Response Time: To Sonny April, I knew you'd like it.

Chapter 4: A Feeling of Blue

While inside the boat, Mike was licking the side of it, prompting Mr. Wonka to say, "Don't lick my boat. You're gonna make it all sticky." Mr. Wonka, presuming I was poor (which he's right), took out a ladle and dipped into into the river before offering it to me. I'm poor. I don't like handouts, as much as people would assume. However, I drank that shite, and so did my grandpa. I hope Mr. Wonka's okay with snot on the ladle (I can't stop with the snot stuff, can't I? Maybe I should). He repeated what he said about the waterfall beforehand, which made him ridiculed. Can't say I blame anybody, considering there's something not all right upstairs with him.

Mr. Wonka was suddenly in this flashback stare after I asked him something. He looked like he was on LSD. I'm poor, so I know what it is. I finally had to get him to wake up so he could see WE WERE HEADING FOR A BLOODY TUNNEL! Suddenly, he says, "Full speed ahead." I'm usually not one to judge things at face value; but if your heading for a dark tunnel, and you can't see shite, should you be really going faster? It's one thing to do it on a train, but in case everyone forgot: BOATS DON'T RUN ON TRACKS! There was a sudden drop, and then- OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH! WHY ARE WE BLOODY FALLING! Actually, this is great, so never mind that last bit. Not everyone was enjoying it. Mike must be the type who hates roller-coasters, because he did not like it. It was rather satisfying to see the scared look on Violet's face, as well as Veruca screaming that she did not want a boat anymore.

After a long ride, awkward conversation about hair cream, possible animal abuse, and another set of twists and turns, we had made it to our destination. It was the inventing room. Everyone walked inside (except Augustus, who as a statue, shifted side to side to move). Mr. Wonka said this was the most important room in the entire factory. I could have sworn I heard him say the same thing about the Chocolate Room. Oh, well. Oh, you'll love to hear this. Mr. Wonka tells us not to touch anything. What is the first thing Mike and Violet do? They touch something. *TRIGGERED*

We learn about Everlasting Gobstoppers, which are these balls that you can suck on all year. They'll also never get any smaller. The ones I were seeing were all red. I pictured myself sucking on those red balls all year. Violet thought they were like gum. Unfortunately, sucking is much different than chewing. And if you laughed at any of this paragraph, you have a dirty mind.

Next up was Hair Toffee. We learned how if you "sucked down one of these little boogers" (Again, another snot joke in a story already filled with them!), you could grow new hair, a mustache, and a beard. Mike was the unfortunate one who asked, "Who wants a beard?"

"Well," Mr. Wonka says, "Beatniks for one. Folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool, neat, keen and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I'm laying down? I knew that you could! Slide me some skin, soul brother!" (Need I remind you I just recited that through memory.) Mike understandably did not reciprocate one of the most amusing and confusing moments of my life. Needless to say, it was amusing. Made my day, it did.

When approaching the next machine, Violet asked, "Mr. Wonka, what's this one?"

Mr. Wonka did not answer, and instead pulled a lever. Everything began to bubble and steam. The machine lurched forward, and a little device opened up. When it was done, it produced a piece of gum with a "DING" noise. I won't deny it, as cynical as I am, the "DING" was adorable. Violet grabbed it (no surprise there) and looked at it while Mr. Wonka explained about it. It was a gum that was a three-course-meal. You're telling me my poor ass can have a meal off a stick of gum? Sign me and my family up- never mind, Violet's already chewing it.

She started boasting and bragging about how good it was. It made me want to snatch it out of her mouth. I don't care how unsanitary that is. Unfortunately, Mr. Wonka told her to stop, and we quickly figured out why. Mike's eye's bugged out like a frog, and Veruca was smiling again. Violet's face was turning blue. Apparently, the gum is flawed, and the blueberry pie was the cause of it. It's also addictive, so you can't stop. Talk about a bad day right there.

She turned blue, before surprising us all by inflating swiftly. It was disgusting to the eyes, and it made me miss her gum chewing. She was the size of a 20-foot tall blueberry. We heard another rehearsed song (Sounds weird, doesn't it), with Mr. Wonka getting jiggy with it, so he says. However, just before moving Violet's body, she exploded. Her entire body suddenly exploded on us. Mike had his hands out, and caught Violet's head. Everyone in the room simultaneously screamed.

To our surprise, Violet's head said, "Guys, please, you're hurting my ears." Violet's head wasn't blue anymore, but it was talking. This made everyone scream a second time.

"You survived that?" I asked. "How?"

Mike smiled and said, "Hold on Charlie, let's not get a"head" of ourselves."

I responded, "True, we don't want her to have a headache."

Mike countered, "After all, she was blue enough as it is."

I replied, "Now that one slayed me!"

Violet looked very mad, but she started laughing at this one. Mike held her head in his hands as he tucked his head in his shirt and said, "Hey Charlie, who am I?"

I replied, "The Headless Horseman!"

Mr. Wonka suddenly said, "I think we should just move on. Someone keep holding her head. We've got to keep moving."

That's the incredibly long chapter! By the way, Friday's chapter will be delayed by a few hours. Have a great day!