Tiniest Notion

My dad passed away when I was eight years old. He was a famous musician and a great father. Before he died he was in a coma from a car accident. My mom decided to pull the plug on him after hearing he was non responsive. I hated her back then for her decision and some part of me still does.

After he died I didn't know what to do, how to feel, or who to blame. Aiden told me he heard that if you went somewhere really high, people in heaven can hear you. The next day after he told me that I walked to a park used for hiking my dad use to take me to, it has the perfect view of L.A. I found a rock and sat on it for hours waiting for some divine moment. When nothing happened I just started talking. I talked to him about mom, Kyla, Aiden and Jessica. After I told him about my day and all the stuff in between… I told him I missed him. I told him how I still wait in bed every morning believing that at any second he would walk in and tickle me out of bed. That I started playing on his guitar and mom hates it. I told him I hate mom because she killed him and I could picture him telling me not to think that way. Then I cried… I cried for what seemed like the millionth time. When I finished I said goodbye and then I headed back home only to return the next day. This is how I spent every night for the next nine years and how I'm spending tonight.

I pull up in my normal parking spot and get out of the car. It's cold so I take my camouflage jacket with me. I walk up the hiking path until I reach the top of it, find my rock, and sit on it. Before I open my mouth to speak I hear a noise. I look around to try to find the source of it and that's when I see her. It's almost sundown and I doubt she is a hiker because they never come this late. She walks to the edge of the cliff we are on and just stands there. I start to wander if she is going to jump, if I'm about to witness her demise. Anyone else would have probably spoken to her and asked what she was doing but I was curious about her intentions. She would stop what she was about to do if I talked to her and since I'm not sure what that is I wait. I gaze at her features, but not like checking her out just trying to commit her to memory. She has blond hair and she is wearing jeans and a black hoodie. I can't tell much about her because her back is towards me now. I'm brought out of my thoughts by the sound of feet moving. I realize she has moved closer to the edge and I think its time I say something.

"It won't kill you" she continues to stare ahead of her. I make my way closer to her but she doesn't move. "It's not that high up; you'll probably end up in a hell of a lot of pain though". She still doesn't say anything and I'm almost standing next to her. "I'm Ashley", she finally looks at me when I say that. I extend my hand to her but she turns on her heels and leaves going back the same way she came in. A part of me wants to follow her but the other part doesn't care. I walk back to my rock and sit down cross legged. "Hey dad", I say looking towards the sky. "How's it going?" I can hear him say he's fine and ask how I am. "I'm okay dad, I can't complain. Well I can but what would that do." In my head I can hear his laughter and ask how everyone is. "Kyla is fine, she's just like mom. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing yet. Mom is the same, she asked me to eat breakfast with her today which was different. Aiden is still in love with Kyla, he tried out for football for her. It didn't go too well, he got pummeled. Then there is Jesse…" I pause as I think about my best friend and girlfriend. My dad always loved Jessica; he said she was the type of girl people write love songs about. He treated her like she was his daughter and she loved that. I think she cried almost as much as me when he passed. "Dad I love her so much that sometimes I think I might die from it. When I think about her its like I know I found my better half." My dad asks about how she is doing with her father. "He's still hurting her and it hurts that I can't do anything about it." I continue on talking to him and asking for advice. Some hours pass by and before I know it its eleven o clock. I get up and say goodbye to my dad. Before I leave I can hear him tell me that these visits aren't healthy. My words to him are the same ones I always tell him when he says that, "I know dad".