Author's Note: Wow. I'm so happy (more like ecstatic) to know everyone is really into this.
Qym: Oops. I say pop. I'll try to dig deeper into Miley's head and truly become southern, because that does matter! Thank-you for pointing that out to me, I need to portray my characters correctly.
Farah A: Yep, I'm moving things a little forward. (Partly because I got a new idea and I need them to be moving to get things going… did that make any sense at all?)
Chelsie 1: Thank-you for the review. (Here's an update!)
Sk8erbennett: Thanks for the encouraging words. (Random Note: Neat picture on your profile!)
ShadySkills 5: Glad to hear you're still interested after I said I wouldn't finish Sailboats (sorry about that.)
Suitelifecyrusgal477: Well I'm glad I brought in people who've normally disliked Miley/Lily stories. That really makes me happy. Oh and yes I' am still in high school, weird you should mention that another person did the same thing. (Laughs) So teenagers aren't allowed to be intelligent? But really, if you want to know how I got this way just blame the library.
Angelrock: I'm so glad you like Lily's dad! I love him just like I love Mrs. Fredrick; I have a soft spot for all of my original characters.
LightningStruckBlackDog: (Blushes) Yes, there is one of my bad summaries. But to let everyone know I thought it was pretty funny when I first put it out there. I got a quick laugh out of it. Anyway, I'm glad you like this one better.
xTexasgalx: If you want to know how I do it go check out my writing tip story "Here's The Thing." I'm very pleased to hear that you re-read this when I update. I like writing my Miley and Lily moments. I try to keep them very subtle.
CraftyNotepad: "Here's the Thing": Nooo! Don't leave me! No "bye"! Jesus I almost had a heart attack! I love your reviews you've stuck with me from the beginning! You helped me update so fast on Hourglass! (sigh) Well it's all up to you. Me? I'm still chained to my desk. Oh yeah, I heard the same thing from the Okens. But then Lily worried she'd be too old for another baby. So, who knows! (Come back! Come back!) Thank-you for your ever marvelous review on Here's the Thing. (Don't leave, don't leave.)
(I don't think I can give everyone reviews again. That took longer then this chapter. Anyway happy reading.)
…
For the millionth time today I've told myself to focus. The worst part is that it's only first period. I try to concentrate on the math problem on the board but I can't. I keep thinking about her, but in a good way. It doesn't shock me now when I find myself just randomly looking at her, or wondering about her.
It feels nice today; I don't feel bad about myself. I don't hide behind my school books or stay trailing behind in the halls. We stand close. We walk together and laugh. I feel fresh and clean. The days are growing shorter and colder but my heart warms to the new sensation of love.
I've never been in love before. There was Jake Ryan, the heart throb and my short lived boyfriend. We stayed together for a good while in freshman year; but later separated due to the fact that I was no longer interested. We tried to keep in touch, but that didn't work out very well. The last I heard he's making a new film in England and dating his co-star, oh well.
Scott Patterson was next. We met after Jake and I broke up. He was the exact opposite of Jake. He was shy and sometimes stumbled over his sentences. I become interested in him only because I thought it would be good to branch out and see what the "nice guys" had to offer. Scott was cute in a "tucked in shirt always on time and brings flowers" kind of way.
We had a summer fling before sophomore year. We broke up late August of that year. He was really sweet about it. We're still friends, I suppose. If I see him around I wave, but nothing special. I've had crushes on different people before; I went through the puppy love stage. But now, with Lily, it's just different. I can't explain.
I don't know if she'll ever look at me the way I often gaze dumbstruck at her, but it's still nice to feel this. It's so real to me that it's almost tangible. I can taste the anxiety, the distant fear hiding deep within me. But I've packed those unsure thoughts away. I. Like. Lily. I can't hide from it forever. I need to be brave.
I shake my head, I'm ready. I have my hands in small fists and mind determined. I'm high off confidence as I walk to French class later. I sit in my seat and wait. Madame Blancheflor smiles at me and I nod saying a quick hello in French.
The class begins to file in after a while. My breath catches in my throat when Lily sits down. What was I thinking? Am I crazy? Maybe I suffered a minor lapse in my judgment. I can't tell her! I put my head in my hand and block out all the noise of distant before class chatter. Who am I kidding?
The haze I was once in vanishes. My head comes tumbling down from the clouds. My heart freezes. I need to keep my mouth shut. I make a mental note to buy duck tape some time during the week. Madame Blancheflor begins speaking and I loose her. Her accent is thick and her words all mesh together. (Je ne comprends pas.)
For an odd reason my head begins to hurt. I turn my head to where Lily is sitting, legs crossed, and taking notes. Her hair is up in a long pony tail. I feel sick to my stomach. She's wearing tight jeans and I wonder if her legs are as smooth as they look in a bathing suit. I try to swallow but my mouth is dry as dust.
I feel my forehead begin to sweat. The back of my neck is on fire. My cheek sting. I need to get out of here. I need to stop staring at Lily. I put my head down and breathe in deeply through my nose. How could my mood take such a dramatic turn? I'm falling off the train track, that's what I'm doing. I'm finally going insane. Perfect.
Madame says something about music and then she walks over and pushes play on her small radio. A soft clarinet lets out a long cry. I sink into my seat and let the music have its way with me. A raspy saxophone greets us next. A woman's voice husky voice runs through the music, acting like honey- thick and smooth over my muscles.
I let myself drift; I'm not sure what the woman is saying. But her words are long and drawn out. She sounds so unhappy. I let my eyes trail over to Lily. She is leaning forward in her seat. Her hand is under her chin propping up her head. Her eyes are glazed over. The song ends and I feel better, still sad, but less stressed.
Lunch was a blur. Oliver said something about pickles and Lily told me about her working Saturday but my mind raced to Mrs. Fredrick. I had to find out what she was hiding. Besides, maybe worrying over her problems might let me forget mine for a while. I steal one last glance at Lily before running off to art.
Today the door is shut and locked. But the lights are off again. I look through the classroom window; just to see if I could catch her. But there is no movement.
"Mrs. Fredrick, ha, she's one strange gal."
I turn around to see Mr. Waltz, the band director. He is standing with his usual black notebook full of music scales and songs. His dark grey eyes smile at me. "Do you take her class?"
I nod, "Yeah I do. Mr. Waltz you wouldn't happen to know anything interesting about Mrs. Fredrick, would you?"
He shrugs. "No one does. She's very private. I tried to be nice to her many times, considering our classrooms are rather close, but she just brushed past me. Very cold woman, I can see why most students don't take art these days."
"Do you ever see anything a little odd going on in her room? Like, oh say, depressing music? Crying?" I ask hastily.
Mr. Waltz lets out a deep chuckle, the wrinkles around his mouth and eyes become very noticeable. "Heavens no, her door is always locked shut. I never hear anything. Like I said, private woman." He checks his watch. "Oh, the bell's going to ring soon, I must be off. Try and survive art."
I watch him run off down the hall to the band room. I tap my foot and watch the art door. I lean my ear to the crack of the door. I can't hear anything, I listen harder maybe-
"Oof!" I fall forward. The door is open now and Mrs. Fredrick stands in front of me sending me a death glare.
"Yes Miss. Stewart?" Her voice doesn't sound very friendly.
"I was… well uh…You look nice today." I scratch my head and attempt a smile.
"Go back to the cafeteria, you are no longer allowed in here before the bell." Mrs. Fredrick is about to close the door. I slide my foot in the doorway to stop her.
"Wait! Listen, I'm really sorry I saw that yesterday. I know it was none of my business, but I want to understand you. I want to help you." I'm not sure where these words are coming from. My mouth just keeps opening up.
Mrs. Fredrick lets out a dry laugh. "Please, my dear, there is nothing to discuss. You didn't see anything yesterday." Her eyes narrow at me. "Did you?"
"Uh?" What game is she playing at? What next, is she going to hypnotize me? "Mrs. Fredrick," I say after a short pause. "I thought we were… friends?" Her eyebrows shoot up beyond her hairline. "Okay maybe not like really good friends but I thought you enjoyed having me around in the afternoons during lunch. I mean you never seem to mind." I watch her carefully. My voice is soft and I pray that I'm winning her over.
"Miss. Stewart." She sighs, clearly aggravated, "You are a student and I' am your teacher. We are not friends."
After this she pushes my foot aside with hers and shuts the door. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much. I suppose I really do like being on a teacher's good side. I like being the good kid, the teacher's pet, if you will. But I have a feeling that no matter how many times I try with Mrs. Fredrick she'll just push me away.
"Miley!"
Oliver is calling me from behind. He catches up with me as I wait outside of the drama room for Lily.
"Hey, what's up?" I smile adjusting the strap on my bag. Oliver scratches behind his neck and sighs.
"You wouldn't know why Lily has been acting weird lately would you?" Oliver questions nervously.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Lily's been acting a little off. And I'm a little worried, have you noticed anything different?" Oliver's eyes are pleading with me, and to be quite blunt, I haven't noticed anything. Because I'm too busy trying to fade away into nothing so I won't have to feel this way.
"No." I reply simply.
"Oh, well, I guess it's just me then… and what about you? You've been really weird too." Oliver glares at me. "Are you two hiding something? I get that you guys share things with each other that you wouldn't with me but that doesn't mean you've got to shut me out."
I shake my head. "No Oliver, to be honest I'm just as clueless as you." I put my hand on his shoulder and give it an encouraging squeeze.
"What're you guys talking about?"
Oliver and I spot Lily standing behind us smiling. "Nothing much." I mutter letting go of his shoulder.
"Oh." Lily's face falls. Perfect, now what have I done. Walking to English is surprising quiet today. It's as though we've all become mute.
Today during English I try to understand why Lily is being so cold. When we sit down she doesn't turn around to tell me what happened in drama or to ask how art was. Her face is emotionless, a white slate. As we sit in the car now I sink down in my seat. Lily's hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles are white.
Her eyes are blazing and staring only to the road. I pick at my loose fingernail. It seems her mood has only worsened. Lily's mind is a dangerous place, especially now when she goes inside and won't tell me what's wrong. We pass my street corner and keep heading straight. I'm about to inform Lily about this but then I decide against it.
She pulls the car into the beach parking lot. She puts Pinkerton in park and shuts off the engine. We are on the deserted side of the beach. The place no tourist likes to visit let alone locals like us. The sky is a dark grey. I watch the palm trees sway in the wind. The ocean looks more threatening then beautiful today.
Lily unbuckles and quickly gets out. Her parking job is horrible; Pinkerton is sideways taking up parts of two spaces. I stay inside. To be honest she's scaring me. She is pacing around like an animal, her head down and muttering things to herself. I get out slowly. Acting as thought I could scare her with any sudden movements. Lily is now down in the sand towards the ocean.
I gradually make my way to her. Lily has collapsed in the sand with her legs pulled tight to her chest. Tears are streaming down her face.
"Lily!" I rush to her and sit close. She turns and sniffs loudly. What have I done? "Lily?" Her name rolls off my tongue quickly the first time but now it's slower and concerned. "What's wrong?"
She won't look at me or let me hold her. (God I want to hold her.) "I just feel so… so… angry." Lily lets out.
"…Why? At me?" I wonder with my eyebrow rising in fear. I can't have her hate me, I just can't.
"No, at myself." Lily sniffs rubbing her eyes. "I just ach every moment of every day. My body is tired, my mind is tired."
"Tired of what?" We're getting somewhere, I just know it!
"Of nothing… it's nothing…" Lily says beginning to back track. No! No! I won't go back I won't start all over again. I need to tell her. The words are on my lips, I can taste them. I take Lily's face between my hands; I want to make her look at me. I need to read her eyes and make sure I'm not the only one who can feel this connection.
Her eyes are bright with fear. She licks her lips when I release her face. But she keeps looking at me. She looks at me like I hold some kind of promise, some kind of hope.
"This is so hard." I say looking out to the ocean. "To put this into words…" I ramble on. Lily isn't making a noise; the spot light is on me. She stares at me with her blue eyes and I know that there is no turning back.
I stand up and move a little ways away from her. If she rejects me I want a quick get away. "Are you and Oliver together?" Lily blurts out before I can gather courage. The question throws me.
"No!" I shout. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"
"I don't know. "Lily sighs, standing up and brushing the sand off her pants. "I saw you two and it just bothered me."
"Why?" I shoot back.
"I don't know." Lily repeats putting one hand on her hip and using the other to rub her temples. "I mean I could just ask you why you've been so crazy lately. Come on Miley, tell me! Because I'm loosing it here."
I wait a moment before just diving in. "Because I can't breathe with you in the room… Because all I see are your eyes when I go to sleep… Because every morning I wait until I hear your voice to smile…" I couldn't stop the words from flooding out of my mouth.
Everything in me was tearing down. All those walls and moral values they teach you in Sunday school left me in this one moment. She stood so still. Her body stiff as cardboard. I don't know what I want from her.
I don't want to look at her or have her touch me. I want to get everything out. I need to come clean and shed light over the grey that makes me feel so wrong.
"Because maybe I like you in a different way… I don't know, I don't know anything anymore… I tried to fight it. I tried blocking it all out. But I can't stop this feeling… this attraction I have for you and no one else."
She didn't speak. I did all the talking. We're standing so far apart. I'm terrified to move, but I just kept talking. I wish I could stop and rewind time. I wish I hadn't broken down, because I'm supposed to be strong.
I finally have the courage to look at her. She's staring at me with such intensity that I have to look away; I can't have her eyes burning into me like that. Am I freak? Should I be put up on display? Yes, Yes! It's true! I like her! I like another girl!
I want to die now, or maybe throw up. I'm not sure yet. I can feel my skin crawling. My body is shivering. But, I'm not cold. This is too much for me to handle.
"Say something…" I croak out, my voice hoarse.
Lily shakes her head. "Say what? I can't… I can't… Miley? Do you really feel it too? This pain? This frustration?"
I nod, I swallow and I nod. Is she still here, I blink, yes. She didn't run away. "You didn't run away." I say to her, now watching her closely.
"Of course not. Miley… I… I understand."
And then I'm crying. I feel hot tears run down my cheeks, they tickle, I wipe them off. She understands… I whisper it to myself inside my head. The one thing I have ever and always wanted from her. Understanding…
Lily makes the first move forward. She reaches for my hand and I let her take it. We stand together holding hands. She watches me cry with a ponderous look on her face and I breathe out a shaky breath. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say or how to act with her now.
What about tomorrow at school?
What will the world make of us?
Is there even an us?
Lily pulls me in, as if sensing my uncertainty. She wraps her body around me and I rest my head on her shoulder and sniff in loudly. I hold her to me, letting her whole body push up against mine.
"I have these feelings for you Miley." She tells me softly. "I don't really get them yet but I will for you… for us." And that is the dearest and most precious promise I've ever heard.
We let go. The wind begins to pick up and the waves crash in and out. Lily's hair is a tangled mess wavering in the wind. She looks beautiful here. I don't want to ever forget this moment. "Now what?" Lily whispers.
I shrug. "For once, I really have no idea." I can't see into the future. I'm not sure what comes next for us. But I know I want her around with me as we find out together. I take her hand and she smiles looking down at our intertwined fingers. And then she kisses me. It's so fast that at first I didn't even realize what had happened. It was quick and warm. But I'm a little upset, when I finally decide to kiss Lily I want to be able to really kiss her.
Lily's face is a dark red. "I'm sorry." She mumbles.
"No, no I… it was… I just wasn't expecting it." I say nervously.
"I'm sorry Miley we're not ready."
And maybe she's right. We're not ready. But to ease her mind I squeeze her hand and lead her back to the car. As we drive I feel a weight lift from my body. Lily has a shy smile spread across her face. When we come to a red light she timidly turns to me and grins bashfully. And I have a feeling I have the same exact smile on my lips.
She pulls up to my driveway. I stay seated and Lily and I look to each other. And then I laugh.
"What?" Lily smiles questioning me.
"Nothing." I say shaking my head. "It's just… strange." My face grows serious after a moment. "Lily? About tomorrow I mean what is this?"
Her face becomes pensive. "We don't have to prove anything to anyone at school. Miley you're still you and I'm still me. We cannot be defined as anything but ourselves."
"Wow, you've put thought into this haven't you?" I ask.
Lily ducks her head, a little embarrassed. "I've liked you for a while Miley."
"I'm glad." I answer softly. We share another serious look and for a spilt second I wonder if we'll kiss again. But we don't, it's too early. I get out of the car; I can feel her eyes on me as I walk to the door. I turn around just before I go inside and smile at her. She waves and then I step inside.
My dad is in the kitchen humming as he makes dinner and Jackson is scribbling down notes from his textbook. And the thought suddenly come screaming through me. How do I tell them? I shake my head and sit down at the kitchen table. I won't let this get me down, not now. After what's just happened I deserve to feel the tiniest bit of joy. So, I smile and reach for my books.
…
Author's Note: I don't know. You tell me, was it alright? I had to mull over this for a day. I wasn't sure I captured everything the correct way. At first I wasn't going to have Lily kiss Miley but then I thought it needed something. You readers know how much Miley likes Lily but we have no clue what goes through Lily's mind. (Well, I do but you don't.)
I knew I wasn't going to have them kiss deeply or anything (sorry no making out) because, in my opinion, they're going to feel awkward around each other for a while. This is a huge step in my opinion. So things are going to move at snail speed for them as a couple. I still have more to come so stick with me. Leave your thoughts…
