A/N: Wow! 1, thanks for all the follows and feedback, VERY cool of you. 2, doods this is angst...and romance. It's a chapter story and while I don't know how long it'll go, I can't resolve things ASAP or there wouldn't be a story. Sorry to all you Josh haters out there...the truth is, when you're hurt and rebounding and find someone who gives you what the other person couldn't/wouldn't/didn't, sometimes you just jump into it. This isn't a story where they sat idly by pining for one another. An important point to make as we head into this chapter too.
"Kate the green beans are burning..."
Josh slides beside her and nods towards the pan with the sizzling green beans. She shakes her frozen thoughts and snaps back to reality, pushes the pile of vegetables around, watching their color turn to a dark emerald, small brown spots appearing as the heat takes over.
"Are you ok?"
He's not going to let this go.
She should have assumed he wouldn't when he brought it up twice on the 2 block walk home from the market. And the next morning. And that evening. But she's done her best to try and shut him down. Tell him it was awkward encounter but no big deal.
"Josh...I'm fine...is the chicken done?"
Not that she plans to eat. She's downright nauseated.
God he looked good. He looked so...familiar. She thought she remembered every little thing about him but the way his voice sounded, the look in his eyes, it was so different than she would recall late at night, when she couldn't sleep and let her mind go there.
She can't let herself go back. It took her months...years even...to pull herself back out of that heartbreak and move on.
Maybe she isn't fully out of it but she's distanced enough that she is happy again. A different happy. But it's enough.
Josh is good for her. He's sweet and committed and uncomplicated. He loves her. And that's all she needs.
"Kate...I want to believe that...I do...but.."
She turns off the burner and faces him, running her hands up his grey tshirt, feeling his solid chest beneath it, cutting off his words with her fingertips, grazing over his mouth and back down his thin neck, feeling him swallow under the pads of her fingers.
She sees it in his eyes, that same uncertainty that was there for so many months after they reconnected. As she was pulling herself out of the haze of lost love, wrapping herself up into him as a distraction, he was waiting with baited breath for her to leave him again.
It took her endless conversations to convince him that she wasn't going anywhere. To convince herself even.
And now he's looking at her the same way, his dark brooding eyes shifting downward, the corner of his mouth tweaked up in contemplation, his shoulders slumped.
She circles his neck and brings her mouth to his, pressing softly against the familiar thin lips. She tries so hard...so hard to lose herself in the kiss.
"Josh...It was just a weird encounter...I'm here...with you...and I'm not going anywhere..."
And then she kisses again. Letting the green beans wilt and the chicken go cold. Because she has to prove to both him and her, that she believes her own words.
++++++++++++
"I am your BIGGEST fan...I just love Frozen Heat...I wish you would write another one..."
He smiles up at the grinning lady, scribbles his name across the page and thanks her. His hand is starting to cramp and he shakes it out.
He grabs the next book and the lady points to the page she wants him to sign...Heat Rises page 105.
"I just love that scene...it's so hot..."
She giggles, tossing her hair dramatically in front of him in some flirtatious movement that he couldn't care less about.
He ignores her request and flips back to the title page and scrawls his name.
"Thanks for coming out..."
He's usually better at this, engaging with his fans, making small talk. He's more than used to it by now and even though it's exhausting, he can always muster up a cheesy grin and some quick one liners.
But this time he's struggling.
So many of them ask him to sign the dedication pages.
Over and over he sees his words to her.
"To the extraordinary KB..."
"To the real Nikki Heat..."
But it's the Frozen Heat dedication that hurts the most. He had to submit it the same day as their argument. The last time he would see her.
He pulled from his own words but used them in hope that they would reconcile. He never thought that those words would truly be the last ones shared between them and carry such a sharp memory.
When it is placed in front of him, he traces the words lightly with his fingers.
"To all the remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating people who inspire us to do great things."
Usually he would just sign quickly, moving along to the next fan in line. But now that she's so fresh in his mind, he sees her face with every curve of every letter. Staring back him. Those solemn green eyes.
He feels tears burn near the surface and he blinks them back.
Geesh get a grip Rick.
He rubs his hand over his face and forces a smile, flicking his wrist over the cover of the book instead, handing it back to the squealing girl.
"Do you need a break?"
Paula leans over his shoulder, whispering to him, clearly noticing he's something is wrong. He nods and she hustles into Paula mode, handing him water, announcing he's taking a quick break to the crowd and ushering him out from behind the table.
He hears the moans and groans of the crowd as he disappears behind the curtain. He hates disappointing fans, especially ones that have stood in line for hours just to see him, but he needs a second.
Just a moment to gather himself back up.
It shouldn't be this hard.
He's moved on. He's restarted his life, without her and he's settled.
Running into her one time...one silly time...it shouldn't have his stomach flipping cartwheels every time he repeats it in his mind.
"What the hell is going on out there Rick...are you...crying?..."
Paula's thick Jersey accent is like nails on a chalkboard. He's not in the mood for her. Or anything.
"What?...No...I'm...tired...I don't know..."
"Well be tired later...you're not writing so in order to keep you relevant we need to keep you visible..."
Not writing. As he if needs reminded of the fact that his only talent is completely dried up for the time being. Ok...it's been dried up for...well...two years.
"I don't need reminded of that fact Paula...I just...I need a second OK..."
She huffs, sorting through her papers, mumbling under her breath about him being difficult.
She literally gives him a second before turning and waving his contract at him, pointing dramatically like he's a school kid that needs reminded of instructions.
"All I'm gonna say Rick is that you heard Gina in the meeting...Black Pawn isn't going to put up with this much longer and they WILL sue you if you don't start publishing like your contract states... but at least if we keep sales up for your old work, it will buy us some damn time..."
He is writing. It's just not any good.
He can't write Nikki...for obvious reasons. He tried to bring Storm back, even Clara Strike...he thought about breaking Rook off on his own...he has dozens of chapters of other random lead characters he's created but they all suck.
But lately..not that he's writing Nikki Heat quality stuff but...it's not horrible. It's workable. It's something he could at least submit to keep from being sued, which his lawyers...and Paula...keep reminding him is inevitable because he's over 2 years behind in his contract obligations.
And now this. This stupid encounter has rocked his perfectly reconstructed foundation and frankly he's pissed about it.
He's come too far.
She's not a part of his life anymore.
He's done dwelling on it.
He's shoving it out of his head. Immediately.
Just another hour. A few hundred more books and he's done.
He bounces on his toes, cracking his knuckles and twisting his neck around for some relief.
Yep, he's got this. He's focused. He can crank this out.
"Hey..."
He hears the soft voice approach from behind him and he feels a mix of relief and at the same time his stomach clenches but he shoves that sensation into the back of his mind.
"I thought you might need some coffee..."
He reaches out and grabs the warm cup with a smile, actually incredibly grateful for the caffeine boost.
"I was in the neighborhood and..."
She starts to defend herself for being there. Her voice soft. Eyes gazed downward. A small smile on her lips.
He can do this. He can make this work.
He steps forward, wrapping her tiny frame in his arms, pushing a kiss to her forehead.
"Don't be silly Lisa...I love that you showed up..."
Yep, he's got this.
