***Jonathan's Office***

Jennifer told the girls she would be right back.

She grabbed the letter and headed to Jonathan's office.

He was on the phone, so she leaned up against his desk, and waited.

He rubbed her thigh while he tried to end his phone conversation.

She turned her hand over and they laced their fingers together.

He scooted back from the desk a little, and patted his lap. She climbed off the desk and sat in his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He was lightly kissing her neck, strong enough for her to react but not strong enough for it to interrupt his phone call.

She gave him a few light kisses, and he was finally able to end the phone call.

After he hung up, he pulled her close for a nice kiss.

"Darling, I came in here because the girls found something alarming".

"What is it?"

"This. It was in one of the bags that was donated. And we know who it is. What I don't know is how to handle it, whether or not to say something or not".

"Who do you think it belongs to?"

She swallowed hard.

"Susan".

His jaw dropped open.

"Susan, as in Susan Kendall?"

She nodded.

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Darling, she was most efficient with her donations. She had every employee's donations bagged separately with their names on them, so we know for a fact that it was hers".

"Well, I think you should say something. You are her friend, if she will confide in anyone it would be you".

"I suppose you are right".

She went to climb off his lap.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the donation office, silly".

She kissed him a few times, and then headed back to the office.

The girls had gone through everything, and were finished with all the piles.

She signed their timesheets, thanked them for their help, and then they left.

The packers showed up right on time, to start boxing everything and labeling it.

Jennifer grabbed the phone, and called Susan.

"Susan, hi, it's Jennifer. Listen, I was wondering if you are free tomorrow for lunch?"

"Sure, where would you like to go?"

"Why don't you come to the house? I can have La Scala delivered, and we can just have some good old-fashioned girl talk".

"Sure. I don't have any appointments after 1, so how about 1:30? It will be a late lunch, but I won't have to rush off".

"Perfect".

"See you then".

They hung up, and Jennifer tried to feel good about it, but she had a knot in the pit of her stomach.

***The next morning***

Jonathan's alarm went off at 6. He turned it off and rolled over and wrapped his arms around Jennifer.

She turned toward him in his arms, and moaned, not wanting to wake up.

"Darling….do you have some extra time this morning?"

"Sure. What do you have in mind?"

"You".

"I love the way you think".

He rolled on top of her and wrapped his body around hers. They made mad, passionate, explosive love, and then spent their last few minutes snuggling and cuddling.

"Did you call Susan yet?"

"Yes, we are having lunch today. I told her to come here and I am going to order La Scala. That way we can really talk and we won't be interrupted".

"Great. I am sure it will go just fine".

He kissed her and then headed for the shower. Jennifer loved that he had so much faith in her. She just wished she was as optimistic about this as he was.

***Later that morning***

Jennifer had gotten everything all ready, and had ordered La Scala to be delivered at 1:15.

She figured she and Susan could eat on the patio, and then move into the den to the couches and have a cocktail.

She hadn't figured out how she was going to bring up the subject of the letter yet. Maybe see how the conversation goes and then bring it up? Maybe just ask her how she's doing and get some feelers happening first and then ask her about it? She was torn.

She had decided to wear black capri leggings, and a plum colored tunic with the shoulders cut out, and some stacked black and silver flip flops. Cute, but comfy and casual.

Susan showed up precisely at 1:30, and Jennifer had their lunch all laid out for them.

"Come in, come in".

"Thanks for inviting me-I need this in the worst way".

"Me too. Seems like we get stuck in cycles and patterns….a break from the pattern is nice every now and then".

"I completely agree".

They walked out to the patio and sat down.

Jennifer decided to do the feelers.

"So, how have you been?"

"Great, just busy. My days have been booked solid lately with back to back patients. I like that, but sometimes it's nice to have a break at some point throughout the day".

"I always found when I was under pressure working on an article, for a deadline or whatever, that those days were the ones when time went by the fastest".

"Yes, that's a bonus-you look up and 4 hours have gone by".

They shared some laughs about some gossip.

"How are you and Jonathan?"

"We are great. He had a scare at work this week, but I think he's ok".

"What happened? Is he alright?"

"Yes, it was an employee. He received these ominous emails, and they alluded to someone being abused and suicidal. And then we got a phone call early one morning from the employee's sister, that she had been killed by her husband. He felt responsible, like he should have seen it and stepped in".

"Oh that's awful".

They cleaned up their dishes, and Jennifer put them in the dishwasher after a quick rinse off, and then turned to Susan.

"Care to have a cocktail with me in the den?"

"Sure".

Jennifer made both of them cocktails, and they settled on the couch.

"Susan, I had another reason for asking you to come over here today".

"Oh, what is that?"

"Well, you brought in those donations, and I had the girls who were helping me go through each donated piece. Checking the pockets, making sure the zippers worked, things like that. And they found something in a purse that you donated, and they gave it to me."

"What was it?"

"This". She pulled it out from under a magazine on the coffee table and handed it to her.

Susan read over it and her face fell.

"I thought I had destroyed this".

"Are you ok? I mean really ok?"

Susan shrugged.

"I get up, I go to work, I see patients. All day long, I am telling people how to best take care of themselves and what to do for them to get well or get pregnant, or whatever they are trying to do. And then I leave, and I go home to an empty house. I have an ex-husband who sends me letters from prison telling me that it's my fault that he's in there in one sentence, and asking me for money in the other. I have two kids who flip back and forth between blaming me for their dad being in prison and feeling that he is responsible for his life, not me. And when I say flip, I mean that it could be months before they flop again. They insist on visiting him, and can't tell that the visits affect their moods afterwards. And I pour myself a drink to drown out the silence, and it doesn't work. And I think to myself that here I am telling people how to take care of themselves so they can live a long, happy life, and yet, there's nobody there to take care of me when I get home. Nobody wants to know how I am doing. My kids flipped, and I am just waiting for them to flop, and it's killing me".

Susan burst into tears, and Jennifer's heart broke. She reached out and took her hand.

"How long has it been since your kids flopped?"

"8 months. And it only lasted a few weeks, last time".

Jennifer handed her the Kleenex.

"How long ago did you write this?"

"It's been about 6 months, I suppose".

Susan looked at her.

"You know, I really thought that when I married Drew, that we would have it all. He owned a company, I was a doctor. We had two wonderful kids, and for a minute, life was great. But then, he changed. Started having affairs, started blaming me for everything, taking out his anger on me and the kids. Then, he killed his mistress and tried to kill Jonathan and went to prison. And I thought finally, maybe, me and the kids would be able to breathe in our own home without being yelled at. We could stop walking on eggshells, and start being normal people. And I consulted child psychiatrists and specialists, and they all told me to encourage a relationship between Drew and the kids. So, I would take them to visit him, and would wait while they visited. Every other Saturday. And some days, he would be in a good mood with them, and some days he wouldn't. And then Emily got mad when he told her that I wouldn't give him money so that meant he couldn't call her on her birthday. And Sean got upset when he realized that his dad had to do 20 years before he could even possibly get released, and it was starting to sink in just how long 20 years actually is. He would write me, begging me for commissary money. I wrote back and told him that we were divorced, and his commissary needs weren't my responsibility. His mom told me that she put 200 dollars each month in his account, so I know he gets what he needs. But he likes to play the kids against me, and I refuse to give in, and then he tells them that I don't care about him, and since he can't be there for their lifetime moments and can't call on their birthdays, that must mean that I don't care about them either. And they believe it and get mad at me. Some days, I can come home and be ok. Other nights, the silence is so loud it's deafening."

"Have you reached out to Emily and Sean?"

"Yes. Sean moved in with Drew's brother and his wife, up in Fresno, so he can be around someone like his dad, and can be close to the prison for visiting. Emily is living at the dorm in college, and when I call, she's never in. She never calls me to check on me or say hey or anything. But the weekends that she drives up to visit him, and it doesn't go well, my phone rings for sure. I don't get it. I tried my best to make sure that they were going to be ok, and that we would get through this as best we could. They always told me they didn't want me to remarry, so I never dated. They always told me that they were ok, but they clearly aren't, otherwise they wouldn't be blaming me. And there are some nights that I sit and think it would be so much easier if I wasn't here anymore for them to blame. I have built a successful medical practice, and I ensured that it can go on in perpetuity when I am gone, so my patients will be taken care of. I just don't know what else to do sometimes".

Jennifer patted her hand reassuringly.

"You have more than just your kids who would miss you. I would miss you dearly. Who would I tell all my secrets too? Jonathan knows everything about me, but he's not a girlfriend. I can't dish to him about our sex life, he's present for it. And your kids might be all over the place emotionally, but you only get one mom in this life, and nobody can replace her. I would know. Just like they didn't want you to replace Drew with someone else, they wouldn't want to replace you with someone else. I just know it".

Susan nodded.

"I don't ask for much, I really don't. I don't pry into their lives, I don't ask a lot of questions. I just need to hear an "I love you, Mom" every now and then. And I need them to understand that his killing his mistress and going to jail affected me as well as them-but it's a choice that he made, I didn't choose that for him".

Jennifer nodded.

"Did you have a plan?"

Susan nodded. "I thought about several ways, but couldn't go through with any of them".

"Why the purse?"

"I was going to do it at work, and I knew they would go through my doctor bag and my purse, so I knew it would be found".

"I hate that you felt this way. Why didn't you say something to me? I would have been glad to listen, you know that".

"I didn't want to bother you. You and Jonathan have the most idyllic, perfect life, and you didn't need me clouding things up".

"We have a good life, yes, but we aren't perfect. I fail at our marriage every day, and he would tell you that he does as well. What happens is, we love each other, and we are choosing to be together. You loved Drew and chose to be with him, but he didn't truly love you, or choose you. And that isn't your fault".

"So you and Jonathan have fights? Like normal couples?"

"Absolutely. And then we work it out, because at the end of the day, we are determined that we will be together. We got our second chance after that crazy ass priest thing, and we are holding tighter this time around. He isn't just my husband, he is my soulmate. We don't have sex, we make love to each other. There is a difference, but you have to feel the difference. When I dated Elliot, and Andy, and Preston, and even Jeff while we were separated, they would say they were making love to me, and it was adequate. There is absolutely nobody on the planet that can make me feel like Jonathan does, because he and I have this connection that we cannot have with anyone else. And when I was with Jeff, I thought about Jonathan every single time. I thought about him day and night. I was too prideful and too hurt to tell him I wanted him back, and I was so stuck on proving a point to him, that he had hurt me. I proved that point over and over for about 8 months, and it took him telling me that he would rather die in a car crash or from alcoholism than move on from me for me to realize that I wanted to be with him too. He loved me so much he didn't care that he was slowly killing himself. And I was miserable without him, too. I just didn't want to admit that I had been wrong to leave him".

"You never once thought about killing yourself?"

"No. I wasn't going to do that to my dad or my friends or to Jonathan."

Susan quietly sipped her cocktail.

"I feel so embarrassed."

"Don't be. I am not judging you. And the only other person who knows this exists is Jonathan. He is concerned about you too. You are absolutely entitled to feeling human emotions. And truth be told, you weren't exactly dealt the fairest hand in life".

She nodded.

"Why don't you take a day, and go spend it with Emily? Mother daughter time, get pedicures, see a movie, take her to dinner. Keep things light. Don't talk about Drew or anything negative unless she brings it up. Same with Sean. You and Sean could grab dinner and do whatever he wants to, and maybe they will realize they enjoy spending time with you again."

"That's a great idea. I think I just might do that this weekend".

They both sipped their cocktails in silence for a minute.

Jennifer looked at Susan.

"Are you sure you are ok?"

"I am fine. I decided a long time ago, that I wasn't going to do anything. I just want to, some nights. But I chicken out. Working in the ER and seeing how sometimes these things don't go as planned, will make you think twice".

"I bet so. I couldn't stomach working in an ER".

Susan looked at Jennifer, with a pained expression on her face.

"I'm sorry, Jennifer. I didn't mean to be such a downer".

"Nonsense. No apologies necessary. Friends take care of friends, and just like when you thought I had cancer and I didn't tell Jonathan, you took care of me. You took care of me after the home invasion, so I wasn't going to just ignore this. I had to see that you are ok".

"I will be. I think it's past time that I have a mom to kid chat with my children, and we lay some ground rules."

Jennifer nodded. "That's a start".

Susan set her cocktail glass on the table, and then put both hands on Jennifer's.

"Now, let's really talk. Are you and Jonathan doing anything especially romantic soon?"

"We have a long weekend planned to our cabin, or somewhere just the two of us, but we haven't picked the dates yet. We want somewhere especially rainy".

"Rainy? Really?"

"Oh yes. Rainy weather, especially thunderstorms, gets Jonathan….hot".

"Are you serious? That's hilarious! I never would have guessed that".

Jennifer smiled and nodded.

"We love storm season around here". They both cracked up laughing.

"Drew was a 3 times a week husband, but that's because he spent the rest of his time doing it with everyone else".

"Three times a week? That's it?"

"That's a normal amount, Jennifer. Most couples have sex every other day or every two days."

"Wow."

"Are you saying you and Jonathan aren't like most couples?"

"We rarely miss a day. Sometimes we can't make it through the day without doing it again".

Susan looked stunned.

"I knew you guys were active, but…wow".

"We love each other, and we love being together. We can't get enough of each other. This is the first time I have been able to participate in something at the office, because he always says that he wouldn't be able to concentrate if I was around".

"We should all be so lucky to find that".

"Yes, you should. And now that your kids are older, maybe it's time you started dating again."

"Perhaps it is. I wouldn't know where to start, but dinners out would be nice."

"When Jonathan and I first started dating, I couldn't wait to see him for dinners, or breakfasts, or whatever we arranged. And yes, we got engaged crazy fast. But our relationship grew after that, and I found myself wanting to be wherever he was. Didn't matter where he was or what he was doing-I wanted to be part of it. Like, take us sleeping for example. Both of us sleep better when the other one is there, or touching us. We don't always have to be having sex, sometimes just being close to each other is enough".

"That's so nice. So, how do I get back into the dating game?"

"Well, you could always try going to single bars. Or we could set you up, if we have any single friends. Let me think… Jack is gone too much, because he's always flying us around. You wouldn't be interested in anyone at the office. I am sure I can find someone, I just need some time".

Jennifer looked at the clock. It was almost 5:30.

She made Susan and herself another cocktail.

They were sitting on the couch, chatting when Jonathan walked in.

"Man, I am glad to be home. There's a huge storm coming in off the coast".

Jennifer and Susan burst into laughter, the kind that takes your breath away.

Jonathan looked at them like they were crazy.

"What's so funny?"