Merry Christmas! Sorry for the wait for this chapter! I hope that you all have had a happy holiday season, and enjoy this gift from me to you. All mistakes are mine. I own nothing. Please review, I love to hear from you.
It had been 4 weeks since Meredith was rushing to a rinky dink hospital on the edge of town where her husband was fighting for his life after a doctor decided his social life was more important than the life of Derek. The days had gone and past, Meredith barely able to keep up with the awful feeling that was overwhelming her all hours of the day and night. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, the only thing she was capable of doing was parenting her two scared, grieving children. Owen had cut back her hours in the OR at her request to have more time to adjust to the situation at hand. But, today she wanted to be different; she was going to pour her all into her work. She didn't feel like herself being stuck at home, and when she asked Owen to cut her hours, she immediately knew she had made a mistake.
"Zola, it's time to wake up sweetie. Mommy has to go to work today, so you have to go to daycare with Bailey."
"But Momma, it's Saturday. You never work on Saturdays. We always watch movies and play dolls and read with Bailey!" A small pout formed on Zola's face that Meredith couldn't help but respond to.
"I know sweetie girl, but I need to go work and save the sick people who need me. I'm sorry princess."
"Are you going to save daddy? He is really sick mommy." Meredith's eyes began to water, but she choked back her feelings to say, "I don't know how to fix daddy, but Aunt Amy is trying. We are trying baby."
Zola looked down at her shoes, looked around her bedroom, then her eyes settled on Meredith, teary brown orbs meeting her sad green. Once Zola saw that her mom had seen the tears though, she wiped them away and walked toward her dresser to pick out her outfit. This action broke Meredith's heart into little tiny pieces. Not knowing whether to leave her child alone or to do something, Meredith chose the latter. She walked up to Zola, squatting to be eye level with her baby girl, and then squeezed her tightly, feeling the little girl's arms wrap around her neck and little tears soaking the shoulder of her shirt.
"I love you so much Zozo. I know it's sad having daddy so sick and gone, but I love you and Aunt Amy loves you. We are always here for you, even Aunt Cristina loves you and she is a cold fish," this statement elicited a small giggle from Zola, "We all love you, and no matter what happens we are here for you baby girl. If you need to cry, you can cry. You don't have to hide it from any of us. We are all here for you Zozo, you don't need to hide. This is hard and scary," Meredith then pulled away enough to look her daughter in the eyes, "and even I cry sometimes. I love you so much Zola, and so does your daddy. Don't ever forget that."
Zola sniffled for a final time, wiping her nose on her pajama sleeve. "Okay mommy. I love you too."
"Okay Zo. I need to go get Bailey around, you should go ahead and get dressed now. Breakfast will be ready soon."
The small girl bounced off to her bedroom and Meredith went to her son's room to get him around for the day. She walked in and Bailey was standing in his crib, smiling and gabbing away. I love this so much. He is so happy, he doesn't even realize that anything is wrong. I wish that I could feel that way. She quickly changed him into the clothes he would wear that day, then walking out to the kitchen with him on her hip. Amelia was sitting at the island with a cup of coffee in one hand and a crayon in the other, obviously aiding Zola in the masterpiece she was creating that morning.
"Amelia, it's your turn to pick breakfast. What do you want this morning. We have cereal, waffles, or anything you may want to cook."
"I feel like when it is my day to choose breakfast I always have to make it myself." Amelia smirked at Meredith as she hopped out of her chair.
"Hey, I don't know how to make anything that involves more than two steps. It's not my fault you can't handle the simple life."
Amelia scoffed at Meredith's remark but then smiled, knowing that this was just how they kept the mood light around the house on days like today. Today was supposed to be the last surgery day of the stem cell transplants. If no conclusions could be made after this surgery, there would be no hope of anything happening with Derek's case. But, the two older women in the room didn't need to talk about that in front of the small children who already didn't understand why daddy wasn't getting any better.
"What are you making Amy, it smells very good."
"Well, since you claim that I can't live the simplistic life style, I am making scrambled eggs and toast; it's the simplest meal that I know how to make that actually is real food."
"You have me there, cereal really isn't real food. But I-" Meredith was cut off by a sudden urge to get sick, and she ran off to bathroom. After about five minutes of emptying the contents of her stomach, she walked to the sink to rinse out her mouth. She opened the overhead cabinet and grabbed the mouthwash, but as she went to close the door something caught her eye. A box of tampons. Panic struck her as she tried to recall the last period she had, and it was before the accident. It must just be all the stress. Plenty of women are irregular during times of stress. I am not pregnant.
Meredith walked out of the bathroom and watched her children eat with their favorite aunt. Amelia's eyes caught hers, but Meredith sent a look that said don't ask now. Amelia nodded her head, and went with it. After all the dishes were put in the sink, the Shepherd family got all of their belongings together and left for the hospital. The day ahead was bound to be a long one.
"Meredith, what are you doing here? It's a Saturday. You never work Saturdays." Callie always had a knack for picking up the wrong topics of conversation.
"I'm trying to make my life a little more normal. The less time I am at home, the less time I have to sulk in my dark and twisties."
"I am sure Zola and Bailey appreciate having you home more."
"Okay Callie. When your husband is in a coma that may or may not result in ultimate death, then you can talk. But until then, my feelings are valid and not yours to judge."
With that statement Meredith was on her way to the attendings lounge to change into her scrubs and put her things away. As she walked down the hall, she thought about all of the stolen glances her and Derek shared while in this exact hallway. All the times she would be in a rush to get to another patient and he would grab her arm, letting her know that he is right there, always. She walked in the lounge doors with a tear in her eye threatening to escape, but she held it back like she always does.
Meredith's first patient from the ER that day ended up becoming a 14 hour surgery with every possible complication occurring. But Meredith got through it, leaving the man in the ICU with high hopes of recovering. He was still a high-risk case, but Meredith was confident that he would make it. People don't go through that much pain and strife just to end up laying in a morgue. She left the man's recovery room and headed for an empty exam room. On the way, she spotted Amelia looking just as worn out as she felt.
"Amelia, will you please come with me for a moment?" Meredith grabbed her hand and led her to an exam room and locked the door behind them.
"Meredith, I don't understand. Why are you locking me in an exam room? Did you hear about how Derek's surgery went?"
"No… Wait should I be worried? What happened in there Amelia?"
"Things were going well, we injected the stem cells, but we discovered that no more progress had been made since the last infusion. Based on my research, we should be close to the end by now. But this has never been done before, so I still have hope."
"So what you're saying is that Derek still has no brain function."
"No, he has the same amount as last time we went in. I did a full neuro work-up about 20 minutes ago, and I believe that I may have a fix."
"Okay, go on."
"I think that if I culture my stem cells to replicate those of exactly the area in which I am putting them, I will be able to find more success and ultimately succeed with my plans of recovery. There is still hope Meredith."
"Thank you Amy. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have such an amazing surgeon on Derek's case."
"Yeah yeah yeah. So why am I in here with you?.."
"Oh, I need you to draw my blood. I would do it myself but I just got out of a 14 hour procedure and I don't want anything stupid to happen."
"I can do that for you."
Amelia drew Meredith's blood in silence, Meredith thinking about her husband, about their future as a family. If this test came back positive, if she was pregnant, her entire life would change. If Derek wakes up, nobody knows how many deficits he will have. If he doesn't wake up, Meredith will be a single mother to 3 children. She was having a hard enough time balancing work and her two beautiful children without Derek. How could she handle three?
"Cristina. I need you. Please call me back as soon as you can. It's an emergency." Meredith hung up the phone and sat back in the chair next to Derek's bed. In one hand, she had her cell phone that she was clinging to for dear life. In the other hand, an unmarked, unnamed manilla folder that held all of the answers. She looked at the folder long and hard, willing herself to open it.
"Derek, I don't care how selfish this sounds. I need you to be alive. I need you to make it. You need to wake up and be my knight in shining whatever. I didn't tell you this earlier, but I'm holding a folder. In the folder are test results, results that will tell you if I am pregnant. I haven't had a period since before your accident, and I have always been regular my entire life. I am going to open this folder, and it is going to give me an answer. But I don't know if I want the answer. Without you, I don't want anything…. Okay, I'm just rambling. You would have stopped me by now. Okay here goes nothing."
Meredith let go of the hand she was holding so tight, and opened the seal the results. She slowly pulled out the packet, thinking about the last time she found out she was pregnant. She was ecstatic, and so was Derek. She surprised him with a new shirt for Zola, and they made love all night. But today was the polar opposite. Her heart was heavy, she wasn't jumping for joy. Her eyes finally landed on the results she so desperately needed to see, and her phone rang. She answered out of habit, not making any effort to see who was calling.
"Dr. Grey," Meredith said monotonously.
"Mer, it's me. Cristina. Are you okay? You called like three times. Is Derek okay?"
"Cristina, I'm pregnant."
