Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure
Chapter 4: Goddamned Bats
Palutena and Robin continued to chase after the purple bat all the way up a mountain until they reached a cave where it flew into and disappeared, taking Robin's Levin Sword with it.
"Oh, great. A bat just took my Levin Sword. Now we have to waste some more time going through a cave." Robin muttered as he began to walk towards the dark cavern.
"Hey Roland, I bet if we yell into the cave, it'll yell back at us."
"Why are you going to waste your time doing-"
"I'M AN IDIOT!" Palutena shouted into the cave.
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" The cave shouted back.
"Well! This cave is rude!"
Robin rolled his eyes. "Look, I do not want to spend a lot of time here. Let us just get through this cave and get my Levin Sword and then we will-" Robin began to walk inside, but as soon as he took one step into the cave, some random battle music started up and the screen suddenly flashed into black. "What the?" The area then changed and a small blue bat appeared and let out a shrill cry.
A wild Zubat appeared!
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Palutena finally noticed the text box on the screen, and then she realized what was going on. She looked at Robin and put two-and-two together. "GO, RAYMOND!" Palutena shouted as she grabbed Robin and literally threw him into the battlefield.
Before Robin even knew what was happening, he found himself flying in the air and he landed on the ground face-first. After he got up and dusted himself off, a text box with four options appeared in front of him.
What will Robin do?
Robin looked at the four options which were 'Fight', 'Pokémon', 'Bag', and 'Run'. He really didn't want to waste any time fighting any goddamned bats, so he decided to select 'Run'.
Can't escape!
'Are you kidding me?! I cannot run from this tiny bat?!' Robin asked himself incredulously. He had no idea what 'Bag' did, so he decided to select it next.
You have no items!
'Well that is really good to know, text box!' Robin thought sarcastically. He looked at the other two options and just out of curiosity he selected 'Pokémon'.
You don't have any Pokémon, you imbecile! Now hurry up and select 'Fight' already!
Robin sighed in defeat. It looked like he had no choice but to fight the Zubat, so he selected 'Fight' and chose an attack.
Robin used Thunder!
Robin took out his tome and fired a small bolt of lightning at the Zubat. The attack connected with the bat and instantly defeated it, causing it to fall to the ground in defeat.
It's super effective! Wild Zubat fainted! Robin gained 2 Exp. points!
"Well, at least that is over. Hopefully we will not have to deal with a lot of these-" As soon as Robin took another step into the cave, the wild Pokémon battle theme started up and the screen flashed to black again. "I always speak too soon, do I?!"
Another wild Zubat appeared!
"GO, RAVEN!" Palutena shouted as she grabbed Robin and threw him into battle once again.
What will Robin do?
Robin sighed in defeat again. He knew he couldn't run away and the 'Pokémon' and 'Bag' options were useless, so he selected 'Fight' again.
Robin used Thunder!
Robin took out his tome and cast another bolt of lightning. Once again the attack instantly defeated the Zubat and it fell to the ground next to the other defeated Zubat.
It's super effective! Wild Zubat fainted! Robin gained 2 Exp. points!
"I swear if we run into one more bat, I am going to-" Robin took another step into the cave, and guess what? The Pokémon battle music started up again and he was thrown into battle again. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"
Another freakin' wild Zubat appeared!
"GO, RO-"
"I know, I know! You do not have to remind me!" Robin snapped as he walked into battle, grumbling in exasperation as the text box appeared in front of him.
What will Robin do?
'You know what I want to do? I want to strangle the person that is inside this text box!' Robin thought angrily. He was really starting to lose his patience with the fact that he had just encountered three bats in less than two minutes. He was not going to waste another second using Thunder on a weak little bat, so he selected 'Run', hoping that he would actually be able to escape this time.
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Got away safely!
Robin sighed in relief, and then began to run away from the Zubat. However, he wasn't able to get very far before Palutena stopped him.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I am running away so that we do not have to deal with that bat."
"Oh no, you're not! You're gonna go over there and fight that monster!" Palutena grabbed Robin and held him above her head, and he desperately struggled to free himself from her grasp.
"No! No! No! No! I am not fighting another bat!"
"Yes, you are!" Palutena snapped as she threw Robin back into the battle. He ended up landing hard on his back and his Thunder tome landed several feet away from his grasp. Robin tried to reach his hand out to grab his tome, but he couldn't even move his body off the ground.
Wild Zubat used Leech Life!
The wild Zubat quickly flew down to Robin and enclosed its mouth right on his face, wrapping its wings around his head as it began to suck his blood.
"AAAHHH! GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME!" Robin screamed as he got up and began to frantically run around the cave with the Zubat attached to his face. "PALUTENA! DO NOT JUST STAND THERE! HELP ME!"
"Okay." Palutena looked around the cave and spotted Robin's tome lying on the ground, and she quickly went over to it. "I'll save you, Rowan!" She picked up the tome and swung it right at Robin's face, sending him flying and slamming right into a wall. The Zubat let go of his face and flew away in fright. "I did it, Richard! I got rid of the bat!" The only response was a moan. "Ronald?" Palutena looked to see Robin leaning against the wall with his eyes all swirly and stars circling around his head. "Ronin, are you okay?"
"Y-Yes, I-I am alright! I see pretty lights! Pretty lights dancing all around me! S-So pretty!" Robin answered dazedly with a goofy smile, and Palutena shook his shoulders to snap him out of it. "H-Huh? Wh-What happened?"
"Uhh...I don't know."
"Of course you do not." Robin got up and took one step into the cave, but this time...nothing happened. He then took a couple more steps and there was no battle music or Zubats. "Oh, thank goodness. No more bats. Come on, Palutena. Let us just hurry up and find my Levin Sword and get out of here."
Palutena and Robin continued to walk down the dark cave, and it got darker the deeper they went. Eventually, it was so dark they couldn't even see what was in front of them.
"Roland, where are we? I can't see a thing!"
"I know, Palutena! You have been saying that for the past two minutes!" Robin sighed. "Is there some kind of torch or something that could help us see?" Suddenly, he felt something hit the back of his head. "Ow! Palutena, was that you?"
"Sorry, Rowan. I think I might of accidentally hit you with that large stick."
"How do you still have that?"
"I don't know."
"Well, you better stop messing around with..." Robin began, but then he thought of something. "Wait a minute. Palutena, give me that stick."
"Okay. Where are you?"
"I am right in front of you."
"Okay." Palutena turned around in the pitch black dark. "I can't see you, Raymond!"
"I know you cannot see me! Just reach your hand out and touch!"
"Okay." There was then some silence in the dark. "Augh! You feel so cold and hard, like a rock!"
"That is probably because you are touching a rock!" Robin shouted, and then he held his arm out in the dark. "Here, just hold your arm out and grab onto my hand when you can feel it."
"Okay." Palutena reached her arm out and blindly moved it around until she could feel Robin's hand and grabbed onto it. "I got it, Roland!"
"Great. Now give me the stick."
"Uhh...Ronald?"
"What is it?"
"...I don't have it."
"What do you mean you do not have it?"
"I think I might've dropped it on accident. I guess I'll have to just search for it."
"Oh, for Naga's sake! Why do you always have to make everything so difficult?!" Robin groaned in frustration. "You know what?! Forget about the stick! I will just use my Arcfire to light way." He took out a tome from his robe. "This better be Arcfire." Suddenly, a huge discharge of electricity shot out of the tome and completely engulfed Robin's body and lit up the whole room. He dropped the tome on the ground and he stood there, his eyes wide, hair completely frazzled, and his body glowing like a lightbulb.
"You did it, Richard! We can see now!"
"O-Or I guess Thunder could work as well..." Robin wheezed as he collapsed to the ground.
"Ruben, what happened to your hair? It's all...poofy."
"Now I know what it feels like to be a lightbulb." Robin muttered as he shook his head to make his hair go back to normal. He then noticed a small purple bat perched in the corner of the room. He quickly realized that it was the same bat from earlier and sure enough, it was looking over a shiny sword. "Hey! That is the bat that stole my Levin Sword!" Robin quickly got up and started to run towards the bat. "Hey, you! Give me my sword back!"
The purple bat and turned around to see Robin running towards it. It quickly flew up and let out an ear-piercing screech, causing sound waves to head towards him.
"Ronin, cover your ears!" Palutena warned as she covered her ears.
"You are not getting away with my-" Robin continued to run towards the bat when the sound waves hit him, causing him to become confused. His eyes became swirly again and he started stumbling around while the small bat flew away with his sword. "I-I am going to get you! C-Come back here, you stupid bat! I-I will get you with an...Arcthunder!" Robin shouted in a daze as he cast a Thunder spell towards Palutena, completely oblivious with the fact that she wasn't an enemy.
Palutena quickly dodged the electric attack and ran towards Robin. "Roland, snap out of it!"
"Th-Think you can resist the Thunder? Th-Then feel my...Elwind!" Robin casted a wind spell which threw him back and right into Palutena.
"Ronin, stop! You're hurting yourself!"
"Y-You will not escape my...Arcfire!" Robin moaned as he smacked himself in the head with his tome and ended up burning his face.
"Stop it, Raymond!" Palutena shouted as she slapped Robin across the face, causing him to snap back to his senses.
"Ow...why is my head spinning?" Robin asked as he put his hand on his head. He then put his hand down to his face and became confused when he felt ash. "And why is there ash on my face?"
"You were hurting yourself because you were confused. I tried to tell you to cover your ears, but you didn't listen to me."
"Those sound waves made me confused? Well, thank you for snapping me out of it. You know what, that was actually the smartest thing you have said so far."
"Uhh...what was? Oh, yeah! I like buttons!"
"And...you ruined it." Robin sighed. "Come on, let us just hurry up and find my Levin Sword...wherever it is."
"Oh, this is hopeless! We will never find my Levin Sword at this rate! We are pretty much just running around in circles and getting into battles with stupid bats and..."
"Raven, look! There's your crooked looking thing!" Palutena suddenly exclaimed as she pointed to somewhere.
Robin looked to where Palutena was pointing, and sure enough, there was the Levin Sword. It was stuck in a rock in the middle of a room. "The Levin Sword!" Robin was about to run into the room, but then stopped and turned to Palutena. "I am going to go in there and get my sword so we can finally get out of here. Just stay right here, and do not do anything stupid, okay?" He asked, and she nodded in understanding. "Good." He then started to head into the room.
As Robin started to make his way to the middle of the room, Palutena looked up and gasped silently when she saw something. "Roland, wait!"
"What is it now?!" Robin asked in slight irritation.
"Look!" Palutena whispered, pointing above his head.
Robin looked up and his eyes widened at what he saw. "Sweet mother of Grima..." The roof of the cave was completely covered in blue and purple, and they were thousands of Zubat sleeping, some of them looking bigger than others. "Oh, that is just great. Just what I needed." Robin grumbled. He was already annoyed that he had to deal with three of those goddamned bats, but now that he was in a room with practically hundreds of them, he couldn't possibly imagine what would happen if they all woke up. As quietly as he possibly could, Robin snuck to the middle of the room and to the Levin Sword. He put both of his hands on the handle and began to pull, but the sword wouldn't get out. He tried his absolute hardest to pull out the Levin Sword, but it wouldn't budge on bit.
"Hurry up, Ronald! Don't wake up the bats!"
"I am...trying! It...It is stuck!" Robin began to pull as hard as he possibly could, but he still couldn't get the Levin Sword out. "Palutena, could you please come over here and help me?"
"Okay!" Palutena almost shouted as she began to run into the room.
"Quietly!" Robin hissed. Palutena nodded and began to walk more slowly and quietly towards him . "My Levin Sword is...stuck. I do not know if I can...get it out...by myself."
"Let me try." Robin let Palutena try to pull out the Levin Sword, and she managed to pull it out of the rock effortlessly. However, as soon as she pulled out the sword, three small pebbles flew out of the crevice of the rock and began to fall towards the ground. Palutena and Robin watched in horror as the pebbles slowly descended to the ground as if it was in slow motion. They began to brace themselves for a loud crash that would wake up the bats, but the pebbles landed on the ground without making a sound. They then opened their eyes to see that nothing happened. "Well, that was anticlimatic. We got your sword now, Raymond. So let's just get out of here and..." Palutena began to walk away, but as soon as she took one step, a loud crashing sound rang through the entire room.
The entire roof of the cavern came to life with every single Zubat lifting their heads up to look for the cause of the noise that disturbed their slumber, and right in the middle of it lay a large purple bat with several large blue bats surrounding it, who woke up with a start. The bats all flew off the roof of the cave and completely surrounded Palutena and Robin.
"You! You dare disturb our slumber?!" The giant Crobat asked angrily, and the several Golbat flew even closer to them.
Palutena looked at Robin with slight concern. "Should we start running now?"
"Just give me the Levin Sword, and then we will run." Robin whispered.
"Okay." Palutena gave Robin the Levin Sword and they quickly darted out of the room.
"Get them!" The Crobat commanded and all of its Zubat and Golbat minions began to chase after the intruders.
"Roland, which way are we going?" Palutena asked as her and Robin began to run down a narrow corridor.
"I do not know! Stop asking questions every time we run!" Robin yelled. The swarm of bats were right on their tail, and some Zubat even went in to try to get them, but he quickly swatted them away with his Levin Sword. "Get back! Stay away! We have to find a way out of here before these bats get us!"
"Ruben, look! I think I see a light!"
Robin looked to see that they heading towards an opening of the cave with daylight shining through it. "Yes! An exit! Come on, Palutena! Head for the exit and whatever you do, do not stop running!" As the two of them continued to run towards the light, the Zubat swarm began to gain on them. "Come on, come on! We can make it!"
Suddenly, a Golbat flew towards the two of them. It went over to Robin and closed its gaping mouth into his arm, its fangs turning a dark purple as it did. Robin let out a yelp of pain as he felt the Golbat's fangs sink into his skin, and he also began to feel it inject some kind of substance into him with every suck of his blood. He desperately tried to pry it off, but it wouldn't let go. "Palutena! Get this vampire bat off of me!"
"Okay!" Palutena said as she started to pull at the Golbat rather roughly.
"Ow! Not so hard!"
"Sorry, Raymond!" With some great effort, Palutena finally managed to pry the Golbat off of Robin's arm and quickly threw it behind her.
The swarm of Zubat all stopped for a moment to look at the unconscious Golbat lying on the ground. They all became furious and flew even faster as Palutena and Robin continued to run for their lives.
"Come on, Raven! We can make it! We're almost to the light!"
"Yes. We are almost there..." Suddenly, Robin began to feel a little weak in his body. He felt like he could barely move his legs and his head started to feel a bit feverish. Robin suddenly collapsed to the ground as Palutena continued running.
Palutena quickly stopped and turned around and she saw Robin lying on the ground. "Roland, come on! Get up!"
"I...I do not think I can...get up...I am feeling...very...weak..." Robin moaned as his vision slowly started to fade.
"Don't worry, Richard. I'll help you." Palutena quickly went over and grabbed Robin off of the ground and carried him in her arms just as the swarm of Zubat continued to chase after her as she ran towards the light. Robin moaned as he rested his head against Palutena's chest, his eyes slowly starting to flutter shut. "Don't worry, Ronin. We're almost there. We'll figure out what's wrong with you as soon as we-" Palutena finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel, but completely stopped in her tracks when she saw that it was a dead end on the edge of a cliff. She then turned around to see the Zubat quickly heading right for them. "Oh, no! What do we do?!" Palutena asked frantically, and she realized that they really didn't have a choice. It was either jump or face the bats. Without any time to think, Palutena quickly took in a breath and jumped off the edge of the cliff just as the swarm of poisonous bats poured out of the cavern. She fell all the way down the cliff landed right into a thick brush of a forest down below.
The Zubat all looked around and they didn't see any signs of any intruders. They soon gave up and went back inside the cave.
Once there was nothing but silence in the sky, Palutena whispered to Robin. "Hey Roland, I think the bats are gone now." The only response was a low moan of pain. "Rowan?" Palutena looked at the source of the sound and gasped at what she saw. The sleeve of Robin's left arm was torn and there were small puncture marks on his arm, blood and some other strange substance leaking out. His eyes were closed and his face was pale, except for a deep purple blush that spread across his cheeks and he let out another moan. Palutena quickly realized that Robin was badly injured and that he needed help immediately.
"Oh, no. Raymond, you're hurt! I've gotta go get some medicine." Palutena gently put Robin down on a bed of grass, and he tilted his head and let out another low moan. "Don't worry, Richard. I'm gonna get help. You just stay right there, and I'll be right back."
