Lisbon woke as Jane's lips brushed across her temple. Sunlight streamed into Clara's bedroom, spilling over the purple unicorn bedspread covering the twin bed in which Lisbon and Clara had fallen asleep the night before. Lisbon, one arm still circled around Clara protectively, lifted her head groggily from Clara's pillow. "What time izzit?" she slurred.
Jane leaned over them and dropped another kiss to the top of Lisbon's head. "Early yet."
Lisbon found the clock with her eyes. "Liar."
"You needed the rest," Jane said, unrepentant. He glanced down at Clara. "You both did."
Lisbon frowned, the implications of Clara's confession of the night before flooding back to her.
Jane studied her intently. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah," she sighed. Off his skeptical look, she shook her head slightly, glancing at Clara. "I'll tell you later."
"Okay," Jane said.
Clara sighed in her sleep and turned over, flinging one arm across Lisbon's stomach.
Lisbon rearranged herself around her daughter and stroked her hair. Well. A few more minutes wouldn't hurt.
Xxx
By the time Lisbon had showered, eaten breakfast, and gotten the kids dressed, she was running horribly late. Jane offered to help the kids get ready for school, but though it would have been more convenient, she declined the offer. Like the bedtime ritual, she tried to be there as much as possible for the kids' morning routine, since she missed so much time with them during the day. She watched Clara closely that morning, looking for any additional signs of distress that she might have missed. Clara seemed a little more subdued than normal, but otherwise nothing about her behavior appeared remarkable.
Jane caught her in the hall as she was heading back to the bedroom to look for her keys. "I texted Cho," he told her. "He's going to swing by here and pick you up."
"Oh, really?" Lisbon said gratefully. "That's great. Thanks."
"He said it made more sense for him to pick you up on the way out of town anyway, rather than making you drive all the way downtown just to turn around again as soon as you got to the office."
"I guess that means we're heading back to San Antonio today," Lisbon said with a frown. She really hoped they could wrap up the case quickly and head back to Austin at a reasonable hour. She definitely didn't want to be stuck in San Antonio overnight. She didn't want to be away from Clara tonight.
Jane studied her face. "You going to tell me what's going on?"
Lisbon grimaced. "Clara finally told me what the nightmares are about."
"What is it?" Jane said anxiously. "I've been trying to get her to spill it for two weeks and she's shown no signs of cracking."
Lisbon hesitated.
Jane, of course, picked up on her tension immediately. "What?" he asked with dread. "What are they about?"
"Red John," she said in a low voice.
Jane drew back and went about two shades paler. "What? How…?"
Lisbon explained about Emily Barrister's sister.
Jane swore. "That little…"
"I know," Lisbon said. "I'm going to have words with her parents, believe me."
Jane sighed. "I suppose something like this was inevitable."
"Yeah," Lisbon agreed. "I just didn't think it would be so soon. I thought we'd have time to prepare. To explain."
"So did I," Jane said with a grimace of his own. He chewed the inside of his cheek. "What should we do?"
"I don't know," Lisbon said helplessly.
Jane wordlessly stepped closer to her and put his arms around her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his shoulder gratefully. "We'll figure it out," he murmured into her hair.
She smiled into his shoulder despite herself. "Yeah. We will."
Xxx
Mercifully, she and Cho solved the case quickly once they reached San Antonio and were back in the Austin office by two o clock.
Lisbon wrote up her report dutifully, but distractedly. Half her mind was on Clara the whole afternoon. She was relieved to finally have the solution to the mystery of what was causing her daughter such terrible nightmares, but knowing the root cause only made the ultimate solution more challenging. Skinned knees, a bully at school… these were things she could deal with. This, she had no idea how to fix.
She looked at the clock. It was only three-thirty. She suppressed a sigh. She loved her job, but on days like this, there was nothing she would have liked more than to walk straight out of the office and go spend the rest of the day hanging out with her kid.
Was that part of what this anxiety was about? Was Clara reacting not to the shadow of a long-dead killer, but of Lisbon's own frequent absence from their home life? She looked at Clara's letter, still taped to her monitor. The one her child had written because she missed her mom when she was at work.
She bit her lip. Maybe she should take some time off. Spend some time with Jane and the kids, just the four of them. Jane wouldn't mind—he'd be over the moon about the idea. They could drive down to the coast in the Airstream, spend a few days there.
Except, no, they couldn't. Clara was in school. And while she was sure Jane would scoff at the idea that taking her out of school for a few days would do any harm, Lisbon happened to believe routines were important. She didn't want Clara to grow up thinking she could run off and do whatever she liked because of whatever whim entered her head at a given moment—that was a trait of her father's that she definitely did not want to encourage.
Still. These were extraordinary circumstances. Clara needed her right now. There had to be something she could do.
An idea formed in her mind. Considering it, she tracked down a copy of her contract with the FBI and reviewed the relevant sections. Then she got up and walked over to Cho's office.
"Hey," she said, knocking on his door frame. "You got a minute?"
Cho, who had been staring fixedly at his computer with an expression that indicated he wasn't processing a word in front of him, looked up at her. His eyes betrayed the briefest flicker of confusion. "Sorry, what?"
Lisbon looked at him with some concern. It was unlike Cho to lose focus. "Do you have a few minutes?" she repeated.
He still looked abstracted. "Sure. What's up?"
Lisbon sat down in his visitor chair. "I'm thinking about taking Friday off."
He didn't blink. "Okay."
"Assuming we don't have a case, of course," she qualified.
"Fine."
She fiddled with the fabric covering the arm of the chair. "I was also thinking…"
He looked at her. "Yes?"
She took a deep breath. "How do you feel about alternative work schedules?"
He raised his eyebrows. "On general principle?"
"No," she admitted. "I mean specifically about the idea of me having one."
"You're entitled to it," he said. "All Department of Justice employees are authorized to request flexibility in their work schedules."
"Yes, but what do you think about me having one?" Lisbon pressed. "Do you think it would negatively impact the team?"
He sat back. "What did you have in mind?"
"Well, we often end up working long hours when we're in the middle of a case. I was thinking maybe I'd like to start taking Friday afternoons off in weeks when I've worked longer hours at the beginning of the week."
Cho shrugged. "Fine by me."
Lisbon blinked. She hadn't expected this to be so easy. "Really?"
"Doesn't seem like much to ask."
"Oh. Well…thanks."
He raised his eyebrows. "Anything particular that brought this on?"
"It's Clara," Lisbon explained. "Some kid at her school googled Red John and told her about it and she's been having nightmares about it. I want to spend a little extra time with her, make sure she's okay."
"Just while she's dealing with the nightmares?"
"Well, no. I'd like to make it a permanent arrangement. I want to spend more time with both Henry and Clara." She swallowed. "I miss them, sometimes, when I'm at work."
A tiny crease appeared between his brows. "I see."
Lisbon started to feel nervous again. "That's okay, right?"
"I already said it was."
"Yeah, but then you…" Lisbon shook her head. "Never mind. Thanks."
Cho nodded, his eyes looking as though they were focused on something far away.
She watched him intently. He still looked distracted. For Cho, that was the equivalent of downright frazzled for a normal person. "Everything okay?" she asked neutrally.
"Yeah," he said shortly.
"You sure about that?" she said lightly.
He looked at her sharply. He considered the question, then said gruffly, "Shut the door."
"Okay," Lisbon said, startled. It wasn't that bad, was it? She did as she was bidden and returned to the visitor's chair. "Well?" she said expectantly. "What is it?"
He blew out a breath. "Mia's pregnant."
Lisbon's face broke out into a wide smile. "What?! That's great. Congratulations."
"Thanks," he said, his voice bleak.
"What's the matter? Aren't you happy about it?" Lisbon said, wondering if she'd misread the situation.
"Of course I am," he said defensively.
"You don't sound very happy," Lisbon remarked.
He glared at her. "Well, I am."
Ah. Lisbon thought she knew what was going on now. She raised her eyebrows. "And?"
"And… freaked out beyond belief," he confessed.
Lisbon couldn't help it. She laughed.
He scowled. "What's so funny?"
"Sorry," she said contritely, still smiling. "It's just… I've seen you face down the worst killers in the country without even blinking. Seeing you so rattled by the idea of a little tiny baby is…unexpected."
"I don't know anything about kids," he said.
She shrugged. "So you'll learn."
"What if I'm not a good dad?"
"Of course you'll be a good dad," Lisbon said dismissively.
"How do you know?" he persisted.
She fixed him with a look. "I know you."
"I'm serious."
"So am I. What has you so worried about this?"
"I'm not…warm." He met her eyes. There was something very like panic in them. "What if my kid thinks I don't love her enough?"
"It's a girl?" Lisbon said, pouncing on this new intelligence. "That's so exciting!"
"Yeah," he said morosely. "We just found out."
"Hey." Lisbon leaned forward. "Listen to me. You're going to be a great dad. And your child will know how much she is loved."
"How? I'm not like Jane." He gestured vaguely. "You know… all…playful and…cuddly."
"So? Are you going to tell your kid you love her when she goes to sleep at night?"
"I guess so," Cho said doubtfully.
"Read her books at bedtime?"
"Yeah," Cho said, perking up a bit at this.
"Kiss her on the head and tuck her into bed?"
"Of course."
Lisbon spread her hands. "There you go."
He looked dubious. "That's it?"
"There are a few other things you'll pick up along the way," Lisbon said, hiding a smile. "But I think that covers the essentials."
"Huh," Cho said, bemused.
Lisbon got up and walked around the side of the desk. "C'mere," she ordered, holding out her arms expectantly.
Cho got up obediently and let her give him a hug.
"Congratulations, Kimball," Lisbon murmured in his ear. "You're going to be a terrific father." She leaned back and gave him a warm smile. "There's not a doubt in my mind about that."
"Thanks," he said gruffly. He jerked his head towards the door. "Come on. Let's go down to HR. I'll show you where to find the forms for the AWS thing."
Grinning, Lisbon followed him. Cho using paperwork to avoid an emotional display—classic. At least there were somethings in life you could count on. And Cho was going to be a daddy.
She couldn't wait to tell Jane.
Xxx
Lisbon made it home a few minutes early that night.
Clara's eyes lit up when she walked in the door. She abandoned her game on the floor and rushed up to her. "Mommy!" she said, throwing her arms around her waist. "You're home early!"
Lisbon knelt to give her a proper hug. "Well, I missed you an extra lot today, so I thought I'd try to come home a bit early so I could spend some extra time with you."
"Really?" Clara said, pleased.
"Really, truly."
Henry toddled over to greet her as well, Samson at his heels. Henry put his arms around her neck. Samson wagged his tail and nosed his way in between the two children, trying to lick her face. Lisbon laughed and ruffled his fur, successfully keeping him at bay so she could kiss Henry on the top of the head. She indulged herself and took an extra breath to inhale the sweet scent of his soft curls.
Henry tilted his head up and smiled at her, that beautiful, open smile that reminded her so much of Jane's, except without any trace of trickery or hint of a con lurking beneath the surface.
"Okay, you greedy creatures," Jane said from the hallway with mock sternness. "Stop hogging Mommy and keeping her all to yourselves. My turn." He crossed the room and pulled Lisbon to her feet, then gathered her into his arms and greeted her with a long, deep kiss.
"Mm," she said, smiling into his mouth. "I should come home early more often."
He patted her on the ass. "Yes, you should." He let her go and looked into her face searchingly. "Everything okay?"
Recognizing the trace of anxiety in his expression, she smiled at him reassuringly. "Everything's fine. I just wanted to spend a little extra time at home today to make up for getting home late last night."
His expression cleared. "Ah. In that case, this is truly an occasion worthy of celebration. I think a special dessert may be in order. What's your pleasure, my dear?"
She grinned. "Surprise me."
Clara, tired of not being the center of attention, tugged on her sleeve. "Mommy, come look at my drawing I did today," she said impatiently.
"Coming," Lisbon said. She slipped her hand into Clara's and allowed herself to be tugged over to the drawing table in the corner.
It was good to be home.
Xxx
"Hey, guess what," Lisbon said to Jane later, when they were doing the dishes from dinner.
"Okay. Let's see." He eyed her critically. "Something good happened at work today," he guessed.
She rolled her eyes. She should have known better than to open a conversation with Jane with 'Guess what.' "Yes, it did," she said, determined to share the news before he somehow guessed it from her micro-expressions or something. "Cho and Mia are having a baby."
His face lit up. "That's great!"
"It's a girl," she told him.
"We'll have to send them something," Jane said.
"Good idea," Lisbon said. Jane was good at gifts. He'd be sure to pick out the perfect thing for their friends.
Jane chuckled. "Oh, I can't wait to give Cho fatherly advice."
"Don't mess with him too much," Lisbon said, a warning in her voice. That was the last thing Cho needed right now.
"I won't," Jane said. He grinned. "Not too much."
Lisbon swatted him with a dishtowel. "Be good, or I won't tell you my other piece of news."
"You wouldn't like me if I was good all the time," Jane pointed out. "Think how boring life would be."
"I'll settle for some of the time," Lisbon said dryly. "Now, do you want to hear my news or not?"
"Sorry," Jane said contritely. He wisely refrained from guessing. "Shoot."
"I talked to Cho about alternative work schedules today."
"Sounds like some dreadfully dull administrative detail," Jane remarked.
Lisbon ignored this. "The point is, federal employees have the option to request flexible work schedules. I asked Cho if I could take Friday afternoons off from now on in weeks when we work long hours earlier in the week."
Jane went very still.
"Jane?" she said, ducking her head to try to get a look at his face. "Did you hear me?"
"I heard you," he said in an odd voice. He set down the dish he'd been scrubbing in the sink, then turned and took the dish she was drying from her. Then he put his arms around her and hugged her so tightly her ribs might crack.
This reaction, while gratifying on one level, was worrying on another. "Jane?" she asked tentatively. She tightened her own arms around him. "You okay?"
"Of course," he said, letting her go immediately. He gave her a too-bright smile. "That's excellent news."
Lisbon wasn't buying it. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing's the matter," he said with false cheer.
"Spill, Patrick," she ordered.
He evaded her gaze. "It's nothing. Really. I'm glad you're taking time for yourself for once."
She raised her eyebrows. "And?"
He sighed. "And it will be four fewer hours a week I have to spend worrying about you."
She drew back. "I thought—I thought you didn't mind about my decision to go back to work after having the kids."
"I don't," he hastened to assure her.
"We talked about it," Lisbon insisted. They had. She hadn't made this decision unilaterally. She'd thought he supported the idea of her continuing to work. Her throat closed. Suddenly it was difficult to breathe.
"Settle down," Jane said in a quiet, soothing voice. "We did talk about it. I'm glad you're doing something that makes you happy. I'm enormously proud of the work that you do. I'm glad you're out there keeping the world safe for our children."
Lisbon inhaled sharply. "But?"
He sighed again. "What do you want me to say? You know I still worry about you."
"Yeah, but…"
It was his turn to raise his eyebrows. "But what?"
She gestured helplessly. "I thought you'd made your peace with the whole worrying about me thing."
"I have," he said.
"It doesn't sound like it."
He was quiet for a moment. "It's a choice," he said finally.
Lisbon stared at him. "What do you mean?"
"It's like…sit ups."
He was making no sense. "Sit ups?"
"Yeah. You know how if you do sit ups every day, you build up your sit up endurance?"
"You never do sit ups," she pointed out.
"Not the point, Teresa," he said, exasperated.
"What is the point?"
"Sit ups suck," he said decisively. "But let's say hypothetically you decide to start doing them because you know they're good for you. At first, you can barely do ten. You're exhausted and your muscles are sore after. But if you keep doing them, eventually you get better and you can do more of them without getting sore at all. But if you slack off and stop doing them for a while, then you lose everything you've built up and you have to start again at square one."
Lisbon shook her head. "I don't understand."
"The point is, if you want to be good at sit ups, you have to make the decision to do them every day. And sometimes you might not feel like doing them but you decide to do them anyway, because it's the best thing for you in the long run. Making peace with the dangers you face every day—it's like the sit ups. Each day, I have to make a conscious, disciplined decision to accept those risks."
She was silent for a moment. "I didn't know you thought of it like that."
He shrugged. "It's the closest analogy I could think of."
She bit her lip. "Oh."
"Now you're worrying about me worrying," he observed.
"No, I'm not," she denied, immediately and untruthfully.
"Teresa." He took her hands and clasped them between his. "I don't want you to start fretting over this. You're not responsible for my neuroses."
"But I'm making some of them worse," she said unhappily.
"No, you are not," Jane said firmly. "You make my life better in every possible way. Besides, our system works for us."
She arched an eyebrow. "Our system?"
"Yes," he said patiently. "In exchange for doing a few measly sit ups, the world is safer, my wife gets to do a job she loves, my children have a badass hero for a mother, and my marriage is stronger."
"Our marriage is stronger?"
"Yes," he replied with certainty. "You don't resent me for derailing your career and you appreciate me more because you have a chance to miss me when you're at work."
She gave him a watery smile. "Don't forget my appreciation of you for taking care of our little terrors all day."
"That, too," he agreed.
She bit her lip again and looked down. "I just worry that the sit ups might be taking too much out of you."
He put his hands on her hips and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Don't worry about that. I can handle it."
She wrapped her arms around his waist and tucked her head against his chest. "Just promise me that if it ever starts to be too much for you, you'll talk to me about it." She thought about the last time he'd freaked out about something like this and couldn't suppress a shudder. She didn't really believe Jane would walk out on her again, not with the kids to consider, but she supposed that long-buried fear haunting her at unexpected moments was destined to remain one of her particular neuroses.
Jane gave her a little squeeze. No doubt he'd intuited the reason behind her shudder, but he didn't call her on it. He simply said, "I promise."
"Good," she mumbled into his chest. Then, remembering, she raised her head so she could look into his face. "I almost forgot—did I tell you I'm taking the day off on Friday?"
His face lit up. "Really?"
"Yeah. I want to spend some extra time with Clara. I'm worried about these nightmares she's having."
He sobered immediately. "I talked to her today. About Red John, I mean."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He turned away from her and returned to the dishes, looking a bit shaky.
Lisbon watched the line of tension strung across his shoulders as he sudsed up a casserole dish. "What did you tell her?"
Jane scrubbed harder. "I told her Red John couldn't hurt her and there was nothing to be scared of."
If that was all, he wouldn't be radiating tension like a thermonuclear reactor. "What did she say?" Lisbon asked neutrally.
He slowed his over-zealous scrubbing. "She asked why Red John hurt Charlotte in the first place."
"And what did you say to that?"
"I told her it was because her daddy did a lot of stupid things when he was younger," he said tightly.
Lisbon sighed. "Jane. You know that's not true."
He didn't look at her. "On the contrary. It's one thing I've known to be true all along."
Lisbon stepped towards him and kissed the place between his shoulder blades from which all that tension emanated. "No," she said gently. "I can't believe I still have to remind you of this, but what happened to your family was not your fault. It never was. McAllister was a twisted son of a bitch who chose to hurt innocent people for his own perverted reasons."
Jane released a shaky breath. "Yeah," he said morosely. "You're right."
Lisbon locked her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against that spot between his shoulder blades. "But you don't believe it."
She heard the wry, humorless smile in his voice. "My head believes it now. The rest of me…not so much."
"That's progress, I guess," she sighed, and released him.
He caught her hand and squeezed it with his soapy one. "Good thing I have you to remind me when I'm being an idiot."
"Damn straight," she agreed. She leaned against the counter. "Did Clara say anything else?"
Jane shook his head. "She had her thinking face on. She's processing it, I think. I told her she should feel free to ask me if she had any other questions."
Impulsively, she reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. "She's so lucky to have you for a father."
He gave her a bashful smile and she could tell she'd surprised him. "I'm the lucky one."
"We all are," she reminded him.
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? You're including yourself in that number?"
She kissed him again, this time on the mouth. "Every day."
