Go to hell, Nara-sama.
"But you'll be bored waiting for me to drag you down with me. I would never subject you to that torture, my dearest cherry blossom-san."
Nara-sama, I hate you.
"It must be difficult being around the presence of someone as hilarious as me, though I can't relate."
I resign as your assistant. Have fun with the extra paperwork.
"Wait no Sakura, I mean: I'm extremely apologetic for your bad mood, could I do anything to make it feel better? I have the catalog for possible interior designs ready for you to read, as well as-"
I mean it.
"Sakura! Don't do this to me! I can't suffer through Naruto's bullshit alone again!"
"My what?"
"Nothing, Hokage-sama."
Fine, but as a reward for staying I get that catalog as well as free reins to do whatever I want today, no objections.
"It sounds like a really bad idea, but I agree to your terms because I don't think I have enough energy to spend effort finding a new assistant as capable as you."
I'm flattered. Also, your visitor has been waiting outside for the past 2 minutes now and judging by her knocking I can conclude that she is seconds from breaking the door down.
True to her words, the incessant knocking now became increasingly audible quickly, with a muffled voice shouting, "Hey, could you let me in? I'm sweating in your god damn leafy humid climate!"
Shikamaru possessed one of the puppets near the door to open it, before quickly swiveling his chair to have his back face the guest to show off his mysteriousness. He had to make a right impression to the delegate, after all. He heard the guest walk in, and slowly turned his rolling chair around, hands in the thinking position as a display of dominance.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't the diplomat from the Land of Snow herself." Truthfully, he could tell who she was by her annoying voice screeching at the top of her lungs but decided to keep up the false pretense anyways.
"Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I need to discuss with you this new treat we've been considering with other countries..." Shikamaru felt his eyes start to droop already. It was 2 o'clock, his nap time was starting in an hour, and he had just finished his day's paperwork. Forgive him if he wasn't really interested in the crop gains of the Land of Snow and how it would benefit the squirrels in Konohagakure.
Although, that did not even make sense because the Land of Snow wasn't supposed to be that abundant in crops due to their shortage of fertile soil and suitable weather. Ah, the mysteries of the ninja world.
It was around then that he realised that Sakura was writing on the floor next to him, probably sitting cross-leggedly for comfort. He added some intellectual input to keep the discussion going, before returning his attention to the note that was just placed into his lap.
I think the blonde just passed gas before she entered the office because she looked really satisfied just now.
Shikamaru almost snorted but held his mouth, determined not to expose his secret and ruin his cool exterior. He paid no attention to Sakura from then on, getting into the vigorous debate on how rice was better than wheat. His opponent, he meant visitor, started to get really riled up and loudly ranted about the beauty of wheat and how it kept the ecosystem running as well as how the Land of Snow really needed wheat because there was almost no place to farm hence the treaty in the first place.
During her rant, Shikamaru took a quick peek at the multitude of notes that gathered on his lap, one being arguments he could use about rice being better than wheat, as well as several insults on why of course her looks would make her think that wheat was better than rice. Shikamaru kept a straight face, but he couldn't prevent his snort that came out, though he managed to quickly disguise it as a cough.
His guest did not pay him any attention, choosing to continue yelling about wheat in her annoying high pitched voice. Shikamaru decided that a new poker face was necessary, trying for a bored look instead.
Hey, do you want to know what Kakashi's face looks like? I managed to peek before I died but I never managed to tell anyone else in time.
Now this peaked his interest. He watched as the pen started to draw out an oval, which was pretty accurate except Kakashi definitely had fluffy hair and a pointed chin judging by the shape of his mask. It drew a very simple version of the forehead protector, choosing to replace the leaf symbol with a flower, and two circles for eyes.
Shikamaru was not a hundred percent sure, but he was certain that Kakashi's eyes did not look like two doughnuts that looked as if they were melting in the heat and had a cameo in The Scream.
The pen drew two pointed lines for a nose, and a sideways D for the mouth. In the corner of the mouth, she drew what looked like an infinity sign filled in, which Shikamaru guessed was supposed to be a mole. He was, however, horrified that Kakashi's teeth had possessed the bright shining sparkle that was present in Gai sensei's smile.
Shikamaru would have called Kakashi Kakashi sensei, but he had lost too much respect for the porn-reading man at that point. If a jounin, ANBU commander, and Rokudaime could kill an entire army without so much of a sweat yet blushed at the thought of saying porn out loud, he simply didn't deserve Shikamaru's honorific.
It would be a joke if he did, anyways. No one called him Kakashi-sensei anymore. Not even Naruto. Respect by age was dead by now.
"Hey, are you listening to me? I'm trying to talk about the very important issue of wheat being better than rice!"
He answered with one of the reasons that Sakura had prompted him with, having had zero to little patience for dealing with the diplomat in the first place. Unfortunately, he must have read the wrong one, because the next thing he knew,
Slap!
The diplomat was pissed off and left her seat, stomping out of the office and slamming the door shut.
Thank god that annoying girl is finally gone.
Wondering what had triggered her angry leave at that point in time, he realised Sakura had switched out the note about arguments for the note about her looks.
In particular, this note he just read out said, Didn't your mum tell you to eat every grain of rice or you'll get as many pimples as rice grains left in the bowl? Yeah I can see you didn't listen.
Groaning in embarrassment, he turned to look at where the notepad he gave Sakura as a welcome gift was levitating.
"Sakura, that diplomat was in charge of trade relations. We're hardly going to get people to pay for missions there now."
Not my fault.
Remembering her earlier terms, Shikamaru groaned once more and held his head in his hands, mentally preparing for the headache Naruto was going to give him for pissing off such an important person.
True enough, Naruto did with a smirking diplomat nodding behind him. Shikamaru gave up on listening and started dozing off.
"Shikamaru! Hey, listen to me when I'm talking to you!"
Blearily eyed, Shikamaru rubbed his eyes and gazed back at the Hokage looking bored until he left. One last piece of paper remained in his hands.
You know, for a guy who hates trouble, you sure like troubling others with your 4 syllable name.
"Thanks, I got it for my birthday."
Nara-sama.
"Fine."
Finally, peace and quiet. You can go home now.
Shikamaru shook his head and left, leaving Sakura alone in the office.
Sakura, having free reign of the office for the next 6 hours. smirked in delight.
Rubbing her ghostly hands in glee, she set to work, bustling about the entire place, shaking her head finding weird things in weird places, and rearranging everything according to plan.
The next day, when Shikamaru entered his office at exactly 8 o'clock, he was surprised to find his entire office upside down and how was that hot cup of coffee not spilled.
Good morning Nara-sama, did you have a good day?
"How troublesome. This is on, Sakura. You're gonna regret doing it, I promise."
Oh? Bring it on, sister.
I always thought that Shikamaru would be great at plans, I can imagine him saying, "_ complete" when the prank is successful! I'm so hyped to write the next chapter but I have to think of actual pranks for Shikamaru to carry out so yeah that's gonna be a nightmare.
Reviews=updates! :) Feel free to review or PM some prank ideas!
If you need more Shikamaru in your life, check out my other oneshots too yeah:)
Omake: In which Shikamaru is at Sakura's mercy and she starts a roasting session about him
You are at my mercy.
"No I'm not you trouble-" His jaw was slammed shut and he found that he couldn't speak.
Shut up, I bet you think you can defend yourself, but this is my time. Suffer at my wrath.
Naruto protects Hinata with Rasengan, Sai protects Ino with Ink, and Sasuke knows that I don't need protection. You? Temari protects you with her fan instead.
Shikamaru was appalled.
Your mother is so unimportant that the only mother you respect in canon is laziness, the mother of bad habits.
Shikamaru was insulted.
You're so lazy that even though you were one of the few people to resist Kabuto's genjutsu, you went to sleep anyways.
Shikamaru...silently confirmed that fact.
You're so unmotivated that the only motivation you have is to not do anything.
Shikamaru was slightly overwhelmed with self criticism but found that statement true.
You're so slowmoving that you only finally went onto the swing in the playground when you made Chuunin.
Shikamaru found that statement true, and was a little disturbed at how much Sakura knew about his life.
You're so girly that you fangirled over Sasuke in the Academy.
Shikamaru found that statement very untrue, and tried to protest, only to find a photograph of the scene shoved into his face. On the photograph, an emo Sasuke gazed at nothing emotionally while in his emo corner and Naruto sat next to him grimacing at all the girls in the corner, Shikamaru included, fangirling over Sasuke with hearts in their eyes.
He felt the control over his jaw disappear, but he still didn't speak because he was too confused and having an existential and sexuality crisis.
You're welcome Nara-sama.
Lots of Love (LOL),
Sakura
