The Package is in the Open

"Church, how could you guys let this happen?!"

"Wh-us? The rookie was the one who just handed the man our flag!"

"Then why did you assign that job to a rookie?!"

"I don't know, Captain, why were you sleeping when you should have been guarding the base?"

"Now's not the time for ridiculous questions, Tucker! We have to get that damn flag back!"

Tucker groaned and kicked the ground like a little kid and looked towards the middle of the canyon. He spotted a moving red spot, and pointed eagerly at it. "Look! There he is!"

Church took out the sniper rifle and lifted it up. "Where? Oh, yeah," he murmured. "Oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs."

Tucker whistled. "He must be one smart son of a bitch."

Lily nodded in agreement. "Caboose said his armor was red, and it is. Which means he's their sergeant."

"Well that makes sense," Church said. "At least we know how he got past our defenses."

Caboose stepped up, "Uh, actually, he walked right in from where you guys were standing.."

Church and Tucker chose to ignore that comment as Lily clenched her hands into fists once more.

"Whatever, just take him out," she snapped.

"Roger that," Church responded. "Goodnight, Sarge."

Four shots rang out, all four missing the Sergeant as he began to run around aimlessly.

"Crap," Church muttered.

Tucker, Lily, and Caboose stayed quiet, staring at Church as he glanced back at them.

"What?"

"You're not very good with that thing, are you?" Lily questioned.

Suddenly, the red's sergeant began waving the flag back and forth, as if taunting them.

"Man, that is just embarrassing," Tucker sighed.

Lily growled in agreement and took a step closer to the teleporter. "I've had it. Caboose, you can stay here and...guard the base. Church, Tucker and I will go through the teleporter and cut him off at the pass."

"Okay!" Caboose nodded his head.

"Tucker, you first."

The aqua armored man took a step back an shook his head. "Uh, there is no way I'm going through that thing."

"Tucker, we don't have time for this," Lily snapped. "You let the Sarge sneak in, you get to go through the teleporter to get the flag back."

"But it wasn't just me! Church was there, too!" Tucker argued.

Lily nodded, "I know. Which is why Church will be going in right after."

Said soldier waved his arms and stepped back. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not goin' through that either!"

"Ugh, you guys!" Lily complained. "Why would they give us a teleporter that doesn't work?"

"I dunno, why would they give us a tank that nobody can drive?"

Lily frowned at Tucker. "What? You know what, never mind. We already tested the teleporter."

"We threw rocks through it, remember?" Church said.

"Yes, and they came out the other side, didn't they?"

"Rocks aren't people, Cali. I hope you realize that."

"I do," she nodded and pushed him in. She turned to Church who quickly shook his head and began to protest, ("Don't you dare-"), but didn't give him a chance as she shoved him in as well.

Caboose and Lily stared out into the canyon, where Church and Tucker were supposed to arrive. However, they didn't, and after a few minutes, Caboose finally spoke.

"They...didn't come out the other side," he almost whispered.

Lily nodded, biting her lip. "Uh, yyeeeaaaahhhhh...I've uh, I've decided...I'm not gonna use the teleporter..."


"I still have no idea what you're talking about. I don't hear any shots," Simmons grumbled.

"I'm tellin' you, it was four shots! Like, bam, bam, bam!"

Sam frowned and quickly counted on her fingers. "That was only three 'bams.'"

Grif glanced at her before looking back through the sniper rifle he was holding. "...bam. Wait a second...we've got a blue guy on the move out here."

"Where's he headed?" Simmons asked, looking around. Sam narrowed her eyes once she spotted the blue, but quickly realized he wasn't blue at all.

"Uh, that's...that's Donut," she said.

"Yeah, and it looks like..." Grif zoomed in on the sniper rifle and let out an almost inaudible gasp. "Crap, Simmons, get the Warthog."

Sam chuckled, "You mean the Puma?"


"Freeze!" Lily yelled, pointing her gun at the red sergeant, to turned around and frowned at her.

"Why was that other guy shooting at me?" he asked stupidly, "He could have hit me, you dicks!"

"Can it! Don't try and play stupid with me, Sarge, we know who you are."

The red tilted his head curiously, "But I just got here two hours ago. I'm not a sergeant, I'm a private!"

Lily frowned and lowered her aim, tilting her own head slightly. "'Not the sergeant?'"

"That's what I just said!"

"But how...how did you manage to steal our flag?"

"Steal?" the red stood up straight, becoming completely appalled. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"OH SHIT!"

"-THROW ME IN THAT DAMN TELEPORTER!"

Lily and the red both screamed and jumped back, and one or two shots may have accidentally been fired. Standing before her were Church and...Tucker? It was Tucker, she knew that much, but his armor was covered in a bunch of black stuff, while Church's wasn't.

"Holy shit!" the red exclaimed. "Who is this guy?"

"What in the ass? Tucker? Church? Why did you barely get-"

"How did you get up here ahead of us?" Church asked suddenly.

"And what's all that black shit on your armor?" the red added.

Tucker and Church turned to him and aimed at him, both yelling, "Freeze, Sarge!"

"Would you stop calling me that? I'm still just a private!"

"The sergeant is still just a private?" Tucker repeated, before gasping dramatically. "Oh. My. God." he turned to Church and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him slightly. "The teleporter sent us back in time!"

He then turned to look at Lily and the red, who were both standing side by side feeling extremely confused.

"Okay look," Tucker spoke to Lily, "I know you don't know us, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Some time in your future I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this guy here, he gets promoted to Sergeant of the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep, and I'm like 'There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!'"

"Tucker? What the fuck are you babblin' about?" Church asked, just as confused as everyone else.

"I know all this sounds crazy," Tucker continued, "but he eventually becomes a Sergeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals a flag while we're distracted."

"Is this guy an airhead?" the red asked.

"Okay, red? Please be quiet," Lily snapped then turned to Tucker. "Tucker? Shut the fuck up. You haven't gone back in time, okay? This is the guy who stole the flag, he's just not the Sergeant," Lily heard what she thought sounded like music, but tuned it out. "Turns out, he's just some rookie, who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow," she narrowed her eyes at him and Church, "just g... for God's sakes, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?"

Suddenly, a jeep jumped over a nearby hill, the upbeat sounding music emitting straight from it.

"Whoohoo!" one of the reds shouted.

"Fuck!" Lily yelled

"Holy shit."

"Son of a bitch, run!" Church panicked, waving his arms one way and taking off. "Jesus! Run!"

He ran off and Tucker followed him. Lily had no choice but to retreat as well as the orange one and the purple one jumped out and began firing at him. They ended up hiding behind a giant rock as one of the reds fired at them from the jeep.

"Ah! Git! The ah! Eeh!" was all Lily heard when Church tried to speak through the loud gunshots. She sighed and peeked out from behind the rock, only to almost get her face blown off by bullets.

"Fuck," she whispered to herself.


"What the hell is going on here?" Grif yelled at the rookie through the loud firing.

"You know what?" Donut shouted back, "I honestly have no idea what's going on here! I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely brainless!"

"How did you get their flag?" Sam asked, standing next to Grif. She had been waiting with Simmons as he fired, but the noise became a little too much for her ears.

Donut shrugged and waved the flag slightly. "I don't know, I just asked for it!"

Sam and Grif were silent. They turned to look at each other before looking back at Donut. "And that worked?"

"Was it not supposed to?"

Sam shrugged in response, "I dunno. We've just...we never even thought to try that."

Grif shook his head, "Just take the flag back to base, we'll explain there."

"Not until someone tells me what the fuck is goi-"

"Not now, rookie!" Grif yelled. "Just take the flag and go to base!"

"Fine!"

Donut turned and ran off, in the same direction from which he came. Sam had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from either laughing at him, or yelling at him.

Grif groaned, "Back to our base, dumbass!"

"Oh, oh I knew that!" Donut said, turning around and running the other way. "I just got a little turned around, that's all!"

Sam rolled her eyes and looked up over to where Simmons was standing on the Warthog, firing at the blues and yelling random words.

"...Come on, blue! Come on, get out here! I've got a whole barrel of love to shoot you with!"

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out through her nose, wondering just what the hell was wrong with this army.


A/N: Aanddd I'll leave it there. I'm so glad you guys like this story already! I love the feedback I've been getting and it's wonderful that you all like Sam so much!

Hey, just a quick question, if I were to make a harry potter story, how many of you would read it? I've been thinking about it, though it wouldn't be until after this story is finished, that way I can focus on one story at a time.

But yeah, let me know what you guys think!

~Saammmm :-D