Chapter 4
I feel my heart drop to my feet but at the same time I feel like someone slugged me in the stomach hard. Before I'm able to react, I hear both Tracy and Steve shriek, "No."
This was when they decide to divide and conquer. I feel Tracy push me into the chair while Steve grabs Miller by the arm and basically drags her out by the arm.
But not before landing one last blow per se, "You left her. You hurt her. Leave her alone. She's already done better than you."
I can't help but close my eyes. God my heart like it was breaking off piece by piece. I just set my elbows on my knees and drop my head to my hands. I can feel Tracy's hand on my shoulder and I could hear her dragging the other chair next to mine.
This has turned from my very worst dream to a horror show.
I manage to mumble to Tracy, "Please don't tell me you guys didn't call me up here knowing full well Gail had a girlfriend? Steve could of fucking mentioned that little fact to me when he picked me up at the airport."
I hear Tracy softly say, "Holly look at me."
It takes me a minute to look up. I guess I'm trying to prepare myself for whatever Tracy was going to say. I still can't make myself look at her in the eye. So I just pick up my head and look straight ahead. I don't want her to see the pain in my eyes. At the moment I feel completely betrayed. I thought they were my friends too. Who knows maybe they just took the opportunity to get some revenge for Gail. I don't know.
Tracy moves her hand from shoulder to my leg and says, "Holly, Hannah Miller and Gail went out on two so called dates. The first one was just to get her mother off her back. Since she found out what happened between you guys she changed her tactic. Instead of setting her up with high profile eligible bachelors she switched to women. Elaine could care less who Gail was attracted to. All she cared about was the who. Gail when out with her to dinner but she didn't have her heart in it. I asked her the next day how it went and she said it was pretty bad. Apparently, Miller is basically a snob. She also comes from a law enforcement dynasty and that's why Elaine set the date. Elaine hoped and to tell you the truth is hoping that things work out between them because she wants to be the Chief of Police. And she could use their support."
I'm finally able to take a deep breath and open my eyes. I thank God and or the universe for the explanation. It felt like I couldn't breathe again. I had no idea I was going to be able to function if I didn't at least get a chance to make things right. But it's not like it surprises me. Elaine is Elaine and I'm sure I'll be seeing her soon enough. But I can deal with her. But as far as Miller that's a whole other story. I know my love is absolutely gorgeous but for heaven's sake it was one date. Women also need to take no for a fucking answer.
I finally look at Tracy and mumble, "What about the second date?"
"Well you couldn't really call it a second date. Basically Gail met her for coffee and told her that she wasn't interested. Of course Miller didn't take it well. She kind of went off on Gail. Calling her a looser, a cold-blooded bitch and so on so forth. Saying that now she understood why you had left her. But to Gail's credit she just walked away and it might have ended there if it wasn't for Elaine." Tracy says as she looks away from.
That bitch. Who the hell does she thing she is? Her family might be prominent or whatever but that doesn't give her the right to hurt my Gail. And even though I know Gail would of never gave away that her stupid tirade hurt her. I know it did. I know that Gail might have a hard-outer shell but I know she's a sweet sensitive soul. What makes it worse is that the bitch used me walking away from her to hurt her. Now I'm mad. I wouldn't mind "running into her again."
"Tracy just say it. What did Elaine do?" I ask angrily knowing full well that whatever Tracy is going to say is probably not what I'm going to want to hear. While in the back of my mind I begin to plot how to get rid of Miller's body.
Tracy just sighs and says, "Elaine got her transferred to our precinct and now she basically stalks Gail. If Gail is at the Penny so is Miller. If Gail goes to a different bar trying to avoid her she magically appears. She's tried going to the frat house but there's always one of the boys with her. They just say no and slam the door in her face. They're worried about her you know. Gail thinks that Elaine has her low jacked somehow. But none of us have been able to figure it out. It's not her cell because now she just has a burner phone and even then, she switches them out often."
"So let me get this straight. A Toronto police officer is being stalked by another Toronto police officer and nobody does anything?" I say angrily.
Tracy just sighs and says, "We're working on it Holly. We just haven't figured out how the hell she's finding out were Gail goes. We need proof. Oliver refuses to partner them up. Elaine and even Bill have tried to pressure him into putting them together but they've had no luck. Oliver has told both Steve and I that they can fire him if they want but that he wasn't going to risk Gail."
I can't help but smile a little. Oliver. I think Oliver is more of a father to Gail than Bill ever has been.
"Now what happens if psycho bitch comes back wanting to see Gail?" I ask nervously. I don't want her anywhere near Gail or me for that matter.
Tracy just smiles and says, "Well that's up to you. You're Gail's emergency contact. So you get to restrict who has access to her. Specially right now since she still in ICU."
Finally, some good news. I can't help but sigh in relief and say, "Ok, so nobody gets in unless I say so. I don't care if it's her parents. Nobody gets in here but Steve, Dov, Chris, Oliver, Chloe and you. Even then they will have to take turns. One at a time until at least she makes it out of ICU. But keep Miller the hell away from here because if she barges in again things are going to get bad."
"Relax Holly. Well keep her away from here. Having said that Elaine and or Bill should be making an appearance soon." Tracy says
I frown and ask, "And you would know that how?"
"Because Elaine has her spies. By now she should know that Gail had to be taken back for emergency surgery again. She has to appear to care about her daughter. Appearances are what matter to her." Tracy says
Before I can say anything, the doctor walks into the room. As he reads the chart he asks, "I'm looking for Dr. Holly Stewart?"
I jump up and say that's me. I don't even notice Tracy do the same. My heart is pounding so hard. I swallow the lump in my throat and nervously ask, "I'm Dr. Stewart, how is she?"
"I think she's going to be fine. We found the two bleeders that were the problem and she tolerated the anesthesia better this time around but she had to be intubated. She's in recovery right now. We'll keep her intubated and sedated for a couple of days to see how she does. But if she remains stable we will begin to wean her off the sedatives and take the tube out so that she can breathe on her own. We know she's not the best patient so that's why we are keeping her sedated. We want to give her body a little time to heal.," the doctor says.
The tears had started a minute after the doctor started but now I can feel myself grin for the first time since I got Steve's call. I hug Tracy for all I'm worth and hear her say into my shoulder, "See I told you she's strong and stubborn."
I just chuckle and walk over to the doctor to shake his hand and thank him. He just smiles and says, "She should be back in a couple hours. We just want to make sure she's stable before we bring her back down."
I nod and as the doctor leaves Steve walks back in. He immediately asks, "Well what did the doctor say?"
"They caught the two bleeders that they had missed and that she's going to remain sedated and intubated a few days to give her time for her body to heal. Apparently, her reputation of hating hospitals precedes her.," I grin
Steve breaks out in a grin and a fist bump. He grins, "Of course she's going to be okay. That's my little sister. As she says, how can we ever live without her special brand of wit and sarcasm."
"This is great news. I'm going to the waiting room to tell everybody that she's going to pull through and make a few phone calls." Tracy says as she walks out of the room.
I just sit back down and just sigh in relief. My love is going to make it. I can't help but think how lucky I've been. I might get a second chance. I know her friends and her journal seem to tell me that she loves me but I'm not going to believe till I hear it from her.
I'm snapped out of my thoughts by none and only Elaine Peck barking out, "Why are you here?"
Again Steve puts himself between me and my advisory and tells his mother, "Mom I called to give you an update on her condition. Why are you here?"
I stand up and respond angrily, "I can ask you the same question. She's been here for two days now and this is the first time I see you."
"As Steven has said I've been getting reports on her condition. Besides I'm her mother. I belong here and you don't. You abandoned her to pursue your career. And what gave you the right to forcibly remove one of our finest officers? She cares about my daughter. She's a good match for her." Elaine says as she crosses her arms.
Steve pleads with his mother, "Mom just leave please. I'll call you with updates. This isn't the place to have this conversation."
Fuck, I don't think I'm going to keep my temper now. I say angrily, "There will never be a place to have this conversation. Gail has the right to choose who she loves, not you. As far as finest officers please. A good officer wouldn't be stalking someone. Gail has a right to choose who she has a relationship with. And I have every right to be here. I'm her emergency contact. I'm here because I love her and I want to be with her if she'll have me."
Elaine says flippantly, "Gail has always had bad judgment. Hannah wants her. She'll be a better partner for Gail. They both have the same job. They understand the risks. You and Gail would never work. If you loved her, you wouldn't have left her in the first place. You don't even live in the same city. You're driven. You're brilliant. Career driven. You'll just end up hurting her again. You should just leave. We'll take care of her."
That did it. I can't help but ball my fists and more or less yell, "Get out! When Gail wakes up and if she wants to see you then someone will call so you can come! In the meantime just stay away from here and tell your pet to stay the hell away too!"
I guess I raised my voice enough to get Steve to grab his mother by the arm like he did with Miller and drag her out of the room. I could hear them having an ugly exchange but all I could do is be relieved that she's gone. I know Gail wouldn't want to see her anyways.
Just as I was about sit down again and read some more they wheeled her back. I tried to stay out of the way while they settled her into the room. I couldn't wait for them to finish. All I wanted was to be able to touch her again. To talk to her.
As they finished one of the nurse says, "If there's any problem just press the call button. We'll be in and out taking her vitals and administering the medication ordered."
All I can do is nod. The only thing I can think about is just holding her hand. Kissing her forehead. I reach out and take her hand in mine and I lean in and kiss her forehead while whispering, "You're doing so good, my love. Fight sweetheart. I'll be here when you wake up. I'll never leave you again. I promise. I never stopped loving you love. I was just scared too. I just couldn't stop thinking about you. You made me fall so fast."
I kiss her left hand and while still holding her hand I drag my chair to the side of her bed. I put her journal on my lap and sigh. This is going to take time and I'm more than willing to wait. I just want to make her better and fix both of our mistakes. But I have to be realistic. What if she's seeing someone else? Gail could be seeing someone without anyone knowing. Gail doesn't exactly open up about her feelings. I mean look at her she can have her pick.
I squeeze her hand and open her journal again. I mean if she's seeing someone else she'd probably mention it somewhere here. As I flip through the journal an entry catches my attention.
H-
I went out on a date and it was a total disaster. I knew it was going to be. It just felt wrong because all I wanted was to be with you. I went on the stupid date so that I could get Elaine off my back. All through the stupid date all I could do is compare her to you. At the end of the letting her down easy date at the coffee shop she basically said what I already knew. The Ice Queen strikes again. When she said that I'm not worth it and that's why you left I believed it. I know that you're probably better off without me but that doesn't change the way I feel. I wish I had told you how I felt sooner. Maybe things would have been different.
All I know is that I miss you and love you. You made me better. And right now I really wish my heart was really cold as stone. Because my heart right now it just aches for you.
-G
Below that she wrote:
Cold as Stone by Lady Antebellum
I wish I was cold as stone,
Then I wouldn't feel a thing.
I wish I didn't have this heart,
Then I wouldn't know the sting of the rain.
I could stand strong and still,
Watching you walk away.
I wouldn't hurt like this,
Or feel so all alone.
I wish I was cold as stone.
Almost turned around in Mississippi,
Pulled over on the shoulder along the way.
Thought by now, I'd be fine
But all these tears are blurring every line.
And I think back to when you were mine.
I wish I was cold as stone,
Then I wouldn't feel a thing.
I wish I didn't have this heart,
Then I wouldn't know the sting of the rain.
I could stand on my own
Letting your memory fade
I wouldn't hurt like this,
Or feel so all alone.
I wish I was cold as stone.
Yeah, it's gonna take forever to get over you.
Oh, and I don't think this pain's gonna go away.
Oh, scars left when it's said and done remain.
I wish I was cold as stone.
I wish I was cold as stone.
I wish I was cold as stone,
Then I wouldn't feel a thing.
I wish I didn't have this heart,
Then I wouldn't know the sting of the rain.
I could stand strong and still,
Watching you walk away.
I wouldn't hurt like this,
Or feel so all alone.
I wish I was cold as stone.
I wish I was cold as stone.
God this is just breaking my heart again. I begin to whisper, "You're not cold. You're far from cold. You have such a beautiful heart. I'm so lucky to have found you. I'm so sorry to have hurt you. I knew I made a mistake the minute I got on the plane. I should have never have left. Love I was missing you as much as you were missing me. Just get better so that we can fix it and be together. Please."
