Chapter 4
Over the next few months, numerous letters were exchanged. There was an understanding that their correspondence be kept discreet and private. Whenever Anna is not visiting her family on her afternoons off, she goes to Ripon. They managed to meet almost every month, taking time to get to know each other, friendship gradually developing into a courtship but neither voiced the unspoken feelings they held for each other. Their hands would brush against each other as they walked in the park or along the canal; he longed to hold her hand or have her hand tucked under his arm, but he knows it is inappropriate and does not act upon it.
Each time Anna is in Ripon, John struggled to tell her about his past including his intention to divorce. In his stubbornness he wants to resolve it without her needing to know, although he realises that she is just as strong-willed as he is and that she will most likely be upset should she finds out unexpectedly rather than hear it from him. And his past is not just a failed marriage, he can't bear to think of the consequences of her turning her back on him when she finds out his other flaws.
Christmas is a week away. Anna will be spending her time at Downton as all the servants are, she had hoped she might have some time off to slip away to meet John to give him his present, but they are going be as busy as usual and time off is not going to be a possibility. She will have to post it and was a little upset at not being able to give John his gift personally, as she had wanted to see his expression when he opened it. Oh you are being quite silly, Anna. You'll see him soon enough. She had received a letter and package from him, she had read the letter that told her he would be in London and kept away the package in her room until Christmas, hopefully out of prying eyes.
John managed to arrange half a day off on Christmas Eve to make a visit to London to be with his mother on Christmas. He often felt guilty for not spending more time with her, considering her advanced age and being her only child. After years of giving her grief, he vowed to make the effort to spend Christmas with her this year and every year after.
Mrs Bates could not help but notice the change in her son - he has always been a worrier, brooder and a man of few words - he still is, to an extent, brooding, but there is a little spark of life in him from the last time she saw him, as he headed towards Downton to be Lord Grantham's valet. Someone or something has changed him, she is curious, she wondered if the thought of divorcing Vera was giving him renewed hope but she knows that is too simple an explanation. They had discussed the divorce and the required proof, she had reassured him that she supports his decision and in fact, she is making all the necessary inquiries on his behalf. Slowly, he opened up to her, when he let his guard dropped, her mother's instinct was proven when she hears the name 'Anna' spoken with such reverence and his eyes shone. As she listened to him, she learnt that this Anna is very much the opposite of her daughter-in-law, like chalk and cheese.
Things were beginning to look up for Bates, at least on the work-front; the initial one night a week at the inn has turned into six nights which resulted in him giving up the job at the public house, of which he was glad to, but he kept the job at Ink-blot during the days both for enjoyment and sentimental reasons. The owner of the inn was even considering to offer Bates the manager's position as the current manager wanted to move to Birmingham to be with his family - Bates was hopeful this will lead to better prospects. It will mean that he could move into the manager's residence, and perhaps...perhaps with the divorce... He was actually daring to hope - hope for a better life, a different life - he knows it is largely due to Anna who is the hope and light in his life.
The one dark shadow is the secret he is keeping from her. His mother's words last Christmas kept ringing in his ears, "Tell her John, it's no use keeping secrets." He knows what he must do, he knows, logically, one can't build a strong relationship by keeping secrets. But he does not seem to be in possession of any logic when it comes to his feelings for Anna. Despite his experiences and being aged-weary he has not known love like he loves Anna, being so vulnerable is a completely new experience for him, and he doesn't know what to do.
Towards the end of Spring, they saw the notice for a church fair in Downton and decided to meet there one evening. That is where John found himself this evening, standing in the fair-ground watching the fire-eater, looking lost, wondering if Anna was not able to come out or worse, if she changed her mind. John still found it very difficult to understand why Anna would even care for him the way she does, and at times like these his insecurities overtakes him.
He looked around at the crowd, trying to find a familiar face - he suddenly saw four, walking towards him. William, Gwen, Daisy hanging onto Thomas' arm. What is going on...?! he thought. Gwen saw him, waved and called out to him, "Mr Bates..."
"Hello" he replied.
Thomas, who did not want to spend any of his precious time with Mr Bates, nodded and steered Daisy away. William watched helplessly. "She'll come 'round, you'll see," Gwen tried to console him.
"So Mr Carson allowed all of you to come out to the fair?"
"Anna asked Mrs Hughes' permission and she agreed," Gwen explained.
"Is Anna here too?" he asked hopefully
"Oh, no, she's in bed with a cold. Mrs Hughes ordered her to bed and gave her some Beecham powder."
At least she wasn't avoiding me. "Well, don't let me keep you from enjoying your time - go on, have fun," he said, "and wish Anna well" he added hastily, in the best casual tone he could muster when he was concerned she was ill.
Anna was nearly asleep when Gwen returned from the fair. She brought up a dinner tray for Anna, she knew no one else would've thought of it. Anna did not realised how hungry she was and ate up her dinner as Gwen told her about the fair, gossiped about how hurt William was, and wondered why Daisy can't see how Thomas is using her to upset William. She also told Anna they saw Mrs Hughes with a man, whom Thomas claims is her 'fancy-man'. They giggled at that, especially when Mrs Hughes is so strict with all the housemaids about meeting up with boys.
Gwen cleared up the dinner tray, brought it down to the kitchen, made sure Anna was comfortably tucked in before she blew out the candles. She didn't mind looking after Anna, god knows Anna has always looked after her, watched out for her and even supported her ambition to be a secretary when she faced an angry Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes. She was just about to fall asleep herself when she suddenly remembered, "Anna, we met Mr Bates at the fair. I told him you had a cold and he wished you well. Anna, did you hear me? Anna, are you asleep?", there was no reply.
