Eventually the card game comes to an end and slowly the group disperses. Kenny, Douglas, Cartman, and I are the last to remain in the dining room, though we leave after a group of North Park kids come in and set up a game of beer pong - though Cartman decides to remain behind to watch the game.
Over the course of an hour we drift through the house, weaving through the crowd and talking with random strangers, until we find ourselves sitting outside on the back porch. Wendy and Token are out here as well, though they're making out on a hammock in a world of their own. From what I heard they had broken up a few days ago, but apparently, they've since gotten back together. Which isn't surprising in the slightest, as they've been constantly breaking up and getting back together again on a weekly basis since elementary school.
The three of us are leaning on the railing of Bebe's porch looking out into the darkness that shrouds her backyard. Though the music is thundering out into the night at a million decibels, it feels somewhat subdued out here, to the point that you can actually hear yourself think. I glance to my side and watch Kenny take a drag on the joint he and Douglas are smoking. After exhaling he sees me watching, and gestures to pass it to me.
"Sure you don't want some dude?" he asks, for the third time.
"Nah, I'm good," I reply, shaking my head.
He shrugs and takes another drag.
"Well, more for us," he says, passing it back to Douglas.
If I didn't feel like I was going to throw up, I would have probably taken him up on his offer. Earlier, just after we had left the dining room, Kenny had shoved a cup that smelt, and tasted, like cleaning fluid into my hands and ordered me to 'neck it'. I've been on the verge of hurling ever since. That's why I had decided to come out here in the first place, as I hoped that the fresh air would help me keep it down. And, to my relief, it did. But I don't want to risk it.
As Kenny and Douglas start to obsess over the 'massive rack' they had seen on a girl back inside, I hear the door behind me slide open. Glancing over my shoulder I see a very skimpily dressed Bebe stumble through the door. As is always the case as these parties of hers, she is completely shit-faced. Her makeup, which she's absolutely caked on, is completely fucked up and she obviously has been crying, since there are two streams of eye-liner pouring down her face. I hope that her emotional state has been caused by her usual antics of blowing up over the smallest of things. Because if something has actually happened to her, I wouldn't know what the fuck to do. As soon as she's through the door she makes a beeline for Wendy.
"Weeeeeendy!" she screeches, her voice reminiscent of a dying walrus.
Her death knell immediately pulls Wendy out of her little bubble and, jumping out of the hammock, she runs towards Bebe and wraps her arms around her.
"Oh my god Bebe!" she yells.
The sudden commotion pulls Kenny and Douglas out of their conversation, and all three of us are awkwardly watching on - as is Token.
"Weeeeendy!" Bebe whines out as she nuzzles her head into Wendy's shoulder, balling her eyes out.
"Bebe!? What happened? Are you okay? Do you need me to call the police!?" Wendy frantically asks.
In the seconds before Bebe's reply the air had grown tense. We all had expected the worst. We had thought that someone had done something awful to her that would change her life forever. But, as what she said next left her lips, we all visibly relaxed, and the deep gnawing feeling that had developed in my gut dissipated.
"He's cheating on meeeee!" she screams, clutching onto Wendy even tighter.
Kenny gives out a nervous laugh beside me.
"I thought some serous fuckin' rape shit had gone down," I hear him say before he and Douglas turn around and go back to the conversation they were having before.
"What? Bridon? Are you sure?" Wendy asks Bebe, her tone noticeably no longer being one of concern, but instead, was now one of slight annoyance.
After hearing this I decide to block out their conversation as well, as Bebe's relationship problems are not something I'm interested in knowing about, let alone listen to her bawl about. However, within a few seconds, I'm pulled back into Bebe's bullshit as I hear her screech my name.
I back around and look at the two of them. They are no longer embraced and instead Bebe is now pacing back a forth in front of a now unimpressed looking Wendy. I can see Token in the corner of my eye, and he looks equally unimpressed. I don't blame him. I doubt he's happy about his and Wendy's tongue-tennis session being broken up by Bebe's usual antics.
Suddenly I notice Bebe giving me a cold glare and, with tears running down her face, she stalks over to me and starts yelling in my face.
"What are you looking at Kyle!?" she screams, making my ears ring.
"Uh..." I breathe out as I try to take a step back, but end up bumping into the railing.
"Bebe it isn't his fault," Wendy says.
Now I'm even more confused.
"Uh, what isn't my fault?" I ask.
"Like you don't know!" Bebe replies scornfully.
I regret turning around now. I'm really not in the mood to have Bebe screaming in my face. Especially when she looks like some fucking witch with her makeup all fucked up like that.
"Okay. First of all, get the fuck out of my face, and second, I've got no clue what the fuck you're on about," I say, lifting my hands up in an attempt to give me some space.
Wendy puts a hand on Bebe's shoulder and pulls her away from me.
"Bebe, he wasn't the one making out with Bridon," she says.
But Bebe, now having turned from being an emotional wreck to being furiously pissed off, bats her hand away.
"Maybe not Wendy, but his boyfriend was!"
Upon hearing this I immediately roll my eyes. Not this shit again.
"Boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend," I say snidely, even though I, and everyone else here, know perfectly well who she's talking about.
Fuck my life. Why does that asshole have to be here. I mean, I'm not surprised that he is. His presence was to be expected. But I had hoped that he wouldn't show.
Before I can reply the back door slides open again, and this time Bebe's boyfriend comes bursting out.
"Bebe!" he calls.
Everyone's eyes turn from me to Bridon, as he walks over to his girlfriend.
"Babe, it wasn't what it looked it, I fuckin' swear!" he says.
Bebe immediately slaps him.
"I'm not going to buy that shit Bridon!" she yells.
Ignoring this shit show, I turn to Kenny and tell him I'm going back inside, because, seriously, fuck this noise. Kenny seems to wholeheartedly agree and immediately makes his way back inside. I follow him. Douglas hangs back though, seemingly entertained with what was transpiring before him.
Sliding the back door closed behind us, Kenny and I try, and fail, to find somewhere to sit down in the living room. After some searching we end up on a dingy couch in the corner of the basement. Upon sitting down, I decide observe my surroundings.
Though the air is hotter, sticker, and reeks of weed and cigarettes down here - the room is far less crowded that the rest of the house and gives off a somewhat relaxing vibe. However, this vibe immediately disappears as I spot the douchebag standing in the opposite corner of the room.
Craig fucking Tucker.
My ex boyfriend.
He's leaning against the wall and talking to some blonde girl, who seems to be entirely enthralled by him. And though I'd hate to admit it... I don't blame her. Craig has this aura about him that makes you want to get into his pants. He's one of those guys who are objectively attractive, and the worst thing is, he knows it. Everything about him screams hot - even though he isn't conventionally attractive at all. As far as guys go he isn't that tall, being barely 5'11, and he's pretty lanky too. But as I said before, there's just something about him. Maybe it's the bad-boy image he's cultivated over the years. Maybe it's the way his physique the perfect spot between muscular and non-muscular. Or maybe it's just his confidence, which practically oozes out of him.
Fuck. Even though I hate him with every fibre of my being... I'm still attracted to him. And the thing I hate the most is that he knows it.
Which is why my heart immediately drops as soon as his eyes flick to mine and we make eye-contact. Even though I look away as soon as our eyes meet, I know he's seen me staring.
After a few seconds I look in the corner of my eye and see, to my horror, that he's making his way over to me - with a bottle of beer in his hand and a smirk on his face. It's the same kind of smirk he'd have after we had sex back when we were dating. He'd be laying there, watching me, knowing that he had well and truly fucked me senseless.
Shit. I need to get out of here.
However, just as I turn to Kenny to tell him that we need to go, I realise that he's no longer sitting next to me. Instead, I see him heading up the stairs with a brunette with the biggest set of tits I've ever seen... that must have been the girl he and Douglas were talking about.
Fuck you Kenny, why do you have to be a complete and utter man whore. Whatever happened to bros before hoes?
Before I can get up and leave the basement of my own accord, I suddenly smell a familiar aftershave - Craig's aftershave.
I look up, and there he is. Craig fucking Tucker in all his glory. He's leaning on the arm of the sofa with one arm and holding his beer in the other. He gives me a wink.
I inwardly cringe.
"Hey babe," he drawls.
I fold my arms.
"Don't call me that Tucker," I reply, trying to make my voice sound as hostile as I can.
He chuckles and sits down next to me, sitting far too close for comfort.
I think about wriggling away, but I don't have any room to do it. And besides, doing it would only enlarge his ego.
"Don't be like that babe," he says as he tries to put an arm over my shoulder.
I bat his arm away and turn to look at him.
"Again, don't call me that."
Craig leans closer to me, his thigh rubbing up against mine as he does it. To my distain I feel a slight flicker of electricity run through me as he does so.
"Come on Kye, I know you still want me," he whispers in my ear, his breath making my skin tingle.
I almost blow up right then and there as he uses his pet name for me - the only reason I don't is because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he's gotten to me. Even though I'm well aware that he probably already knows that he has.
I try to give him a glare as he leans back, but from the looks of his smile, it only amuses him.
Fuck I hate him.
"Actually, Craig, no, I don't," I reply, gritting my teeth as I speak.
He gives out a short laugh.
"Yeah right."
Seriously, fuck you dude.
"Really Craig. I don't," I reply.
He laughs again.
This is really starting to get on my nerves now.
"You can't lie to me Kye," he says, giving me that smirk again.
I'm so close to punching him in his obnoxiously smug, infuriatingly cute, face.
"What do you want Craig?"
He continues to give me his smirk.
"I think you know what I want," he answers, trying to make his voice sound alluring... which works.
...
"Well. It's not gonna happen. We're over," I reply.
He take a swig of his beer before he replies.
"We don't have to be."
"But we are," I say, "and you know exactly why."
Suddenly his smirk drops.
"Really? You're still angry about that?"
... wow. Really. Is this guy fucking serious?
I won't get into it now, because it's a long and fucking painful story for me to tell, but wow. He can't be fucking serious. There is no way I'm going to let him pass this off as something I'm irrationally being angry about.
"Of course I am," I force out through gritted teeth.
For some reason, which completely surprises me, his façade has dropped.
What the fuck is his game?
"Kyle, look, it's been a year. Are you-" he starts, but I've had enough.
Who the fuck does this asshole think he is?
"Yes, it's been a year. Yes, I'm still angry about it. Did you not listen to a word I fuckin' said when I broke up with you!?" I spit out, my voice a little too loud.
In the corner of my eye I see a few people look over to us, but I'm too pissed off to care. I just can't believe, after the constant fights that we had, before and after we broke up, that he still thinks this isn't a big deal. This is a big deal for fuck's sake.
Before he can reply, I begin to give him a piece of my mind, letting my anger take control of me like I had used to.
"Craig. I'm going to tell you what I had told you last year. This is something that matters to me. It is a big deal. The fact that you can't understand that shows not only that you are a complete a total cunt, but that you don't actually care about me. I'm not your fucking sex toy Craig-"
"I never said you were!" he cuts me off.
"Shut the fuck up Craig, let me fucking finish!" I yell as I stand up from the couch, both my hands scrunching up into fists beside me.
"I'm not your fucking sex toy. I'm a human fucking being. And until you understand that simple fucking fact we're never, ever, getting back together," I yell, breathing heavily by the time I'm done.
Suddenly, to my humiliation, it hits me.
I take a look around... everyone is looking at us - or more precisely, everyone is looking at me. What's worse, I recognise the looks on their face. It's the same look I had when Bebe was having her domestic with Bridon outside, that one of awkwardness and embarrassment.
Fuck... I've literally become Bebe.
Jesus Christ.
I need to get out of here.
And so I do. Turning on my heels I storm out of the basement, rushing up the stairs. As I step out into the crowded hallway, I can't think. I can't believe I just did that. I made a fucking fool of myself not only in front of Craig but in front of a room of people. What a great way to let Craig know he's gotten to you dude.
Shit... I need to clear my head.
I try to make my way to the front door, but find that the path is blocked by a bunch of idiots doing keg stands. For reasons I can't explain, I suddenly start to feel claustrophobic. I feel like the crowd is suffocating me. I can feel a panic attack coming on - something which I haven't had in a long ass time. I turn to head over to the back door, but I see that Craig has just stepped out into the hallway, obviously trying to chase after me. I start to panic and, before Craig can see me, I spin on my heels and bound up the stairs, barging past people as I do so.
The upstairs hallway is just a crowded as downstairs is, and almost everyone up here is making out. I know that I won't be able to calm myself down in any of the bedrooms, as it's certain that people are fucking on the other-side of the door. In the corner of my eye I notice that one door is open, and without thinking I head for it, walk in, and slam the door shut behind me.
It turns out that I've stumbled into the bathroom. Neglecting to lock the door behind me I make my way over to the counter, turn on the taps, and splash cold water in my face. Leaning against the counter with my arms either side of the sink, I close my eyes and try to control my breathing, like my old therapist taught me.
Breathe in deep for five seconds and breathe out slowly for five seconds, focus only on your breathing and repeat.
After a few minutes doing this I feel it subside, and after a few more breathes, I slowly open my eyes and look at myself in the mirror, no longer feeling as panicked or as claustrophobic as I did. Instead, I just feel tired. I run my hand through my curly red hair and give out a long frustrated sigh.
"I knew coming here was a mistake," I say to myself.
After staring into my reflection for a few seconds, I start to voice my thoughts, and practically start giving myself a pep talk.
"Just leave Kyle."
"You didn't want to come here. You knew it was a bad idea, and you were right."
"Kenny said he wouldn't ditch you, but he did. Like you knew he would. Like he always does. Same goes for Craig. You knew he was going to be here. You knew that he'd cause shit. Because he always causes shit. Yet you came nonetheless."
I'm silent for a few seconds before I continue speaking.
"Just go," I tell myself, "Just leave this bathroom. Go straight downstairs to the front door, and leave. Don't talk to anyone. Don't stop for anyone. Just leave and walk home. It's as simple as that."
I shake my head and look down at the sink.
"This is so fucking stupid, why the fuck am I talking to myself?" I mutter before splashing more water in my face.
I give out a long frustrated sigh, run my hands through my hair again, and look back up the mirror.
"Okay," I say.
I straighten myself up, turn off the taps, dry my hands on the hand towel on the counter, and take a step back. I give myself a nod in the mirror and turn to leave the bathroom. However, as I do so, I suddenly hear a voice speak up behind me... and it stops me in my tracks.
"You know talking to yourself is a sign of insanity right?" it asks me.
I don't have to look to know who's voice it is.
Because even though it's gotten much deeper since the last time it was directed to me, it's not a voice that I'll ever forget.
Because it's his voice. It's the voice of my first best friend - the one I turned my back on when he needed me most.
...
It's the voice of Stan Marsh.
