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Chapter four: Confessions.
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After I was done giving Snape the results of the liquid dream, at his classroom deep down in the slimy and cold dungeons, I breathed out deeply. Visiting a teacher in the weekend wasn't something I liked to do, certainly not if it was Snape. But the worst part about it was still the dream itself. I could recall it perfectly, I remember every little detail. Usually, I forgot what I had dreamt, or just remembered some vague images of what had happened behind my closed eyes, but with the effect of the liquid dream, none of that seemed to happen. A part of me wanted to forget the dream, and, somehow, part of me didn't. And that thought frustrated me the most.
I walked through the doors and entered the Great Hall. Taking a quick look around, I spotted Ginny and I proceeded to sit down at the Gryffindor table across of her. I sighed and rubbed my temples, closing my eyes for a second.
"Are you alright?" Ginny asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I... just haven't slept that well." I said. That was a lie of course, because in truth, I have been sleeping like heaven these days, and especially last night. I opened my eyes again, casting away the pleasant cold on my eyes that the darkness had provided.
I checked my watch and frowned. Still another two hours before I would meet Cho at the Three Broomsticks. As I grabbed a piece of toast from the table, I couldn't help it but wonder what it was that she wanted to tell me. I guessed it must be of great urgency, because she seemed quite nervous when she told me. But why would Cho have to tell me something? We aren't friends and we hardly ever talk. I can't come up with a reasonable answer for it.
"Say, Hermione, are you going to Hogsmeade today?" Ginny asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"I am, actually," I replied, "why do you ask?"
"I was wondering if you cared to go with me, since Luna has extra classes today." she said, and her cheeks lightly flushed as she spoke of Luna. A light smile played on my lips and I let out a barely audible chuckle.
"Sure."
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Two hours later, I stood before the Three Broomsticks, checking my watch ever so often: I still was a little early, and I was actually getting quite nervous, though I can't figure out why. I still didn't know what to expect, but I don't think it is about the whole Harry affaire anymore. I must've misunderstood it all, like Cho said. But then again, she could've just set that straight on the moment. Why all this?
I breathed out as I turned to look at the people passing by, and my breath formed a little cloud in mid-air. It floated up towards the cloudy sky and disappeared. It had stopped snowing today, but the sky was dark, restless and cold.
"Hey, Hermione."
I turned around on my heels to meet the person behind the voice, and, as expected, Cho came walking down the path. I couldn't help but think that she looked rather cute with her Ravenclaw scarf so snugly wrapped around her neck and her hat pulled down deep over her brow. I looked at her and my nerves faded away: she has a certain calmth about her.
"Hey."
"Say, do you mind if we go for a walk?"
"Oh, no of course not." I replied, a little baffled. It was freezing cold outside, and Cho wanted to go for a walk. Oh well, at least walking might warm me up a little.
I followed the Ravenclaw up the narrow path away from Hogsmeade, until we got to a wider path, and I started walking next to her. The path was framed by trees and bushes, all covered with a thick layer of snow, glistening in the little sunlight that managed to break through the clouded sky. The frost crunched under our feet and the only sound was the steady breathing of Cho next to me.
We walked in silence for some time. At the start I didn't really mind much, but it started to irritate me over time. I came here for a reason, she came here for a reason, so why won't she speak up?
"Cho," I started, looking up, "why did you wanted to talk to me?"
The raven-haired girl stopped in her tracks for a split second, barely noticable, but then walked on, digging her hands deeper in her pockets. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked troubled.
"Have you ever wondered, how it's like to love someone, who is... oblivious to you?" she started. You could see that she was having a hard time telling this. I found it quite brave of her, since we don't talk often and are actually complete strangers to eachother. I caught her gaze and nodded lightly, encouraging her to go on.
"To know your love will never be answered, to have your heart ache every time you look at that person, to get lost in those eyes which will never bear the glint of love for yourself, to be a nothing to that someone? Have you ever wondered?"
Cho looked at me, her uncertain and defeated eyes gazed in mine before she shifted them back on the path which we still walked on.
"You're in love with Harry, aren't you?" I cautiously asked, afraid to say anything wrong. She really seemed to be lost without hope. I felt a sting of pity for the girl. Even someone like her didn't deserve to feel like she feels now.
She elicited a raw, sad and humourless laugh, shaking her head lightly.
"Oh, no... no, I'm not." the amber-eyed girl sighed, and she sunk back in her thoughts.
I frowned deeply. Cho looked really heartbroken, but she wasn't in love with Harry, like I had assumed at first. Maybe I didn't understand, but a girl like Cho could get any one she would ever fall for. And really, with 'any one', I do actually mean any one. She is such a popular and loved girl, she is smart, handsome, funny (for as far as I know, that is), and really, I am not exaggerating, she is just everything some one could wish for. And I don't say this about everyone and I know that Cho and I aren't exactly the closest people you would ever meet, but I have a lot of respect for the girl. She got over the loss of Cedric and she is still being fought for. Because she is true to herself.
A shiver ran down my spine, and Cho caught my eye.
"Oh, you must be freezing!" she said, and stopped walking. I got the chance to look around a bit. We were now in an area that was still framed with trees, but one giant tree marked the middle of a passage in the trees: it's leafless branches silently swayed in the chill air.
I looked back at Cho, who was taking her scarf off.
"Cho, really, I'm fine, I jus--" I couldn't finish my scentence because Cho had already draped the warm Ravenclaw scarf around my neck. The fine, woolen fabric hugged my neck and shoulders and stopped most of the cold. I dug my face in it, and I took a deep, warm breath: it smelled sweet and I couldn't deny that the taller girl smelled nice.
"Thanks." I smiled at her, and we resumed our walk, now going back to the Three Broomsticks.
It felt as if Cho and I had become a little closer, a little more known about eachother. Though we hadn't spoken much, this little talk was of far more value than the superficial chat we have during a class or so. It seemed as if the dark-haired girl had opened up a little. But then again, I still wondered about what was bothering her so much.
"Cho, can I ask you something?" I asked.
"What is it?"
"Who is it that you're in love with?"
Cho stopped dead in her tracks again. She surely could've expected this question to come up, but it seemed like it still surprised her. She turned to me, eyes ever so uncertain but again with that fierce, hopeful glint in the back. Her eyes shot back and forth but didn't meet mine before she looked up.
"Do you promise that you won't tell any one?" she asked, her voice fragile.
"Of course I won't tell any one."
Cho stepped a little closer to me.
"Well, you see..." she started, her eyes now fully focussed on me.
She stepped even closer, causing me to back away.
"It's complicated, but," Cho continued, still advancing towards me.
I had no control over the situation what so ever, and I took another few steps back, but found myself being pushed against a tree. The rough bark felt cold on my back, and Cho kept closening in on me. I started breathing heavier, what the hell is she doing? What the hell is she doing?
She placed both of her hands next to my head, leaving me no way to escape. She leaned in: Cho was now so close that I could feel her breath on me, I could see the bright glint in her golden eyes, I could even feel her warmth. She closed her eyes, leaned in further and pressed her lips against mine.
I inhaled sharply, confused, dumbfounded, surprised: all my emotions tangled up into one, sensless mess. It was a scared, uncertain kiss, but it shocked me none the less. Even more shocking was the fact that I found myself reciprocating to the kiss. When Cho had pulled away, I kissed her back, now pressing my lips against hers.
It could've been instinct, deeply hidden desire or even my subconciousness playing roles, all I knew that it was an act in the middle of an emotional mess: my thoughts had gone blank and the only thing I felt was my heart beating like mad.
But it all ended as quick as it had begun. I harshly broke the kiss and stared into Cho's eyes, who were confused and broken. I suddenly started to feel afraid and uncertain, breathing heavily as all the feelings, thoughts, emotions and questions washed over me. I swallowed hard: I felt uncomfortable with the Ravenclaw still so close to me.
I pushed Cho away, I wanted to get away, somewhere alone, somewhere to think, I needed to get away.
"H-hermione... I.. I'm sorry..."
I couldn't hear what she said anymore because I started running. I ran and ran, not looking back, not caring about anything but my current thoughts. Tears involuntarily filled my eyes, blurring my vision as I rushed past trees. I ran all the way to the edge of the forest, and there I stopped, knees shaking, breathing unsteady, heart racing and mind spinning.
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Hours later I sat in the Gryffindor Common Room, uselessly staring into the fire, feeling cold despite it's warmth. It was late, and most of the other students had gone to bed, including Ron and Harry. It was good, I had all the space I needed, the time to think. I sighed and furrowed my brow. A thousand thoughts and reasons, questions and answers raced throught my mind.
I looked at the Ravenclaw scarf in my hands. I forgot to give it back to her. Rubbing the soft fabric, one question kept popping up in the most urgency, and it was not particularly the question if Cho Chang was in love with me, but more likely if I was in love with her.
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A/n: Little late with this part, I try and try to write, but I have exams and projects to finish and I can only do this in the little time I have left to do my own things. It is costing me some sleep, yes, but I do want to continue this fic. I also apologize for the fact that it is quite a short chapter. I'll try my best next part, I promise (:
Anyhow, Cho has confessed and Hermione finds herself thinking about her own sexuality. Angst? Drama? Nervous breakdown? Oh, hell yeah.
I'll try to update as soon as possible! Bear with me...
Read & Review please! n_n I could always use some constructive critism.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hermione Granger nor do I own any other character from Harry Potter. They all belong to J.K Rowling, sadly.
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