Song: Ghost by Badflower
Natasha walked coldly around her hotel room in France. She walked to the little desk and reorganized the letters she had written, making sure that each envelope was full and had a name.
Thor, Bruce, Pepper, Hill, Fury, Stark, Clint, Steve
She nodded and put them back down laying them out slightly. Reaching over to the other side of the table she went through her important documents. Her will, bank information and emergency contact information all laid out plain and easy for whoever found her. She sighed deeply seeing the DNR she had made sure was on the top page. She nodded to herself again as she walked to the mini fridge.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she swallowed thinking the top shelf Vodka she had bought years ago. It had cost a pretty penny, but she saw no real need for it anymore. She walked over and put the class by her letters, nice red lip prints on it. It was a pretty little set up she had made for herself that was true.
Taking a deep breath she looked around her room once more. Her bag was packed nicely on her bed, which was made of course. The room itself was clean as could be as well, she had taken time to steal some of the cleaning ladies supplies and deep clean.
"I tried it once before but I didn't get too far," She spoke to herself as she fluffed her pillows. Pointless really, it wasn't like she was going to be using them anytime soon. She must have been stalling. Strange, she hadn't expected to want to stall. "I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart."
She smoothed her hands over the bed sheet, getting all the wrinkles out before she left. "And all I really wanted was someone to give a little fuck." She shook her head, her voice breaking as she spoke. "But I waited there forever and nobody even looked up."
"I tried it once before and I think I mighta messed up," She explained to the room, or who or whatever was listening. She had met a few Gods, who was to say there were none. "I struggled with the veins and I guess I didn't bleed enough." She shrugged, now making sure the stock paintings on the walls were straight. "But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die, But nothing very special ever happens in my life." She shook her head laughing. That was a flat lie and she knew it. Plenty of special and exciting events had happened in her life.
"I tried it like before and this time I made a deep cut," She went on telling the story of her second attempt to the empty room. It had happened just after the fall of Sheild when all the world hated her with a fiery passion. "I thought about my friends and the way I didn't give enough, "Her friends. She was leaving them once again or at least trying to leave them. She would try to leave them. But they didn't care now, did they? All off on their own things, own little projects. Maybe that was unfair, but she had been sure that at least one of them had heard her crying in her bedroom the week before. And the week before that. And the week before that. So why was she here, in an empty room, about to do what she was planning?
"And I shoulda told my them , I love you', like a good one," She sniffed into her drink. Sighing she let her head roll back and her eyes close, her body relaxing more and more with every second. "But this life is overwhelming and I'm ready for the next one."
She stood up, fluffing the pillow until she walked over to the bathroom, opening the door slowly. It was beyond clean, she would let a child eat off the floor she had cleaned. She walked over to the sink where the scented candles flickered. She pulled out the blade from her pocket and flipped it around. "Take the blade away from me." Her hand splayed open. "I am a freak." Her face went into a contortion of pain. " I am afraid that All the blood escaping me won't end the pain," Tears came to her eyes. "And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me. I died to be the white ghost Of the woman that I was meant to be, yeah."
She sighed deeply, picking the knife back up from the sink. It was the first gift Clint had ever given her. It had ended countless lives in its time in her possession. It had just one more life to take. She took a deep sigh and sat down into the bathtub, stopping the drain. A tear rolled down her throat as she cut open her thighs. She staggered back as the blood began to fill the tub. She took a deep breath as she grabbed to the bottle of pills that she had set on the toilet next to her. A deep breath and she slowed them down on her own as well. A handful of medications she could barely pronounce the names of.
"I tried it once again and I think I might black out," She laughed rolling her head. "I shoulda left a better letter but I had nothing to write about." Her eyes closed as she looked down at what was before her. "My blood is all around me, I get dizzy if I stand up." Her heart began to rise in a primal mode of survival. "The cutting part was easy but regretting it is so fucked."
She rolled her head as she heard pounding on her front door. It grew louder and louder as the seconds passed by. She closed her eyes as it became muffled to herself. Her pain would end soon, only it didn't. Tears rolled down her face as she heard the door being kicked open. She looked up to see Steve bolting to the bathroom door, banding on it just as he did the front door. "Natasha?" He screamed. "Open the fucking door, Natasha."
She smiled faintly to herself, if she had had any strength she would have scolded him for cursing in front of a lady that way.
She didn't flinch as the door was once again kicked open, Steve standing in the opening, panting. "Natalia… dear God." He stood frozen at the sight before him. She lay there, covered in her own blood, growing paler and paler in the bathroom.
"What did you do, Nat?" He asked running to her, pulling any towels he could to himself. "Damnit, what did you do?" He bent down, lifting her out of the tub and onto the floor, covering himself in her blood. "Fuck, stay with me, Nat, please." He used the towels and a good bit of his super strength to slow the bleeding. "Help will be here soon, okay, the Avengers are coming, you're gonna be okay, okay?" Tears were in his eyes. "Stay with me got it, Nat?"
"Yeah, take the blade away from me," She mumbled to him, her head light and stomach clenching. She groaned and rolled her head slightly, knocking over empty pill bottle.
"Shit you took stuff too?" Steve asked hitting the bottle with his elbow to make it roll over so he could see the label. There was no way in hell he was taking pressure off her wounds. "Blood thinners, Nat?" He voice cracked. "What else did you take? What else did you do to yourself?"
"I am a freak, I am afraid that," She coughed weakly. Steve was relieved that no blood was coming from her lungs, at least it seemed it. "All the blood escaping me won't end the pain And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me."
"Nat? That's crazy okay? Crazy." He grunted in her face, the blood still flowing from her legs. "Shit, I think you hit an artery, Tasha. Why did you do this?"
"I died to be the white ghost Of the woman that I was meant to be," Her head became more and light, unable to focus on all that was around her.
"Just," He shook his head. "Just try and calm down okay? Take deep breaths, I can hear the sirens down the street help is on its way. Just hang on."
"I tried it once again and I think I went too far," Natasha lulled her head back and forth across the bathtub.
Steve bent over her as the hotel shook, the roar of a jet's engine deafened them. "Hear that Nat?" He panted, his adrenaline still on overdrive. "That means the others are here right?" He smiled weakly at her seeing how she struggled to hold on to her lucidity. "Nat that means everyone is here to help. There's Tony, and Maria and I bet your best buddies Clint came to see you too." There was a loud crack of thunder followed by a flash of lightning. "And look, it sounds like Thor came too!"
"I cut a little deeper and," She wheezed unable to keep her mind straight. "And the pressure stopped my heart."
"No, no, Tasha doesn't say that," Steve moved so his knees were outside of her hers. "I got you, alright, I got you." He turned as he heard running down the hall. "Guys!" He screamed. "Guys we're in here!" He shook his head, loosening his hands just to put more pressure back on. "I'm so sorry, Natasha this is our fault. We should have checked on you when we heard you crying. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He turned behind himself again as the stomping grew louder. "GUYS!"
"I couldn't tell my mother that I love her, I'm a bad one," Her eyes fluttered as her head finally went limp to look at him dazed.
"I got you, Nat, just you wait," He turned again. "Guys!"
"Steve?" Clint yelled running behind them. "Nat?"
"Bathroom!" Steve yelled back. "Hurry!"
The three Avengers slide to a fast stop at the door one at a time. "Jesus fucking Christ." Clint gasped going pale.
"Holy fuck there's just so much blood…" Tony took a step back to take a deep breath.
"Where the fuck are the EMTs?" Steve asked turning to them, his arms, hands, legs, and shirt covered now in her blood. "We're losing her damnit."
"Lady Maria is bringing them with her, they were but a mile behind us," Thor answered.
"Nat?" Clint yelled kneeling beside her. "Nat, you hear me?"
Tony ran back into the room. "They're down the hall."
"This life is overwhelming," Natasha whispered so lowly only Steve could hear. "And I'm ready for the next one."
