So Jacob only has a little appearance in this chapter... He'll be back soon enough (ugh).

Shane seems a little boring right now, I know- I feel like we don't know much about him at all except that he draws and likes music- but keep in mind that that's the point right now.

I don't know about you but I can't wait for my darling Edward to come back... Can he stop his sulking and make his entrance into my story, please? I miss him.


I thought about Shane all the way home. There was something about him that intrigued me and yet frightened me at the same time. He didn't appear to be anything more or less than an average teenaged boy but… I couldn't help but think there was more to him than that. There was a sense of danger in his presence and yet he appeared to be extremely kind and charming. I knew all too well that danger mixed in with beauty and kindness usually ended up in heartache. My heartache.

I pulled into my driveway and saw Jake parked in Charlie's spot. He got out when he saw me pulling in and waved. I was actually relieved to see him.

"Hey, Bella," Jake said as I walked over. He picked me up and crushed me in a tight hug. "I was going to town for some tools. Want to come with me?"

I lived for distractions like these so I said yes and got into the Rabbit with him. We drove for a bit before he turned to me.

"What are you doing Friday night?"

I smiled and shrugged. "I don't have any plans."

Grinning, he nudged me playfully. "Awesome. You're coming to a party with me."

"I am?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise. Jacob knew I hated parties.

"Don't worry," he said quickly, "it's just me and the pack. No big deal. And honestly, it would be a lot better if you were there. I don't like the idea of leaving you unguarded."

I swallowed, thinking of the vampire with flame-colored hair who was probably thinking up a new way of killing me at that very moment.

Taking a breath, I decided to repress the unhappy thoughts.

"I'll come. How can I resist a werewolf party?" I teased.

He grinned at me and rumpled my hair. "Thanks. It's going to be so much fun."

I forced a smile and decided I couldn't take it anymore. I hated bringing up unpleasant things so soon but I couldn't resist. "Any news on Victoria?"

His face darkened. He kept his eyes focused on the road and his hands visibly tightened. Still, when he spoke his voice was fairly normal.

"Somewhat. Paul saw her a couple of days ago and chased her out but you know as well as I do it's only a matter of time until she comes back."

I nodded and looked out the window. My stomach felt sick and beads of sweat started to form on my forehead. I wasn't ready to die but it seemed a near probability that my "luck" was eventually going to run out. I was marked for danger, as I was often told.

"Bella," Jacob said softly. "Look at me."

When I wouldn't look at him, he pulled over. He reached out and placed his hand on my chin, turning my face to look at him. Slowly my eyes met his. He looked extremely worried.

"Bella, please don't worry about it. We're going to take care of you, I promise. We won't let anything happen to you. I won't let anything happen to you."

I nodded and fought back the childish tears that threatened to spill over any moment.

"If anything happened to you," he whispered huskily, "I don't know what I'd do."

His expression made me uncomfortable. A jolt of pain ran through my heart, remembering the last time I'd seen an expression like that.

I lowered my eyes and tried to move away.

"Relax, Bella," he muttered, dropping his hand from my face. His eyes narrowed and he seemed slightly insulted. "Ijust want to take care of you. Unlike some people."

My eyes snapped back up again. Regret and shock began to cross his features. "Bella, I-"

"Forget it, Jake," I snapped.

"But I didn't meant to bring it up, I just-"

"Stop it!" I cried out, slamming my fist on the dashboard. I gasped in shock and I thought I heard Jacob gasp, too. I never got this angry. My hand hurt horribly but I ignored it and turned to Jacob. "Take me home."

He looked like he was going to cry. His face nearly weakened my resolve but I looked away. "Now," I growled.

Silently, he turned around and took me back.

As soon as his car was parked in my driveway, I lunged out and ran into the house without saying a word to Charlie. Tears were falling freely down my cheeks and I heard myself desperately gasping for air.

I flung myself onto my bed, sobbing hysterically. I didn't think I had any tears left, but I did. I always did.

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I shuddered. Jacob was right about one thing. Edward certainly hadn't wanted to take care of me. I was a pet, a toy, a… distraction- at best, a friend. A friend he used and then discarded without a second thought.

Stifling a scream, I slapped my pillow and then flung it across the room.

I hated him!

I stopped crying and just sat there, trying to catch my breath. As I relaxed, I realized I didn't hate him at all. Not even a little bit.

I hated myself for not hating him. I hated myself for still loving him. I hated myself because I knew I always would.


I woke up in a terrible mood the next day. The sky was more overcast than usual; I felt the weather was perfect for me.

I dressed in a black shirt and jeans and got in my truck just before it started pouring.

Of course the day was going by at the slowest pace possible. I was happy when lunch came around, meaning I only had two periods left. Naturally, I had a meeting with my guidance counselor right before lunch that ran over schedule.

Walking into lunch ten minutes late, I picked up some pizza and went to meet Angela at our side of the table.

I stopped short when I saw Shane sitting there again. I had completely forgotten about him. He was dressed in black again, of course, but his headphones were nowhere to be seen. He was fixated on his notebook, however, and appeared to be drawing in it. Mike was babbling on to him but he didn't appear to be listening.

"Hi," I said, putting my tray down and sitting next to Angela. I kept my eyes on my pizza.

"Hi, Bella," Ben said.

"Hey!" Angela exclaimed. "I was wondering where you were."

"Ms. Simon wouldn't stop talking, per usual," I groaned.

Angela laughed. "Thank God she's not my guidance counselor."

"Hello."

I looked up and saw Shane staring at me. My pulse quickened at an irregular pace and a blush warmed my cheeks, surprising me. I didn't blush that much anymore.

"Hi," I whispered, grasping onto my pizza for dear life. Maybe if I started eating it, he'd stop talking to me.

"Thanks for the ride again. My dad promised to pick me up today. We'll see." He laughed to himself and shook his head. He didn't appear to have that high an opinion of his father.

I couldn't speak. Angela looked at me curiously and I knew already what she was thinking. I hadn't told anyone that I drove him home yesterday. In my defense, I had come home in such a bad mood the night before that I just did my homework and went to bed.

Mike was staring at me; I could feel it. I didn't look at him but I knew he was resentful.

"No problem," I said finally, hating the awkward silence.

Shane looked at me expectantly, like he was waiting for me to say something else. I stared back at him stupidly, unable to break from his gaze though I desperately wanted to. I searched my mind for anything to say, anything that could possibly stop the uncomfortable situation.

Surprisingly, it was Lauren who came to my rescue.

"Hey," she giggled, slipping in next to him on the bench, "my name's Lauren. You're Shane, right?"

"Right," he mumbled, still looking at me. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and focused on my pizza again.

"It's nice to meet you," she went on. "I've heard a lot about you. Your dad is some famous author, right?"

"Right," he repeated.

"That's so cool!" Lauren gushed. "I'm having a party this Saturday. I'd love it if you could come! I'll introduce you to everybody."

There were a few moments of silence until he spoke. "Thanks for the invitation but I can't come this Saturday."

"Oh," she said, deflated. She was silent for a minute before her eyes sparkled with a new idea. "Well, maybe I can have a party for you next weekend!"

"To tell you the truth," he chuckled, "I'm not much of a party person at all. Thanks anyway."

She didn't say anything and I couldn't bring myself to look at her but I didn't have to. I knew she must have been fuming.

Without another word, she stood up and went back to Jessica. I heard her say something to her and the two started giggling loudly.

"Oops," he said. I looked up and saw him looking at me in amusement. "Did I just insult the prom queen?"

"More or less," I responded, smiling in spite of myself.

Angela nodded her head and looked at him. "Nice work."

"You're my hero," Ben whispered.

Shane started laughing and soon we joined him. He had an infectious laugh.

"What kind of stuff does your dad write?" I asked, feeling that due to his put-down of Lauren, he deserved a little attention.

"Horror."

"What kind of horror?" Mike questioned. I couldn't help but notice that his voice sounded slightly mocking.

"All kinds," Shane answered, unfazed. "His last book was about vampires. It was pretty good, I have to admit."

My breath caught but luckily no one heard it. Even if they had, I wouldn't have cared. I hadn't heard that word in months. Disjointed memories flooded back into my mind before I could stop them.

His cold, smooth touch…

The swelling and throbbing of my heart every time he looked at me…

How it felt to love him and how it felt to think he loved me back…

His topaz eyes glittering in the darkness of my room…

Our meadow…

All of the loving words he had whispered in my ear as I drifted off to sleep every night…

The kisses I always got carried away with…

Alice, my best friend…

The rest of the Cullens, sitting around in their beautiful home…

His face when I was in the hospital after the James incident…

My birthday party…

His brooding, withdrawn behavior those days after…

His goodbye…

The emptiness…

How I turned into a shell...

"Bella?" a loud voice rasped out.

I looked up and saw Shane looking at me, looking slightly concerned.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, Bella, you look kind of pale," Angela said. "Are you feeling alright?"

I shrugged and tried by best to act normal. "I feel fine."

I don't think I sounded very convincing because Shane didn't look away. I was always told how bad a liar I was. I don't even know why I still bothered.

He looked like he was going to say something else so I tried to distract him. "Where are your headphones?"

He grinned at me. "I didn't charge my I-pod last night. I'm an idiot. I've been suffering all day- I had to actually listen to people."

I smiled, though it probably came out like a grimace. "At least you remembered your notebook."

"Yeah," he nodded, "if I forgot that, I'd just turn back and go home. I can't live without it."

"Can I see some of your work?" I asked, looking at his book. I was desperate to keep my mind off the pain that threatened to erupt at any second.

"No," he said harshly. I cringed back and felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "Normally I'd say yes but I'm…. Right now I'm working on something and it's a bit of a surprise and… I don't like to show unfinished things. I'm sorry. I should be done with it tonight so I could show it to you tomorrow, if you're still interested." He smiled apologetically at me.

"It's no big deal," I answered quietly.

"No, really. I'd love for you to see them."

Angela cleared her throat and I blushed yet again, realizing I'd forgotten the there were other people around us. They had been talking amongst themselves but I guess eventually they started paying attention to us. I was grateful that my little conversation with him had distracted me from having a completely psychotic breakdown in the middle of the cafeteria, but I was still embarrassed.

I took another big bite of my pizza. I could hear him laughing a little under his breath and for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, I blushed.

Throwing me a sympathetic glance, Angela tried to make things comfortable again. "What kind of stuff do you draw?"

He looked at me when he said, "All kinds of things."

He continued to watch me appraisingly. I started fidgeting and took a big bite out of my pizza.

"I wish I could draw," Angela mused.

Shane looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

It was Angela's turn to blush. There was something about his eyes. It was like he was looking right through you. His gaze was highly personal. If Edward were around, I'd think even he'd blush in Shane's presence.

I suddenly felt sick. Just when I was slipping into the abyss of distractions, I had to go and stupidly remind myself of him. I wanted to die right there.

Angela saw my face and I knew that she understood it was something Edward related. She always knew.

"Yes," she said to Shane. She was trying to keep everyone's attention off of me. "I used to take drawing lessons but I grew out of them. Now I just doodle."

I didn't look up to see if he was watching me but he didn't answer right away.

"I could show you a thing or two," he said finally. "I should warn you, though. I'm no expert."

"I didn't know you used to draw," Ben said to Angela defensively.

"It was a long time ago," she whispered to him.

"Would you like some drawing lessons, Bella?" Shane asked me, a note of humor in his voice.

"No," I whispered. I kept my eyes on the lunch table. I knew if I met those eyes, I'd start blubbering.

He should be a therapist. Or a detective. With eyes like his, he could get anyone to break down and confess without a single word.

Thankfully the lunch bell rang and I hopped up quickly to get away.

"Bella, wait up!"

I turned around reluctantly and saw Shane running after me, a perfect smile on his face.

"Why don't we walk to English together?"

I suppressed a groan and started walking again.

Why couldn't I ever be left alone?


I sat in my seat rigidly, keeping my eyes on the front of the room.

I prayed as hard as I could that Mr. Russo would walk in before Shane had a chance to start talking to me, but I knew it was no use. Mr. Russo was always incredibly late and I had no luck to speak of, so it was only a matter of time before the boy next to me turned to speak.

Sure enough, a second later he turned to me. "Bella?"

"Yeah?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the door.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

Slowly, my head turned to face him. His eyes were intense; I gazed into the two glowing, multicolored pools and temporarily forgot who I was.

"Bella?"

I blinked and swallowed hard. I was definitely going crazy.

"What did you say?"

He smirked and shook his head. "I wanted to ask you a personal question."

"Okay," I said warily.

"Why did you get so upset at lunch today?"

Crap. So I was still unsuccessful at lying. Luckily, Angela was too nice to bring things like this up, though I suspected she knew when I was lying about being fine, too.

I decided to give it another try. "What do you mean? I wasn't upset."

He looked at me reproachfully. "I barely know you and I can still tell when you're lying."

I glared at him. I tried to tell myself that he didn't know what happened to me and that talking about any of it was strictly off limits, but now I thought he was just being rude.

"Look," he said, leaning towards me, "like I said, I know it's a personal question. I guess I was just curious. You looked like hell back there."

"Oh, thank you," I said sarcastically.

We sat there in silence- me staring at the door willing Mr. Russo to appear, Shane still watching me.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"What?" I hissed, meeting his stare.

"Sorry, you're just very interesting," he responded calmly. He didn't look the least bit sorry. "I want to know more about you. You can start by telling me what happened during lunch."

His eyes bore into mine so intensely that I couldn't think of anything to say. His eyes pierced mine and the colors seemed to swirl around. I forgot what I was so mad about.

My mouth opened and I could literally feel all the words on my tongue. I was going to tell him about everything.

Just then, Mr. Russo came into the room, grumbling about car troubles. I happily tore my eyes from Shane's and attempted to focus my attention on our teacher.

What had just happened?! A panicked feeling flared in my stomach and I felt like I was choking for air. Shane Walsh had nearly made me tell him about the things I vowed never to speak of again.

What was wrong with me?!

More importantly, what was wrong with him? Why did he care? And what the heck had he tried to pull? Was it just his hypnotizing eyes? Or were more evil forces at work?

I decided I didn't care. I would just keep my distance from him. There was something very, very off about him and I had had it with danger.

But despite my constant attempts to drive Shane from my mind, I found that he and his intentions were all I could think about. I tried to figure out why he almost seemed to follow me around, if not with his body, then with his eyes. I was all too aware of how disinteresting and plain I was. It seemed unlikely that my nonexistent beauty had him captivated. It was surely something else. Knowing that it involved me, it was definitely something more sinister.

Then a thought came to my mind and I couldn't force it away. Shane Walsh knew something about me. Or he wanted to find something out about me for some unknown reason. It seemed all too convenient that he'd just happened to sit at my lunch-table and that he'd just happened by my car, asking for a ride. A normal person wouldn't become suddenly and inexplicably fascinated with someone else before they barely got a chance to know them.

Part of me told myself I was being paranoid. Another part of me was hopping up and down, flailing her arms and screaming at me to run. Whatever he knew or wanted to know, it couldn't be good. Experience told me so.

I glanced at him and saw that he was still gazing at me with a peculiar expression on his face. I sucked in some air and flicked my eyes away. For the first time in a long time, I felt afraid. All of those months after they left me I had been numb and cut off. Nothing scared me, not even death, because I already had the worst thing in the world happen to me.

But now, for almost no reason at all, I was petrified. And, because some sparks of intuition had gone off within, I was suspicious. There was also the little tiny fact that I was burning with curiosity. I knew with every fiber in my being something big and something bad was coming my way. And I also knew Shane Walsh had something to do with it.

I decided then that I was going to get to the bottom of this. I was going to figure out as much as I could about Shane, and fast.

I wanted to know why he was so perceptive. I wanted to know what he was doing here in Forks. I wanted to know why he acted so bizarrely. I wanted to know why he thought I was so interesting. And most importantly, I wanted to know what he wanted from me.