Chapter 4
Silence Speaks Volumes
SATURDAY, JULY 26, 2014 | 11 AM
I collapse into a chair in the family lounge, my head in my hands. My thoughts keep me awake at night, having no one to voice them to. I feel calmer when I am near my mother; whenever I am away from her there is this near-panicked feeling that something could happen, and I wouldn't be there. But hospital policy prevents me from staying round-the-clock. I feel like I haven't slept all week.
How have only six days passed since my world shifted on its axis? It feels so much longer, and at the same time, it is going too fast—my time with my mother is going too fast.
Caleb has continued his internship, but he comes by in the evenings. Now that it's Saturday, he's here visiting with Mom, and she convinced me to take a break. But I can't stand to actually go anywhere, so here I sit.
My mind drifts to Tobias. The hurt and anger is unbearable, but I still love him… I still have that nagging worry. I hope he is safe. I hope he's alright. It's strange to think that just a week ago, I was cuddled up to his chest, thinking of how beautiful and special he made me feel.
I sure don't feel beautiful or special now.
I look up when I feel a presence beside me. The boy I saw in the hall a few days ago—the one with the tan skin and brown eyes and the sympathetic smile—is sitting in the chair next to me, watching me. I sit up straight and make eye contact, and as soon as I do, he simply says, "Hi."
I stare a moment longer than is probably acceptable, wondering what on earth gave him the impression that I wanted to chat. But finally I say, "Hi."
He raises an eyebrow—I've always been envious of people who can raise just one, it's so much cooler than raising them both—and something about his expression makes me break into a smile. A real, genuine smile.
The boy smiles back and holds out his hand. "I'm Uriah."
I debate for a millisecond. Why the hell not, Beatrice? It might not be so bad to make a friend here. Maybe he understands what it's like. I shake his hand. "Beatrice."
"My dad is a patient here. I've seen you here almost every day for the last week, so I'm guessing someone you care about…" he explains, trailing off. "And, well…" He shrugs. "I just figure, if we're going to keep running into each other, might as well get acquainted. Feel a little less alone here."
"Um, yeah," I say nervously, playing with the hem of my tank top. "My mom. It doesn't look good."
Uriah nods, and I don't see what I'm afraid I'll see in my friends' eyes when I tell them. He doesn't pity me, and I don't pity him, either.
"Cancer sucks," he sighs, and I can't help smiling because his statement is so obvious, and so accurate. "Let's talk about something that doesn't suck. Tell me about yourself, Beatrice."
And I do.
We talk for almost two hours and I find that Uriah is a natural comedian, but thoughtful. We steer clear of heavy topics, both needing a break from the hospital and illness but both unwilling to leave our parents any longer than necessary. I do learn that Uriah's mom is a nurse and working tons of overtime to pay for what insurance won't cover.
I tell him all about Caleb, and he tells me about his brother Zeke. He's close with his brother, while I never really have been with mine. Zeke moved out west a few weeks ago to start a job he found there to help pay for school—he's Caleb's age—and Uriah really misses him.
I don't tell him about Tobias.
But the amazing thing is, in the two hours I sit there in the family lounge with Uriah Pedrad, I only look at my phone once.
The second time I finally look at my phone, I see that it's after one o'clock and my eyes widen. "Wow," I say in genuine amazement as I stand up and stretch. "You managed to make me forget how much my life sucks for two whole hours, Uriah!"
"Anytime, Beatrice," Uriah laughs. Then he looks at the door that leads to the patient rooms, and with his eyes closed, takes a deep breath in, and lets it slowly out. I try to give him a sympathetic smile much like the one he gave me the other day. "Come on, we should get back in there."
We walk silently through the doors and down the hall toward our parents' rooms. My mom's room is a few doors past his dads, and he grips my arm to stop me before he goes in. "I just realized we didn't exchange phone numbers," he says without a hint of nervousness. I bite my lip and look away, but when I look at him again all I see in his chocolate brown eyes is kindness and friendship. So I nod and we exchange phones, each adding ourselves to the other's contacts.
"I'll be seeing you, Beatrice," he says. He pushes the door to his dad's room open, and disappears inside.
When I enter my mom's room, I find that she is sleeping and Caleb is sitting on the hard, uncomfortable window seat reading a book. His back is against the wall and his knees are bent so that his feet are flat on the seat. "Hey," I say quietly, sitting on the other side.
Caleb finally looks up. "You look better," Caleb says. "Did you take a nap?" I shake my head no, but don't tell him about my new friend. "Seriously, Bea, why don't you just go home? You've been here with her all week. I'll stay until dinnertime, I promise."
I shake my head no. "I at least want to be here when she wakes up. I'll go home earlier tonight, though. I promise."
"Okay." He sighs. "I really need you to take care of yourself, Bea. In a few weeks I won't be here, and Mom's worried about you as it is—worried whether you're sleeping, eating enough, talking to anyone… she doesn't need extra worries, Beatrice."
"And I don't need you to scold me, Caleb." He sighs dramatically and looks out the window. I glance at my phone again. No new texts, no missed calls. Nothing.
Never have I better understood the saying, "silence speaks volumes."
A/N: I realized after I posted chapter 3 that I should have combined it with this one, but oh well, I wasn't going to change it once it was up and people were reading already. So I guess this is sort of like the rest of the chapter. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. Yes, I am planning on this being a Fourtris story by the end, but you'll have to be a bit patient! Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favorited- it definitely helps calm the crazy nerves I get whenever I put something new out there for the world to see. :)
