DISCLAIMER: I neither own Glee nor the characters. They are the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. This is purely for fun. Enjoy!
Chapter Four: Cuts and Scars
Rachel's right hand was still tingling as she maneuvered her car through the streets of Lima, heading home after her joyride around town with Finn. Her heart was still racing as she thought about his tender gesture; Finn's lips had been pillow-soft when he kissed her bruised knuckles, and the simple action almost made up for him yelling at her.
Almost.
While she was thrilled to spend more time with the notorious bad-boy of Lima, she still had doubts about his intentions with her. She wanted to believe that he was genuinely looking for a friend that he could talk to, and if that was the case, then she would be there for him with no questions asked. However, if he was trying to lure her into a false sense of security and take advantage of her when she was most vulnerable, then she was doing nothing more than setting herself up for heartbreak.
When Rachel pulled up to her house, she pushed away all thoughts of Finn and focused on her other problem; her fathers. She had ignored their call and was home much later than they normally allowed on school nights; if she didn't have an airtight alibi then she was never going to be allowed out of the house again.
At least that would solve her problems with Finn.
Reaching for her phone, she dialed the one person who she knew could get her out of trouble. Noah picked up on the third ring, and she quickly asked him what he had done that afternoon.
"I was cleaning pools, Cuz. Those cougars love the Puckerone and I was able to squeeze some overtime in, if you know what I mean."
"Have you spoken to my Dads at all today?" She asked, rolling her eyes liberally at his raging libido. She could see her Papa peeking at her car through the shades in the living room window and she knew her time was running out.
"Nope, why?"
"If they ask, tell them I was with you. We were at the mall with friends."
"Rachel, what's going on?" He sounded confused, then accusatory. "What aren't you telling me?"
"Gotta go, Noah, call you later, thanks for covering for me, bye!" She rushed out all in one breath, hanging up on him and heading into her house. When she walked into the living room her fathers were already waiting for her, her Daddy looking particularly disturbed.
"Rachel, where have you been?" He asked sternly as her heart thumped in her chest. Using every modicum of acting talent in her body, she calmed her breathing and stuck to her story.
"I was at the mall with Noah, Daddy. He's been introducing me to such interesting new people and I thought it would be nice to spend some time with them and get more acquainted."
LeRoy didn't look like he believed her, and she wondered if the rumors had already made their way to Judge Berry's chambers. "Oh really?"
"Of course. Why? Is there a problem?" She asked, trying to keep her voice steady.
"I ran into a cop at court today, who mentioned something to me that set me on edge," her heart sunk into the pits of her gut as she thought about the officer that had pulled her and Finn over. She'd name-dropped her father, of course the cop would say something to him. "He told me to make sure that I knew who my daughter was hanging around with. Now why would he say that?"
Standing up straight and making sure her face was a mask of calm, she tried to sound as confident as possible. "People at school have been spreading rumors about me again. After my incident with Finn Hudson on Friday, people are now assuming that we're friends, which I can assure you, we're not," she lied through her teeth. "That cop must be really fond of high school gossip. You have to believe me when I say that I did nothing wrong this afternoon."
"So who were the people you were with today?"
"Friends of Noah! They're completely harmless and they actually like spending time with me. For the first time in my life I'm having some fun."
Her Papa stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her and ease some of the tension out of the room. "Honey, we're so glad that you're making new friends, but we have rules in this house that are set up in order to protect you. You might like these people, but we don't know them, and you didn't even answer our phone calls."
"I was in the changing room," she lied, trying to change the subject away from her new friends and focus on her need for independence. "And I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I'm seventeen years old."
"It doesn't matter how old you are," her Daddy said sternly. "You're living in our house and you have to adhere to the boundaries that we set for your well-being. You might be seventeen, but you'll always be our little girl and your safety is our number one priority."
"Listen," she said, moving out of her Papa's embrace, feeling overwhelmed. "I will always be your little girl, but there's only a few weeks left until graduation, and after that I'll be leaving my childhood behind forever. If I don't experience things now, under the safety and guidance that can be provided for me here in my hometown, how will you expect me to survive college in September when I don't have you both by my side?" She sighed deeply. "I love you both so much, and I've never given you a reason not to trust me. I'm not asking for a lot, just a little bit more independence." So I can go behind your back and spend time with the one person you're trying to protect me from."I don't want to look back at my time in Lima and think of all the things I was never allowed to do."
Hiram and LeRoy exchanged meaningful glances back and forth for a few moments while Rachel prayed that she'd somehow gotten through to them. It felt horrible to lie to them, but if they didn't allow her more freedom then she would have to find her own way to get around their rules and restrictions.
"Here is the deal, young lady," LeRoy said. "On school nights you're allowed out until 8pm, not a minute later. On the weekends your curfew can be midnight, but you still have to ask permission to go out and we thoroughly reserve the right to say no."
"What about summer?" She asked, knowing it was right around the corner.
"We'll see how well you adhere to the new rules and discuss that when the time comes."
She could barely contain the joy that was bursting through her skin. "Thank you, Daddy!" She said, launching herself into his steady arms as he stroked her hair.
"Of course, Angel. We want you to be safe, but we also want you to be happy. Are you sure you don't want to be a lawyer instead of a singer?" He joked lightly, but she knew about their objections to her future profession.
"I'm sure," she said, and didn't even want to think about the conversation they were bound to have after graduation. Sure, she applied to Oberlin to appease them, but her NYADA acceptance letter was hidden under her pillow just waiting to be shared with the world, and she was going to New York in the fall whether they supported her or not.
But she didn't want to focus on that now. All that mattered was the fact that they were giving her some of the freedom she craved, which meant that she could continue helping Finn with whatever issues he was willing to share with her. She knew it wasn't going to be easy; talking to Finn Hudson was like maneuvering through a field filled with land-mines; one wrong step and an explosion might be set off.
"Also," her Daddy said, interrupting her wandering thoughts. "We want to meet some of these new friends of yours, so we know if they can be trusted with our little girl."
She nodded quickly, her eyes wide as she tried not to panic. There was no way that she could bring Finn Hudson home to meet her fathers and knew that she needed to work out a plan with her cousin.
"Of course," she choked. "We'll have to plan something soon." They dropped the subject after she kissed them both on the cheek and ran upstairs to her room, too shaken up to say anything else to them. Rachel Berry, the self-proclaimed perfect daughter, was lying to her parents and taking advantage of their trust so she could hang out with a boy they hated. If any more rumors about her and Finn got back to them then their friendship would be over before it even started.
After avoiding a potentially disastrous fight with her dads, Rachel spent the night exfoliating her face and looking up cheap studio apartments in New York City. She called her cousin back to explain to him her motives behind her frantic phone call from earlier that evening, and he promised to help cover for her when needed.
The next day she went to school, lamenting the fact that she wasn't going to see Finn and wondering if he was going to call her about meeting Santana. She went to her vocal lessons as planned, arriving home around dinnertime. Her fathers were pleased that she came home right away instead of going out and they sat down to a quiet dinner when Rachel's cell phone started to buzz.
She looked at the screen and blanched when she saw that Finn was calling her.
"Who is it, dear?" Hiram asked while LeRoy stared at her over his wine glass.
"It's Noah," she lied quickly, answering the phone. "Hey Noah, what's up?"
"Noah?" Finn grumbled in confusion. "Rachel, it's Finn."
"You seriously need the essay topic again? I told you five times in class today, why don't you write anything down?" She smiled at her fathers. "I just need to run upstairs and look at my agenda, I'll be right back."
"Well, hurry up, your tofu stir fry will get cold!" LeRoy called after her as Rachel raced up the stairs, her heart pounding as she closed the door behind her, grasping the phone in her hand.
"Finn, are you still there?" She asked, hoping that he didn't hang up on her.
"You're one of the best liars I've ever heard in my life," he said, amusement blossoming in his husky voice. "Puck said you wanted to be an actress one day. Is that true?"
"Um, yeah," she said shyly. He couldn't have called her just to compliment her acting skills. "I told you, I'm going to be a Broadway star. My acting and singing abilities are going to be world renown one day."
"You'll have to sing for me then, since I already know how well you can act," he said generously, but time was ticking away as silence fell over the line. She would love to sing for him, but now wasn't the time nor place.
"I promise I'll sing for you soon, but I can't stay on the phone for long. What's up?"
"I spoke with Santana and she wants to cook dinner for us on Friday. Can you come to my place and meet her?" A grin broke out on her face as her body buzzed in excitement.
"I would be thrilled to have dinner with you and Santana. I have to ask my dads, but I'll let you know what they say." She couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed; Friday was still days away and she wanted to see him much sooner than that.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked, seemingly thinking the same thing as her.
"Besides school, I have nothing planned."
"Cut school and spend the day with me," he said suddenly, urgently, and she laughed as she sat down on the corner of her bed, completely incredulous.
"Are you serious? Just because I punched you in the face and rode on the back of your motorcycle does not mean I'm willing to sacrifice my educational integrity in order to spend time with you!"
"Is that a no?" He asked, and she was about to laugh again until she recognized the heavy longing in his tone. He was being serious. He really wanted to spend the day with her. The thought made her pulse quicken and she sat very still as she contemplated her options.
"I'll see what I can do," she agreed after a few moments. "I can't promise anything, and we can still hang out after school if I can't cut."
"I'm busy tomorrow afternoon," he said, and there was a sadness in his tone that she didn't understand. "But I hope we can see each other soon." All the gruffness and anger that she normally heard in his voice was gone, replaced by a melancholy that made her heart ache. He was really hurting. He needed her to be there for him.
"I'll try my best, Finn. Okay?" She heard her dads calling her from downstairs and knew she had to end their conversation, but she wanted nothing more than to stay on the phone with him and try to figure out the source of his pain.
"Fine," he snapped, and with every syllable she could hear the sadness evolve into anger. "Have a nice night." With that he hung up, leaving her sitting on her bed feeling gutted as she thought about his shifting moods. She wished she could be there for him, but if they were going to explore their friendship further, they had to be more careful. Cutting school was a huge risk for Rachel, but she had to try for Finn's sake. She returned to the dinner table no longer hungry, and pushed the food around on her plate while thoughts of Finn distracted her.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Hiram asked, worried at the change in his daughter's mood.
"My stomach isn't feeling well. I think I might go to bed early." Her fathers looked at one another worriedly while LeRoy reached over to feel her forehead.
"Your face is burning up!" He said, which she attributed to the blush on her cheeks whenever she thought about Finn's voice, full of pain and longing to see her. "You better get some rest, sweetheart. Let us know in the morning if you feel better."
"Alright, Daddy. Goodnight," she retreated upstairs, ashamed of herself for constantly lying to her fathers, yet upset that she couldn't be there for Finn. The next morning she woke up feeling sleep-deprived and anxious, and her fathers took one look at her pale face and dark-rimmed eyes and decided that she should stay home, calling the school to excuse her from class.
"You'll be okay by yourself, right?" They asked, pacing around her room in a panic while they gave her every box of medication in the house. "If you need anything at all we can be home within twenty minutes!"
"If you don't answer our calls we can only assume that you've slipped into some kind of coma and need emergency assistance!"
"Dads, please," she said weakly, faking an illness when she was perfectly healthy. The only thing wrong with her was the lack of sleep after tossing and turning all night long, Finn's anguished voice echoing in her head from dusk till dawn. "I'll be fine, and I will call you if I need anything at all." They fussed over her for another half an hour, making them both late for work as she laid in bed and waited to hear their cars back out of the driveway. Once they were gone and Rachel was alone, she picked up her phone and texted Finn, knowing that it was probably too early for him to be awake.
Hey, my dads think I'm sick and I stayed home from school today. You can come over when you wake up, if you want.
She read it over three more times before she sent it, feeling bold as she invited him over to her house without parental supervision. She was breaking more rules than she could even count but she couldn't wait any longer to see him, and in her house they would have nothing but privacy and safety. It stunned her to see that he replied instantly, asking for her address as she sent it with shaking hands. This was really happening. She was actually sneaking Finn Hudson into Judge Berry's house.
She quickly brushed her teeth and combed her hair, fixing up her appearance as much as she could. Changing into casual clothing, she made her bed and straightened up her room, hiding all of her childish stuffed animals in her closet. The doorbell rang and she jumped from fright as she tried to calm down her racing heartbeat. She answered the door and he stood on her front porch with his head held low, his entire body slumped over in exhaustion as he looked up into her eyes. She thought that she had looked tired that morning, but it was nothing compared to how Finn looked; his eyes were bloodshot, with heavy, dark rims under them and a thick layer of stubble on his cheeks. His shirt was wrinkled and his leather jacket hung off of his frame haphazardly as he shuffled in the door.
"Hey," he said simply, and the same sorrow she'd heard in his voice the night before was still prevalent. "Thanks for inviting me over."
"Of course," she said, a bit awkwardly. Now that he was standing in her house, she didn't know what to do. "I didn't hear your bike," she commented.
"Yeah, I parked it down the street. I didn't want to draw any attention to your house."
"Thanks for that. My dad caught wind of some of the rumors going around about us so I think it's best if we keep our friendship a secret for now," she said, feeling a bit guilty, but quickly shaking it off. "Do you want anything? Coffee? Maybe a bakery fresh croissant?" She asked, pointing to the box of baked goods her dad bought every weekday morning.
"Some coffee would be great." He said, following her into the kitchen. She prepared the cup of coffee for him, but when she turned around, she realized he was standing right behind her, frightening her with his proximity. She laughed nervously, stepping around him while he took a deep sip of the proffered drink. Something was wrong with him, she could tell by his appearance and odd behavior.
"You look tired," she commented as he continued to drink his coffee in silence.
"I didn't sleep well last night," he admitted, his voice hollow as he stared at her. "To be honest, I haven't gotten much sleep in the past few days."
"Why not?" She asked, almost afraid to say anything. His eyes lingered on hers for a moment, his expression anguished before breaking away. What was going on inside of his head?
"There's been a lot on my mind," he admitted, downing the rest of the beverage in a single gulp. He didn't say anything else, so she washed out the mug in silence and stood around her kitchen awkwardly while Finn looked around the space.
"Come on, let's go upstairs," she said, her heart racing at the implication. If he had any dirty thoughts he kept them to himself as they made their way to her bedroom, sitting on the bed silently while the tension between them grew thicker. He wasn't trying to touch her, or kiss her, or many any moves on her at all in the solitude of her bedroom, which meant that he was truly here for emotional support and not to take advantage of her.
"So you said you wanted to see me," she finally said, after the silence became too much for her to take.
"Yeah," he said, looking nervous. "You said you would sing for me."
She laughed as she shook her head. "You told me to cut school just so I could sing for you?" He shook his head, the ghost of a smile pulling up his cheeks.
"No," he said. "But a promise is a promise."
"What if I don't want to sing for you?" She countered, crossing her arms. "My voice is a finely tuned instrument, and hearing me perform is a privilege that must be earned."
He glared at her, growing annoyed. "You're probably just saying that because you're not any good." She bristled at his attitude, her patience growing thin with him.
"Oh, really?" She smirked. "You really want to hear me sing? Well then get ready for an experience that you'll never forget." She stood up from her bed, looking down at him while she launched into her go-to song, Don't Rain on my Parade, which was the perfect choice for the point she was trying to make. With every ounce of frustration she felt over Finn Hudson, she powered every note until it felt like the walls of her room were shaking from the force of her voice. He sat on the corner of her bed, completely in awe of her while she roared through the high notes and belted her heart out. When she was finished, she was gasping for breath, so exhausted that she had to sit on the corner on her bed and wipe off the slight sheen of sweat on her brow. Only Rachel Berry could make singing into a workout.
She looked over at him to gauge his reaction, and the look of stunned surprise on his face filled her with satisfaction as he stared at her. His jaw was literally hanging open, and he shook his head slowly as his eyelashes fluttered and blinked.
"Well, fuck me," he said incredulously, and it took a few moments for him to speak again. "I think I finally know the reason why I want to hang out with you so much." She startled, surprised at the sudden change in topic while she tried to keep up with his train of thought.
"So what is it?"
"You're so damn small," he said in wonder, and she took one of her pillows and whacked him in the head with it while his laughter filled the room. She wasn't used to hearing him sound so carefree and it made her smile.
"What do you mean by that?" She squeaked, totally offended but enjoying their banter. He seemed to be enjoying it too.
"I mean," he laughed again, but his fatigue was really catching up to him and he looked worse than he did when he arrived. "You're so small but you're so strong," he explained slowly. "Your strength, your voice, your passion. How can it all fit in such a tiny person?" He shook his head. "What's that expression? Big presents come in small boxes?"
"Big gifts come in small packages," she corrected with a smile, and she was positive that he could see the blush that was currently staining her cheeks.
"Yeah, that's you, Rachel," he breathed, leaning back against her pillows while she shifted her body closer to him on the bed, wanting to be closer to him. His face crumpled in confusion when he reached under the pillow he was resting on and pulled out an envelope. "What's this?"
"Oh," she said, taking it from him and quickly shoving it in the drawer of her nightstand. "It's my acceptance letter to NYADA, this theatre arts school in New York. I haven't showed it to my dads yet, but I'm going no matter what they say and they won't be able to stop me."
He grinned wildly. "So badass. I like how you dream so big. I don't know how to do that."
"When was the last time you tried?" She asked, and he shook his head and sighed deeply.
"It's been so long I can't remember," he admitted, and she expected him to get mad or annoyed, but he stayed calm. "To be honest, I used to be more like you. I used to have dreams and shit like that," he trailed off as she laid next to him on the opposite side, propping her head on her shoulders to look him in the eye. "But I haven't had a dream in a very long time. I think I forgot how." She wanted to know more about his past, but she didn't want to push him out of his comfort zone and make him angry when he appeared to be so calm.
"You should practice," she urged him as he frowned deeply. "I'm not trying to mock you or anything, but you can start out small and work your way up to bigger, better, more complex ambitions. You never know what you can achieve."
He shook his head, brushing her encouragement away. "It's too late for that, Rachel. I'm not that guy anymore." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm nothing but a Lima Loser, and that's all that I'll ever be."
"You're not a loser until you give up and stop trying," she said, and he opened his eyes to glare at her.
"I gave up a long time ago," he said gruffly, and she shut her mouth and refused to say anything more. She was frustrated with him; at only 20 years old he had his entire life ahead of him and he claimed that he had already given up on himself. This boy had emotional scarring so deep she didn't know if she could heal it. At least he was being civil to her; he wasn't being defensive or argumentative, and so far he hadn't yelled or snapped at her. She just wished there was something she could do to motivate him as his eyes fluttered closed again and his breathing evened out.
In stunned silence, she realized that he was asleep.
Finn Hudson was sleeping on her bed.
She didn't want to disturb him; he looked so peaceful and he claimed that he hadn't been sleeping well, so she set the alarm on her phone to wake him up in a few hours. They still had the entire day ahead of him, despite his plans in the afternoon, whatever they were. She watched as his features calmed, making him look like the picture of innocence as she nestled into her pillows and stared at him, wondering what to do with herself. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before either, and felt a heavy fatigue pulling her into unconsciousness as she slipped into darkness right alongside Finn.
A loud ringing startled her out of sleep, and she almost screamed from shock when she looked over at the broad, heavy body that was stirring next to her, a large muscular arm wrapped around her waist. Finn groaned as her body flushed hot from their proximity, and the arm was hastily removed from her midriff as he reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out his cell phone.
"Holy shit!" He yelled, startling her as he jumped out of her bed and frantically typed a message into his phone. Rachel was so groggy and disoriented that she couldn't tell what was going on as she struggled to sit up in bed. "I can't believe I fell asleep. I gotta go," he rushed, his voice more than a little panicked.
"Wait, Finn," she protested, but she was too tired to try to stop him. "What's going on? Why do you have to go?" Her body was still humming from waking up with Finn's arm wrapped around her, and she didn't want to say goodbye yet. They barely had a chance to talk as she struggled to keep her eyes open, the grogginess almost pulling her under again.
"It's work stuff. I'll tell you some other time. I'm really sorry about this," he said, actually sounding sincere in his apology. She didn't even know he had a job. "I'll see you Friday." She wanted him to stay, but he was already halfway out the door as she pouted and moaned from her bed, too exhausted to try and chase him down. She had never seen him so open before, so willing to talk to her, but now he had to go when they were so close to getting somewhere.
She was sure that he had left, so she closed her eyes again and tried to fall back asleep for the rest of the afternoon. She couldn't tell if she was dreaming when she felt someone's soft yet firm lips pressing tenderly against her cheek, but when she opened up her eyes again to check, Finn was gone.
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