Chapter 4

As soon as I was all buffed and shined, Haymitch, Effie and I hurriedly walked until we got behind stage. I still had the sniffles, and Effie had to retrieve me a tissue. I didn't know how I was supposed to answer all of those morose questions without bawling like a baby. All I wanted to do at this moment was crawl up into a small ball and sleep until her face reentered my vision.

"Ladies and gentlemen! It is an honor of mine to introduce the winner of the Quarter Quell, Peeta Melark!" Everyone began cheering, but something was different than the first time I stepped on this stage. It seemed like restrained applause. I looked out, but all I could see were the excited faces of the front row. I took my seat and brought my foot up to rest on my knee. Here we go.

Ceaser began, "So, Peeta, how has it been?" I looked up and saw an inquisitive smile plastered onto his lips.

"Well, Ceaser, it hasn't been the same."

"And why do you say that?"

I was appalled at his question. Such a minor question almost has me wanting to rip out his heart or slit his throat like I did in the arena. I took a deep breath and remembered what Haymitch told me: be strong for her . . .

"I just hoped that I'd get to take Katniss and my baby home," I said, to which I got a series of 'awe's.

"Oh we know. We could all see your desperation. Right folks?" They responded with a sullen clapping and a crying from beyond where I could see. "So, tell me, how are you ever going to live?"

I don't know, Ceaser. My life is gone, so I might as well take up drinking like Haymitch. "Carefully. I have to be strong for her." I said instead.

He nods. "Are you ready for the Victor's Tour?"

No because I have to go across Panem and face all of the fallen tributes' families. I don't know how I'll live through District 6 with Annie there, Ceaser. "Yes, as best as I'll ever be."

"Well, everybody, there you have it! The victorious Peeta Mellark!" I thought I might kill him right then.

When I exited off stage, I grabbed Haymitch by the coat and took him to a corner. "I'm not ready for the Tour. I want to stay in District Twelve and help Katniss's family."

"You have to do the tour." He pauses and looks around. "Besides, there is no more District Twelve."

The news made me let go of Haymitch with my vice grip and start running. I had to admit, if Haymitch were drunk, I would've gotten away.

"Don't you dare go do something stupid. Effie would kill both of us if you aren't already dead."

"Well, you know what? Maybe that's the way to go," I spit.

I felt horrible that the statement included him being better off dead, but my situation proves no one needs me now.

"So you want to die even though you won the fight-to-the-death?" he asked. "Why didn't you just have Finnick stab you so he could have gone home to Annie? She's probably feeling the same way you are right now, but she'll be pissed at you."

He was right. "This is exactly why I have to go somewhere where none of the tribute's families live."

He leaned in to whisper. "Well, you know if you kill him you'll be there forever."