Title: Romance in 3 Parts

Pairing: Spander

Disclaimer: Do not own BTVS or characters

Warning: Slash, implied major character death

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(Xander POV)

It was all just so anti-climactic in a way.

So . . . so stupid

I mean, there I am at the Bronze, hanging out with my boyfriend/lover/sex-slave/ significant other/love muffin (I never could figure out what I should call him). Then I'm making out with said boyfriend/whatever, and we're getting all hot n' heavy. Spike's hands just starting to make their way South to the good-place, and I'm really getting into it.

And I never thought I'd like the whole dominant push-me-against-the-wall-thing, but, hey, never thought I'd like the guy-thing either, so what the hell.

I'd been doing a lot of what-the-hell-ing lately. Guess I figured that I'd already gotten down with the demonic gay necrophilia, what's one more kink?

And that's probably why I let Spike, with the whole vamp-package, gnaw on my neck so much.

He never bit, as in with the fangs. He couldn't with the chip, which always seemed—I mean, seems—to be a pretty big relationshipy downer to him.

There was some talk about the whole biting experience being pretty hot and intimate. I was never really completely convinced about the mutual enjoyment factor, though. He had this—I mean, has this—no actually it was had. He's dead, Xander.

Dead. As in, Gone, capital G.

Nothing but dust in the wind now, sonny. Get with the program already, you idiot.

Fuck . . .

But, anyways, back on topic, there was just this whole neck-fixation-thing going on.

And it's just my luck that I'm pressed all nicely against a wall, with Spike so nicely at my neck, when there's the big POOF.

My big Spike-cover is just suddenly gone.

No more hands or mouth or weight or warmth or feel-good-goodness, and I'm covered in dust.

It was just . . . I mean . . . what . . . What do you say to that?

I mean, I was so confused.

What happened?

I noticed that Buffy was there, and that I was covered in dust, with no Spike in sight, and my eyes just kept going back to that damn dust.

I keep it on my dresser now. The dust I mean.

After I finally figured things out, and after I stopped stupidly destroying what was left of Spike with my damn crying and hysterics, I collected as much of him as I could get and stuck him in this can I found. Not the best holding place, but it would keep him safe until I could do something else.

So he's now in this very nice urn on my dresser.

I'm trying to figure out a way to bring him back, too.

I mean, there has to be some way right? There's spells to bring back humans and tons of other demons, so why can't there be one to bring back a vampire?

Giles says I'm being stupid, monumentally stupid actually, but I don't care.

Spike's in Hell right now. How could I live with myself knowing that I just left him there?

Besides, Spike's probably one of the closest real demons (not Deadboy) out there to being someone good, he doesn't belong there.

And it wasn't his time yet. Buffy didn't actually mean to kill him. It was an accident.

Buffy meant to kill Angel, to send Angel to Hell, and he still got to come back. Without anybody really trying, even.

I've got the Slayer and two kick-ass witches to help me. This is gonna work.

It has to.

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TBC