Note: Neal's revelation is actually something that I only just realized a little while ago, but it works so I used it. ;)


Chapter Four

Nearly motionless Peter sat on the edge of his bed with the envelope that Neal had given him held in his hands. It had been two days since he'd received the gift and he still didn't know if he wanted it or not, but at the same time he couldn't stop picking it up. He'd only ever fleetingly thought about his parents, any time they had come to mind in the past he had quickly pushed the thoughts away finding them to just be another source of pain that he couldn't change. Parents were meant to be guardians of the life they created and they hadn't even tried. Deep down he knew he was being unfair to them and that they hadn't really had a choice, but that fact didn't stop the pain of being abandoned to a life of slavery.

"This isn't me…" Peter said quietly staring at the envelope "this is a human that never existed."

Peter grit his teeth in a flash of rage at the uncaring Universe that had unfairly chosen him to be among the tiny minority condemned before they even got a chance at their first breath. Rather than claiming some sort of birth right Peter felt that the name simply represented the life he could have had. Nothing in his life would be the way it was now if he'd simply been born into the name, if he'd been born human. Becoming increasingly agitated Peter jumped up and quickly crossing over to the desk he angrily threw the unopened envelope into the small waste bin.

Suddenly breathing heavily Peter became lost in frustration and claustrophobia. The one remaining mark that was refusing to heal began to burn again even though it hadn't bothered him since Neal had cleaned it after the party as he paced the room. He still hadn't explained to Neal how difficult it was for him to be surrounded by four solid walls without any view to the outside world. When he was calm the room was fine, he even appreciated having his own space right up until the moment something triggered him and then it instantly transformed into a prison. Even if he wasn't welcome out in the world the Market had ingrained a need for him to be able to see it by making being cut off a harsh punishment. The lavish spare apartment was far nicer than any of holding rooms at the Market and Peter knew he could unlock the door, but even if he got down to the front door he wasn't safe to step past the threshold. As much as he was free of the Market right now they still had him trapped on all sides.

Reaching up to drag both of his hands through his hair Peter stopped when he caught sight of his ring. He was amazing by how quickly he had adapted to having it there. The first day it had felt heavy and awkward on his hand, by the next morning it was part of him, no more out of the place than the finger it was wrapped around. Calming down considerably Peter smiled at the symbolic band. The Market may have him pinned down, but they couldn't keep Elizabeth from loving him and they couldn't keep Neal from having seen through their lies.

Taking a deep breath Peter reminded himself that he needed to do better to not lose himself to the abusive conditioning that the Market had spent a life time searing into his psyche. He was in a better position now that he'd ever been in, but it was still difficult not to feel like he was sitting the eye of the storm just waiting for the more powerful back side of the hurricane to roll over him. Peter reminded himself that having friends to weather the storm with was going to make all the difference.

Deciding that what he needed right not was to not be alone with his thoughts Peter went to leave for Neal's side of the apartment. He still worried about over staying his welcome, but Neal always seemed to genuinely enjoy his company. It never really occurred to Peter that Neal was often just a lonely as he was, and when Neal felt isolated he didn't have a Market to despise for it, he always turned the blame himself.

Getting to the door Peter opened it, but hesitated to leave. Swearing under his breath Peter closed the door again and stalked back across the room to the desk. Bending down he retrieved the envelope and placed it next to his laptop. He still wasn't ready to lay claim to the name inside, but he was no longer ready to give up on it either. Peter knew that some of his anger towards the name lay in the fact that part of him feared that if he had been born human that there would have always been the chance that he could have ended up being some beaten down Animula's Master.

"I might not have even hated myself for it..."

Terrified by the dark through Peter shook it off and left the envelope behind on the desk. Learning his name didn't really mean giving up on being Animula, but for now it still felt somewhat like a betrayal to the others who hadn't managed to be even a fraction as free as he was right now. With Elizabeth back, the Market not knowing where he was, and a friend willing to protect and fight with him Peter didn't want to get too greedy too fast.

"I've fought hard for everything else, I'll find a way to earn what's in that envelope…some how."

With at least a goal in mind, if not an actual plan, Peter set off to find Neal. The door across the hallway was slightly open but Peter couldn't bring himself not to knock despite the fact that Neal told him time and time again that if the door was open he was automatically welcome. Knocking on the door he heard Neal inside telling him once again that he didn't need to knock.

Stepping through the door Peter automatically locked it behind himself, another habit he couldn't break. Whenever he had been with Elizabeth in her office or in their home they had always locked the door to make sure no one caught them being anything other than Animula and Mistress. Renner used to complain but Elizabeth use to explain that the locked door simply helped Peter concentrate and work better, which wasn't exactly a lie. Peter didn't like being locked in a room alone, but if he was going to let his guard down with a human he felt better if there was less threat of a third party walking in on the scene.

"You know the front door downstairs is lock, right?" Neal asked from his place at the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry." Peter turned around to unlock the door.

"No, don't worry about it. Leave it locked if if makes you feel better, I just wanted you to know that I don't let just anyone wander up the stairs."

"You let Mozzie wander up here."

"Touche." Neal chuckled. "How are your shoulders? Do you need me redress them?"

"No." Peter shook his head as he sat down across from Neal. "It's not bleeding anymore, another week or two and it will just be a scar."

"That really is amazing, I know it must not seem like it, but you heal so fast."

"Only when I'm well cared for."

"I don't like that wording." Neal wrinkled his nose in distaste. "I know you didn't mean anything by it, but it makes it sound like you're just an injured animal that I took in, like a pet."

"Isn't that basically what happened?"

"No…well, yes, but…" Neal said flustered.

"Relax, Neal, I'm just giving you a hard time." Peter smiled.

"Teasing me?" Neal chuckled in relief. "You have come a long way."

"Not as far as you have." Peter said warmly.

Neal smiled, but the expression quickly faded. Neal glanced down at the long list of inked codes in Peter's arm. Peter had only recently started to feel comfortable in the short sleeved t-shirt that left the marks exposed, but with Neal looking at them now Peter instantly became self conscious about them again. The code that Neal had done had long since healed and blended in perfectly with the others, much like the ring Peter felt like it belonged there now. Like when he had worn Elizabeth's code he felt it a small victory to end his list in an ally rather than an owner. Peter furrowed his brow at the sudden shadow that had fallen over Neal's face.

"Neal?"

"I'm so sorry for how I treated you at first, particularly the tattoo…I shouldn't have done that. Please forgive me."

"You really didn't have a choice. You had to be able to at least try and pass me off as your own if someone questioned us. You were just trying to protect me."

"No. I…" Neal hesitated, suddenly dropping eye contact.

"Neal?" Peter asked anxiously. "What's wrong?"

"I wasn't trying to protect you, Peter…I was conning you."

"What?"

"I could have just as easily used Cheng's code as my own, I was faking the papers anyways, I could have put the last code on your arm on them instead of forcing a new one on you. It wouldn't have made a difference since my name isn't in the Market database anyway."

"I didn't think of that."

"I did." Neal admitted guiltily. "I know that I told you at the time that I didn't think I had what it took to be a true 'Master' and I meant that, but I still wanted you to see me as your owner and I felt that a new tattoo would help with that more than just claiming the old one. I was trying to assert myself over you as a human by using the same basic psychology that the Market uses. I treated you like stolen property, and now that mark is there forever."

With his confession behind him Neal didn't look relieved, if anything he looked more miserable than Peter could remember ever seeing the usual light hearted human. Peter didn't respond right away, mostly because his initial reaction was a deep sense of anger and betrayal. The illegal hand inked tattoo had been a painful and degrading ordeal. He had technically agreed to it, but his only other choice at the time had been between death with Cheng or the even worse fate of being returned to the Market.

Neal looked up at Peter, seeking forgiveness even though he looked like he didn't feel like he deserved it. When Peter instantly broke eye contact Neal sighed heavily fearing that he'd just broken the friendship that had taken a great deal of trust to form beyond all hope of repair. Peter turned his arm over and stared at 'Nick Halden's' coded name as he thought over how much had change, not only between himself and Neal over the past month, but how much had changed in general. Neal had treated him poorly in those first few days, but he had changed quickly and dramatically. Peter couldn't really fault Neal for having started out ignorant. Other Masters had seen his humanity and none of them had stood by him and accepted it like Neal had, they had just gotten rid of him so they didn't have to face the fact that they had been monsters.

"Thank you for telling me the truth, Neal."

"It's been bothering me. Please believe me when I say you can't possibly hate me half as much as I hate myself right now."

"I don't hate you, Neal." Peter said honestly. "You saved my life, and my soul."

"Peter…"

"No matter your initial intentions, I'm still proud to wear your name." Peter interrupted. "As terrible as it sounds I'm proud of my entire list, it's part of who I am."

"It certainly proves you're a survivor and a defiant one at that."

"The Market can put as many names on me as they want, none of them ever managed to truly own me. I used to see it as a list of Master I had failed, but I realize now that it's a list of Masters who failed me."

"Does that failing include me?"

"As a Master? Absolutely. As a friend? Never."