A/N I'm back from my vacation, though I did get plenty of rest and relaxation, I have been going through some emotional bad times. Mainly I just came out of a relationship I wasn't happy with, so I feel like my writing sorta suffers from that. Other than that I've been pretty good, been enjoying all the new good movies. Enough about me though. I wanna thank you guys for review and liking my story. I know there's only a few of you other there, but then I guess this makes it more personal, no? It means I can personalize my thanks. Thanks Libranfate for providing me with your very supportive comments. Thanks Weave the Magic for your critical and supportive reviews, I apologize for my grammar, I do my best its never been my strong point. And thanks Ccmalfoy for joining on board. I plan on picking things up in the next few chapters by bringing in some campers and the primer of the antagonist. This chapter's kinda emotional, but try not to get to mad at Jacob, he'll push through somehow.
I love me some Jacob/Emmett but if you don't than don't read simple as that
I don't own Twilight, just the audacity to write about it, thank's Mrs Meyer's
"So wait, then that mean's..." I said nervously finally realizing what was being said.
"Yeah, I'm gay..." Emmett paused trying to gauge my reaction. From what I could see in his eyes, he seemed a little concerned. "Is that a..."
I shot up out of my seat so fast, that Emmett rocked back in surprise. The blood hadn't quite reached my feet so I stumbled forward a little and Emmett braced himself to catch me. At the moment I really didn't want to touch him. I wasn't repulsed or anything, but I didn't want to try and understand my actions, I had to leave.
"Is it hot in here?" Looking around I tried to find an umbrella, a jacket, something to wear outside.
"No? Just me? Guess I'm running a fever." I began rummaging through my trunk at the end of my bed and found a hoodie buried under some shorts. I pulled it out spilling some clothes on the floor. "I'm gonna go get some air."
Everyone was probably looking at me like I'd gone off the deep end, especially Emmett... I didn't care to look. I know this was probably not the proper way to handle the situation, but this has never happened before, I'm not really sure what to do or think... I caught one glance back at a forlorn Emmett who's head was slightly down and my breath hitched
"Dude, you can't go out there" Jasper said attempting to rise to his feet, Edward pushed him back down just shaking his head.
"Let him go" I think I heard Edward say, but I was already out the door in the pouring rain before any of them could even blink.
Definitely not one of my best idea, I must say, taking off in the rain like that. The rain was coming down in sheets, but I guess I was kinda used to it by now though it didn't often rain like this up north. The foliage bent in agony against the weight of the rain and wind it seemed like it was probably gonna get worse before it got better.
There was no way I could have been out there for more than five minutes and I was already soaked to the bone. My clothes clinged desperately to my shivering body. Of course I was used to the uncomfortable temperatures so I didn't really pay attention to it. Instead I was more intent on finding somewhere quite and maybe dry to stop and think. Somewhere in the back ground I heard thunder and jumped a little in my step cursing the timing.
Stupid Emmett for throwing a fast one at me like that...
I thought trying to blame him for this. As hard as I tried, I knew how ridiculous that sounded and how much of a jack ass I must be fore leaving like that.
Lucky for me, being in this valley there was plenty of green over hang, unfortunately during a thunder storm. It was very difficult to judge the height of a tree with the torrential rain raging against my vision, but I figured any tree was just as likely to get me killed out here. Besides, if I got hit, I'd take it as a sign of punishment for being such a dick.
Plopping down in the thick gravely mud I could feel the puddle seep through my already drenched shorts and I began regretting my already bone headed decision. This was just like me, rash and abrupt, but what else could I do. I stared in the the dark grey sky and you could practically see the clouds whipping by like a floating sea, which judging by the rate of rainfall, it very well could have been. There was definitely no end in sight which was suiting for my mood... go figure.
I wasn't mad... At least I didn't feel that way, but, well... Forks is a small town. I could probably count the population on my left hand. The people I knew fell even shorter of that, there was the guys back home on the Res and then there was Bella. A few adults here and there and bam you got my social bubble. College didn't exactly turn me into a social butterfly either. I mean practically all the people I hung out with there are down here with me. That by no means meant I was anti social or anything, I could party like the best of them and with my looks and body, the girls were practically drooling over me. Though by the way I grew up, I was more prone to finding a tight knit group to settle in to, which is what I did.
Needless to say though because of my perspective on social groups I was a bit shy to the variety of people around me. It took me at least a month to get used to Jasper's accent and stop poking fun of the way he talks. That being said... I'd never been friends with a gay guy before. Yeah I'm in college and I'd met one or two, probably knew more than I realized, but I can honestly say they were all just acquaintances. When I was around them, I didn't care, people are people, but for some reason being friends with one never crossed my mind...
GOD I must sound like such a pertinacious prick! I scooped a handful of mush from my side and just chucked it. It did little to relieve any kind of tension I was feeling but it was about as productive as any thing I could be doing right about now. The goop just kinda dripped down the base of one of the victim trees and I felt my conviction do the same. I felt my knees mindlessly fold up and my chin drift into them as I found my arms encircle my legs.
I thanked a higher force that this wasn't a main road. To some passerby, I probably looked like a mess of a being to be out here in a near fetal pose... That's when I felt warm rain falling down my face and realized I was crying. CRYING? Really? Me?
Not knowing what else to do, I just laughed as loud as I could until it turned to screams and I just let all these emotions flow. Suddenly it wasn't just about Emmett anymore it was about everything, it was about being sheltered and closing my mind off to the world. For being an insensitive dick to other people's feelings, to never exploring the world and its people, for being weak, inadequate, and unable to properly handle a real situation, for overreacting to everything, and for mostly loosing control, something I thought I'd never do again... Something I no longer felt I could pride myself in.
When I was done it almost felt like the rain was steaming off my body and in all the tirade of emotions I somehow managed to miss my audience approach me, all one of them and they were clapping.
A little surprised, I turned to see Bella smiling a little hesitant at me, probably contemplating on whether or not to approach. For the most part I tried to make eye contact with her, but I found that I couldn't. Something I didn't realize I had done when I left was that I grabbed my special hoodie, one of two, the other of which belonged to Bella. Not so surprisingly, she was also wearing her's, we both seemed to bring them every where we went.
Thinking back, I could still remember when we got them. They were Port Angeles hoodies, the one's we got when Bella finally got her license. It was a sorta celebratory victory over her dad which being the chief of the local police meant a very short leash for his daughter and consequently one for me too marked by my dad's friendship with Charlie. When we tried them on they looked ridiculous, but as the colors faded and the fabric lightened they sorta grew on me.
More importantly though, they represented our friendship, one that's been strong through thick and thin. We made a promise that whenever we wore them that we went into the world together, a promise I seemed to have not really been keeping lately... Bella was a complicated introvert. Something about her drew people in and while she was never rude, most of the time she'd never give people the time of day and yet, she was the most openminded between the two of us. A trait that I wish I possessed, but she had a way of fitting into place with her friends and seeing the good in people.
Bella just approached me and as I calmed myself down I found myself leaning against the base of a tree. She slid down to sit next to me not saying a word.
"How'd you know?" I said trying to out speak the wind and the occasional thunder.
"Edward..." Was all she said before we resumed our silence.
Back home we used to do things like this all the time, just sit and watch the rain, enjoying each other's company, but right now it felt strained. Ever since going to college, I couldn't help but feel like I'm stuck in place, like something's keeping me from moving forward. I side glanced at Bella and her face was emotionless, probably contemplating what to say, but I didn't wanna rush the conversation. If anything I'd rather we didn't have.
Somewhere along the line, she surpassed me in social skills. I mean, back in high school, I had her and some of my close friends on the Res, but I was always willing to hang with Bella and her friends. Yet, when we went to college, part of me wasn't willing to move forward, some weekends I would go back home to meet up with the guys instead of making new friends. As for Bella... well she stayed in touch with Angela, I think, but she felt like the past was behind her and she wanted to move on, meet new people, something she was always pressuring me to do which I usually just shrugged off.
"You mind telling me what happened" Bella finally said breaking the silence.
I took a deep breath and just sighed. There wasn't really a place to begin because, well, I'm not even sure where it begins.
"I don't know..." I picked up a twig and began prodding the soft mud trying to avoid looking at Bella. "I guess I over reacted to Emmett being..."
"Gay?" Bella looked out into the rain.
I stopped playing with my mess and glanced at Bella trying to see if she was mad or disappointed "Yeah..."
Again there was silence, but this time it was killing me because I just wanted her to say what she was thinking. Part of me knew it, but I still wanted her to say it...
"Does that bother you?" Bella asked looking at me as serious as possible.
In all that fuss I had made, I guess I had never really considered that question. I had never had to before, never wanted to, but now here I was, in the pouring rain alone with Bella being forced to start forming my own adult ideals. It was so easy when you're growing up to just go with what your parents say, I mean at some point we'd all taken a civics class and learned that more than half of America's population adopts the same political ideals as our parents. But what happens when you're never exposed to those ideals? My dad was a fairly soft spoken man after my mom died, leaving me for the most part to fend for myself. Not to mention I was in a very isolated community where the outside world, the kind you see in Hollywood movies and books is all just a fairy tale to me. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. He was always there when I needed him and was there to answer all my worldly questions, but he was never actively involved in my upbringing. I suppose in part it was due to his physical limitations, but I don't think I could ever tell you which way he votes none the less.
It sucks, but for the most part, I've had to kinda work my way through this world on my own and as such I've had to be sorta cautious of my surroundings. In other words, I've only ever faced problems as they've arisen. If it wasn't for Bella, I never would have gotten my hands on the football scholarship. She was always the planner, she knew where she wanted to be in the next ten years. I kinda just lived day by day. Well now this life style was starting to catching up to me...
I stared up into the sky as if by chance it might contain all the answers to my questions, but no such luck.
"I guess not..." I said with a sigh. When I thought about it I guess it made sense. Previously I had no problem finding something to hate about Emmett, mainly because I saw him as a threat to my masculinity. But now, well he was pitching for an entirely different team, so I suppose there really wasn't a competition there.
"Then do you mind telling me why you freaked out and ran off into this torrential rain" Bella's voice raised ever so slightly, but it was still enough to make me flinch. I knew her well enough to know she wasn't mad, but more sternly scolding me.
"I don't know, I guess I didn't know how to react". I paused organizing my thoughts, with Bella I always had to, otherwise I'd be walking on glass, "I mean, I've never even really met a gay guy, what was I supposed to do?"
"You could have not freaked out." Bella stood up wiping the mud off the butt of her jeans, "You could have not left, you could have also thought things through. And you have met a gay guy, you knew Emmett before he told you. I thought you two were starting to get along, then you had to go and let something like this ruin it."
That last part kinda stung a little and I think my face showed it because the frustration on Bella's face faltered.
"Listen, I know he kinda caught you by surprise. Maybe that wasn't the best way for him to come out to you guys". Bella stepped in front of me "But that doesn't excuse your actions. I didn't see Jasper or Edward storming off."
"Don't compare me to them! I'm my own person, besides Jasper was laughing at him!" I didn't want to turn this into a fight, but I was afraid that was where it was heading.
Bella looked a little shocked as I finally stood to my feet as well towering over her. She knows I would never do anything to hurt her, but the height difference does make me very intimidating.
"That's just how Jasper is and you know that". She said crossing her arms and shifting her weight, she wasn't backing down.
"That doesn't make it right!" Bella smiled at me as I began to fume "What!"
"Would you listen to yourself?" She said still smiling, but not in a triumphant way, more like a "knowing" way I think.
At first I didn't get what she meant, but then I saw how she had led me right into a trap. "Fine, I screwed up is that what you wanted me to say? Sorry, are you happy now?"
"No". Was all she said.
"What! Why not?"
"Because I'm not the one you need to be apologizing to". She turned around and walked to the edge of the over hang and stopped before moving into the rain, "Although, I would accept a "thank-you.""
"Yeah sure sure, thanks." I said rolling my eyes.
"Thank You" Bella corrected me.
"Yeah okay, I get it, but what do I do now?" I said mimicking Bella as I crossed my arms over my chest.
"You could start by apologizing to Emmett." Bella poked me in the arm with an accusatory finger.
"I guess..." I backed away from Bella, "But won't that make things awkward between us now, how am I supposed to act around him?"
Bella sighed rolling her eyes, "You could try being yourself! Nothing's changed between you two. Honestly, this is silly that I have to walk you through this. I understand that this is new for you, but you're making it a big deal out of nothing." She held out her hand to let the water trickle over it. "Besides, you should learn to deal with this now. Emmett certainly one be the last gay male you'll deal with in your life. Better you deal with this dilemma now then later."
She definitely had a point. But, despite her words, I still didn't know how to deal with it. We both sorta just watched the rain fall. Somewhere in the heat of the moment, the thunder and lighting had stopped, but the sky was far from clear. I could sorta relate, while the forefront of the turmoil was over I was still confused to this whole thing, probably for no reason.
"I still don't understand..." I all but whispered.
To my surprise, all Bella did was hug me. Something that was uncharacteristic for her as she wasn't the touchy-feely kind of person. When the shock factor settled down I returned to hug.
"You don't have to understand, because there's nothing to understand Jake. What ever you're trying to figure out though, it'll come in time if you wait for it." She finally released me pulling her hood up and tucking her long hair in.
"I really hope so..." I said more to myself than to her.
We stood like that for a few minutes before Bella started to leave. If there's one thing you should know about Bella when you first meet her, its that she never tell you when she's leaving. Nor does she say good bye, she just goes. Apparently it's not even that she doesn't believe in good byes or anything, but more that there are no such things as good byes, so she refuses to say anything.
I watched her begin to walk away into the rain.
"Bella!" I called after.
"Yeah?"
"Thank You..."
Bella turned and smiled at me, "There's billions of people in this world Jake, you and I are just two of them. I know we've always said "the two of us against the world" but I think this is an opportunity for you to grow into something more."
This time she gone, but not before warning me about catching a cold. I laughed at that part, but after a few minutes of her leaving I couldn't help but feel a little bummed. Everything she said was true and I'm thankful for her third perspective opinions, but I wasn't really sure how to go about apologizing to Emmett. Mostly I was too embarrassed to walk back now, but also I wasn't sure how he'd take it.
A/N Well? Did you like it? Hate it? I can't know unless you tell me! Reviews are always welcome, be critical, after all this story is for YOU! Of course the plots pretty much solidified in my head now, I do appreciate commentary, it's what keeps this story going. Also, on a side note, does Jacob still seem real emo? That wasn't what I was going for, but I definitely see how it seems that way. More or less I want him confused and have him just try and figure things out. I know this chapter probably doesn't help the "Jacob isn't emo" cause in my story, but try and look at it as a lot of this is his thoughts. His actions, mannerisms (aside from this chapter), and personality should allude hopefully more to a tough guy facade. Anyways, hope you liked it none the less. Until next time.
