The Same Deep Water As you
Chapter 4
A/N; this chapter was really hard for me, and I apologize if it is not so good. I promise you that it will get better.
And for those who keep reading my story, thank you so much. And please keep reviewing it. That means everything to me.
Peyton widened her eyes when she saw the brown haired guy standing in front of her and Lucas.
He stared at her and smiled. 'The door was open..'
Then he looked at Lucas and stuck out his hand. Lucas didn't shake it. 'I'm sorry, who are you?' 'Oh, my bad. I'm Jess. Peyton's boyfriend.'
Lucas turned around to Peyton. Her jaw had dropped and she couldn't bring out a word. Jess dropped his bags and walked up to Peyton. He pressed a kiss on her forehead and looked at how she was staring at Lucas. 'Am I interrupting something?'
Peyton was brought out of her thoughts and was glaring at Lucas. 'No, we are done. Right, Lucas?!' Lucas looked how Jess pulled her closer to him and walked away from them.
Peyton was just as surprised as Lucas to see Jess. What was he doing here?
When she couldn't see Lucas anymore she pulled away from Jess' embrace. She looked up at him with an angry expression. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'
Jess gazed into her eyes. 'I came back.' He smiled innocent. 'I came to Oak Land because I wanted to see you. But then Gwen told me that you and your dad moved to this place. So I packed my bags and now I'm here.' Peyton shook her head. 'Yeah, I can see that.' 'What's wrong, Peyton? Aren't you glad to see me?' he asked and looked at her the way he used to. There was something in his eyes that could always make her heart melt. 'Of course I am, Jess', she said involuntary. A big smile appeared on Jess' face. 'But where have you been all these days?' Peyton asked. 'I tried to call you, but you never picked up your phone.' 'I know. I was meaning to call you back.' 'Really? Because it didn't seem like it.' Jess bowed his head down, but then looked up again. 'I'm here now, aren't I? That's gotta count for something. What else do you want?' Peyton walked towards the living room. 'Explanations maybe? Like, where'd you go? And why did you leave me without a warning?' He sighed. 'You know how I am, Peyton. When I get scared I run. That's what I do.' Peyton looked away, obviously offended. 'Did I scare you?' 'No!' Jess quickly said and grabbed her arms. He turned her around so he could look into her eyes. 'You did not scare me. I just never imagined that I would love someone as much as I love you. And that scared me.' 'That's a lame excuse, Jess, and you know it.' 'Peyton, please. I love you, and I need you back in my life.' Peyton pulled back and rubbed her eyes. 'You cannot say that.' 'Why not, Peyt? It's the truth.' 'You cannot say that, because I started a new life. I accepted that you weren't in it anymore. I finally have my life back together again.' Jess looked pained. 'Does this has something to do with that guy you were talking to earlier?' She remained silent. 'Do you love him?' Peyton groaned. 'I - It's not about him. It's about you.' 'No, it's about us. Peyton I know that what I did was wrong. But I am standing here begging you to take me back. Please, Peyton. Take me back.'
A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked into Jess' eyes and searched for the boy she once loved so much. Her feelings for him were still there, but she wasn't sure if she should allow it to fully come back. But when she gazed into his darkbrown eyes she saw that he was remorseful for his actions. She saw that his regret was genuine. She carefully stepped closer to him and. allowed his hands around her waist. He leaned in and without a second thought he pressed his lips against hers.
Lucas slammed the door closed behind him. There was a mixed feeling of anger and jealousy inside of him. He rubbed his eyes. The words:"Jess - Peyton's boyfriend", were running through his head, it was driving him crazy. He plopped himself down on the couch. Keith walked in. 'I thought I heard you come in.' Then he saw the angry expression in his son's eyes. 'What happened? Where is Peyton?' Lucas scoffed. 'She's at home, with her boyfriend. The guy she supposedly broke up with.' 'Oh..' Keith took him to the kitchen and gave him something to drink. He rubbed his eyes. 'Her boyfriend, huh?' Lucas nodded angrily. 'I just don't get it, Keith! She told Brooke and Haley that she broke up with this 'Jess-guy'. I was right there when she said it! And now all of the sudden he decides to take her back, and she does nothing.' Keith sighed. 'I don't know what is going on between them, but the truth is, neither do you. You have got to give her the chance to let this sink in before she talks to you.' Lucas sighed and played with the glass of water in his hands. 'I don't think we will be doing muchtalking anyways. I practically told her that I hated her.' Keith raised an eyebrow, as only he could do. 'Yeah, yeah, don't even say it. I know it was a stupid thing to do.' 'Hey, I'm not saying anything.' Lucas looked up to his father. He hated it when Keith did that. When he stayed out of it and let Lucas do all the talking. He sighed. 'One minute we were in my room and everything was fine, and then the next minute everything gets out of hand. I go away for like two seconds, and she starts snooping around in my room. When I come back I see her holding my photo album. You know, the one with all of Danneel's pictures in it.' Keith looked into his son's eyes, and saw that this was hard for him to talk about. 'I asked her what she was doing with it, and then she said that I was being obsessive over Danneel. Just like that.' 'I'm sure she didn't say it like that. Or at least, didn't mean it like that.' 'It doesn't matter. That's how I interpret it at that moment.' 'What did you do then?' Lucas looked away, seemingly ashamed of what he was about to say. 'Well, she told me that she wanted to help me, but I told her that I didn't need her telling me how I should run my life, especially because she had only been her for a month. And then I told her that she was definitely not the person I thought she was.' 'Did you mean it?' He shook his head. 'Of course not. I just wanted to hurt her, Keith. And a part of me still wants to.' There was a brief silent, and Keith Scott wondered if what he was about to say would break his son's heart. 'Lucas, you know I love you, right?' Lucas looked at him and nodded confused. 'Then please listen to me. Really listen.' He looked into his eyes to see if he saw some kind of response there. 'Me and your mom were worried this was going to happen.' 'What are you talking about, Keith?' 'Peyton is not the only one that is worried about you, Luke. Your mom.. she just don't gets what is happening to you. And your not talking to us.' Lucas didn't response. 'You used to be so different. So happy, where'd that go?' 'It probably went away when Danneel died.' Keith shook his head. 'See, I don't believe that, Lucas. It is still there. What you used to feel, happiness, it is still there. It's just harder to find. But every now and then, your mom and I catch a glimpse of the person you used to be. And you wanna know something? We see it when you're around Peyton.'
Jess was upstairs unpacking his stuff, which gave Peyton the time to think this all over. What had just happened? She swore to herself that if he came back, she wouldn't forgive him. Or at least, not as quick and easily as she did now. And how could she? He left her, it was just as simple and endlessly complicated as that.
'Babe?' Peyton looked up at him sadly. Jess could read the exhaustion in her eyes, and the only thing he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her. But she wouldn't let him. Not yet. 'Hey, Peyton, what's wrong?' She smiled softly. 'Nothing. I was just daydreaming.' Jess smiled back. 'Listen, I have some more stuff to unpack, but after that I would be glad to spend the rest of the day with you.' Peyton sighed. 'I um.. I actually thought you'd need more time to finish unpacking, so I made plans with Haley', she lied. She just couldn't be there anymore. She was too tired to act like she truly and completely forgave him. 'Oh, that's okay', he replied, somewhat disappointed. 'Then I'm just gonna go..' He pressed a kiss on her forehead and disappeard. Peyton took the car keys from her nightstand and walked down the stairs to get to her car.
'Hey, Peyton', Haley greeted surprised when she saw the girl standing in front of her. 'What's up?' 'Nothing. Just wanted to drop by.' Peyton smiled softly. She tried to hide the sadness in her eyes by, well, simply not looking at Haley. 'Peyton, are you okay?' she asked. Haley's hand gently landed on Peyton's shoulder, and she tried to get Peyton to look at her. Peyton squeezed her eyes closed, and when she opened them again a single tear rolled out of it. 'I'm sorry, I should go.' She turned around again because she was embarresed for dumping all of her problems on her. Haley followed her and stopped her. In the time she'd known her, she had seen Peyton as a strong, independent, self-confident girl. And now her eyes were red and puffy and tears were streaming down her face, she looked so helpless. 'Hey, what's wrong, Peyton?' she asked concerned. Peyton looked up to Haley. She tried to stop the tears and shook her head. 'Okay, come on. Let's go inside.' Haley put her arms around Peyton and brought her back inside.
'Peyton, you have to talk to me. Please tell me what is going on with you.' Peyton wiped away a tear and shrugged careless. 'It's stupid.' 'It's not if it makes you this upset. Did something bad happen to you?' Peyton sighed. 'Not exactly, I think. I don't know.' 'Okay..' 'Jess came back.' Haley spread her eyes in shock. 'Jess, as in your former boyfriend.' Peyton looked away, and squeezed her eyes. 'Well, actually he's still my boyfriend', she said carefully. 'I sort of "forgot" to break up with him.' Haley scowls at her. 'How could you forget that?!' 'I told you, Jess left. He left before we could officially split up. I just sort of assumed we broke up because he never called me. And he never returned my calls. And I sure wasn't going to leave a pathetic break-up on his answering machine!' 'And now he's back.' Peyton nodded. 'And you just took him back, just like that?' Peyton gave her a 'please don't start - I'm too tired' kinda look. 'I'm sorry, Peyton. But I'm just saying what I think. When you told us about Jess, I didn't even have to ask if you ever wanted him back, because the fire in your eyes explained enough. What changed, Peyton?' She shrugged sadly and ran a hand through her curly blonde hair. 'I just had a huge fight with Lucas, and then there was Jess who really seemed to regret everything he had done.' She sighed helplessly. 'I still do love Jess, Haley. I don't know why, but I do.' 'Whoa, wait. You and Luke were fighting? Why?' She chuckled lightly. 'Why do you think?' Haley looked away. Danneel. It was always Danneel. 'I was in his room and I was snooping around and I found a photo album, which clearly was a tribute to Danneel. And I said that I thought that it wasn't healthy that he was holding onto her for so long. And please believe me, I honestly wanted to help him. But obviously he got really mad. His exact words were "You are not the kind of person I thought you were".' 'Oh God, Peyton. I'm so sorry. I told him a few weeks ago the exact same thing, and I should've warned you.' 'It's okay. I understand him.' 'But still, that doesn't give him the right to say that', Haley argued. 'I'll go talk to him.' Haley got up and headed for the door, but Peyton pulled her back. 'Please don't', Peyton said, and a single tear slipped from her eye. Haley saw the begging look in her eyes, and instead of Peyton grabbing her by her shoulders, Haley now put her arms out and pulled her into an embrace.
'So what are you going to do now, Peyton?' Haley asked. They were both lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. Peyton shrugged. 'I guess I'm going home.' Haley sat up. 'And what are you going to do about Jess?' 'I'm gonna talk to him, and pray that I will find the boy I once fell madly in love with.' Haley smiled and pats her on her back. 'Good luck, girly.'
When Peyton got home, Jess was waiting for her with a romantic candle-lit dinner planned. 'Jess what is this?' she asked while she slowly sat down at the other side of the table. He only smiled and took her hand. To her surprise she didn't pull it back, and looked deeply into his eyes. 'I know I screwed up with you. And you are about the only girl that would give me a second chance, but here we are, and you're giving me one. And I promise that I will do anything to keep you close to me.' Peyton bowed her head down for a second, but when she looked up, there was a big smile on her face. Jess took that as a good sign and laughed. 'So check it out, I even cooked you dinner.' 'Jess, you shouldn't have.' 'I know, but I wanted to show that I've changed.' Peyton chuckled. 'But seriously Jess, you shouldn't have. I mean, the last time you cooked someone dinner, they ended up in the hospital. I don't want to be there any time soon.' Jess smiled, reminiscing of better days. 'It's okay, babe', she quickly said when she saw the distracted expression in his eyes. 'You're calling me "babe" again. That's good, right?' She looked down when she realised what she called him, and shrugged. Jess lifted up her chin and smiled softly. 'It's okay, Peyton. I won't hurt you anymore.' She nodded hesitatingly.
As the night wore on, things started to get easier. Peyton and Jess were talking about there old friends in Oak Land, and everyting seemed to be fine. At some times Jess tried to talk about the time he went away, but Peyton kept changing the subject, so he stopped trying.
'..And do you remember when it was snowing heavily outside, I think we never had that much snow ever. And you and I were the only ones who were crazy enough to go outside, because you wanted to make snow angels.' Peyton chuckled. 'Yeah, I remember. But as I recall, you didn't mind lying in the snow with me.' Jess shrugged and smiled playfully. 'I just wanted to be with you. Didn't matter where we were.' Peyton smiled, and thought that being that night with Jess seemed familiar. 'Plus, I had a good excuse for holding you close that night.' She frowned. 'Did you need an excuse for that?' 'Nope, not exactly', he laughed. 'You liked it when I was holding you. You said that I made you feel safe, and that you wished that I would never let you go.' 'And yet you did', she said under her breath. Jess' smile dropped. 'I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't mean to say that.' 'It's okay, I deserved it.' Peyton threw back her head in frustration. 'This ain't going to be easy, is it?' Jess smiled and took her hand again. Then he gazed softly into her eyes, like he used to when he tried to comfort her. 'Do you love me?' Peyton didn't want to show that she wasn't sure and answered him right away. 'Of course I do.' 'Then it will get easier. You just have to believe in us.'
Brooke approached Lucas, who was sitting at an empty table, far away from her and Haley, Jake and Nathan. As soon as he saw her coming he turned around and started to walk away. Brooke grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. She looked at him, confusion was written all over her face.
'Aargh, Brooke. Please, not now', he groaned and pulled away. Brooke grinned. 'Uh-uh, now!' She pulled him back to the table he was sitting on five minutes earlier. When she looked at him she suddenly seemed worried. 'What is going on, Lucas? You don't want to sit with me and Peyton, and the others. You are obviously avoiding Peyton. Why?' Lucas sighed, surprised she didn't hear the news already. 'Peyton didn't tell you?' Brooke shook her head in confusion. 'We had a fight.' Brooke widened her eyes. 'Why? What did you do?' Lucas scoffed. 'What did I do?' 'Yeah, what did you do!' Brooke fired back, obviously taking Peyton's side, even if she didn't know what happened. 'I didn't do anything, okay! Peyton said that I was being obsessive over Danneel, and I told her that she didn't have the right to say it.' Brooke bowed down her head. 'I don't believe that', she mumbled. Lucas shook his head. 'Of course you wouldn't.' 'Lucas, what really happened? The whole truth?' At that moment, when Lucas motioned to speak, Peyton and a brown haired guy walked through the doors. Lucas pointed at them. 'That happened.' Brooke turned around to see the guy Peyton was holding hands with. They were both smiling, but even from there she could see that Peyton was tightening her grip on his hands, and that she was wearing a nervous smile. Then she turned back to Lucas. 'He's cute!' she smirked. 'Brooke!' Lucas exclaimed angry. 'I'm sorry! Jeez!' She noticed the sadness in Lucas' eyes. 'Who is he?' Lucas smiled sarcastically. 'Jess.' Her jaw dropped which caused Lucas to smile for a moment. 'Is that him?' she asked, not believing him. He nodded. 'What is he doing here?' 'He came back two days ago. And apparently, they are still together. Peyton never broke up with him.' Brooke was speechless. She couldn't blame it on Peyton though, because Jess was a total fox!
She kept staring at him until Lucas tapped her on her shoulders. 'Go. Go meet him.' Brooke shook her head. 'No, first I want to know what happened.'
Lucas sighed. 'We were working on the assignment..' Brooke gave him a look. 'No, seriously, we were. But then I went to get something to drink for us, and she started snooping around in my room, and she found some pictures of Danneel.' Brooke squeezed her lips together. 'I asked her what she was doing. And she said that she thought it would be best if I put away some of those pictures, because they were only hurting me, instead of helping me. Then I got mad, told her she didn't have the right..yadayadayada.. and she drove away, I followed her, but bumped into Jessie-boy over there. When he told me he was her boyfriend, I turned around and drove away.' Brooke awakened from her thoughts. 'That is all? Nothing more!' she said sarcastically. Lucas nodded sadly. 'I'm sorry, Luke. Have you tried talking to her? I mean, do you want to talk to her.' Lucas crossed his arms. 'Of course I do. I want to tell her that I didn't mean it like that. I was overwhelmed, and it was stupid of me to react like that. And that I was overwhelmed by Jess, too.' 'So? Don't tell me that, tell her.' She motioned to Peyton. 'Give me some time, okay?' Brooke nodded and pats him on his shoulder. 'Talk to you later?' He smiled. 'Sure thing.'
Brooke walked back to the table that now Jess and Peyton joined. She forced herself to smile when Peyton saw her. 'Hey, Brooke. I want you to meet someone.' She pointed at Jess. 'This is Jess.' Brooke smiled. 'So, this is that jerk that left you and never called? Oh, hey. I'm Brooke.' She stuck out her hand. 'Brooke!' Peyton pushed away her hand. 'Don't do this, okay? I forgave him. It's okay now.' 'Really? Because there is a boy over there who doesn't understand it, and to be honest with you, I don't understand you, either.' 'Well, it's my decision.' Brooke threw back her head in defeat and sat down. She sighed. 'Okay, I'm sorry.' She turned to Jess. 'Hi, I'm Brooke. You're Jess, right?' He smiled and shook her hand. 'Yeah, that's right. And you're Brooke. Peyton told me a lot of things about you.' Then he looked at Haley. 'About you, too.' Haley smiled embarresedly at Peyton. 'Only good things I hope.' 'Oh, yeah. Definitely.' Nathan studied him. 'Do you play basketball?' Jess shrugged. 'A little bit', he said humble. 'What are you talking about, Jess. You totally suck at basketball.' 'Hey, I really improved.' The group started laughing.
When the bell rang, they all stood up and gathered there things. Brooke and Haley walked away to their next class, Jess and Peyton followed. Jake and Nathan walked to the gym.
Brooke stared at Haley. 'What is it, Brooke?' Haley said when she noticed it. 'Nothing? I just can't believe that you're all being so nice to Jess after Peyton told us what he did', she replied amazed. 'How do you do that?' 'Peyton came by, and she told me that Jess came back. I could tell that she wasn't sure if she should forgive him or not. But then she said that she did love him. And she also told me to be nice to him when she would bring him to school, for her sake.' Brooke groaned. 'Do we have to. I mean, he's cute and all, but have you seen how much it is killing Luke?'
Lucas walked into the gym and saw Jake and Nathan shooting hoops. He forcefully smiled and walked up to them. Jake nudged Nathan, and looked at Lucas. 'Hey, Luke. We missed you earlier.' Lucas scoffed. 'Please..' 'I assume you met Peyton's boyfriend?' Jake asked carefully. Lucas nodded. 'Yep. He's here. What are you gonna do about it, right?' 'Right..' Jake and Nathan shared a look. 'This must really suck for you', Jake said. 'I mean, I thought you and Peyton were almost.. you know?' 'What do you mean?' 'Well, you were together almost every day.' 'That was for school. Not because we wanted to.' Nathan threw away the ball he was holding. 'Luke, please cut the crap! I heard everything from Haley. You screwed up, and you know it. But please, don't just stand here and feel sorry for yourself!' 'Shut up, Nate. You don't know what you're talking about!' 'Okay, fine. Then feel sorry for yourself. But please don't do it here, not when I'm around.' Lucas approached him quickly. 'Well, what do you want me to do!' 'I don't know? Are you sorry for what you did?' Lucas didn't response, but his eyes said enough. 'Then tell her that. It could be the best thing for you.' 'Or the worst thing!' Nathan grinned widely. 'One or the other. But you need to talk to her.' Lucas looked away. 'Why do you even care?' he exclaimed. 'Because, you're my brother. I hate to see you suffering. Plus, when you feel sorry for yourself, you play like crap. And I can't have that, and the other guys on the team can't, either.' Unwillingly a small smile appeared upon his face.
When Lucas walked out of the gym, he saw Peyton coming his way. He noticed that Jess wasn't anywhere near. Carefully he stepped up to her. Peyton groaned.
'Can I talk to you, please?' She shrugged. 'Are you going to tell me how I'm not the person you thought I was', she threw back, and walked away. 'Okay, I know I shouldn't have said that. But I just blurted it out.' Peyton stopped and faced Lucas. 'You know, that didn't even hurt the most. You thinking that I didn't want to help you, that I actually was trying to hurt you, that is what hurt me the most!' she said. Lucas sighed, regret clearly visible in his eyes. 'It's just that before you came to town, I sort of forgot about Danneel. Of course not entirely, but.. When you came here, you immediately started about her, and everything came back. And every time I look at you, I see something that Danneel had too. Integrity. And I guess I blamed you for reminding me of her, and then asking me to forget about her again.' 'I never asked you to do that!' she fired back. 'I know, and I'm sorry that I interpret it that way. I see now that you were only trying to help me.' Peyton rubbed her arms and sighed. 'It's just so hard to reach you sometimes, Lucas. It seems that every time you're with me you close yourself off. Or at least, when it comes to her.' There was a brief silent. 'I didn't mean to hurt you, Peyton.' She sighed. 'I'm just so tired of it all, Lucas. Before I moved here, my life was simple. I figured out how I was suppose to live my life. But it seems that every time I'm around you, every plan I made, alters.' Lucas rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, I tend to have that effect on people..' 'You don't have to be', she said softly. 'I want to help you, Lucas. But you have to let me.' Lucas hestitated. 'I'm trying, Peyton. That's all I can give you right now.' Peyton smiled relieved. 'That's all I need.' They kept staring at each other for a long time, just like they did the first time they met. When Lucas instantly felt that connection he had with her. And he was sure that she felt it, too. Lucas motioned to speak up about all the things he felt, but Peyton was the first to talk. 'We're cool now, right?' Lucas smiled and nodded. 'Good, because I really have to go now. Jess is waiting for me in his car.' She walked away. 'Oh, right. Um.. Peyton?' She turned around again and smiled. 'What's up?' she asked. She looked into his eyes, and hoped that he would say the one thing she was still waiting for. And that after that she could admit her feelings for him. Feelings that had to be buried because of Danneel, and now because of Jess. She smiled at him and saw him hesitating. And he was, he was wondering if he should tell her about those feelings he had felt for a really long time. Those feelings that scared him, but at the same time made him feel.. alive again. He shook his head, but sent her a small smile. 'I hope you are happy with Jess.'
Peyton bowed down her head in disappointment. With every word he just said her heart broke a little bit.
But she put on a brave face and smiled. 'Thanks.'
Then as soon as she turned around again, the tears came running down her cheeks. As soon as her feet could carry her, she walked out of the school.
"Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend.
But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've saved someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."
Maybe in this chapter, well at least at the beginning, Peyton seemed like she really liked Jess being there, but I will make some major changes when it comes to the Luke/Peyton/Jess triangle next chapter.
I can't keep telling you how much it means to have you reviewing my story. I really like knowing what you think of the story, and if you have suggestions or maybe improvements? So, please review my story. And if you really like the story you can tell other people about it.
Next; Will Peyton and Lucas admit their feelings for each other, or will she keep hiding with Jess?
