THINGS HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS WOULD NEVER SAY

Dec 31, 2006

Hagrid: "U c, I love all animals, bugs, magical creatures, etc." sees a cockroach on floor "OMG!!! COCKROACH!!! SQUISH IT! SQUISH IT!! JUST DONT LET IT COME NEAR ME, PLEEAAASSE!!!"

Harry: "But I thought u said you loved all animals, bugs, magical creatures, etc.?"

Hagrid: "But cockroaches arent any of those! They are just pure evil! Thats all! EEEEKKKK!!! IT CAME NEAR ME!!!"

Hermione comes out all dressed up because shes going on a date

Harry: So, whos the lucky guy?

Hermione: Im not telling.

Harry: Why not?

Hermione: Because, Harry, you'd kill hm. Remember what happen with Neville?

flashback

knock at the door Harry: WHO THE beep IS IT!?!!?

Neville: Its Neville. Harry opens the door

Harry: What do you want?

Neville: I hav come 2 get Hermione.Harry gets a look of anger on his face

Harry: Ron...

Ron: Yeah?

Harry: Get the shotgun.

Ron: You got it.

Ron hands harry the shotgun and Harry blows a hole in Neville's stomach

Neville: Y is it always me? Neville falls to the ground

flashback ends

Harry: Ohh, blah, he lived didnt he?

Hermione: Thats not the point, its the simple fact that ur way overprotective of me. knock on the door

Harry: Fine, Ill give this one a chance.

Hermione: Thats all I ask.

Harry opens the door and sees Draco standing there with a flower in his hand

Harry: Ron...get the bazooka.

Hermione: Harry, will you go out with me?

Harry: No thanks...

Hermione: But why not?

Harry: Well... Your hair is puffy and natty, your front teeth are huge, and you kinda smell bad...

Hermione: Oh beep you Harry

(This is the scene in the first HP movie where herm, ron and harry run up to mcgonagalls desk, because they need to speak with dumbledore)

Harry, Ron and Hermione all run up to Prof.McGonagall's desk

Harry: Proffessor we- notices that Dumbledore and McGonagall are both making out on the desk

Ron: My eyes! My beautiful, beautiful eyes!

Hermione: Look away...Look away...

McGonagall suddenly relises they're standing right in front of the desk. Albus runs off and hides in the closet

Minerva: And what exactly do you kids want?

Harry: We need to speak to Dumbledore!

Minerva: Well, he left...to go see...the Ministry about...something...

Hermione: But we just saw him!

Minerva: No you didn't! You are just seeing things that clearly rnt there...

Snape: Now children listen up! Who wants to join me in my quarters? Anyone?

(Everyone is quiet) Snape: I've got candy!

Harry: My names Harry Potter and I'm addicted to dope.

Everyone at meeting: Hello Harry!

Voldemort: DOPE!?! Dope isn't a gateway drug! I'm addicted to crack, have you ever had to suck dck for dope? Well boy?

Harry: Erm..no sorry..i haven't had the pleasure..

Voldemort: It's never to late, wanna give it a go?

Voldermort: Potter, you and your mudblood friend must choose which of your friends shall die, and who shall live...Weasley...or Krum...

(Harry and Hermione whisper for two seconds)

Hermione: Viktor...

Harry: Yeah, I'd have to say Krum too...

Ron: What? But Harry...

Harry: Ron, if you die, thn we cud get anotha book out of this series...emotional trauma and all that...newayz, 'the dumb sidekick' stopped being funny years ago...

Ron: Hermione!

Hermione: Nothing personal Ron...but think about it, ginger kids with frizzy hair? Ewwh! Some how, I don't think so...besides, Viktor makes the story more exotic...and there are already too many Weasleys...

Voldermort: Very well...although i must say, it was supposed to be a more difficult choice!

Ron: Mum?

Molly: Do as Harry says dear...it's his story

Ron: What?

Voldermort: Avada Kedavra!