I'm curious how long it takes other authors to write out a good few thousand words. This took me so long because I spend most of the time thinking and thinking, and I started this in the morning, and now it's night, and it's not even that many words which is a little discouraging and makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.

But yes, here we go.

Post: June 3, 2017 (11:41 pm)

Edit: June 4, 2017 (9:31 pm) - I honestly should edit my work before I post it but I get carried away with just wanting to PUT IT OUT THERE ALREADY. Minor things changed, mostly my inability to use grammar.


The bruises that littered her body were a damn shame. It was not uncommon for a shinobi to be marked, to have at least one battle mark on their body that ached from violence, but hers were numerous and constant and self-inflicted. He'd told her to seek out a medic, to let them heal her, that was their job, that was her job as a shinobi – to be fit for missions at all time when possible – but she'd stubbornly refused. He wondered if that wasn't his own doing, if perhaps he had missed the mark when he spoke words of encouragement to her. He had told her to be resolute in her self – was this its bitter fruit?

"I'm just not as good as they are. That's why I'm training so that one day, I can be equally skilled." She said, engaging in a conversation they brushed by so many times previously, neither knowing whether to delve deeper. Tonight was different. Her eyes were half-moons in the wash of reflected light.

"Your lack of skill is less from lack of technique and more from lack of drive. You hesitate far too much. You must steel yourself from hesitation to make yourself strong. When you fail to attack, it is not your skills that prevent you, it is your resolve."

"And what is my resolve for?" She responded. "To kill? To harm? That is merely means to an end. What do I value enough that I could harm without hesitation, without asking myself if what I do causes more good than harm."

"Yourself." He said coolly. His naturally cool-tone has taken on an icy edge, whether intentional or not she wasn't sure.

A calm breeze ruffled the ends of her hair so that they flew behind her, causing her to look down at her lap and tuck her chin down. She felt exposed. Her legs splayed out to her side, each bent at sharp angle.

"I am not the centre of the world."

"You should be the centre of your world… at least a centre. The others have managed, we all have. That is how we live. You are too afraid to wound, to offend. Do you value yourself so little?" His dark eyes held her pale ones, and she found herself immobile under his intense gaze. It made her uncomfortable to look away.

"There has never been anyone to value me any more than I do myself." She declared softly, one-part flaring in indignation, one-part resentful at him and his judgment, and one-part drowning in the ocean of herself.


The dull ache against her skull never seemed to leave her these days. It had become a constant companion that left her feeling unfocused and agitated. The days were sluggish in their passing even as Hinata felt that hour melted into hour from dawn to dusk, and when she lay in bed at night, she could not properly grasp where the day had gone or what she had accomplished.

Kiba had urged her to visit a medic outside of the compound for a second opinion, but Hinata had not seriously entertained the idea until Shino began to voice the same suggestion. She knew that Kiba meant well but he had a tendency towards the dramatic and rash whereas Shino rarely told her to do anything unless he deemed it necessary and important. Being bedridden at the hospital as he was, Hinata decided she would make an appointment with one of the doctors and go see Shino all in one visit. It made the idea of a formal medical examination somehow more palatable.

"Wait here." She was led to a bland room with only an examination table and a counter-top holding various medical instruments. Stains and dark streaks dirtied the light-beige walls Hinata noticed once she sat facing the back end of the room, the wall only a step away from her face.

She sat there twiddling her thumbs, chipping away the red lacquer on her nails that Ino had brushed on weeks ago. Looking at the worn state of the paint, she wished that she hadn't conceded so easily to Ino's request. As soon as the first crack had shown up, the red polish had been nothing but highlight how dirty and unkept Hinata's nails were. But Ino has been persistent and immune to reason, and they didn't know each other well enough for Hinata to protest further without feeling rude, although Ino seemed too comfortable crossing that threshold. The only times Hinata ever saw Ino were at the Konoha 12 gathering. All she had to do was get through that night. Giving in had been too easy.

The minutes ticked by in the examination room and soon, Hinata began to wonder how much longer she should wait before just leaving. After a few minutes' consideration, she opened the door to the hallway, and stuck her head outside slowly. There was no one to be seen. Hesitantly, Hinata contemplated if how viable an option it would be to depart while no one was around – but what would happen when they eventually got around to her room and she wasn't inside? Perhaps she could briefly tell a nurse that she had to go. She hadn't known the doctor would be so late to the appointment.

By this time, it was too late. A squeaking of plastic wheels, like those connected to wheelchair, could be heard reverberating in the connected hallway. It sounded like it was coming Hinata's way. But rather than a doctor, a small dark-haired woman appeared who seemed to be steering the front end of a mobile bed. It took a second before Hinata realized it was Shizune, the Hokage's assistant, because her back was to Hinata and she walked with backward steps down the hall. A great number of medical stands were simultaneously being pushed alongside the patient, which each held a bag of various IV fluid.

As for the patient himself, where he was not covered with the thin hospital blanket, he was covered in bandages. And where he was not covered in bandages, he was covered in scratches and scabs and wounds that were trying to heal. Hinata internally cringed – he must have experienced a tremendous amount of pain.

"Hinata!" A voice boomed out followed by a much shriller echo.

Startled, she locked eyes with a seemingly agitated Tsunade who appeared around the bend of the corridor as the patient bed was pushed closer to where she stood. At the head end of the bed was a man dressed fully in black. He was likely an ANBU officer but his mask was off in that moment to reveal a lightly tanned face shrouded by locks of brown hair that ended at the line of his prominent jaw.

"What are you doing here?" Hinata was thrown off by the tinge of accusation in the Hokage's voice.

"I have a doctor's appointment, Hokage-sama." She replied meekly, looking back into the room where she now wished she had stayed.

"Shizune!" The blonde woman turned her accusatory tone on her assistant.

"I was told no one was in the hall! Patients generally stay in their examination room!" Shizune said exasperatedly.

Hinata bit her lip and tried not to look as guilty as she felt. "I was just about to leave." She said unsteadily, unsure if she departing from the scene would be her best course of action.

"No, stay." The blonde yelled out sharply. "We'll figure out what to do with you after." After a moment's thought, she added, "You can help push the medical stands."

It was hard not to miss the flash of dark eyes from both Shizune and the ANBU but Tsunade ignored both. "Let's go."

The walk down the barren halls was excruciatingly silent for the poor kunoichi who desperately berated herself for straying from protocol and attempting to leave her room. This must be karmic retribution for not obeying orders. Why else would she find herself in this unbearably uncomfortable situation; being on the receiving end of multiple less-than-pleased glances from all three of her companions, the dark-haired female wished that she could magically fall down a hole in the ground that transported her to her bedroom. If only such transportation devices existed and were subject to her will.

The longer they all traversed through the hospital, the more isolated the area seem to be. While it appeared that care had been taken to vacate the hallways they passed through, it also did not escape Hinata's notice that they were traveling deeper and deeper to more secluded areas of the hospital that would rarely see people regardless. An involuntary shiver ran down her back. She knew that it was unlikely that Tsunade or Shizune would harm her in any manner, but she couldn't quite make herself feel safe. She wanted to speak out, and ask where exactly they were going and who was the patient, and what was going on, but Hinata was not bold – she knew this and kept her mouth shut.

Trying to be discrete, Hinata kept her head down and snuck glances at the patient. No identifying features could be discerned. The upper half of his head was wrapped in bandages that covered the expanse of his forehead down to the tip of his nose. Dried blood decorated the white coarse-thread gauze. His mouth was covered by an oxygen mask connected to a ventilator that Hinata wheeled in tandem to his mobile bed.

"Here," Shizune guided the foot of the patient bed into a care room at the beginning of the hallway that stemmed from a right turn. Hinata pushed the metal stands and tried to squeeze through the doorframe alongside the bed while the ANBU officer steered the front of the bed.

"Alright," Tsunade began as she followed into the room. "Install the security measures we discussed." She nodded to the ANBU who promptly bowed before disappearing.

"We can't afford to have any more damag-"

She was interrupted by a loud cough from Shizune who widened her eyes meaningfully before directing her gazes at Hinata pointedly.

The hokage breathed out an irritated sigh. "Well Shizune, since someone did not ensure the coast was clear as they were suppose to" – at this Shizune blushed though the corners of her lips tightened perceptibly – "then we have two options. The first would be to erase her memories. Make her an appointment with Ibiki. The second would be to resolve this breach of security by a solution that does not involved erasing her memories, likely meaning she could provide some value to us in this dilemma. Either way, her overhearing this conversation would not matter. It'll either be wiped from her mind or necessary for her involvement."

Shizune bristled. "We can't just involve her without consultation of other members. And it's more than likely that we have more qualified individuals under our command, individuals with more training whose involvement in these types of matters would be better suited for our needs."

It was one thing to acknowledge your own faults, but it adds a whole new sting when someone else verbalizes your general inability. She tried not to but Hinata could not help be feel a growing bud of resentment towards the black-haired apprentice.

A long silence followed as the Tsunade and Shizune stared at one another in a wordless battle of wills. It didn't take much before Shizune looked away with a grimace. Tsunade was her master in the end. She could offer her suggestions, but she could not sway her will if it was set. In her mind, the minimal benefits of initiating the Hyuuga into the current situation were all outweighed by the costs. And not just any Hyuuga, but the heiress to the clan! What makes Tsunade think the woman will keep her mouth shut and not spill classified information to her clan when she could stand to benefit enormously if she played her cards right.

"What is going on?" Hinata finally asked, spurred on by displeasure at Shizune's words.

Tsunade flashed a hard look at Shizune, as if to communicate the finality of her decision, before turning to HInata.

"Do you know who this is?" She gestured to the patient.

Hinata shook her head but a strong urge to nod prickled in her mind. All she had to go on was the shock of dark hair that stood out against the bland white and beige of the hospital but …

"Now Hinata, are you a shinobi?"

"O-Of course, Hokage-sama."

"And where does a shinobi's loyalty lie?"

"With their village and Hokage."

"Where do you loyalties lie?"

"With… my village and with you, Hokage-sama."

"And what about your clan?"

Hinata bristled. "What about my clan?"

"Would you bow to them before your village and your Hokage?"

Hinata felt at a loss for words. Her body was burning up with anxiety of being put on the spot and asked to defend her integrity as a shinobi. What could she say? Why was she being asked to make this decision? The thrum of her brain became a mess of panic and any coherence she could have mustered was lost in the buzz of chaos.

"I…"

"If you were privy to information where no harm would come to your clan should they not know, but great benefit could be had if they were told, would you keep your mission private for the sake of the village?" Tsunade expounded. "Would you let personal gain take priority over personal responsibility?"

"Of course not." Hinata responded. She would not believe herself to be that kind of person.

"Good. I take that as your acceptance to help us untangle this medical conundrum." The Hokage tilted her head lightly towards the patient.

"This is Uchiha Shishui. Less than a week ago, he was assigned on a classified mission to Sunagakure when his team was ambushed. The other two members of his squad were injured as well but are in comparatively better condition than him. He's sustained numerous injuries, a large number of them internal, which is difficult enough to heal on their own but we've managed to patch up what damage we could. Our biggest problem lies in his chakra network."

Ah, so that's why Tsunade needs her. There could be no rival for the Byakugan when it came to understanding the intricacies of a person's chakra flow. But Shizune was right, there are other members of her clan far more advanced in the manipulation and detection of chakra lines and committed to the art of healing. In comparison, Hinata had the knowledge of a child. Being able to see chakra networks did not automatically make her privy to anything other than observation. A person who sees without knowing cannot begin to understand.

It doesn't matter. She wouldn't question her Hokage, both out of fear and respect. She would look at her task as a challenge. If she could learn to do what is necessary and succeed in being utile, this could be an opportunity to gain her father's begrudging approval. He could not deny her.

"We're not quite sure what happened. A lot of the attack is a mystery, but something triggered his Sharingan to activate and remain active. It's draining his chakra and slowly killing him. We've tried to mitigate the tremendous strain that's being placed on his body by his Sharigan with a constant dose of chakra-enhancing fluid but it can only do so much. It's impeding the healing of his wounds, any chakra transferred to him by a medic is mostly siphoned off by his bloodline, and his eyes… he may blind after this is over. He may be blind already." Tsunade said grimly.

"Individuals from the Uchiha household have volunteered to comb through the medical journals of our libraries, and archives of their own which describe their bloodline. A few potential interventions have been identified but they all require delicate disruption and reintegration of his chakra pathways. We need your eyes, Hinata. "

The Huuyga nodded slowly. How could she refuse?

"Good, come back here tomorrow morning. I'll inform Fugaku of your presence. For now, you're free to go."

Automatically, Hinata felt her head bow and her feet move to transport her out of the room. Tightness seized her chest, and she walked out of the hospital room in an anxious daze.

She never did get to see someone about her headaches.


"What are you doing here?" He asked in that standard monotone voice that conveyed how little he cared about everything. She had always wondering if it was a practiced persona that he extruded, or if he was actually this uninterested by everything.

Hinata groaned silently. She was tired after that stressful encounter with the Hokage and wanted nothing more than to be left alone.

"I had an appointment." She said in a clipped tone. Politeness forced a ingenuous smile to her lips, but her avoidance of his gaze signalled that she would like to go.

"Where are you headed?" He probed.

"I don't know," she tried and failed to keep her tone light. "Going to get food."

"Hn."

"Do…you want to come?" Mentally, Hinata kicked herself. Courtesy was bred into her and the invitation was extended before rationality could dampen habits.

Sasuke looked at her in contemplation and Hinata wondered if there was any way for her to retract her invitation. She felt herself being weighed under his scrutiny and without permission, heat became to encroach on her neck and cheeks until her whole head was aflame in embarrassment. Just decline if you don't want to, Hinata grumbled internally.

"Sure." An uncharacteristic grin overtook his features, and Hinata could not stop the surge of pleasure she felt in the validation that he found her worthy of his time. In that same moment, she also couldn't help feeling burdened with the task of entertaining him through dinner when all she wanted to do was go home and rest.

"Okay well, I was thinking Ichiraku's." It would quick and mostly painless meal this way, she decided. Ichiraku's was the love-child of a traditional restaurant and a food stand. There were no courses, no side dishes, no distractions. Just a simple main meal and then a swift exit. He didn't say anything but Hinata somehow sensed he was less than pleased with her choice.

The walk there was done in tenuous silence, which had Hinata twisting her fingers together in discomfort. But as they entered the shack that housed Ichiraku, the boisterous sounds of conversation accompanied by the melody of chopsticks hitting dinner plates and the click of glass on glass dissolved the tension between them.

"Sasuke!" Ayame greeted enthusiastically and began to lead him to a countertop seat before noticing the shorter blue-haired girl behind him.

"Oh Hinata! I'll be right with you."

"Actually, she's with me. We'll grab a table please." Hinata frowned. She was not with him, if anything he was with her! It was her idea to come, not his. The confident cadence as he spoke stirred up jealousy in Hinata's chest. People rarely deferred to her as easily as they did with him but that couldn't be helped. Her timid nature did not make leadership natural for her, even when it came to commanding the attention of a waitress.

"Oh, sure. We'll set you up by the window." Ayame responded in a tone of confusion. Sasuke was a regular in the establishment but he was always accompanied by Naruto, sometimes with Sakura in tow, but she had rarely seen him with anyone else. It had initially made more sense to her that he came by himself.

Once Ayame finished taking each of their orders, Hinata began to worry. She had nothing to say to Sasuke and was not particularly skilled in making conversation. Worse still, he didn't seem inclined to bother trying to make conversation which meant the bulk of the responsibility for keeping up the pretense of normalcy for the next hour was left to her.

"So Sasuke, what did you do today?" She asked, fully aware of the mundane nature of her question.

"Trained." Was he trying to make this as difficult for her as possible?

"Oh, with Naruto and Sakura?"

"No, with my brother."

Uchiha Itachi. Of course. It was easy to forget the Uchiha clan's pride shinobi was also Sasuke's brother. The prodigious Uchiha was away on missions more often than not, but everyone knew who he was in the shinobi community. His name was praised in the halls of the Academy, and revered among chunin, jounin and even in ANBU.

The wave of admiration that followed Itachi wherever he went, whatever he did was abnormal to say the least. Prodigies within the clans were not as uncommon as people may believe. In the shinobi world, the weak were cut from life at a young age and in brutal manners. There was no room for the inadequate when you gambled your life in every enemy encounter. Nature worked its intentions swiftly and without mercy; it trimmed the ranks of soldiers like fat off a slab of beef, until all that remained were the lean and the strong. Individuals like her cousin, Neji, or Sasuke's brother, Itachi, were bred out by natural selection.

The tenuous life that she lived was not lost on her. Hinata knew that without the strong arms of her clan, she might never have lived to be as she is now. She was luckier than most.

"Will he be staying for long?" She asked politely.

Her expression was schooled into one of mild disinterest but her ears for keen for his answer. There was something about the mention of Itachi that brought her an unexplainable sense of comfort. Perhaps it was the notion that even Sasuke, one of the most skilled shinobi of the Konoha 12, paled in comparison to someone. She had watched him master technique after technique, move through fights with a masculine grace that the other members of their graduating class never seemed to muster, and it had made her spurn him from her mind. He needed to be brought back down to Earth. Itachi was her proof that in the realm of gods, he was still undeniable mortal. His faults were still fresh, and his abilities were lacking.

"Yes actually." Sasuke's eyes narrowed. He had too many encounters with girls who tried to pry information about Itachi out of him and the rigidity of his voice was instinctive.

But this was Hinata, with her large pale eyes, and blushing cheeks and finger twiddling, who spent too much time staring at his blonde-haired teammate and indiscreetly frequenting where Naruto frequented. Her intentions would be nothing if not innocent. And in all reality it would be more likely that she try to use him to gain Naruto's affections, not Itachi's, not that he could imagine her trying to use anyone. She was bumbling mess with her heart on her sleeve, and the truth on the tip of her tongue at all times. Being attractive did her no favours either. She was too mild to wield it as her weapon, yet undeniably enticing that she'd end up attracting all the wrong attention.

He remembered hearing about a butchered mission she'd been sent on two years ago. She'd hit the age limit that suddenly allowed for her to be assigned escort missions. Who the hell thought she'd be successful in that type of mission was beyond him. And who the hell let her go was another big mystery. He'd thought the Hyuuga clan was fairly traditional in their values of virtue but apparently someone thought that the heiress needed to add seduction in her arsenal of skills.

She couldn't get past initiating mild banter from what he'd heard. In fact, the target had actually been interested in her without any encouragement. He'd gotten himself piss-drunk at their inn and came knocking on her door in the middle of the night. That should have been her ideal scenario. Instead, she'd locked the door and begged him to go away. Sasuke didn't think he'd ever begged anyone for anything past his pre-academy days. However, the Huuyga had gotten her intel regardless. The man had apparently been drunk enough that even with her unseemly gestures of rejection he'd whispered her information from the other side of the door in an attempt to sway her to trust him and open her door. If nothing else, Hinata had the type of maidenly charm, which could make the men prone to desire the pure and virtuous fall at her feet.

"What will he be doing back in the village?" Her question brought him back to the present moment.

"I'm not sure. Meditate. At least, that's the only thing I've seen him do so far. "

"I'm sure he has his own plans. Free time in the village must be a luxury for him." Hinata commented.

"It's a luxury for many of us."

Surprisingly, she giggled. "Yes, that's true. But many of us aren't 'saviour of the leaf village' or 'stealer of hearts of fair maidens everywhere' and barraged with solicitations of affection the moment we step foot in the village."

Sasuke grinned. "You still remember that?"

"How could I forget? All the girls were obsessed with him after he saved that watermelon stand owner's daughter who had been abducted by those gang members. It's all I heard in the academy halls, the village streets." Hinata shuddered. "That was a slightly hellish year."

"You're telling me." Sasuke grimaced. "I was the one who had to deal with all those girls that stood by my house, waiting for him to come home. Some of them were bold enough to try peaking into his room."

Hinata's mouth dropped into an 'O'. "That's terrifying."

"You're only hearing about it. I lived it. And…"

Sasuke leaned in the slightest amount, as if he were about to divulge a hefty secret. Hinata found herself leaning in mimic. "It got worse. That's how they noticed me."

She couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped.

"Isn't that a bit too much ego you're showing there." She teased.

"It's not ego if it's true." He hissed back at her. "Believe me, I'd rather that I was making it up."

"Well I guess with Itachi out of the village so much, they had to find a suitable substitute. And the two of you do look pretty similar to each other." She half-joked while he glared at her.

"We don't look the same."

Ayame came back with both orders of ramen and gave Hinata a quick wink when she placed her bowl down. Taken aback, Hinata looked at her in horror. Oh, no, she couldn't possibly think that Hinata liked Sasuke. She swallowed heavily. That would be preposterous. Had Sasuke seen? She peered at him over the top of her ramen bowl but his face gave away nothing. Face heated up with a blush, she tilted her head down so her hair fell to shield her flaming face from the world as she began to chew her noodles. She refused to look directly at him for the rest of the meal.

After the two finished their supper, Ayame came back with a single check. Hinata balked upon seeing this and squeaked, "U-uh, separate bills please!" but Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly and made the move to pay for both.

"No." Hinata's hand slapped down on his in a frantic motion. "I invited you. You shouldn't have to pay for me."

Sasuke wondered if perhaps he'd been hanging around with Sakura for far too long that she was no longer a female in to him. When she touched him, he barely noticed but when Hinata's fingers firmly held his in place, he felt a certain contentment at the contact.

"It's easier this way. The bill's already here, and your meal wasn't that expensive. If you want to make it up to me, you can pay next time." He said.

Ayame snickered lightly before walking away with the bills Sasuke laid out for her, and Hinata felt the need to call Ayame back and explain the situation to her but said nothing.

"Fine." She responded tersely. "Next time I'm paying." A slight pout donned her features causing Sasuke to smirk in response as he confirmed, "Next time."


"I believe I could have said no. It would have been difficult, but I think I could have done it."

"Do you wish you had?" She asked him.

"I don't know."

"Are you who you think are?" She caressed his face, the way a mother touches her child but different.

"I'm not sure if I know who I am anymore." He admitted without emotion.

"That's because you've forsaken morality for obedience." Her lips are tight, and her hand comes to rest on his shoulder. He could feel the soft heat of her palms on the exposed skin of his collarbone.

"Are you judging me?" He asked, feeling more anxious than he's willing to show.

Her smile was forlorn. "How can I? I've struggled with it my whole life. Though I will say I may have given in to morality far more than you've chosen to. Sometimes I wished that I had not."

"How did it feel?" She asked.

"Like a normal kill, but with more thought."

"Is that why you made it so gruesome?" She wondered.

"I've thought about ripping out people's hearts before, watching it beat in my hand before I crushed it in my palm, dig my fingers into the muscle and watch it weep with red." She admitted. "It used to be part of an awful game I would play with myself. I'd force myself to imagine being the perpetrator of heinous acts that made my stomach queasy. I was trying to de-sensitize myself."

"I feel that's not what you're doing. You're trying to test your limits, am I right Itachi?"

He didn't respond. Only the flicker of his eyes acknowledged that she had spoken.

She lay down in the cool grass and closed her eyes to listen to the sounds of forest life at night.

"You could kill me." The barest of shivers ran down her body. "Why haven't you?"

She reached out for his hand, groping for it blindly in the air before he slid his fingers to intertwine with hers.

"What am I to you?"

He pulled her upright and leaned her against him so they sit back to chest. His solid arms surrounded her tiny body, all soft tissue to his hard muscles.

"You need me." Her eyes were closed but she opened them to push him to the ground, flat on his back.

"And what if I do?" He asked while she sidled up next to him and tucked herself by his side with his arm supporting her neck.

"What am I to you?" She asked again.

"A sister."

"No," she responded as she settled herself even more comfortable next to him, adjusting her position until she felt the most at ease for sleep. "Redemption."


I mentioned previously that I've never seen shippuden and so I don't really know much about Itachi's arc, but I started reading up on it and then hours in, I'm watching youtube videos analyzing how strong Itachi actually was. The bad part is that I feel like I've grossly misrepresented him in this fic, but at the same time, I feel like the characters we come to know in fanfictions are not necessarily the ones in the original medium. And I don't mean in a specific case, like this specific story. There are certain generalization or 'accepted facts' about characters that show up in numerous fanfictions because we all read each other's works and pick up things from one another that we liked, so a lot of times we'll see the same kind of characteristics or actions or quirks being chosen to define a Naruto character that deviates from the manga/anime character ever so slightly and eventually, it becomes a blown out defining feature of that person. So while I don't think that Itachi I've been writing is comparable to the one in the originals, I do think he's fairly consistent in the major ways with how Itachi is typically portrayed in fanfictions that I've read.

What do you guys think?