Tally Mai-chan: Ah, need a break from my other stories. Need. Crack! (Hunched over laptop writing madly on this story) I swear its like a drug for me.
Itachi was murderous when he got his hands on the note left by Orochimaru. Without a word he left through the front door. No one bothered to ask where he was going.
"Wait a second." Hidan looked around the room. "Where's Tally?"
"She doesn't matter right now, Kakuzu and Deidara. You two go find Orochimaru's base and figure out what he wants with Shenori. The rest of us will prepare and maybe find Abby. Right now I need to rest. Some kid dyed all the toilet water red then flooded every bloody one. Gawd I need aspirin."
"Tally!" Hidan shouted around the house, looking in everyone's rooms and all over the back and front yard. "Hey Tally!"
"You haven't been flirting with her have you?" Sasori asked as he came back inside. Hidan decided that he looked like he knew where she was. He always did somehow.
"You know where she is."
"Maybe." Said Sasori uninterestedly, he started to tinker with one of his battle puppets. Testing their joints.
"It wasn't a question."
"What do you have for me?"
"How about the best wood polish I can find."
"I have my own home-brew."
"I'll get Blond-Bomber of your back for a day."
"One week"
"Half a week."
"One or nothing."
"Fine!"
Sasori nodded and jerked his head towards the kitchen. "In the cupboards under the sink."
Tally's voice could be heard in the distance. "I hate you Sasori!!!"
Hidan dashed into the kitchen, diving for the cupboards just as Tally burst out from them, the doors swinging out to hit Hidan square in the face. He ignored the pain and made a grab for her, just missing her ankle. She landed on the kitchen table and kicked off, flying through the open doorway.
Hidan was on his feet in seconds and on her tail. He caught up to her in the living room but she regained distance going up the stairs. He knew he had her then, there was only one staircase, thus only one way to go.
Abby thanked pie when she ran into Kisame in the hall.
"I've never been happier in my life to see you fish face." She smiled teasingly, looking quickly behind her shoulder. Hidan was at the top of the stairs. "Listen, not much time. Protect me. Do any favor. PLEASE!"
"Okay, okay." Kisame said calmly, moving between her and Hidan, just as the man reached them. "Now let's do this all civilized like. Shenori has been kidnapped and Itachi is well... somewhere and we don't need you two getting in the way over love problems. We're going to solve this now."
"I agree" Leader came up stairs. "We'll go downstairs in the living room."
Downstairs in the living room.
The room was split into Hidan's side and Abby's side. Pein backing Abby and Kisame backing Hidan. Tobi and Sasori watched and were the designated judges on any matter.
"First of all." Kisame spoke first, looking to Abby. "How the hell did you two ever get together. I always thought you'd end up with Deidara."
Abby shrugged. "For reasons I won't say it happened."
Hidan laughed. "It's because I'm almost everything she wants in a guy." Abby shot him a dark glare.
"Deidara is still my perfect man."
"You're too good for gayomber."
"What kind of insult is that? You suck at insults."
"So do you."
"I'm not talking about me you stupid religious zealot!"
"Okay, okay." Pein took charge of the situation. "Why'd you guys break up."
"He's too clingy. Swears to much. Way to devoted to jashin. Rude, obnoxious." Abby listed off.
"Like you have a right to talk" Hidan resorted. "You have the weirdest habits, eats way too much. You never want to do anything."
"Well sooooorry if I don't have any libido."
"Yeah well-"
"Enough!" Leader ended the argument there.
"I think both parties are at fault." Sasori said dryly.
Tobi jumped on the ball with his own opinion. Abby groaned audibly. "Tobi agrees and Tobi thinks that they should stay home and work out their problems while the rest of us go rescue Shenori-chan!"
Leader nodded. "Agreed, now lets get going and." He looked to Abby and Hidan. "When we get back you two better have this solved. I don't care if you get back together again or not I just want you to end this feud. If you don't then I'll feed both of you to Zetsu for dinner."
And everyone left, everyone but Hidan and Abby. But little did they know, that the moment they left they doomed the house to be home to, The Great House War."
"I didn't expect this to happen." Kabuto said apologetically to Orochimaru. "The data I recorded said the results would have been different than... this."
"Is she still usable?"
"... No..."
"No more Capitan Crunch for you any more Kabuto. Not until you've solved this problem"
"What! No! Anything but that! I LIVE off that sugar junk!"
"Well think about how much you want it while you change Shenori back."
Orochimaru walked out and Kabuto sighed, mindlessly petting a small, black cat.
"We found his base but couldn't get in, yeah" Deidara reported to Pein as they arrived. "We scoped out several entry points we could use. Most require some pretty extreme brute force though."
"We'll try to go in as quietly as possible. This is Orochimaru we're facing."
Everyone nodded and they somehow thought that they could get away with being quiet and sneaky. That is until Kisame was spotted by a guard and giant alarm rang throughout Orochimaru's entire warehouse base by the Big Water Lake marina.
The Akatsuki charged though Oro's forces, shouted epic battle phrases and the like as they slowly started to win the battle. They managed to make their way through half of Orochimaru's base when they came face to face with Kabuto, a black cat in his arms.
"So here are the intruders." He lifted his finger to push back his glasses, turning what looked cool in his head into a very geeky motion when actually executed. "I suppose you are looking for Shenori."
"Where is she." Asked Pein.
"Right here." Kabuto chuckled.
"I don't see anything, yeah." Deidara said, looking around the room. "Are you blind or something."
Kakuzu smacked the blond over the head. "Shenori is that cat you idiot!"
And indeed the black cat in Kabuto's arms meowed and glared at them intently through bright green eyes. The cat wriggled in his arms, clawing to be free.
"Just try and come any closer!" Shouted Kabuto, Shenori Cat stopped struggling when he started to scratch her behind the ear. Ah, how fickle cat's emotions are. "The moment you entered this base a barrier was set up! Trapping you all inside! Now no one can save-"
The entire wall exploded in heat and flame as a armored tank drove through the whole in the wall. Itachi standing on its top. A hand resting on the six foot long gun pointing straight for Kabuto.
"Here Kitty." Said Itachi and Shenori jumped from Kabuto's hands into Itachi's, purring contentedly. "Now. I'll show you the real meaning of "fire power"."
Meanwhile, back at the homestead...
A hard ball of raw dough flew through the air, just missing Hidan's head as he ducked behind the upturned couch.
"Given up yet!" Abby mocked across the room from the kitchen door. The kitchen table braced against it for additional protection. "Come out so I can cook your ass pastry style."
"Only if your thinking dirty!" He shouted back, ducking another ball of dough. He figured it was only a matter of time until she got her hands on the kitchen knives. Thinking fast he rolled out from behind the couch, picking up dough balls as he went and hurling them into the kitchen.
Abby ducked behind her barrier and grabbed a pile of frozen hamburgers. She threw them at Hidan, as he rolled from furniture to furniture, steadily getting closer to her. Abby abandoned her projectiles and grabbed a long butcher knife from the knife set and jumped through the window.
Hidan kicked down the table into the kitchen and looked around. Suspicious at Abby's sudden disappearance. He checked everywhere in the kitchen, under the sink and found no trace of her.
"Where'd you go!" Behind him in the living room a piece of glass broke and he cursed aloud. The knife rushed through the air, hitting him square in the chest, right into his heart. He turned and hid behind the doorway. As he peeked back around a fist smashed into his face.
He crumpled to the ground. The pain didn't bother him, he loved it but that girl had one punch! He was back on his feet in seconds and they faced off.
"This has gone on long enough." Abby stepped back, pulling her arms up before her, fists bared. "Let's duke this out. All or nothing."
He laughed. "What's the "all" you speak of."
"What ever you want it to be."
"The loser has to do whatever the winner says."
"Within reason"
He smirked. "Oh no, its whatever the winner wants."
"Fine," Abby agreed.
And the real battle has begun.
Bombs hurled through the air, gun fire lit up the smoke, and Uchiha kick ass fire jutsu's set fire to anything in its path. Itachi's army of five tanks and 7 shooter units from the Marines took Orochimaru's base in one fell swoop.
Orochimaru got away (few swears for that) and so did his geeky lackey Kabuto. But in the end, the air rich with gunpowder. A building burning into nothing and one Shenori cat cuddled in Itachi's arms. It was a battle not lost.
"Aw comeon, just want tank, yeah." Deidara tried to convince Pein that the Akatsuki totally needed a tank.
"No. You'll blow up the whole house!" Pein resorted, thanking the Marines for their assistance (how Itachi convinced them to help he'll never know)
"But its so big, un!"
"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Kisame burst out laughing, smacking a flustered Deidara on the back.
"Vulgar" Kakuzu shook his head, Itachi nodding in agreement.
"Deidara forget about the tank." Pein sighed as Deidara cried over the tank, being flown away by air copter. "You have your own explosives."
"Yeah but that's five pounds of clay. THAT was 5 TONS of steel and man power!"
Pein could feel the headache coming. "We'll buy whatever you want for dinner tonight OK?"
"Whatever, un?"
"Whatever."
"Then I want one large anchovy, peanut butter, pepper and onions, three cheese pizza with chocolate sauce on top."
"Yes." Pein gaged as the mental image came to mind. There was a reason why Akatsuki never ordered pizza. Deidara was the reason why. "We'll get on on the way back."
One disgustingly gross pizza later...
The rest of the Akatsuki returned home, Deidara and his smelling pizza in tow and walked inside. The collective gasp fell over the group as the entered what they thought was a war zone. The living room torn apart, melted balls of dough littering the floor.
Upon entering the kitchen they found it almost entirely coated in blood. Going from war to some mystery novel gone wrong the walked into the back yard and saw Abby giving Hidan a back message. It would have looked normal if it were not that both of them were soaked in blood, Hidan was missing an arm and Abby giving anyone a message.
"I see you got Shenori back." Abby said blandly to the black cat in Itachi's arms. "Kabuto's weird potion thing that made her like that will wear off in about thee days."
"Nice to know that." Pein said. "Now have you two solved you're differences?"
Hidan smirked. "You could say that."
"I don't care about details just so long as I don't find you two arguing again."
"All's well that ends well right?" Said Hidan smugly to Abby.
"Yeah, cuz being your slave makes everything right."
"Now come on. I wanna take you up on that offer. I believe you said "come out so I can cook your ass pastry style.""
Abby groaned.
Tally Mai-chan: Yup, like drugs but legal, haha.
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