"Hello. I do believe that is my given name, yes? Or is it? They say I talk to things that don't exist. You exist, don't you?", said Malfoy to a dumbfounded Hermione Granger. "I like Healer Lovegood. She understands being called insane. She says to ignore it, but if I ignore it, I'd be more insane.", Malfoy reasoned.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Who the hell are you and what have you done to Malfoy?"

"I haven't done anything. The Healers have. They keep Hermes sedated.", said Malfoy, earnestly.

"What does that have to do with anything?", asked Hermione, still slightly defensive.

"Hermes was my best friend. We were inseparable since birth. He wore his heart on his sleeve, was rash, impulsive, a role-model Gryffindor. I think that's because he was a Veela.

I taught him how to control his expression, how to look smug when you were really dying inside, how to distance himself from reality. It hurts too much to use those lessons anymore. They keep Hermes locked away, sedated, because he went crazy when his mate unknowingly got magically married to another man. They say Hermes doesn't exist. But he does. The sedatives are weakening. Soon, he'll be able to show the world that he does exist."

This time Cherie locked eyes with Malfoy, saying, "Why are you telling us all this?"

"Whenever I ask the people who don't exist if they exist, they don't answer. Whenever I ask the people who do exist if they exist, they say that yes, they do. You don't exist. Therefore I can get this load off my back by telling it to someone, even if they are in my imagination."

Cherie glanced at the clock. "I believe that is all."

Malfoy trotted out the door.

Hermione turned to her childhood friend. "What do you think?"

Cherie's brow was furrowed, as if she was still analyzing the Malfoy's body language, tone, and words themselves. Then her face cleared. "I think this case just got interesting. Malfoy seems like he's completely sane, but people repeatedly tell him he's insane, so he actually believes he's insane. I think he found out about Hermes, and that either all the Healers are in on it, or a few were, and passed their false diagnosis onto their underlings."

"That's pretty complicated. I don't think the Healers would lie."

Cherie sighed nostalgically. "Ah, young naivete. I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but people lie."

"Says the Slytherin charlatan.", Hermione retorted. It was arguments like these that made life a tad more interesting.

"Gryffindork."

"Slimy snake."

"Bushy-haired know-it-all."

"Hairy-hearted psychopathic freak."

"Actually, I'm a high-functioning sociopath, Mya, get it right."

"Shut up."

"Do you think you would get that lucky?"

"Nope. Anyway, back to the case at hand. He mentioned Healer Lovegood. I don't think Luna's a Healer, is she?"

"Actually, she is, part-time. She specializes in ailments of the psyche and mind, according to the Healer Registry. Do you think we could interview her?"

"With the mountain of paperwork Kingsley has to get done, I doubt he'll notice if I drop an extra one or two forms in his office."