I have never seen Raliel cry so much as she did in the days after my flight. I thought she was the strong type of person who never cried, but it seemed that all of the stress was hitting her all at once. She was the Weyrwoman now, officially, as I had been the first queen to rise after Grananth's death. The people who whispered that Naria should be Weyrwoman were forgetting that very important tradition. I think if Raliel had had S'ton by her side she might not have been as distressed. But it seems that my flight had finally made her realize how she felt about the bronzerider, as much of her time was spent wondering over how things might have been different had I chosen Bannith instead of Roanith. She might have had more of the Weyr behind her supporting her, but I could not help that. There would still be naysayers even if I had.

Then there was the worry over the missing Weyrlings and Candidates. Several days had passed without a sign. None of the dragons could feel them, leading everyone to think that they were truly gone. Not just taken, but dead. I felt a little guilty for wishing that they were never found, but there was no way that my ill wishes could have caused their death. That was just silly. Raliel seemed to think that people blamed her for the kidnapping and possible murder and that her leadership was already destined to fail if she could not even find them.

One evening, the evening of the fourth day since my flight, Raliel ran into S'ton. Quite literally, in fact, as she abruptly collided with him while rounding a corner of a dark corridor. I could feel the tension building within her immediately, which was the only reason I was paying attention to their conversation. I am glad I did, or I might not have understood Raliel's thoughts the next day. S'ton asked about the missing ones and Raliel was forced to tell him bad news. They had not yet been found, of course, and he would know that as well. Raliel was conflicted, so much so that I could not have slept had I tried. She wanted to be comforted by S'ton, but she did not know how the Weyr would take to having their Weyrwoman involved with someone who was not the Weyrleader. It seemed like such a silly thing to me, but I suppose that elsewhere on Pern she might have been viewed as an adultress. I think this was her concern, anyways. She did not seem to be as intent on remaining strong like she had with F'nar, but her feelings for S'ton were much different.

Raliel was on the brink of tears despite S'ton's reassurances. "Raliel... We'll find them. The dragons would know if anything had happened to them. Wherever they are, they're okay..." he told her, but it did not comfort her at all. If they were not at Red River, where were they? I could feel her frustration, and she was frustrated for so many different reasons. She wanted him to stop talking about the missing ones for some reason and even more confusingly, she wantedto talk about her feelings. That was odd enough in itself that I had to listen closer.

S'ton suddenly embraced Raliel and I wasn't sure what to think about that. Her tears began to flow, so I thought he had somehow harmed her. I was so close to waking Roanith and going after S'ton, but then he said, "Raliel, we'll fix all this. I don't know how yet, but we will. We have to..." No, he hadn't upset her, though her sobs now came harder. I could feel a slight release in her mind, a relief of some of the tensions that had been building up. It seemed as though this release also unveiled emotions she had been trying to hide from me. She was guilty for my choice and a little resentful. I thought to recoil, but no, I had to see that my rider was okay. I did not like that I had caused her this pain and I did not like that she was angry at me over my flight, even if it was just a small bit. She still thought I had chosen wrong, and despite how sure I had been of my choice, the seed of self doubt had been planted in my mind.

"It's not your fault... None of it is your fault..." Raliel's response to those words knocked me back. Icouldhavestoppedher! I was reeling. Why would she have stopped my rising? I could not have helped it. It had been the right time to me, even if others might not have agreed. While I worked to understand the fury behind her words, Raliel tried to puzzle out what it was that made her want S'ton over F'nar. She tried to tell herself she knew him no better than the other man, but then she remembered the Gather and his gift of Alyx. S'ton was crying too now as he continued to soothe my rider. "You've got me," he told her and I felt Raliel stiffen at those words, resistant. "You've always got me..."

She didn't believe him of course. Even if he wanted to be there for her, what extent would be allowed before the people of the Weyr deemed their relationship inappropriate. She could never have him the way she wanted, not unless Bannith could one day catch me. I thought on that for a moment. Bannith would have been an equally good mate had he not been injured, but I was happy with Roanith. He was strong and a good companion. It seemed unlikely at that time that I would choose Bannith in my next flight, but it was so far away that I did not care to think overmuch on the subject.

S'ton seemed to realize that they could not stay in that corridor for much longer if they wanted their conversation to remain private, as he was encouraging Raliel to go to the dining caverns. I agreed with this decision. Sneaking around in dark corridors would only raise suspicion and since Raliel was concerned with how others might think of her should she pursue S'ton, it was best to avoid those suspicions. "Let's go get you cleaned up. I'll walk with you... if you want, that is..." he offered and Raliel reluctantly pulled away. I could feel that she already hated to be without him and I wished there was some way I could comfort her. Gently I pressed my mind against hers, trying to soothe her without cluing her in that I had been listening.

"I'll go with you, I'll support you." he reaffirmed. Raliel accepted his offer and together they went down to the dining caverns. To the Weyr they might appear to only be a bronzerider paying respects to his Weyrwoman, perhaps discussing where the search was headed next, but I knew better. I felt a prick of guilt for the stress I caused my rider, but I could not undo it. Raliel would have to live with my decision and it would make her stronger. I knew she would make it through this disaster, even if she did not. F'nar was a capable man and so was S'ton and I had confidence that both would see her through.