Chapter 4
I wish I'd never met you. I wish I was dead. No, I wish you were dead. Call me back.
-Torchwood, Day One
I woke up, tried to get out of bed. I was still hungry. And now there was something else. There was something wrong with Lori's body. Earth might provide the best energy for us but there's a reason my kind doesn't come here often. Humans are not good hosts. They can't stand us for a long time. How long depends on the host. Now Lori was about to reach her limit; her whole body would just burst.
I got dressed and went out. I found Waldo's butler. He told me Waldo was waiting for me outside. I followed him. He took me to the garden, where there was a table with Waldo standing next to it. He helped me to sit down, as usual.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied.
They brought us the food; waffles and pancakes and eggs and toast. I ate all of it. Waldo looked surprised. I was incredibly hungry and all of this food barely helped.
"Are you ok?" he said.
I just nodded and continued eating.
After we were done I asked Waldo if somebody could take me home. He offered himself but I refused. He looked disappointed, but agreed. I left in the limousine again.
I got home. My hunger was growing. Lori's body was getting weaker. I needed something. I went outside. There it was again, sex everywhere. You couldn't walk a block on this planet without finding a reference to sex. It's ridiculous; there are pictures of sex even at the sides of what they call "buses" and at their docking place, which they call "bus stops". I went into a shop. There was only one man. I grabbed him and took him in the back; he didn't stand a chance. I felt better. I kept going around the block. It was so easy, even in the middle of the day. When I began to feel better, I went back home. I threw myself into Lori's bed. My hunger was satisfied—or so I thought. I closed my eyes and I saw Waldo. I wanted him. Even after feeling replenished I wanted him. I turned on the television to get distracted. I found more sex. I turned it off. I sat there and just waited for this idea to disappear.
I went back to the brothel. I was hungry again. It seemed that the energy lasted less every time. I looked around. There was the normal amount of clients and I was disappointed. Why? I kept looking around to find something more. I realized I was looking for Waldo. I came to the brothel thinking that he might be there to hire me. I grabbed one of the clients and took him into the room. When I was finished with him I felt strange. I absorbed his energy and it made me feel better, but I stayed there as if expecting something more. I got another one—same feeling. I called another one. This time I couldn't do it. I knew he would give me energy but I didn't want it.
I left. I got home, closed all the windows and stayed on bed holding the pillow against my head.
I woke up. Again, I was hungry and Lori's body was getting weaker. I needed to find another body immediately. But if I left Lori then Waldo wouldn't recognize me. He thought I was Lori, he didn't know who or what I really was. Why did I care so much about what Waldo thought!?
I didn't dare to go out. I would be reminded of my hunger and it would get worse. I could wait until night, it wouldn't be that hard. The phone rang a few times. I didn't answer, I knew it was Waldo. He kept leaving messages on the machine humans have for when they don't want to pick up the phone. I ignored them all.
When the afternoon came I began to feel hungry. I ate Lori's human food to help me. It kept me alive, that's all it did, it just kept me alive. I needed more. I wanted more. The hours went by slowly. Finally the time to go arrived. I was about to go out when I thought about what I was about to do. I was going to have sex. Now the idea for some reason seemed disgusting and repulsive. I imagined all my clients touching Lori's body, kissing it, saying things to her ear. I imagined them between her legs. I felt something I didn't know it existed; I felt nauseated. I remained still for a few minutes, let it pass. Finally I got up. I thought about it again. The nausea came back. I wasn't going anywhere that night. I sat on the floor and remained there until I fell asleep.
Next morning came. I was terribly hungry and Lori's body was on the verge of bursting. I tried to calm my hunger with human food again. It barely helped. Waldo called again. His voice was beginning to sound worried. I still didn't answer. It was a long, painful day. Everything hurt. At some point I looked at the clock. It was time to go to the brothel. I wasn't going tonight either. I stayed on the floor until I passed out.
I opened my eyes. It was five in the morning. I had to get energy and I had to get another body. I was about to die. I just needed to find another body and shag anything that could orgasm. Anything. I was on the most sexualized planet and I wasn't getting any sex. I was pathetic. Then I had an idea. Females. For some reason sex with females didn't make me feel bad. And then something else. Lori sold sex. I was on Earth, I could buy sex anywhere. I grabbed Lori's purse and got out. I covered my eyes but I still caught glimpses of the advertisements. I remembered a place they had told me about at the brothel, a place where prostitutes offered entertainment for "different tastes". I found it. The women there were finishing their shift. Most of them were about to leave.
"Want to be the last of the night, honey?" one of them asked.
I nodded violently. She laughed and told me to go with her. The door closed and I launched myself to her. I began to kiss her and she might have thought I wanted to eat her at that moment. I think I actually tried.
But it wasn't working.
"It's not working," I said as I pulled myself away.
"You need time, honey?"
"It's not working!" I repeated. "It has to be a man!"
I ran out. I thought it was a myth but they were right—it only works with males. I cursed my planet and I cursed my whole kind. I went back home. I got on my knees and did another thing I hadn't done before: I cried. I cried and shouted and pounded the floor. I did it until I passed out.
I woke up. It was dark. I should have been at the brothel already. I could barely move and I felt like I was losing control. Lori was trying to take over. I didn't let her. "I'm going to leave you," I said. "I'll get the body of another prostitute, and shag a hundred men and satisfy my hunger." I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about Waldo or Lori, I just wanted to survive.
I got to the brothel. The world was disappearing. I couldn't feel anything except pain. The women asked what had happened to me this past couple of nights. I didn't answer. I got to the clients. And I saw him, sitting in the same spot where I talked with him the first time.
"Lori," Waldo said. "I was so worried about you. I'm sorry if I did anything to you. I thought about going to your place, but I thought that could make things worse. I don't want to be invasive."
Why you idiot, why you had to come to the brothel looking for me? I had already decided to leave your life forever and live mine away from you and Lori. And now that he was there, right in from of me, with that look on his face I thought about doing something very stupid.
The world stopped. There was nothing in my mind anymore except for Waldo.
"Come," I said and grabbed his hand.
I took him to the room. Our clothes were off in seconds. I was on bed, naked, and he was on top of me. I didn't care if I died or if he died or whatever happened. He was going to be mine that night.
He touched my face, my neck. His hands traveled across my back. He grabbed my legs and spread them. I felt him go in, felt him between my legs, and we began.
Of all the experiences I've ever had all over the universe this one was the best. I knew it would be different and it felt different. And it felt an infinite amount of times better than I expected. All that energy I had sucked all my life that felt like the sweetest thing now looked like nothing. There was nothing like this in the whole universe. I wanted that feeling to last forever, to last beyond time and space and everything that I knew.
But I knew it couldn't last.
We couldn't stop it. I didn't want to and he didn't want to. We were going to finish this, even if we died doing it. And I knew it was going to be him or me. I was too weak. If I left Lori's body to find another one I would die. They were too far. I would die almost immediately. But I couldn't kill Waldo. I looked at his face of pleasure and enjoyment. I finally saw happiness in him, sincere happiness, and I thought how twisted this universe was where a prostitute's bed was the only place a wonderful, talented young man could find comfort.
I placed my eyes on his. I kissed him, kissed his lips, his face, his neck, his chest. And I knew it, I was certain of it. Nobody had to explain it, nobody had to tell me what it was, because I was absolutely sure of it. In that moment, I felt love. I felt love for Waldo and I felt loved by him. I grabbed his hair, pulled his ear close to me and I whispered words I had never believed in: "I love you."
The world disappeared and I was glad because we didn't need anything else. He was giving me everything I wanted, and he was making me want more and more, and the more I demanded from him the more he gave me.
I made my decision, a stupid decision, but I was proud of it. Right before he reached his climax, I left Lori's body. "He's all yours," I said. She was happy. She had wanted this man as much as I had. Waldo didn't even see me. I watched him consummate what he had wanted that night in his room. He didn't feel alone anymore.
I went down slowly, feeling nothing but the ghost of Waldo's body all over me. I felt like I was heading into an eternal state of pleasure provided by him. If I had possessed a body you would have seen me go down smiling until the very end, regretting nothing.
That was the day I made the stupidest decision. That was the day I believed in something absurd and ridiculous. That was the day I was proved wrong. And that was the day I died.
