phil an odd look and ponders the question but then he nods. "I think I like your surprises..."

"You think?" Phil repeats quietly.

Dan nods. "Yeah. I mean, I don't know anything for sure. Like, am I even really alive? Does humanity actually exist? I don't know. But I'm as sure as I can be that the surprises you have are great."

Phil blinks. He doesn't think he's ever met anyone who's made casual existentialism so simple and easy. Then again, he's never made anyone who's made anything simple and easy so maybe it's just him that's behind on the trends in existentialism and the like. Either way, Dan fascinates him and he really hopes he doesn't have to lose him too.

"What do you want for lunch?" Dan asks, apparently randomly. Seeing Phil's extreme confusion, he reiterates: "Tomorrow. What do you want for lunch tomorrow?"

"I don't..." Phil shakes his head, understanding the question but not really following Dan's train of thought.

Chuckling a little, Dan shakes his head. "It's not that hard to get, is it? What do you want to eat at this time, tomorrow? Pizza? 'Fish 'n' chips' loses its charm if you have it two days in a row."

"You want to have lunch again tomorrow?" Phil asks, still slightly behind, having expected many things but not this. Definitely not this.

His eyes brightening, Dan nods. "Of course. I'm addicted to your giggle."

As if on cue, Phil giggles. He then claps a hand over his mouth again but his eyes are smiling when he looks to Dan with a look of gratitude. As soon as he's stopped giggling, he lets his hand fall and beams. "Pizza can be your payment then."

"Oh, what, now you're a drug dealer?" Dan asks, scoffing, but there's a spark of amusement in his eyes.

"Only for you, Dan." Phil winks. Or rather, he tries to wink. He ends up just blinking, making both Dan and himself laugh.

Thankfully, Dan seems to understand that he's embarrassed and emits what sounds like an audibly lopsided cooing sound, putting both hands over his heart and leaning forwards. "Damn, Phil, I feel special."

Without thinking about anything and acting purely on instinct, Phil replies, "You are."

He's not lying when he says so. To him, Dan is special. There aren't many other people who have held a conversation with him and nobody, nobody, has ever actively tried to do something for him instead of just pitying him and leaving. Nobody had ever complimented him or his garden and nobody had felt anger or sadness on his behalf before. He can't think of one person who had found shelter in his company and there's never been anyone who's sat in the middle of a mess just to spend time with him, only to then offer to help him clean the mess. Dan's different to everyone else and that makes him special, special to Phil.

"What the heck, Phil," Dan mutters, "you can't just say stuff like that, I have a reputation to maintain."

Phil just cocks his head, confused.

Dan chuckles. "Don't worry, it's not your fault. I guess it's my fault that I find you so cute... No wait, it is your fault. How dare you be so adorable?"

Now Phil laughs, laughs at Dan's apparent inner conflict and at the way Dan's scowling and blushing at the same time. It occurs to him that Dan had compared him to a drug - or at least, his giggle - but, really, it's Phil who's utterly addicted to Dan and everything about him.

Dan's very presence is intoxicating and Phil can't get enough. A part of him hates the idea of liking Dan so much so quickly, because, in his experience, people don't tend to stick around and, if Dan leaves, it'll hurt so much more than anything else has ever hurt. But another part of him loves being able to love, loves being able to be loved, and he doesn't want to let go of that just yet, if ever. He's more than a little addicted to Dan and he doesn't want to get over it.

"Sorry," he says in the end, literally unable to express anything else.

The grin on Dan's face suggests that it's alright and that Phil's belated, half-hearted apology says more than Phil thinks it does. The two of them then catch themselves staring at each other, lost in one another's eyes, and awkwardly cough, not having realised they'd stopped focusing on the rest of the world.

"You should, um, go," Phil says.

"What?" Dan asks, looking almost hurt.

Immediately, Phil shakes his head, slightly worried, "No, no, I just mean that I don't want you to waste your day- uh, your afternoon with me."

Halfway between a frown and a smile, Dan shakes his head. "Nope. You're a cute little drug, remember? Why would I want to do anything other than stay with you for as long as possible?"

Phil smiles to himself. Not wanting to just let himself blush and lose the ability to string words together again, he forces himself to smirk. "Then I hope you're ready for some manual labour."

"Right, yes, the leaves! Shall we?" Dan stands up without waiting for an answer, holding his hand out for Phil to take. It's honestly one of the best sights Phil has seen in a while, and he's seen some of the most beautiful flowers known to man so that's saying something.

"Shall we, what? Dance?"

It's not even a second later when Dan doubles over laughing, then exhales heavily, clumsily catching his breath, and shrugs. "Since when does dancing consist of throwing leaves around?"

Phil chuckles, taking Dan's hand and pulling himself up. Once he's on his feet and has let go of Dan's hand because the skin contact makes him dizzy with a warmth he can't name, he grins. "Props are a thing, right?"

"Right." Dan agrees, nodding pretty seriously. Which lasts about five seconds before he dissolves into giggles again like someone who's just inhaled a dose of laughing gas, something that anyone else would probably have to do before they could tolerate Phil for so long.

Either way, Phil is addicted enough to Dan to agree in some way or another, because that's an accurate summary of what everything is to him at the moment: just right.


Guys, one of my best friends is in a really difficult and painful situation so I've opened fanfic commissions! (detailed post on my tumblr) If you guys want me to write anything you feel like reading, let me know!

Happy pride month, I hope y'all are having a lovely month :)


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