AN: There may be some of you who don't like how I portray Wally in this fic, but I'm sorry, this is how I see him. I think CW's adaptation of Wally West is really immature and petty and competes with Barry way too much whether it's just with speed or for Joe's affection. Honestly, he tried to get Joe to choose between Flash and Kid Flash. No parent is going to do that and the fact that Wally even tried shows how immature he really is. So, if you have a complaint about how I portray Wally, I don't really want to hear it. This is just how I see him and if you see him in a different light, that's fine, just don't try to change my mind because some people have tried and none have succeeded. I really don't want to start a fight over it right now.

Warnings: drug use for pain, mention of suicide, a tiny bit of foul language.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Barry set up the cans in a giant, pyramid-shaped stack the moment they got back, moving so fast even Wally barely saw what he was doing. The pain was starting to build in Barry again and pretty soon, he would need another injection of morphine.

Cisco immediately approached one and opened it. It was cold soup, but he didn't care. He was hungry enough that he didn't bother taking the time to warm it up.

Barry turned to walk out of the cortex, when Iris's voice stopped him.

"Barry?"

He turned back around. "Yeah?"

"Where are you going?"

"I… I was just…" he trailed off. He was going to the room where he kept his morphine and cot. He couldn't risk any of them following him there.

"Barry, are you okay?" Caitlin asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm just… I'm used to being alone, so… I'm a little overwhelmed by all this. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Bar," Joe said. "You've been alone a long time. It's understandable. But we'd like it if you stayed out here with us."

Barry felt the dullness of the pain starting to sharpen, but one look at their hopeful expressions, and he caved.

"Okay."

"So, what do you have to do around here?" Cisco asked.

Barry shrugged. "Sleep?"

"Seriously?"

"If we're being honest here, my life consists of running on my cosmic treadmill, stopping rogue metas, talking to Gideon, and sleeping," Barry confessed. You know, and making morphine, 3000 calorie bars, and writhing around in pain.

"You… talk to the AI?" Julian asked.

Barry shrugged again. "She's a great listener."

Truth was, making Gideon because she helped him in the field and could predict events seeing as how she could see into the future and past of the timeline was only part of the reason why he created her. The other reason was because Barry was lonely. He had no one in this future, at least not until his family randomly appeared on the street. It had been just him, Gideon, and the breaking speed force for so long.

"That's kind of sad, man," Cisco said. "You really don't do anything else?"

"I read," Barry said. "But I've read all my books a thousand times each. You guys can have them if you want."

"Why don't we just talk?" Iris asked. "Tell us about what's been going on in this future."

"Well, there's not much more to tell," he said. "I told you about the war against Savitar and all the metas he made with the philosopher's stone. Central City turned to ruins after that. As did most of the USA and pretty much everywhere else on the planet. Metas truly outnumber humans and they're not happy. Humans have never been very kind to metas. ARGUS partnered with Eiling and they tried to capture metas and force them to work for them. It didn't go over well. No one likes being treated as nothing more than a weapon and ARGUS's new Suicide Squad did just that. There were too many metas to combat. They all fought back and… now here we are in a dystopia. Or anarchy, I guess, since I haven't been able to come across any real government anywhere. It's everyone for themselves."

"And, what's the deal with people like August?" H.R. asked. "Why does he want your blood?"

"He wants to study it," Barry shrugged. "I don't really care why. It's not like he's strapping me to a table and dissecting me. It's no big deal."

"I don't like someone taking your blood and studying you like you're some kind of lab rat, Barry," Joe told him.

"Joe, I said it's fine," Barry said. "I've had this arrangement with August for a long time. He's never hurt me, unless you count jamming a needle into my vein, which I don't. He gets the blood he's obsessed with, I get food… it's a win-win situation."

"He's using you," Iris said.

"And I'm using him," he said. "We use each other. That's kind of how this world works. I'm sorry, but it is."

"Sounds like you've given up," Wally scoffed. The great Flash, he thought, given up. Never thought I'd see the day.

"Well, no offense, Wally, but until recently, I didn't have anything to fight for," Barry said. "Besides… what is there for me to fight against? The world is already destroyed; it's not like I can stop it. I'm never time traveling ever again, so there is nothing for me to do. I can stop metas from hurting what's left of the human population, but that's about it."

"That doesn't mean you have to hand over your blood to some freak," Wally said. "What are you, a blood whore?"

"Wally," Joe said sternly.

"It's fine, Joe," Barry laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. "Wally, I know you've never really liked me. You were constantly competing with me at every turn, whether it was with speed or for Joe's affection. I don't hold against you. I care about you regardless of how you treat me, because we're family. However, I would appreciate if you didn't judge me until you know what it feels like to slowly emaciate from extreme hunger, to go out of your mind with it. You would do anything to get it to stop."

The truth was, while Barry had starved to the point of emaciation before, being part of what prompted his deal with August, what he was really thinking of when he spoke to Wally was the pain. Barry literally would do anything to make it stop. If he hadn't found August and started making deals with him, he probably would have killed himself a long time ago. He just couldn't take that amount of pain. He didn't think anyone could. Not even Oliver Queen, who was the strongest person Barry ever knew. He wondered if Oliver was still alive somewhere. If Felicity was, if Diggle was…

Speaking of the pain, it was getting sharper. Barry could feel it building, gnawing on his nerves like rats. It was as if sharp teeth had sunk into every single part of him as deep as they possibly could and would not let go.

Barry breathed deeper, exhaling shakily.

"Are you alright, Bar?" Joe asked, sounding concerned.

Barry knew it was only a matter of time before the pain escalated so it felt like his skin was being torn off and all his bones were shattering at once. Then it would feel like his already destroyed body was set on fire.

He drew in another deep breath. "I'm fine, Joe. Look, I… I'm not used to this. I'm sorry. I can't talk right now. You guys can do whatever you want around here. Who knows, maybe we still have operation around here somewhere. I know you hated that game, Cait, but it'd be better than doing nothing, right?"

He made his way out of the room, flashing away at super speed.

All of his friends and family stared at each other.

"He is not fine," Iris said.


Barry felt the fire the moment he reached his room. He scrambled toward the table at super speed, blue lightning flashing around him. He fumbled for a syringe full of morphine, his hands shaking.

There was no time to tighten the belt around his arm to make it easier to reach the veins. But that was okay. He had good veins. He just had to hope his hand was stead enough the syringe wouldn't tear out of his vein when he put it in.

It had been a long time since Barry had let it get this bad. Normally when the pain got so sharp he compared it to teeth, he would already be jamming the needle into his vein. But this time, he stuck around and talked to his family and let it escalate this far. And now he couldn't see straight.

By some miracle, Barry managed to jam the needle into his vein and push down on the plunger, releasing the morphine into his system. The effects were instantaneous and Barry let out a gasp of relief, collapsing onto the floor, needle still in his arm.

His eyes fluttered shut and he lost consciousness, lying on the cold floor of STAR Labs next to his small cot.

AN: Sorry it took me a while to update. I tend to have trouble finding time to write during the school week. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if it feels kind of like filler, but I promise the story will start to get much more interesting soon. I just have to set things up first. Can't have them finding everything out right away, right?

-DragonsintheMoonlight