Dressing Wounds
AN: So, yea… re reading this chapter, I found myself wondering where it came from. I have no idea, so if anybody knows what inspires it, kindly hand me that sugar back this way. I just finished writing a rather sad chapter fifteen and I could use a pick-me-up. ^^ Anyway, for something different, see the rest of the AN at the bottom of the chapter.
Lily: thank you so much for the web site idea. It definitely got me thinking, and as summer is almost here, maybe I could so a bit of diving into Buddhism myself, but that would only come after I find a job. -_- So until then, I'm afraid the topic of Miroku and Buddhism will have to be a skipped over topic, however regrettably it's skipped over. And thank you so much for the comment about them being in character. ^^ Good to know, as I'm basing this on the manga and I haven't even met Miroku yet…. Ah, sweet anime con, that's what your there for!
Aamalie: I did enjoy my trip, thank you. No chocolate form the Easter bunny, but an inbox full of squishy reviews makes up for that. *sits down and tries to piece Aamalie back together from the goo playing with HTML format*
Okami: Thank you for translating for Katani. ^_^
Gina: "sweet lech"? Kudos to you for summing up my favorite male character in two words! Mind if I still it from you? It saves me from ranting to my parents how cool he is and why me being a puddle of goo while watching Inuyasha is a good thing.
Corisu: *hides from the glare*
Mitsumi: I loved your idea! I read it last night, and finished it after my exam today! Now I need an idea for comedy that way I can cheer myself up. It's a tearjerker, and it might be a little clichéd…. But I like it, and I have plenty of time to rewrite it. As of right now, it's chapter 15. ^^
Izu: Fluff also keeps me going. Which is good considering I live in the barren waste land that is North Bay. And on that note…
Anda: *waves her little Canada flag* Don't you love it how sometimes you need to declare your country before people realize it's Victoria BC you're talking about? Ah well, maybe I'm just too patriotic. *shines her 'I'm from Barrie, the town that grows but nothing ever changes' badge*
Unlike any other: You ramble like I do! Um… special reply to you at the bottom, as your point is kind of involved in this chapter.
Tori: I glomp back, just to warn you. ^^
Radical: I see Miroku and Sango as deep characters. *shrugs* I just want to do the characters I love justice.
San San: You cried at that? *hands you a box of kleenes* You might need these for some other parts in the chapters. What can I say? I'm a sentimental freak.
ENJIOY! ^^
Chapter Four: Bodies
The sun was warm as we walked along the broad path that led south. We had already searched the area for signs of Naraku or the Shikon Jewel, so we pressing to reach past the large tree that marked where our party had turned around. We wanted to give Kirara and Inuyasha a chance to rest, as tomorrow Inuyasha would travel the day carrying Kagome, and Kirara would carry Sango and I, as well as Miroku.
Sometimes, I wondered what it must be like for Kagome to travel that way, feeling Inuyasha's body support her and the wind rush through her hair. I wonder if Miroku could carry me like that. With all his good behavior lately, if he offered, I think I would accept.
We could hear Inuyasha growl from ahead of us, where he walked with Kagome and Shippo. Sometimes, I had to question if he knew the meaning of the word 'relax'. I could understand his apprehension, however. He was only trying to protect Kagome. She turned and gave him a gentle answer, and I could barely hear it. Even Kirara's ears didn't move. When we talked in a normal voice, they were out of earshot. My eyes widened. I had been copying Miroku's stride. He was the one who had fallen behind. Why? I thought, absentmindedly scratching Kirara's head. He wanted to talk.
"Houshi-sama," I said softly and politely, "whatever you want to talk about, you can say it now. Kirara isn't going to go and tell anybody. In fact, she already knows that you and I have conversations, just not what they're about. It would probably be better for her to know what kind of things we talk about so that you don't end up being asked about your motivations by a very large, very angry cat."
Kirara nodded, and we looked at the road, waiting for Miroku to speak. When he did, I wish I had been more prepared.
"Do you think I'm a whore?"
I spun around on him. "WHAT?" I noticed that Inuyasha and Kagome turned around to see what had caused me to yell and I did the first thing that came to mind. I slapped him. Damn, it hurt. For a split second before Inuyasha and Kagome had turned around, I had seen his face. He had actually been serious. His dark eyes were soft and worried about my answer. Miroku was actually thinking that I would say yes! Hitting him only made him take a mental step further from me, further stretching the chasm that had opened up since last night, when I had run away from him.
"Miroku, how many times do I have to tell you…."
Kagome placed her hand on my shoulder, stopping me from yelling whatever lie I had been about to spew. She suggested we all take a break, and so we did. Miroku and I merely disappeared. We didn't give any excuse for where we were going, or why we were together, we simply left. We left behind Kirara to tell our companions that we would be back soon and merely wanted privacy. When we were far away from the shady tree where Kagome had decided to rest, I stopped walking. Miroku went only a few steps ahead of me. He didn't even turn around to look at me.
I put my hands on my hips. "How could you even ask me that, Miroku? Your question was stupid! What would ever make you think of that?"
He turned around, his eyes a little lighter. My reaction was as clear as a no as I could possibly say, while I vented my anger at everything: at his stupidity for thinking I could think of him in such a manner, for not being braced for it, for having to hit him because we had to keep up appearances that we were simply friends and nothing more. That was why we always ran to talk, and placed ofuda up around a large area, in a feeble attempt to prevent Naraku from turning us into another Kikyo and Inuyasha. I made him do it, in his defense.
"Because of
something you said to me last night. You
said that I was more experienced, that I might be able to deal with these
emotions because I could recognize them for what they really are and what they
might be. You implied that I slept
around. You said I've 'tried other
women'. I wanted to know why you thought
that way. I thought you might have
thought I was a whore."
I was ready to hit him. He said it so carelessly. It was the carelessness that told me that he
wasn't going to fight for it. If I told
him that I did think that way, he wouldn't have fought me,
he just would have accepted it.
"Miroku," I sighed his name, catching his direct attention. "You're Miroku. I don't think you're a whore. Promiscuous, yes, but not that. I know you a bit better than to think you're someone who will have sex with anybody at anytime, just because the woman is willing." I gave his arm a tiny chuck. "Besides, first you have to find a woman who'll sleep with you."
His dark eyes lightened even more and he suddenly took my hand. "Sango, will you…"
"No." His shoulders fell in defeat, but he didn't let go of my hands. I pulled one of them away, and let him hold the other one. I closed my fingers into his palm, my fingernails playing with the beads around his limb, and I tried not to press too tightly. Sometimes that hole in his hand worried me. If I pressed my fingers into his palm, what would I find? Would it appear like there was no wound in it, or would be able to feel the wind tunnel?
"So all these women you've slept with, did all of them agree to be able to bear your children?" I inquired as we sat down at the base of a tree, leaning against the hard wood.
Miroku thought. "Actually, since the topic of me and women first came up in that conversation we had last month, I have been doing quite a bit of thinking. None of the women I've ever… spent the night with have ever agreed to bear my children."
I felt my mouth open slightly. "Really? Um… wow… you know, I'd always thought that you'd only have sex with women who agreed to bear your children. It made me worry that somewhere there would be a tribe of little Mirokus running around somewhere."
"I hope not," he snorted, almost sounding disgusted. When he saw my expression, he explained for me, so that he wouldn't think that he was being hypocritical about the idea of children. "We took precautions so that they wouldn't be pregnant. If a woman told me that she didn't want a child, I'm not about to give her one even by accident."
My eyebrows drew closer together as I thought about this. "But then… the ones who did accept your offer of carrying your child, do you sleep with them?"
He turned a light shade of pink. It looked quite fetching on him. "Actually, he ones who did accept my offer, something always came up which prevented me from following through on that. There were only two or three that ever accepted my offer. I never touched any of them."
"Then the women that you did sleep with…."
"Purely for physical needs. They were attractive, and willing." He shrugged. "That's just a generalization. There were a few that I really did care about." Miroku absentmindedly began to rub his cheek. "You know, I was also thinking about something else. Were you serious when you said that you heard stories about me? Oh. Well, it's just that I sat down last night, thinking about what you had said, and I tried to remember every single female with which I had ever shared a bed. They weren't that many, so I figured, you couldn't have heard that many stories."
I leaned down to look up at him, laying my cheek on my knee. His hand in mine was a nice comfort against the uneasy topic. "I see. And how many people were there?"
Looking uneasy, he paused, then looked at me. For a moment there was a twinkle in his eye. He was debating about teasing me, making me guess or something. Then he sighed and decided to be straightforward. "Twenty-three." I gaped at him, though I wasn't certain if it was a number higher or lower than I'd expected. He shrugged. "Twenty-three since I was about fifteen. That's about one woman every two months for four years."
"I'm well aware of that," I said softly. "Let's change topics," I suggested, leaning my head against the rough bark of the tree.
He smiled. "Certainly, Sango. What would you prefer to talk about? The weather? Food? How to set up Inuyasha and Kagome?"
Feeling a quiet anger tense up his muscles, I knew that my soft voice had not been enough to tell him that the change of topic was simply because I was uncomfortable. Now he probably thought I was disgusted or something. "Miroku, don't be so defensive! I just don't know how to deal with the idea of you with them. You know, kissing someone else, groping someone else… being naked."
"Are you jealous?" he inquired with a hint of hope for a positive reply.
"Why should I be jealous? That's all in the past. But I swear to god that if you hit on somebody else while I'm around I'm going to beat you so badly the only one who will recognize you will be the demons, and that's just because I won't be able to change your scent."
He laughed. "I knew it! You are jealous!" Then I gave his shoulder a smack with my free hand and that shut him up fast enough.
"I just don't know how to deal with this, Miroku. Thank you for being so honest with me, but… what do I say to something like that? 'Congratulations for sleeping with so many women'? I don't think there is anything I can say to that, so that's why I asked to change topics. So that I wouldn't have to deal with the uncomfortable silence as you wait for me to say something and I struggle to find something to say."
I reached up and gently drew his face so that he was looking down at me. I wanted him to see my face, and I his. "So I'll pick the new topic of conversation." I had to think a moment about what that new topic would be. "Miroku, if we're going to continue sneaking away like this and talking, then I wouldn't really mind it if you held me, if it meant that you would stop groping me. I don't really like you… people rubbing my butt like that, but if you were to brush my hair, or held hands, or… I don't know, cuddled or something, because I don't mind that at all. Do you?"
Miroku shook his head no. He lifted my hand up, and I thought that he was going to do something totally clichéd, but he just rubbed the back of my hand against his cheek, and that was it. "I would very much like that, Sango."
Did I ever mention how much I love the way he says my name? I do. I really do. It sounds so sweet and musical when he says it.
I stood up, not taking my hand from his, and slid into his lap. My reward was a look of pleasant shock on his face. I snuggled against him, pressing my body to his, and butted his jaw to allow me access to his neck, where I nestled my face. Before I could think about what I had done –did he really think I would leave so quickly?- he wrapped his arm around my waist. I thought it was going to remain motionless, but a second later I felt a tug at my yukata. He was rubbing the fabric between his fingers, examining it with his sense of touch.
"What happened to you not wanting to be distracted? Isn't this a distraction?"
"Yes," I admitted. "Miroku, I may not know what to say about you and your history with women, nor will I a lot of other things. I'll always be nervous of it, wondering if you'll compare me to them, or think of them when you touch me. But I have to accept it. It's in the past, it can't be changed, and so I am forced to accept it. Are you able to accept the fact that when you hold me, or even speak to me, part of me will always be listening for signs of danger, wondering what each sound is around us, to the point where I can never actually be fully with you, because…."
"Shh." He raised a finger and placed it on my lips. "I can accept that. You're a warrior. You have to be fully aware of everything that's going on around you." He didn't remove his finger, but ran it softly against my bottom lip. It soon began to tremble, and my mouth opened, breathing audibly as it simply ran back and forth. "I'm sorry if it sounds wrong, Sango. I should want all of you, your complete and undivided attention as you have captured mine, but we can't get everything you want. So if all I can have is your permission, to know that you want it as much as I, then I can accept that." I licked my quickly chapped lips and accidentally felt my tongue brush the appendage. He drew it away as if it had touched a fire. "But I'm still going to be waiting for that day when I can have all of you."
Buried under his chin, all I could smell was Miroku. He smelled good. True, there was the tang of sweat in the air from walking all morning, but he still smelled good. He smelled like Miroku. I breathed in the dark, musky scent, feeling my body relax against his. My hearing was suppressed by his voice, the way it rumbled into my body to beat of that furiously pumping heart. The light bothered me for some reason, so I closed my eyes. Still, I was aware of what was going on outside around our huddled ball at the base of our tree.
"Oh, Sango, I want to hear your heart quicken when I compliment you. I want to have your eyes locked with mine so I can see pleasure in them when I touch you. I want so much…." When he felt my shoulders tense, he smiled and began to brush my hair. "Don't worry though. I won't say or do anything until you give me permission. And I will never, ever compare you to anybody else, Sango. Each woman is different. That's why I… am attracted to you. Simply because you're Sango."
"Thank you, Miroku, but… where's the fun if you don't chase me? If we can't chase each other? I am Sango, as you so kindly reminded me. I think of this as being nothing else but a fight, about who will win."
He laughed at my interpretation. It wasn't a scornful laugh; it was earnestly amused, the way someone laughs after a cute anecdote. Then his voice became rich and sweet, to the point that imagining a taste of the promises he made sent shivers down my spine and cause my whole body to feel like burning cold. The only place that felt normal was the hand enclosed in and around his. "Are you saying you want me to seduce you, Sango?"
'If this is his idea of seducing me, I'm not going to be able to last very long. I feel so cold, like he's the only one who can warm me up. Miroku's a goddamn drug. Poor Inuyasha! With his perverted male mind and the scent of my arousal, he's probably going to think that Miroku didn't satisfy me. And… oh shit! Then he's going to go and yell at Miroku for not being able to… oh, shit!' As it was, I was going to need to go and take a dip in a cold pool.
"Yes," I answered. Why? Why did I say that? Too late to take it back now…
Miroku didn't even seem to sense my need to feel his hands exploring my body or his mouth on mine. Was it possible that he actually didn't know? How could Miroku, of all people, not be aware of the way that velvety, masculine voice made me want to silence it with a kiss that put the warmth back in every inch of my body? 'All the women he had were willing to share a bed with him for the night. It's possible that he didn't manage to get them there because of sweet words. Some of them might have wanted to do it because of that body he hides under his robes. Some of them might be because he gropes them. I suppose some women could go in for that.' Then I had another chilling thought. 'Maybe he's not even going to touch me because he wants me to suffer like this!'
He let go of my hand and reached into his robes to pull out a strand of ribbon. I smiled when I recognized it. I removed my head from its safe pillow to look at him. "You had my ribbon?"
"Yes. I took it out last night when I brushed your hair. I meant to give it back to you before, but I forgot. I was having too much pleasure in watching the way your hair moves when it's down, the way it shifts from side to side and moves in the wind." I was beginning to wonder if he was attracted to me or just my hair when he smiled at me charmingly. Miroku was still flirting with me, trying to seduce me. Maybe I was too easy, or he was too skilled, but it was working. It had been working for awhile. "May I fix your hair for you?"
I nodded and turned around so he could fix my hair. His fingers slid through it easily. I barely noticed when he found a tangle. It seemed to disappear underneath his gentle fingers. I wanted to lean back against him, I wanted to let out these strange sounds in my throat. I wouldn't lie. I had moaned before from a man's touch, but even the way this one sat in my throat sounded different as I imagined the way that his hands could so easily slip under the folds of my robe, to slid up my thigh until I reached the junction of my legs…
And then what?
I didn't know. That was the furthest I had ever gone with a boy before we were disturbed. My father almost caught us at the back of one of the houses, fooling around. We had fled, and then he had been called away, and we had never actually gotten to proceed any farther together. After that, we were always chaperoned.
Women can easily hide their arousals. Men can't.
I wanted to find out.
I felt like I needed to find out. If this was a fight to make me agree to having some type of physical relationship with him, then as far as I was concerned, my body was a weapon, and I wasn't about to let Miroku have more knowledge than me about my new weapon.
The ribbon was back in place. He patted my shoulder, hesitated, and then stood up. "We should be getting back to the others. We need to get going."
"Miroku?" My voice sounded funny. Was that really my voice? "Can you leave the spells in place for ten more minutes?"
He blinked, but nodded. Then he stared at me; stared at me so intently that as his gaze slipped down to my breasts I was ready to throttle him. Finally, he smiled, and I knew that the jerk was aware of how my body was trying to react to him. Maybe even of what I was going to do to release that desire. Thankfully, he left without saying anything, giving me the privacy I needed to learn more about the weapon he found so desirable.
~*~
The rest of the AN now! ^_^ Unlike any other had a very good point when they wrote in the reviews of chapter two….
While my views regarding sex and Miroku are extremely similar, I did try and make it fit to the story, to avoid the gundam sized plot holes. I refer to the part in chapter one where Sango says she's heard people talk with having sex with Miroku and about how good he is in bed. I tried to mathematically figure out a number of people he's slept with to account for these stories without making Miroku into a walking… black book of women, because, as Sango points out, it is rather intimidating. So, one woman every two months it was.
Miroku could always be lying…. ^^
Why fifteen? No, I'm not trying to say that people should go out and have sex when they are fifteen. (The world, I'm learning, is full of idiots, and I fear that someone out there would actually promote that and flame me for it.) The world was different back in the sixteenth century. During the sixteenth century in England, do you dare me tell you what kind of stuff was going on, or remind you that it wasn't until the twentieth century when scientist discovered –gasp!- that women might actually enjoy sex?
On to those who think that Miroku is a virgin…. *grin* Well, that would just ruin the surprise from chapter 18…. Or so…. Somewhere around there. Just because I'm the PoF doesn't mean I can't have complicated plots! But for those who still thinks Miroku is a virgin in this fic: go back and read the part where he talks about the first woman he ever loved! ^^ While there are many good arguments for him still being a virgin, I (a) wrote this before hearing those arguments, and (b)… see statement number a.
*rereads and winces* This is starting to come out a lot bitchier sounding then I meant. It was just supposed to be a rational argument… anyway…
To each their own! *candies for all*
Basically, for those who don't like it: this is only my view. ^^ Maybe if we're lucky, a graphic novel will emerge just to explain Miroku and his colorful past, and then we'll all know for sure. (I'd maim and kick to be the first in line for that one!)
And for all those who think that Sango is OOC for masturbating… hm, maybe you're right. Then again, as my good buddy Akira says: there are only two types of people, those who masturbate, and those who lie about it. If you don't like it, pretend it never happened, but I still maintain that part of Sango's spitfire is because she refuses to lose at anything. ^^
Until next update!!
