Chapter 4: Their true feelings

"Love is like the sun; if you get too far, you'll freeze but if you get too close, you'll burn."

A pair of tired crimson red orbs was wide open in the dark large room. The only light visible was outside and being filtered by the several curtains placed on the windows, allowing the room into a dark and silent atmosphere. Niko was immobile while laid on the large queen-sized pink bed, her eyes wet and lips dry.

The young woman's hair was untied and in a mess. It being longer—reaching her hip while standing—didn't help as it was adding more into the vortex that was Yazawa Niko. Said woman was only clad in her underwear as she only had enough strength to strip while getting home but didn't find the will to wear any pajama.

It was almost dawn. A quick glance at the clock placed at the nearest wall was saying it was 4:00 AM, meaning that the ravenette has spent the whole night crying over her defeat. The bitterness of the events made her bit her bottom lip and she grabbed a nearby pillow before placing it on her face, allowing her to muffle a scream.

It was not the usual way of scream she was used to. That one was filled with sadness, defeat, sourness and despair. Never in her life has she thought she would be as depressed as this since their Mother passed away. It was two years prior but the memory was fresh in her mind.

"Niko… Promise me that you will always follow your dreams and will do everything you can for your beloved one. I might not have been the best Mother but I want you to be able to success where I failed. I want you to fall in love, to love someone and to be loved back, to be together with that person and seek for each other's happiness. I know that you can do that." There was a brief moment of silence as Ms. Yazawa let go of a sob and reached for her older daughter's hand. Niko, who was sitting on a pliable chair beside her mother's dying bed was silently crying and held the older woman's hand. "Kokoro, Kokoa and Kotaro are already old enough to take care of themselves so I will just ask you to occasionally have an eye on them. You have your own live as well after all." Another pause invaded the small room as the white-haired woman took a short breath. "Promise me that you will never forget who you really are."

The younger raven-haired woman sobbed twice before nodding bitterly. "Yes. I promise!" Ms. Yazawa's lips formed a smile, her last smile, at the answer before her hand turned numb and lost its strength. Her eyes were open and that smile still on her face; her suffering has ended. Niko stood silent for a couple of minute before slowly placing her mother's hand back on the bed and closed her eyes. "Thank you for everything."

Another sob later, the ravenette couldn't contain her sadness anymore and fell on her knees before hugging the woman's lifeless body, bitter tears running her cold cheeks.

Niko's gaze was glued to the dark ceiling, a hand on her chest. The pillow from earlier was now on the floor, resting alongside her dispatched clothes and half-burn picture of Maki and herself. As another drop of tear ran on her left cheek, her teeth were gritted while her hands were shaking. She was scared, she was angry, she was sad, she was lonely.

The painful feeling that was ravaging inside her chest was about the same as back then. It was only one or two scales bellow it, question pain. "Why am I like this?" The question wasn't targeted to anyone special since she herself felt stupid for thinking like that. "Why am I always falling for the wrong person? Nozomi, Eri, Maki… Honoka…"

She closed her eyes while letting go of another sob. Her surrounding was very silent and empty. While getting home, Niko has sealed everything that reminded her of her past loves in a storage room at the basement. She was currently back in Tokyo.

After overhearing Honoka and Maki at it, the ravenette couldn't take anymore and took the first plane to go back to where everything started. She didn't want to stay there because she knew that her two friend's love will blossom back very fast and she will end up as the damn third wheel.

Surely, one heartbreak or two wouldn't have made her suffer that much…but being heartbroken four times was too much, especially when being honestly in love with that person.

Nozomi was her first love. They bickered a lot but the ravenette found herself falling for the spiritual girl without realizing it. Later though, she heard that the purple-head was already going out with someone and Niko has decided to move one, not even questioning that person's identity.

Next up was Eri. The quarter-Russian was always ready to help anyone, especially her. She was reliable, kind and well-mannered and that was what made the young dreamer fall for her. The blonde was the one who has helped her improve her dance skill even though Niko will never admit that out loud. Sure, she was skilled, but Eri's help sharpened her techniques. Unfortunately, the day of their graduation, the day when she has planned to confess was also the day that Nozomi has announced that she was going out with the quarter-Russian and the two of them were going to get engaged soon.

Niko was heartbroken. She knew that the two of them were very close friend, but that was the only thing they saw the two's relationship: friends…or even sisters.

Maki was another story. The ravenette knew from the beginning that she was being used as a replacement or a guinea pig to allow the taller girl to make experiences. The red-head and Honoka were obviously in love with each others since high school but have never admitted it out loud. The fact that everyone has assumed Niko had a thing for the red-head future doctor and vice-versa was not helping either. Even Kotori has attempted to serve them a parfait glace for a couple to them when they were helping the maid café back in Akihabara.

"I'm such an idiot!" The young woman slammed her fist on the soft mattress as she reopened her eyes. "Why did I agree to play along, knowing that Maki will never love me as much as she really loves Honoka?"

She knew that the red-head was a coward who preferred to flee difficulties. That was why she has decided to follow the path built by her parents by becoming a doctor rather than following her dreams. The same happened with Honoka; she was scarred of how their leader would react and kept her feeling to herself.

As the two of them were pretending though, the ravenette unconsciously found herself falling for the red-head. She couldn't believe that she was being so careless but couldn't stop her feeling. Niko has become more honest with her feelings and started showing more honest acts to her 'girlfriend'.

Of course, their 'first times' were all very awkward and tasteless since Niko knew that they were not as honest that she wanted them to be. She has held the hand of a girl whose heart was beating for someone else, has kissed a girl who had her eyes on someone else, she went on dates with a girl who was dreaming to be together with someone else…she has done 'that' to a woman who was longing for a certain someone to do 'it' to her.

Niko jumped out of the bed and started kicking a random pillow, evacuating her anger on it. It took her a couple of minutes and breaking at least a dozen on pillows before falling on her knees, tired and sadder than before. Her breathing was heavy by this point, her heard beating faster.

"Honoka…"

She wrapped her arms around her body, remembering the ginger's warmth while hugging her, that angelic voice telling her to cheer up, that comfortable hand that was always ready to help her stand up again each time she made a mistake. Honoka was the love of her life. She didn't want to admit it. She never did…until that night when realizing that the reason of her grief was not the fact of loosing Maki but having lost their former leader.

As if hearing about the Kousaka's accident was no enough, her still mourning over her mother's death and looking after her three siblings were weighting heavy on her hands. Fortunately, she was able to sigh a relief when hearing that Maki has taken every possible charge and did her all to save the ginger. Deciding to put her jealousy aside, thinking that a life was way more important, the raven-haired young woman has agreed to allow her 'girlfriend' move to Nagiita as to permanently look after their friends who was in the coma.

When hearing the news that Honoka has woken up though, Niko quickly canceled her concert and took the first plane that could lead her to the town of hope. She has begged her managers to find an excuse and was overwhelmed with happiness as they all ended up agreeing.

Despite having lost her memory though, Honoka was still the Honoka that the ravenette has fallen in love with. Each minute they spent together was like a warm sunshine melting the freezing world of snow and ice that was Niko's soul.

She was not angry at the ginger for that kiss with Maki. She was angry with herself for not being able to accept the fact that these two were made for each others and she was fated to stay alone for the rest of her life.

"This isn't fair…" The ravenette fell on the floor. The rays of light were already trying to find a way to illuminate the inside of the room but were stopped by the dark curtains. "Why do I have to suffer this much? Why don't I get the chance to be happy in love?"

Just as she closed her eyes though, three distinctive knocks on the door brought her back into the real world and she attempted to ignore them until more knocks could be heard.

"Leave me alone!" She shouted, not hiding her anger and sadness with her tone.

There was a moment of silence and Niko thought the person has left. She rested her head back on the cold floor until a familiar voice echoed from behind the door. "Niko… I…" She recognized whose voice it was and wanted to ask the owner why she was here but just decided to remain calm. "I'm sorry… I caused so much trouble." There was another pause until the young woman behind the door spoke again. "I regained my memory. I remember everything now; from my love for Maki, our friendship back in µ's and my love for Niko."

The ravenette was taken aback by Honoka's words. She rarely dropped the suffix -chan at the end of other girl's name but doing so was proving how serious she was. Niko wanted to stand up and open the door, to take her beloved one in a hug and cry her heart out…but she couldn't. She was too proud to do that.

"Niko…" Another familiar voice echoed. She gritted her teeth while listening to what Maki had to say. "I know you are hurt. I was a hypocrite."

"Leave me alone!" The ravenette's voice was breaking down by this point.

Another moment of silence took place until the voice behind the door echoed again. "We went by your apartment but the landlords said that you took your stuffs and left with the last plane."

"I had to call for the Nishikino special air jet to allow us here as soon as possible."

Niko gritted her teeth. "Why are you here?"

"We owe you explanation."

"That you two are a happy couple and did the trip to Tokyo just to rub the fact on my face?" The young raven-haired woman said angrily before breaking down in tears. "I already know that so please save your apologies for someone else." There went a sob. "I beg of you; please just leave me alone."

There went another silent that lasted for a couple of minute until a loud bang came from the door. "Listen up, Niko!" Anger could be heard within Honoka's tone in her voice. "We came all the way here to tell you something important so open this door right away!"

"And then what? You are going to humiliate me?"

"Why are you so stubborn?" Maki's voice too was filled with anger as another bang on the door occurred. "Just open this so we can talk face to face like responsible adult."

Niko chuckled sarcastically. "Responsible adult? And you are the one telling me that, Miss Coward…"

There was a brief moment of silence before the red-head spoke again, this time her voice back to normal. "I don't want to flee anymore. I've told my parents to disown me. I want to follow my dreams; I want to make music my career, I want to have Honoka by my side…I want you by my side. Niko, I…I love you. Sorry for not being able to convey my feelings earlier."

The older woman's eyes widened at hearing that and slightly lifted her head. "What are you telling here? Are you telling me that you love two women at the same time while you yourself being a woman and think the three of us could remain together? You're way more stupid than I ever thought."

Maki's lips slowly curled into a smile as tears formed on her eyes. "I know that. I am the most stupid person the two of you have ever met. I always caused you two so much trouble." The door was slowly opened from the inside so that the ravenette could be face to face with the two guests. Niko was only dressed in a robe while Honoka—who was still stuck in a wheeled chair—was clad in her orange pajama and Maki was stuck with a doctor's outfit. The ravenette looked confused and waited for a follow-up. "That's why," the red-head bowed at the two older girls, "thank you for always looking after me!"

"Maki…"

"Maki…"

The ginger was the first to recover and spread her arms to welcome their younger friend in a warm hug. Maki accepted and fell on her knees. The former leader then turned to the shortest of the three. Niko was holding her tears. She wanted to look strong but Honoka's look was making it hard to resist. She fell on her knees too and joined the duo in the heartwarming hug.

"Maki… Niko…" The two mentioned girl buried their faces in Honoka's chest, soaking the pajama shirt in the process—but it wasn't as if anyone cared. "I want to spent the rest of my life with the two of you."

"Honoka…" Niko sobbed another time into the cotton fabric. "Thank you for always be there when I need it the most." She lifted her head. "I love you!" She then leaned in to press their lips together. It didn't last long as they separated after a couple of second and she turned to the red-head. "Maki… Thank you for always rectifying me when I act too proud or do bad things. I love you!"

"I know." Maki smiled before the two of them had a brief kiss.

"Jeez!" The oldest of the three was the one who stood up first. "What do I do with you two?" Despite her sigh though, the smile on her face was proving that she was the one who enjoyed that moment more than anyone else. She then walked beside the ginger as Maki stood up and pushed the wheeled chair inside the room. "Let us get inside first! The two of you owe me lot of explanation."

Honoka and Maki giggled as they walked past the door and were now in the very large room that was Niko's… er- It was now theirs! That room filled with idol posters and torn-out pillows was going to be their new home. "Yes, Niko-chan!"

[The end]

[Fin]

[Tapitra]

A/N: Last time I cried so much while writing was with the chapter 5 and 6 of Eto Aho.

Anyway, we did it! Another completed story! We can move into the next one now.

Looks like our time in this fandom is near its end. What remain for us to complete are Cute Knights (03/?), Broken (01/03), Ianao Namako (02/04), Jouso Problems (01/?), Spoiling (01/04) and Support (07/?). The crossovers will be completed after these ones.