Way Back Into Love

Chapter 4

It's been five days since Santana and I went back on working. Due to our busy schedules trying to catch up with work that we abandoned during the incident we barely see each other home at the same time. It wasn't easy as we think when we planned it. I notice that this kind of set-up wasn't helping Kate to move on psychologically. Thankfully, it's Friday today and I asked my assistant that I will not drop-by tonight. This week has been exhausting.

"I'm home!" I yelled as I enter trying to balance myself carrying heavy grocery bags each hand.

"Aunt Britt! I miss you!" Kate comes running towards me hugging my leg. I frown when I saw her teary eyes.

"What's wrong baby? Where's Aunt Sanny?" I asked dropping the grocery bags and wiping her tears.

"I feel sick. My head hurts so badly. She's in the study room busy doing grown-ups stuff."

"Come on. Let's get you some medicine to make you feel better." I lift her as we go to the kitchen.

"Can we cuddle already Aunt B? I want your hugs they make me feel even better."

"We need to eat dinner first baby girl. Let me cook quickly and we'll cuddle later okay?" I said kissing her forehead.

We had a quick dinner but Santana is still in the study room. I wonder what makes her so busy. For the past days she's been like that. When she came home in the afternoon she will greet Kate and made her way to change clothes and lock herself in the study room. I feel bad for Kate knowing she doesn't have anyone to talk to when I come to the restaurant every night.

"Let me give Aunt Sanny her dinner then we can go upstairs when I come back."

I slowly walk towards the study room. The door wasn't close, enough to see that Santana is engage to a phone conversation. I can see that she's annoyed because her facial expression tells me so. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I can't help but hear what she's saying.

"Gabby I told you I will try to fly back next weekends. It's not just you who is busy with work you know? I'm tired with all this crap, when you didn't come here for my best friend's funeral you didn't hear anything from me. Now you are making all this bull-" Santana was surprised to see me standing at the door. "Babe, I'll call you later. Bye." She hung her phone quickly. I don't know why but I know definitely it's her girlfriend.

"Britt you're already home. It's still early isn't it?" She asked as I put down the tray of food at the coffee table opposite her table.

"I skipped work at the Resto today. Do you know what's wrong with Kate? When I came home she has teary eyes and she's having a headache." I asked calmly.

"Oh my- no! What happen? I thought she's just watching some cartoons at the- How is she?" She rambles worriedly.

"She's okay now, finishing her dinner. I already gave her medicine to help her with headache. I'm sorry I interrupted you're phone conversation. I just came to bring you your dinner. I'll go now" I quickly made my out of the door when I heard her say,

"Thank you, Britt."

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Kate and I changed into our pj's and cuddle into her bed.

"Britt? Are you going to give me at the orphanage?" she asked as she starts to sob.

"Baby, Kate, look at me. Who told you that ridiculous thing?"

"Grace that kid on our neighbourhood. I saw them a while ago playing outside. I wanted to play with them because Aunt Sanny is busy but they said they don't want to play with me because I don't have my mommies anymore they say you will throw me at the orphanage" I felt anger runs through my body.

"Kate, listen to me okay?" I said firmly lifting her chin so she can see my eyes "Even though your mommies are not around anymore I'm still here for you and your Aunt Sanny. I will never, ever, ever leave you even give you to orphanage baby girl. Always remember that you're stuck with me forever. Okay?" I smile and hug her even tighter. "I love you Kate. I'm your mommy now. Just like your mommies I will love you no matter what." She stopped crying and looks into my eyes.

"I love you so much Aunt B." she said and kiss me. I can't help to tear up because of her sweetness. She hugs me and slowly drifted to sleep.

I feel really bad for Kate right now. I don't want such things to happen again so I made my decision. If Santana can't handle a little time adjustments, I will. I will drop the managing part of the restaurant. I will hire someone to look after it for me until I figure everything out. I made my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Hey" I was shocked to hear Santana's voice. I didn't notice that she's sitting in the dining table.

"Hey you're still up." I glance at her noticing that she's drinking.

"Yep. Can't sleep. Wine?"

"No, thanks. I just want a glass of water." I drink slowly and made my way back to avoid conversation with her. I don't know if I should be mad at her that he didn't look for Kate carefully but then it was also my fault that I wasn't there when it happened.

"Britt.. about Kate, I'm sorry I was being irresponsible not checking her out carefully."

"She's fine already. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight." I said ready to go upstairs.

"Britt wait!" she pulls me down and I face her raising my eyebrows trying to question her what she wants "Can you stay here for a while?" her eyes were pleading.

"Okay." I mumble

"This week had been crazy, I will just finish this last case I'm handling and next week will be smooth. I never thought it wasn't that easy." Santana started talking.

"I know. I will also re-arrange my schedules next week. I will hire someone who can manage the restaurant for me. I will work at the studio instead so I can bring Kate with me. She was bullied this afternoon soon and makes me really upset." I stop myself from crying.

"What? What the hell happened?" she panicked.

"Some kid told her that we will give her at the orphanage and bullied because she doesn't have her mommies anymore. It hurts me more when I see how hurt she was San."

"I'm sorry Britt. I was really being an irresponsible bitch I didn't even know that."

"It's just I don't want such things to happen again that's why I re-arrange my schedule. I will keep an eye on her always."

"Me too. I will try my best here. I'm sorry."

"It's okay San. So, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I heard you'll be flying back to New York next week if I'm not mistaken." I tried not to sound like a jealous girlfriend but I do feel like one.

"Oh yeah, that was Gabby on the phone. My girlfriend back in New York. We're not really in good terms anymore lot of issue and I can't take it anymore that's why it's kinda good thing also that I moved here. Maybe, if I get a chance, it's just right to end it. I am not happy anymore and I guess she feels the same way too. We are just making it difficult for each other trying so hard to work things out." She sighs.

"I hope you make the right decision then." I replied bluntly.

"You know what, enough about me. It's really senseless talking about my life. We've been living on the same roof but since I get back here we never talk about your life. I can't remember Quinn talking about a girlfriend or boyfriend of yours. So, anyspecial someone?" I don't know but what she said made me blushed.

"ugh- what- I mean, I don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend."

"Why not? You are a gorgeous woman, I can't believe how idiot these L.A people are, that they don't even notice how beautiful you are." She said playfully.

"If I didn't know you San I will think you are flirting with me." I laughed at her antics "I'm still waiting for Ms. Right you know. I can't let myself get hurt anymore." I almost bitch slapped myself.

"Oh right. I'm sorry."

"No. I mean. Whatever. I just.."

"I understand Britt. Do you think we can start over again?" I can feel my face heating up right now. "As friends, you know. We didn't settle everything right way back then. We never talked about it. Do you think we can still have a closure on that aspect?"

"It's up to you San. Until now, I'm still wondering why it ended badly. You were my best friend. I missed being part of your life like it used to be. I think, it's not bad if we talk about it."

"It was my fault I never explained myself."

"It was mine as yours, we let it fall apart. We have been fighting too much even to the simplest things."

"No Britt. I know you did your best to work things out. That night I ended it because it was too much for me to handle. I can't handle seeing you so hurt. I can't let you give me another chance to break your heart again."

"We were young San. It's understandable that sometimes we can't handle it when everything is too much. I still wish it didn't end that way. I loved you so much that I'm willing to give you everything"

"Believe me, I did too. I loved you so much I can't stand to see you fall apart all over again. So I guess you were better off without me."

"I was left miserable."

Flashback

SannyBear 3 Incoming: Hey baby! Are we hanging out later? It's Saturday you know, parents aren't home until Monday morning. I miss you. I'm really sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to yell at you. Please just call me or go here. I miss my cuddles. xx

There have been a lot fighting during the past few days. I get jealous of Santana's new found friends. I know she has the rights to make friends with everyone but there's this girl that is starting to get on my nerves. She's texting Santana a lot lately and they've been hanging out a lot too. I can't be mad because it was my fault that I can't hang with her instead. I have practice for my Annual Summer Dance Recital. I trust her so much that it was silly to tell her that I'm feeling jealous towards her friend. I don't want her to doubt me.

Santana was also hiding something from me about her parents I guess, she never wanted to talk about them. The other day, I was asking her what's the problem, she just brushed me off and yelled at me that it wasn't my business. It totally pissed her so she walked out and didn't call or text me until before I got her message. It was my business because she was my girlfriend, I thought sadly.

To SannyBear 3: I'll be there in an hour. I love you. xx

One hour later.

"Sanny!" I yelled as I entered the Lopez's. I never use to knock, San just kept the door open if she was expecting me.

"Hey baby!" she said with a hoarse voice hugging me from my back. "I miss you so badly" she said as she starts to kiss my neck. I moan at the contact.

"Baby, wait I can't. Let me take shower first. I'm all sweat from dancing." I said giving her a peck on the lips.

She pouted. And give her another peck but gave in as she pull me towards her room. I wrinkled my nose as we enter her room.

"You smoked again." I pout. I lean towards her "Babe you've been acting so strange lately. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong Britt. Im sorry, I just had a stick I was bored waiting for you."

"But you never get bored waiting for me." I said sadly.

"I'm sorry I just have a lot on my plate right now." She hugs me. I put my arms around her neck and lift her chin so I can look at her eyes.

"That's why I'm your girlfriend and I'm here babe. I love you, you know that right? I feel upset when ii see you upset. So tell me please?" I begged hugging her a little bit tighter.

"Fine. After you take shower, you stinks!" she said trying to lighten the mood.

"But you love me. Oww! Stop tickling me babe! Hey!" I said as I stop her attacks.

"Let me shower with you." she said in her sexiest voice.

"As much as I love that invitation, we have to talk first right? So no sweet lady kisses for now Missy." I said as she pouted.

"Fine. Go now before I can't stop myself."

20 minutes after. I see Santana sleeping beautifully on her bed hugging my duck pillow. I can't help but wonder what is running through her silly head. I slowly tucked myself besides her and drop my arms around her waist pulling her closer to me.

"Hmm. I smell nice." I hear her say.

"I thought you were sleeping. I'm sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep you look tired."

"Hmm-no!" she said as she started kissing and sucking my neck again while her sneaky hand are starting to move under my shirt cupping my breast.

"You are being sneaky aren't you Ms. Lopez? Babe come on, you said that we will talk"

"Britt we have all the time later to talk."

"No babe. We will talk right now. I love you and I'm just worried okay?" I said firmly.

"You know what? I'm okay! Look at me! I'm okay right?" she yelled. I was shocked at her I never saw her, this mad. I did pissed her.

"Baby calm down." I plead.

"No! You want to talk right? Let's talk now!" She said standing in front of me.

"San…. Please, I'm getting scared right now. Calm down baby." I sob.

"I'm mad okay? I'm mad because my parents are always fighting and now they want to get divorced. I'm mad because my mom is begging me to come with her in Mexico. I'm mad at myself because I can't help but feel jealous to your friends at your dance class. They always have your time. I'm mad because this summer wasn't what we planned. I'm mad at myself because I can't have you when I needed you most. And I'm mad at myself because we barely have time for each other. And I'm mad because I can't do anything." She was crying and shouting. I feel numb looking at her. I stand up trying to hug her.

"Im sorry baby." I said between sobs.

"No don't touch me!" She yelled and I was startled when she walks out her bedroom and heard the front door shot.

I'm crying so hard because of all the shouting that happened. I didn't know all of that. She has been struggling and I wasn't there. I lay back at her bed hugging the same pillow she's using before. And let myself cry to sleep. I don't know where she's going but I trust her enough that she will come back to me.

After a couple of hours. I felt a hand pulling my waist. I open my eyes and saw Santana. Her eyes were red and puffy. I guess it was all from crying. I hug hear tight but its snaps me when I try to smell her. It wasn't her. It wasn't cigarette either. It was a different scent and there's more, I can't help but let my tears fall once again. The scent was definitely a "I just had sex" scent.

"Babe…" she said crying. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry"

'I'm sorry' It was stuck on my head. It keeps on repeating. I can't stop crying. It feels like someone just ripped my heart out of my chest and walk over it until it's broken into pieces. I never felt so hurt before.

"Babe.. I.. wasn't thinking straight when I did it. It was a mistake." She said hugging me tighter like she don't want to let me go.

"Who is she?" I was really crazy asking her that. But I let go from her hug and look at her straight in the eye. Her eyes were pleading that it almost reach my soul pulling me back but it can't.

"Sabrina." That's it. My heart that was broken into pieces was grind a little bit more. That girl I've been jealous with. How could this be happening? I feel very weak that I can't stop her from hugging me.

"I'm sorry Britt. I'm really sorry." She said again still begging.

I was so weak that I felt myself blocked out.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Babe? Hey! Wake up!" I hear Santana calling out my name.

My whole body is aching, my eyes hurt and I can feel my chest like it just exploded. I opened my eyes and see Santana looking at me. Then it hits me. I remembered what happen. I sit up and notice a tray with a plate of duck-shaped pancakes beside a bunch of bacon with an orange juice and a piece of red rose. I can't help but smile at her efforts.

"Britt I am really sorry. I didn't mean to. I was lost and confused I didn't know what I was thinking and doing. I know I hurt you so badly. I've been thinking this the whole night.."

"Wait. You didn't sleep." I cut her as I touch her face gently tracing her eyes with my fingers. She lean on my touch and she snatch my hands and intertwined our fingers. It fits perfectly as I look at our hands.

"No Britt. Let me finish. You were too good for me. I love you so much and you love me so much that I don't deserve you anymore. I clearly just lost your trust here. I'm so sorry. If only I can turn back time. I won't walk out that door. I wouldn't leave you here. I will never ever forgive myself to I've done. So I've decided that I'm letting you go. I don't want to be a burden and heartache to you anymore. I've done too much to destroy everything. I love you so much Britt. Please, take care of yourself. You will always be my princess always remember that." With that she stands up and gives me a kiss, a long and very passionate kiss. When I open my eyes, she's already gone.

I went home crying carrying the broken pieces of my heart. I waited for her, the days become weeks, the weeks becomes months. She never came back.