JUST ANOTHER GIRL

/

{Hello, and again, welcome to Exile Dib-The Series! Tonight's episode is so emotionally scarring, we got a board-certified psychologist! From space! Give a warm welcome to Mr. Matthew Dwicky!}

[Hi kids! I was just reading the script,and MAN is it scarring. Especially the part where Dib kis-}

{Shush! Do you want to spoil it for the kids?}

{Yes!}

{Hush, Lenny! If there are no further interruptions-}

{HEUKEUKEU!}

{I-now-present-you-with-Just-Another-Girl.}

/

It was just another average day at Skool. Louie was plotting something devious, Zim was yelling, and Dib was... bored. He hadn't had done anything in three weeks but go to Skool. Then, he heard a noise from outside the door. It creaked open to reveal...

...the most beautiful girl he'd seen in his whole life. "Hello, my name is Maliki Smiley Azalea Gothica Darcy Sue. I'm new."

That is the most obvious Mary Sue I've ever seen. God, what are we doing here, when we could be eating nachos on the Massive.Dib ignored AVATAR and stared at Sue.

{What's a Mary Sue?}

{Technical term.}

"Can I sit next to the boy with the normal-sized head?" said Sue, motioning to Dib. Ms. Bitters, transfixed and jealous, sent the unlucky child next to Dib into the Underground Classrooms. Sue sat down, glancing at Dib with a sparkle in her eyes. "What's your name?" she asked.

Don't tell her anything! "My name's Dib." said Dib, again ignoring AVATAR.

"I like that name." said Sue. She glanced at the paper, quickly filled out the answers, and handed it to Ms. Bitters.

"These are all correct!" said Bitters, amazed.

I've got my eye on her.

/

At lunch...

/

Dib and Sue were in the lunch line, queued up to get their "Government Issue" corn and mayonnaise. The putrid concoction slurped onto Dib's tray, and he walked off. Sue passed him, brushing his shoulder with a hand, and he felt an intense burning sensation where she'd touched him. "OW!" he yelled.

{How original.}

{I don't pay Lenny to be original.}

{You don't pay me at all!}

"Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, that happens sometimes." said Sue, blushing.

Dib'd felt this sensation before, at the jellyfish exhibit in the aquarium. YOU FELL INTO A JELLYFISH TANK! The people I put up with. But this sting was like nothing he'd felt before. There was a strange tingling, as well as a feeling that he was perfectly safe. Somehow, I doubt that. "Let's have Zim look at it. Maybe he'll know."

"Who are you talking to?"asked Sue.

"Nobody." said Dib, and he ran off to Zim's table, where the aforementioned Invader sat, poking at his slop. "Can you look at this sting?" Dib pulled up his sleeve to reveal a hand-shaped pattern of angry red welts.

"It looks like a- no, that's impossible, there aren't any within a hundred light-years." said Zim.

"Any what?"

"It look like a Meekrob sting, but they were conquered a while ago. How would one come to be on Earth?"

"I don't know." said Dib, wondering.

/

After school...

/

Sue walked up to Dib, who was brooding on the stoop. She put a hand on his shoulder, and Dib noticed she was wearing gloves. "Sorry about hurting you. Do you want to come over to my house? We could...hang out."

{IMPLYING THE IMPLICATIONS!}

Nonononononono! Don't trust her! "Sure, how about I walk home with you?" Dib got up, and he and Sue began to walk.

/

Some time later...

/

They stood before a pristine white house, still shining with wet paint. It was a new development, and one of the few truly 'clean' places in the city. The front door creaked as they walked in. The interior was almost devoid of furniture, except for a table and two chairs. Sue invited him to sit down, and he took a seat.

{Into the lair of the beast...}

"So, what do you like to do in your free time?" asked Dib. Sue was silent. "Sue?" Dib saw her eyes appeared to be draining of color, turning pure white. This always happens when I go on dates. "When have you ever been on a date? Sue!" Sue's hair began to float, as if she were on the surface of water. Then, she began to float, rising above the chair, small arcs of crackling energy running down her hair. The white pallor from her eyes then raced outward, like water from a breached dam, turning her whole body milky white, even her clothes. The outline of her body started to become amorphous, and her clothes melted away into her skin.

{DUN DUN DUN!}

Not to worry, by this stage her body was just a vague humanoid shape. The shape shrunk inward into a sphere, and morphed into a new form. It looked vaguely like a pair of lungs, with a thin membrane forming a set of six wispy 'wings'. It was the unmistakeable figure of a Meekrob.

{That's why I'm here.}

"Dib! I've finally found you! After ten thousand years of search, my quest for vengeance is almost complete!" said the Meekrob.

"Why are you after me? And it's only been, like, three weeks since I got home." asked Dib.

"You inadvertently destroyed our only ambassador to the Irken!" said the Meekrob

/

Flashback!

/

"You have to try!" exclaimed Dib. A cable snaked out from his PAK, interfacing with the main controls. "SO MUCH POWER! I AM A GOD!" "Get over it, there are lives at stake, yours included." The ship rumbled again, and an orange glow appeared over the windscreen. Dib's antennae went straight up, and several panels began flashing red. "Oops, that'll be the entry plasma."

KACHUNCK! A small white pod spiraled away, hit by the reentering ship, on fire. It exploded with a small poof.

/

"Sorry!" said Dib, evasively, as Sue hovered towards him, tentacles primed to deliver a lethal sting. He heard a loud explosion from outside.

"Sorry isn't good enough! Prepare to die!" Sue extended a tentacle, letting out a staccato hum.

BOOM! The rear wall exploded, scattering plaster bits around the living room. Zim and the Professor were standing there, and Zim was holding a large (for him) tubular weapon, which was smoking. "Son, what did I tell you about going home with girls!" said the Professor.

"What! You can't do this!" said Sue

Zim casually pointed the tube at Sue.

"GET DOWN!"

Zim pulled the trigger, and 19 rockets, each one with a curving, random path, burst-fired from the tube. The next few seconds were a haze of light and sound. When the turmoil ended, the room was in ruins. Sue was gone, and all that was left of the house were some supporting beams. "Wow." said Dib, awed by the impressive display of firepower.

"I think that that went... well. Better than most of the dates I go on." said AVATAR belatedly. "What!? You're going on dates? USING MY BODY! GET OVER HERE!" Dib futilely tried to grab AVATAR off his back, but his arms were too short. Membrane looked on as Dib ran off, clawing his back.

"My poor, insane son."

/

{Now: Mr. Dwicky tries: The RubyCo. Electric Can Opener.}

{What? Oh, this thing. It looks kind of intimidating.}

[WHIIIIRRRRR! CLANK-CLANK-CLANK-CLANK CLICK!]

{Hmmm. Is it done? *poke*}

[WHIIIRRRRRRUMMMMMMM SPOLICHK-CRUNCH]

{OH GOD MY ARMS! I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH BLOOD! *swoon*}

{Did somebody say blood? OH GREAT COSMIC OWL, THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT!}

~The following scenes were deleted due to breach of contract with RubyCo. Apparently, having a horrible death-beast lap blood off their machine 'cast their product in a negative light'.~