Chapter Four: Diagnosis: Identity Issues ft. Breakdowns
Kylo buys both of them a beer as a peace treaty - him and his brother.
"You can have it," Ben slid the beer to him.
They were at Ben's home, miles away from any students. And Rey was away, this was a conversation between brothers. "Suit yourself," Kylo shrugged then, pretending to be unaffected.
"You don't know how furious I am with you," Ben mumbled.
"I have hunch though."
"Stop being a smart ass."
Kylo took a gulp of his beer. He knew it was going to be a bad fight when Ben starts cursing. "What's this all about anyway?"
Ben glared at him. "You're dating Rey."
"And?"
"Stop acting like you're ignorant. You know that it was a stupid and horrible thing to do. You were hiding it. Kylo you're dating my student -
"Former student," his eyes bored back to the prick of a brother he had. "I didn't tell you because I knew you were going act like this."
"How did you even meet her? What did you just went all around campus and going by the description of her?"
"I met her at a bar. I didn't know she was the girl you always kept talking about until halfway on the first day I met her. Sometimes the universe is funny that way. Get your head out of your ass. Stop thinking that I'm always try to steal things from you. Besides she wasn't yours to begin with."
"But you knew that she was my student. Kylo what on earth makes you think that it's okay for you to date her? She's younger than you- she was a former student of mine. She's still a teenager."
"Well you always tell me I act like a fucking teenager and a child." Kylo wanted to give him a middle finger and so he did.
"Grow up."
"Once you get your head out of your ass."
"I'm not sure if you know this but she likes me. She even confessed to me a while ago."
Kylo trembled but held himself up. He didn't know that she did that. "Yes but knowing you, you don't feel the same. You rejected her because she didn't meet your criteria. Am I right?"
Ben flinched and hesitated. "Yes but-
"So what's the big deal? You don't like her but I do."
"She doesn't like you," Ben spat out then.
Kylo stood up. "Of course she does. Me and her are dating. Besides I already knew she had a thing for you. She told me. She told me right away and upfront. And me and her talked about it."
"Don't you find that concerning? That she was infatuated with me and the second I rejected her, she dates you?"
Kylo shook his head. "I know my girl. She's crazy for me."
"She doesn't like you. She likes you because you have my face. Why else would she like you?"
Kylo winced as if his brother had slapped him. That was the worst thing his brother ever said to him - that he wasn't good enough. That he was a conciliation prize. He goes quiet then, being reminded of all the times he saw Rey's face lit up whenever he brought up his brother. "That was low," he bit out every word.
"I'm not trying to hurt you," Ben frowned. "I'm just telling you the truth."
Kylo's eyebrows furrowed. "Yes but you think it too."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's written all over your face. It's one thing to think it but to say it out in the open? You think that since I'm not smart and accomplished like you that I have nothing to offer but a physical copy of you. You may be perfect in everything but you're a shitty brother. I'm fucking going home. Do us both a favor and fucking talk to her about how you feel." He grabbed his things and left.
In the middle of the night, Rey hears someone banging on her front door. Immediately she pulled on a jacket and snatched a bat. She opened the door and finds him - Ben. He was standing there, his eyes glassy and hair and clothes slightly disheveled.
Rey's eyes widened in shock. She dropped her bat and blinked. "Professor Solo what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to see you," he took a step closer. He was trembling slightly. He looked nervous, the adrenaline was taking over him. "Please, don't call me that. I'm not your teacher anymore," he bit his lip. "Call me Ben." He lets himself in and closed the door. "Is anyone else here?"
"My roommates but they're fast asleep. Where's Kylo?" she asked. She was trembling.
"After we talked, he went home. Right now he's sorting things out. He gave me your address and told me to talk to you."
Her eyes lowered. "Is he okay?"
"He's upset. He's not sure what's going on really," Ben sighed. "He said that he wants some time alone."
"Professor -
"Call me Ben," he said, taking a step closer.
Rey took a step back but he went even closer. "Be-n," she said slowly, stammering. It was odd to address him by his first name. She could sense his discomfort when she said his name but he was also pleased. "Why are you here? What happened?"
He bit his lip. "I-I don't know really. Both of us don't know except that we're conflicted with the whole situation. He told me everything. Kylo wanted me to talk to you and tell you everything that I've been bottling up."
"What have you've been bottling up exactly?" she asked. She trembled as her eyes locked onto his throbbing Adam's apple.
"About the day you confessed to me," he breathed.
His breath smells of alcohol. He's drunk, he's not fully here. She doesn't even recognize him. The Ben she knew was collected and level headed. She never imagined him to ever drink. "You're drunk," she realized. She doesn't know what to feel but worry and dear.
He frowned sheepishly. "Yeah."
"I didn't think you were the kind of person to drink."
"I'm not," he ran his fingers through his hair. "I only drink when I'm distressed and this situation has shot my nerves." His cheeks went red and his shoulders tensed. "I know I shouldn't be here. I know it's inappropriate and unlike me to do something like this-
"It is," she crossed her arms protectively. "It's the middle of the night. You could have waited for the morning -
"I'm tired of waiting and making myself miserable. I just had to let you know that I like you Rey. I can't hide it anymore." His blushed then. He looked so sad. Torn.
Blood rushed to her cheeks. "What?"
"I wanted to tell you I liked you but I didn't think it was appropriate. I know what I said to you was horrible but I was trying to protect you. I didn't want to hurt you but you deserve better that me. But today when I saw you with Kylo," he took a deep breath and exhaled. "It hurt me. Do you know how much it hurt me?"
She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Rey doesn't know what to feel.
He smiled softly then. "It's okay because it woke me up. It made me realize how much I want you. I want to be with you. Do you?" He touched her cheek softly and something in her felt a spark.
Her heart skipped a beat but Rey didn't answer him. Instead she examined him, really examined him. She knew he was drunk but there was something off-putting about his appearance. His features were sharper - "Kylo?" she said out loud.
He hiccuped and nodded then.
Out of spite, she grabbed the bat from the ground and hit him hard, purposely leaving a bruise. "What the fuck are you doing here dressed up like that and saying shit like that? I thought you were Ben!" she exclaimed. She was disturbed that he was standing here, drunk and dressed up like his brother. He was wearing glasses, in a button up and slacks, and even shaved off his mustache and beard. He even copied Ben's mannerisms dead on.
"I just wanted to please you. That's why you like me right? Because I look like my fucking brother?" he spat out.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you dressed like that? Why were you pretending to be your brother? It's fucking disturbing. It's sick."
"Because that's what you want."
"I don't!"
He bitterly laughed. "Come on Rey. I just saw you lit up when you thought I was Ben when I said I liked you. You were fucking blushing like a little school girl."
"I wasn't! I was just stunned -
"It doesn't matter, okay? I'm crazy for you, Rey. I'll do anything for you. I can be him for you. I can dress like him and act like him for you. Is that what you want?" his voice went hard.
"I don't! Kylo do you honestly think I'm that kind of person? I don't want him, I like you."
His face softened then. "Really?"
"Yes you idiot but not so much right now. Kylo - this is - this is sick," she breathed, her fingers curling into fists. She wanted to scream. She doesn't want to know where he got the same glasses from last minute. She doesn't. She crossed her arms and stood there. "Kylo -
He broke down on the floor then and cried.
"Kylo - what's wrong?" she tried to pull the hands from his face but he kept them there.
"You're lying," he yelled. "You don't want me. You want him."
"Kylo," her voice went low. She wrapped her arms around him. "Please don't think that," she said weakly. He was trembling. "Kylo I care about you a lot. I want you-
"What's going on?" Poe asked.
Rey turned around and found Poe and Finn standing there. They had heard Rey and Kylo screaming earlier but wasn't sure if they should intervene until now.
She didn't say a word. Instead she held her hand out for him. Kylo took her hand then and squeezed it tight. He buried his face into her, wrapping his free arm around her. "I want you. Is it that hard to believe?"
She could feel him nod.
"Rey," Finn's eyes lowered. Kylo was shaking. Finn could tell that Kylo was accidentally hurting her. Kylo was holding her so tight, crushing her almost. "We should take him to the hospital."
"He's just crying."
Poe shook his head. "He's having a panic attack. He's barely breathing Rey."
"He's fine -
"Rey," they both said.
She bit her lip. "I'll call his brother first about it" she said, reaching for Kylo's phone.
