AN: I know I know!! The one chapter a day thing starts now! Just been very busy. Anyway, goddamn squiggly line that's meant to show memories didn't show up. So now it's anything with : before and after it is a memory. They'll always start on a new line as well. As for the ending, well, that's what happens when I listen to X-Japan too much, especially Tears. Reviews are nice, if you give me them then Xemmy will give you a heart insert gasp here
Xemnas stopped before ringing the bell, just to catch his breath. He knew Saïx would rant at him if he saw him out of breath and tired. But Xemnas needed to see him. No matter how many times Saïx was going to say he was fine, they both knew he wasn't. Those dreams were going to be the death of him unless Xemnas could get him to talk. After gaining a decent breathing pattern, Xemnas finally rang, which startled Saïx inside the apartment. He was amazed at how fast Xemnas had gotten there. Ashe went to answer, he had no idea what to say; he looked a mess and was still shaky. It all seemed so real to him, and if he had difficulty getting his own brother off a bus, how the hell was he meant to get nine people to follow him down another route, to something less lethal? But time ran short and, before he could even register what was going on, Saïx had opened the door. Showtime.
"Hey, look...umm…you really didn't have to-"
"I already told you, I do." Saïx was stopped dead in his tracks. Xemnas' voice was so stern, with what was almost a monotone. It was slightly scary, because the voice matched his face. Xemnas was mentally killing himself for it; that came out much colder than intended. Saïx certainly won't talk if he's scared of Xemnas. He needed a good recovery and he needed fast; the silence between them was growing awkward. Xemnas sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry about that. It's just…I've been worried about you since you called me. You seemed really shaken up about whatever the hell you saw." He was proud of that, seeing as Xemnas was never very good at making up for something said or done without long to think about it. Saïx grew even tenser, however. He knew calling Xemnas was a bad idea; he'd worried him. He tried not to do one thing (and appeared to not do it well for so long) and then he goes and makes everything worse. Saïx suddenly realised that he and Xemnas were in for a long night. He also realised that they looked ridiculous, just standing in the hall.
"Um…do you want to come in?" Xemnas nodded, and followed Saïx inside.
Despite being his best friend, he had never been to Saïx's apartment (the fact that he had only just moved into it a few months ago was something to consider). But even at a glance, he could definitely tell that Saïx lived there. He could just tell; everything about it was in character with Saïx. The obscene amount of astronomy books, the neutral colours and the way that even though everything was spread out all around the place at random, it still looked relatively neat. They both sat on the sofa, Saïx looking at every other thing in the room other than Xemnas. He could not seem to look at that man without blushing unless they were in comfortable conversation. Saïx should have expected what was coming, yet it was still able to startle him.
"Saïx…I want you to tell me about the dream." Saïx opened his mouth to argue, only to shut it again. As much as he hated to admit it, he had learned while studying psychology that if someone talked about any issue bothering them, they felt more relaxed and less agitated, because at least someone else was there for them. So, with much reluctance, Saïx explained what he had seen, the drunken man, being thrown to the floor, Luxord pulling Xemnas out of the river. Everything, in detail (he had also learned through practice that the more detail the problem is explained in, the better the sufferer feels). Saïx's words disturbed Xemnas slightly, but that was totally normal; no one liked to hear what was potentially their own death. He was not very fond of this man hurting Saïx either. No one, with rank, age, sex or anything else included, had the right to lay a finger on his Saïx if they intended to hurt him in any way. After Saïx had finished, the two just sat in silence. How was Xemnas supposed to respond to what he had just heard? He expected it to be serious, and he expected it to involve him. But he did not expect to hear what Saïx had just said. He looked at his friend sympathetically; he seemed to dream deaths or injuries a lot. He was amazed Saïx had not been driven insane. And yet, Saïx could just wake up the next day and act as if nothing had happened. Even Xemnas could see that was a recipe for self-destruction. While Xemnas contemplated how strong Saïx was and how he planned to help him, Saïx grew even more furious with himself. What was he thinking? He had just told Xemnas that he literally lay back and watched him die. Whatever state of mind he was in at the time, he had snapped out of it now and regretted everything he had just said. And there way of taking that one back; the icing on his badly baked cake.
"Saïx..."
"I know, it's completely insane. I shouldn't have told you, I honestly have no idea what I was thinking when I did. I'm sorry that I dragged you out of bed just to hear…-" Xemnas pressed his finger to Saïx's mouth, as a sign that he should stop speaking. He was not there to hear Saïx apologise.
"Saïx, I'm just amazed that you can see these things and still say you're okay. I want to be able to help you. There's got to be reason you have those dreams and I know Zexion's trying to find it, but maybe he's going the wrong way about doing so." Saïx stared at Xemnas, confused. What did he mean by that? Was there another way to go about fixing him?
: The man threw Xemnas in and held him down. Anyone who tried to stop him was as useless as a small child against an army. The water stopped and the man stood, and then stumbled off. Everyone sat in shock. Luxord pulled Xemnas out. No mater how many times they tried to resuscitate him, Xemnas was never coming back. His face had lost colour, but his eyes, they stared at Saïx accusingly…:
Xemnas tapped Saïx lightly. He had zoned out completely, and his face quickly grew an almost ghostly pale and his amber eyes grew wider and wider each passing second. He shook him lightly again, as Saïx gave no reaction to him the first time.
"I let you die…"
Xemnas sat back, once again in shock. He didn't let him die. He explained the dream; he was shocked by the attack and the situation. Everyone else was just as useless.
"What do you mean? That's not true Saïx, there was no way you could have stopped him..."
"I let you die. I did nothing. I let you die, Xemnas." Saïx's expression never changed. He never looked at Xemnas, which only added distance to his voice. He almost whispered it. Xemnas knew then that Saïx was letting everything he had been holding back come out in this one dream. He also knew that no matter what Saïx said or did, he was going to stay with him until he calmed down. Even if that meant staying until it was time to go to work. Even if it meant the two of them staying off work. Saïx could not get those words out of his head. He could hear his own voice echoing through his mind, sending shivers down his spine. He let Xemnas die. He could have at least tried. He saw it happen. He let the man he loved die. Did that mean he didn't love him? Of course he did, he had for so long. Even a blind person could see it. So if he loved him as much as he mentally claimed to, why did he just lie there? A small moment of sanity brought another thought to his already overflowing mind: what was happening to him?
As they both sat there, Saïx repeating his crime and Xemnas denying it, neither could tell who was going to win. Xemnas was getting more worried about Saïx. He had already decided that they were missing work that day; Saïx needed to calm down and, come hell or high water, Xemnas was not going to leave him. Those damned dreams were starting to eat into his conscious mind, and Xemnas wished time and time again that he could do something to make it all go away, to make Saïx happy again. He would kill to see him smile again, he silver-haired man noticed that he had lost eye contact with Saïx, and looked back up. A small trail of sliver glistened on Saïx's cheek, which was soon accompanied by another, and another. Xemnas reached over to wipe them away (if he could not wipe away the dreams, he could at least wipe away Saïx's tears), before holding Saïx as close to him as he could. Saïx gave no reaction at first, but he soon clung to Xemnas. He was scared to let go, he was scared that Xemnas would leave him if he did. And the last thing he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts. Saïx eventually settled down, but he refused to let sleep seduce him again, not if it would mean letting his mind be put in control. He never let go on Xemnas, but Xemnas was okay with that. He would still be okay if Saïx never let go of him.
"Saïx, do you believe your dreams?"
"…………yes." There was no lying to Xemnas. Saïx did believe what he saw, which just made them all the more traumatising. Surely now Xemnas would think he was insane, right?
"Don't worry, we'll get through this together. I'll always be here if you need to talk about them." He changed the subject. He did think he was insane. Saïx nodded, slightly embarrassed by his confession.
"I believe them too."
