The Oops Differential Act II J. Franklin

THE OOPS DIFFERENTIAL

EPILOGUE

(SCENE: The interior of a PENNY's car. LEONARD is sitting in the passenger seat as she drives. She is clearly angry.)

PENNY: So, it's not bad enough that my boyfriend has buddies who want to see me naked and who use scientific toys to spy on me. But my boyfriend also has to go to a (Makes quotation marks with fingers) "conference" –

LEONARD: You know I really hate when you take your hands off the wheel like that –

PENNY: Shut up. A (Makes quotation marks again, more deliberately this time) "conference" that instead turns out to be some kind of biker bar where he and his buddies start a fight with every Hell's Angel there –

LEONARD: It wasn't with every one there. It was only two of them –

PENNY: (Cutting him off) And as if that wasn't bad enough, he then has to go down to the police station where he calls me to bail him out! But before I can do that he and his buddies start ANOTHER fight with the bikers and police. Did I miss anything?

LEONARD: (Quietly) Well, technically there was the part where Sheldon ran over the motorcycles –

PENNY: (Throws up hands) Enough! Leonard, do you know why I started dating you?

LEONARD: (Pauses) Actually, it's been one of the questions the guys and I have been asking since we met –

PENNY: Because I thought you were different! My dad's always saying, "Oh, stick with Leonard! He's a good guy! He'll never get into trouble like your old boyfriends!" And now you've not only proven him wrong, you're going to break his heart when I tell him you're just like all the other guys I used to date!

LEONARD: Your other guys used to get into fights with bikers at science conventions? (PENNY glares at him) Well, hold on a second. I mean, it's not like you have to tell him.

PENNY: Yes, I did! How do you think I got the money to bail you out of jail?

LEONARD: (Surprised) You called your dad to help bail me out of jail?

PENNY: (Quiet) Yeah. Yeah, I did.

LEONARD: (Thinks) Wow. You do love me!

PENNY: (Frustrated) Leonard…

LEONARD: Well, hold on. I don't think you're looking at this the right way. I mean, Raj and Howard missed the contest, Howard's boss wants him to pay for the prototype you destroyed, Sheldon has to go back for the trial in a few months, and I now have an arrest record that's going to be on my file for the next seven years.

PENNY: So, what are you saying?

LEONARD: (Thinks) Well, for starters, getting more grant money for future research is now going to be a lot more difficult…

PENNY: Leonard. Does it even occur to you that you and the other guys could have been killed?

LEONARD: Actually, it was pretty much all we thought about while we were there.

PENNY: And did you ever stop to think what that would mean to me if something happened to you?

LEONARD: (Pauses) Actually, we were really just more focused on self-preservation –

PENNY: Leonard! (Looks at him) I love you, okay? It took me a long time to get comfortable admitting it and saying it out loud, but I do, okay? I love you, and I don't want to have to worry about you every time you go out of town for some convention.

LEONARD: (Ashamed) Okay. You're right. I'm sorry.

PENNY: Sorry for what?

LEONARD: I don't know. You just usually stop being mad at me when I say that.

PENNY: (Sighs) Well, okay – (Looks in rear view mirror) oh, damn.

LEONARD: What? (Flashing lights appear behind them)

PENNY: I'm getting pulled over.

LEONARD: Were we speeding?

PENNY: No, but I forgot to replace my license and inspection tags. (She pulls car over to side of road. We see an officer approaching the car. PENNY checks him in her rear view.) Oh, good.

LEONARD: What?

PENNY: I know this guy.

LEONARD: You do?!

PENNY: Yeah, he's the guy who pulled me over last year when my tags expired. I think I know how I can get out of this one.

LEONARD: It doesn't involve anything improper, does it?

PENNY: No. (Rolls down window) Hi, Officer Rudd!

OFFICER: Hewo, Penny.

PENNY: What seems to be the pwoblem?

OFFICER: You-wah tags are expwi-ahd again.

PENNY: Oh, my gosh! I must have fogwotten agwain!

LEONARD: Um, Penny –

PENNY: (To LEONARD) Ssh!

OFFICER: Do you have the tags with you this yea-wah?

PENNY: No, I weft them at home agwain.

LEONARD: (Breaking in) Excuse me, what is your name, officer?

OFFICER: Wobert Wudd. Why?

LEONARD: Um, do you by any chance have a brother in – (PENNY elbows him) Ow!

OFFICER: Yes. My bwother is awso a powiceman. Do you know him?

PENNY: No, he doesn't. He was just askwing a cwazy kwestion. Wehwent you, sweetie?

LEONARD: What? Oh, yes. Yes, I was!

PENNY: (To OFFICER) I pwomise as soon as I get ho-wum I wiww put the twags on my cawah!

OFFICER: Okay, but just this twime, okay? I can't kweep wetting you off the hook this way.

PENNY: I understwand. Thank you, office-ah. (OFFICER leaves)

PENNY: (To LEONARD) See? That's how you talk to an officer without getting into a fight!

(END)

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