Gomenasai! I was planning to get this out earlier, but I didn't have any internet. Well, welcome to chapter 4, everyone! (I don't know why, but my hands shook when I wrote this.)I tried to limit spelling mistakes like always.

Oh yeah, about the length of this story… It might be a MONSTER FIC!!!! I've never written one of those before… (Definition of a monster fic: over 10 chapters) Cool! For all who like this story… It shall go on!!!

Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish.

Yes, still no Chii or Tomoyo, but Chii may come in at the end. Don't worry, not a love thing or anything, I just need her for the plot. But I won't give away any more of the story! And the name of the chapter… well, I don't want to give anything away, but don't worry! No one dies!

Iku-chan (New nickname)

After It All

Chapter 4: Things Worse Than Death

"Fai," said Kurogane, placing his hands on the blonde's shoulders. "Listen to me. I don't hate you just because you killed someone. I killed a lot of people."

"I'm tired," said Fai, looking up at Kurogane.

He was nearly sitting on Kurogane's lap, his hands on Kurogane's knees, his eyes drowsy and his face was truly and honestly tired. Fai curled Kurogane's baggy black shirt in his fists. He surrendered suddenly and pulled his hands from Kurogane and looked up to see his face. Kurogane was looking down at him lightly. Kurogane placed a hand on Fai's face as he looked up at him wide eyed.

"Then sleep," said Kurogane, letting Fai sink down back onto the bed.

Kurogane looked away, letting Fai a minute of peace. After a couple minutes Kurogane looked back, feeling a hand tug on his pants. The blonde was turned towards him, sleeping with one of his hands grasping Kurogane's pant leg. Kurogane brushed a stray lock of golden hair off his face and stared at him almost fondly.

He was very unsure of his feelings for the magician. One moment he was happy, one moment he was drinking Kurogane's blood, one moment he was showing Kurogane the scars Ashura left on his body, and the next moment he was sleeping like a baby. Kurogane looked down at his immobile body. His blonde hair hung over his closed eye and Kurogane could see his chest rise and fall with every shallow breath he took.

It was strange. He wielded amazing amounts of magical power, yet he couldn't save himself from turning into a vampire. And it was also strange, because he didn't act like the vampires of legends. He slept quite a lot, maybe that was just because of his magic, he could see himself in the mirror and he could eat regular food. He was just a person. A person with a thirst for blood. Kurogane shook his head.

The night lived on until morning.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Kurogane…"

Those were the first words Fai spoke when he awoke. He sat up and rubbed his eyes before his vision came into focus. Beside him was Kurogane, sleeping sitting up, his eyes closed and his head lolled off to one side. Fai smiled and threw his arms around the ninja.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Yelled Kurogane, his personality coming into play at his rude (Well, maybe not that rude) awakening.

"I can't help it, Kurogane," said Fai, grinning. "You're so cute when you sleep!"

"I'm not cute," growled Kurogane, but didn't make any effort to pry Fai's arms from his neck.

"But anyways," sad Fai, looking at Kurogane with post-sleep drowsiness. "Thank you for looking after me last night."

"Whatever," said Kurogane, looking away.

Fai smiled and got up, throwing new clothes over his arm as he closed the bathroom door. Kurogane sighed and got up, rubbing his face tiredly. God, yesterday was way too much. Kurogane changed quickly into a fresh black t-shirt and jeans and made the bed. He could still smell the faint scent of the magician, a smell of sweat and blood and the vague scent of shampoo.

Kurogane didn't know what to say. The words didn't quite sink in until now, but… Ashura had abused Fai? Why? What were their terms? Friends? Father and son? Lovers? Enemies? And what could have been so bad about killing Ashura? And why did he act so different around Kurogane?

He'd have to ask the mage later. But one of the questions really stood out in his mind. Maybe it was just because he was jealous. Was Ashura Fai's father? An abusive father? Or a friend? Or an enemy that kept him locked up just to hurt him? The door opened slowly to the bathroom. Fai excited and dumped his clothes in the bin and looked at Kurogane, who was sitting on the bed, deep in thought of what to say to Fai. Fai plopped down next to him.

"What's wrong?" Asked Fai, staring at the clock. It was seven thirty, and Syaoran and Mokona probably weren't up yet.

"Was Ashura your father?" Asked Kurogane.

"No."

"Your friend?"

"No." Fai's voice was definite on this one.

"An enemy?"

"Kurogane, he was the king of my country. I don't think he would be an enemy." This time there was a trace of laughter in his voice. The laughter Kurogane yearned to hear again.

"Were you to lovers?" Kurogane looked away slightly at this one.

This time Fai's voice was hurt. Kurogane looked up at him as he told the absolute truth for once in his life.

"Yes," said Fai, his voice shaking and cold. "H-He loved me."

"B-But the bruises…" Kurogane was just as nervous.

"I don't want to tell you all of that," said Fai honestly. "He was very rough with me. Sometimes more than others. It all depended on what mood he was. Sometimes he actually used a knife on my stomach, but usually he just used his nails or his fists. But we did… the usual things lovers do also… But he was also rough with that to. But I… I had to put up with it. I had to. He was very powerful and he said that he would take away my soul if I didn't obey him."

"Take away your soul?!" Asked Kurogane, alarmed.

Kurogane wasn't as knowledgeable in these subjects as Fai was.

"Sometimes," said Fai, looking deep into those pools of red that were Kurogane's eyes. "There is punishment worse than death. That is one of them. But when I was with him, I sometimes wished for death. But that was when I was weak."

Worse than death. Yes, there were such things worse than death. Death was a quick escape for the suffering, the starving, those in pain and those who wished for it. If you wish for death you are truly weak. People with strength live on. People with strength die when it's their time.

"He was one of those people," said Fai. "One of the people who yearn to see people in pain. The people that like to see the blood on their fingers to prove they really are that powerful. The people who enjoy the tears, the bruises, the scars… and they call what they do love."

Fai trailed off. He looked up at Kurogane. Kurogane was looking down at him. So… Ashura was his lover. For a while anyway. Until Fai killed him and now he was here. He was here with Kurogane. Kurogane pulled Fai to stand, standing as well.

"That's not love," said Kurogane defiantly.

It was weird to hear the antisocial ninja talk about love, let alone the mask-wearing magician. In the short time of a day he had opened his heart out to Kurogane, shattering his mask and leaving him helpless and void of any defense.

"I know," said Fai. "He was lying to me. I know that no one loves me."

Fai looked up at Kurogane. Kurogane looked down at him. They stayed like that for a while until Kurogane pushed Fai's head into his chest and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"That's not true," said Kurogane.

"It's not?"

"The white pork bun loves you," said Kurogane, running a strand of Fai's hair through his fingers. "I'm sure the princess loves you. And that Chii girl," Kurogane trailed off.

"Kurogane?" Asked Fai, looking up at him. "Do you love me?"

Kurogane honestly didn't know what to say.

Hyuu! Cliffhanger! Review please! I need Ideas for the next chapterIf you want any particular character in, tell me, okay? This one was pretty long. Yay!

Oh yeah, some thank yous…. –Phantom-Angel-89… You reviewed on every single chapter! I hope you like this one. And kenarbes for your great advice. (And that's all the reviews I have up 'till now. That's pretty sad.)